AN- As I promised, a Friday chapter! After reading your reviews, I actually put my homework aside (that should and would havetook priority over this), sat down for 2 and something hours, and wrote this. Thank you, I hope you like it. I like it.
Tell me if the writing style is better! I'm trying to adapt. I wrote this how I wished fan fictions would be.
Shorter than I'd liked, but if I'm going to be writing more chapters tomorrow, the brevity is convenient. Sorry!
I was dreaming.
I could see a white light through the window. It reminded me of the book I had read in my English class, but ever since Edward became my life, it reminded me of the movie I'd watched on my couch with Edward.
What light through yonder window breaks? It is the east, and Edward is my sun. I chuckled softly, condescendingly.
Romeo has nothing on Edward.
I sighed contentedly and restlessly. I was beginning to like this dream, looking down on my Adonis from the balcony of his home. But like all things we like to prolong, they have an annoying way of speeding up.
I willed my eyes to open, and my dream came true. His fiery red hair was in its casual disarray, his skin a luminescent sparkle from the few rays of sun shining down upon him. Beautiful… how did I deserve him?
He gazed at me, pushing a stray lock of my hair behind my ear.
"Good morning, angel."
"Edward…"
What else could I say? Something articulate, and it had to express how I felt after our night of pure love. That shouldn't be too hard. Then again, when was our impossible love ever easy?
Good morning, you divine God of a man. Good morning, sex extraordinaire. Good morning, my vampire Romeo. Good morning, husband. Ah yes, that's good.
"Good morning, husband." I couldn't help but smile and giggle at my accomplishment. I expected him to laugh at me and call me silly, and say he loved me for being his silly Bella, but he didn't. I'd hoped to hear his laugh again. It'd been hours since I'd heard the bells ringing. No wedding bells pun intended.
"Say it again," he whispered in a familiar tone. The tone he'd had when he had asked me if I was ready for him, if he could lick my folds.
I swallowed and blushed, to my embarrassment. I ducked my head and rubbed my cheek against the pillow in a subconscious attempt to etch-a-sketch my blush away.
"Um…good morning…Edward…husband…love of my existence."
His face transformed from a look of deep contemplation to one that was suddenly, and staggeringly carefree, full of love and adoration. A wide smile graced his deep red lips, and tinted his eyes with a soft chocolate hazel. I felt for the first time, that I belonged with him. The human girl's eyes were the vampire's eyes, and her heart was his own.
Edward reached toward my face, and stroked my eyelids. Beneath my chin, he hesitated, and licked me.
I moaned and grabbed his chin towards mine. I glared at him, unsure what brought on this sudden confidence and aggression. Though at the same time, there was no denying what it was.
I kissed him. I full on, grabbed him chin, pulled the short hairs at the bottom of his scalp, and sucked on his lips.
"Bella…Bella, please…no…" he groaned in frustration.
"Please Edward! We just had sex! I thought all of our boundaries had been thrown out the window! You are really killing my buzz!" I started crying. (AN-Breaking Dawn, anyone? Haha.)
I don't know why I was being so emotional. But surely, after having his cock in my mouth and him licking my vagina, for the love of irritable grizzly bears, what the hell was wrong with me kissing him?
He was just being careful. You know, conscious of his own vampiric instinct, which was all right when it exempted the morning after.
Was it sexual frustration I had heard? Or was it frustration for me that he voiced? I couldn't understand.
Then it hit me. Like a hundred tosses into the pillar at the ballet studio. Like my head being banged against the mirrors. Like Romeo suddenly disappeared, and left me a vial of poison to kill myself.
He…he didn't…I wasn't enough? Was I that bad? I panicked near tears, but tried to convince myself that I was just over-thinking things. I owed him more than thinking of only two viable options for his rejection.
Rejection. Oh god. The floodgates have opened.
"I…I'm so sorry, Edward! I'm so sorry!"
I jumped off the bed and ran into his bathroom. I'm sure Edward could have caught me, but he looked…shocked? Maybe it was because I was right.
I couldn't stop the tears. My cries were loud even to me. It was hard to imagine Edward could hear them amplified times ten.
"Bella! Open this door! Please. I'm sorry, what did I do? Why are you apologizing?" Edward sounded agonized, confused, upset…irritated?
"I'm sorry I was s-so bad l-last night," I managed to sputter out, "I'm sorry I wasn't good enough. Will I ever be good enough?" I whispered the latter in desperation to myself, hoping he wouldn't hear it. But he did.
A sudden crash. Wood chips flying in all directions. Not even enough time to scream, before I felt cold, hard arms and a too painfully beautiful face inches away from my own.
"How could you possibly believe that? You silly, stupid, beautiful girl!"
He yelled into my face. It was the first time he had so openly let his temper run cold. I was a witch. The vampire of the worst kind. Soul-less. I must have been, because Edward had never raised his voice to anyone, not even Mike Newton. Not even Jacob.
I tried to pull my arms away, but he kept his hold steady. I tried to kick my way out of his grasp, but I was stuck between a rock and a hard place.
I continued to cry, bewildered by my thoughts, betrayed by my emotions, controlled by forces of self-doubt and low self-esteem so far beyond my control at that moment.
"Please, Edward! You're hurting me…" I whispered the last part unwillingly. Desperation brought me to my knees. The pull of self-preservation was stronger than my will to argue. My heart hurt, and I fell to my knees.
My head hung, and I whispered in a last effort to…to survive. Surviving meant Edward loving me. All of me. The impossibility was still difficult to believe possible.
