Disclaimer: The following story is a work of fanfiction. The author is not making any money off of it. Naruto belongs to Kishimoto. Not even the title belongs to me, I got it from the song Cat and Mouse by Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

Warnings: Alludes to rape, though it isn't explicitly mentioned or described, and mentions of yaoi, though again, nothing graphic

Raindrops dripped steadily from the night sky and pitter-pattered on the hard ground like fingers on a piano. Thunder rumbled softly in the distance. A bitter wind blew outside slamming the window shut. Iruka quickly sprang from his seat to open it wide once more.

The midnight hour had long since passed, but still he waited at the dinner table with a cup of tea, staring out into the darkness outside his window. His head grew heavy in his hands, eyes drooping as sleep beckoned to him. Nothing was stopping him from going to bed. Except this odd sort of pain, an ache really, deep