"I…you confuse me, Edward. And it's all of my fault. You love me, but it's an impossible love that makes no sense. For some reason beyond my understanding, you agreed to consecrate our love, but it was a promise. You are beautiful, Edward. You were right when you said you didn't belong here, you shouldn't exist…"
There was more I had to say. Wanted to say, but was unable to finish. I was gasping, unaware of the sound of my voice. The ache of my heart was told me that I was short of breath. I heard a sudden silence, so loud because it was too quiet.
One second. Two Seconds. A minute. Eons passed and generations were born, and still, no answer. No sweet breath to permeate the air.
I looked up for a moment, and Edward was dying.
Not literally, but his eyes were black, like an eclipse. Something dark and unwelcome shielded his usually golden irises from my view. Clouds of nothingness drifted in, and the same nihilism which would become me had I lost Edward, had overcome him.
"NO! Edward, please…no, no no no…I didn't mean it like that. I just don't know why you bother staying with m-"
Suddenly, Edward slammed his hand into the tiled floor.
He growled, and looked at me with an unfamiliar fury in his eyes, and hatred in his heart. His teeth were bared, and a perpetual tunnel of rage spiraled out and struck my already fragile heart. It was like the consummate flower had shed metal petals. My constant, bright sun had burned me, because I was already so burnt.
"What the hell is your problem, Bella? I've given you everything inside of me, and you are still ungrateful, always to be unobservant, never to be pick right and always to guess wrong. You are right. You are a human." Edward snarled, his hands throwing my own to the side as if it were a corpse, already drained and of no more value. He turned his face away angrily, but not before casting me a condescending glance toward my face- breaking my heart into small, jagged, sharp fragments.
Cutting. Mending. Infecting.
I was right, and for once, I had not guessed wrong. Just as he had hoped for.
Was it possible to feel such pain that exceeded my resources for coping with it?
Apparently, yes. Yes, times one hundred dagger punctures and one hundred fragile, human hearts.
All mine.
I slowly stood up from my place on his bathroom floor, noticing neither the immediate danger of the wood splinters littered upon it nor the shards of mirror which had been broken and slid onto the floor.
Slowly, because my bones felt breakable. Calmly, because the will to live for a future with Edward was destroyed, and the fight in me was gone.
Agony. Complete and insufferable pain gripped my insides. Conflict between falling back onto my knees and begging for his love, and running away to find a way to relieve the pain clashed.
To pick the heart over the mind or the mind over the heart?
That was the decision I had to make.
Sometimes, people believe that the heart is the organ that represents the fragility of your being. It breaks when someone treats it harshly. It swells when it's nurtured, loved. But at this moment, the heart was nothing but an organ to me.
Because I was a human. To live for a temporary span of time, only to die wishing I had tried harder, fought longer, loved more, hated less. I was human, and the love of my life was a vampire.
And he hated me.
I ran out of the bathroom and flew down his staircase. I didn't trip once, though I would have welcomed the physical pain and blackout with open arms.
Everything was a blur, a mélange of melted blue and purple wax candles and white walls and silver furniture. Blurry, because my mind had deluded itself, and I saw a face behind the glass wall. Sinister. A vampire. A dark thought manifested into a physical being, I'm sure. I didn't care. (AN- A hallucination? Maybe not…)
Funny how life likes to give you luck when all your luck has actually meant nothing. Funny. Cruel.
Before I ran out, I heard footsteps upstairs. Frantic, and searching.
An agonized voice. It sounded dreamy, as if its speaker had emerged from a midday daze. Confused, unsure of his actions.
"BELLA! Bella, where are-!"
I wouldn't allow him to spare me. Edward wasn't obliged to be my protector anymore- from vampires, from Mike Newton, from my life-threatening clumsiness, from his own hatred.
I softly whispered, in a last, painful, draining effort to not let the universe win.
"Hopelessly…I'll love you endlessly. I'll give you everything I have. But I won't give you woe, and I can't let you down. I'll always love you, Edward." AN- Muse lyrics
Slamming the door, I ran to my sad, old truck and reversed out of the Cullen's driveway, unsure of where to go but sure of where not to be. Where I no longer belonged, if I had ever in the first place.
The driveway was longer this morning than it was usually. It seemed to stretch for miles, which in reality, it did.
Unfortunately for my heart, it meant time for Edward to catch up.
"BELLA! Bella, stop the car! Please, stop!" He cried in agony, pain, bewilderment.
He had placed himself fifteen feet from the front of my truck, which was still heading towards him at sixty-five miles per hour. No time to stop.
"EDWARD, MOVE! I CAN'T STOP! I CAN'T STOP!"
He looked horror-stricken, realizing at the same time as I did that he would walk away unscathed if I would not stop. The same would not fare for me.
I screamed in unfiltered fear. An abrupt halt, and a sound like the compacting of a soda can reached my ears, amplified thousand fold. Pain everywhere, and then…nothing.
Important AN- The plot is starting, did you catch it? With my bolded hint? Haha. Sorry, the vampire change will come in the next chapter. You know the book Blood and Chocolate? Let's just say I'm taking a COMPLETELY new spin on the vampire change: Blood and Sex. And I recognize new when I see it, I've read probably around 400-500 stories. Sorry, no lemon here, but the sex/vampire change COMBO will compensate. Trust me.
But review, because as much as I love to write, I'm not usually into writing fan fiction. I won't tell my friends I'm writing it, because it's embarrassing to show them my mature fan fiction haha. So this is really for you. It's my only incentive.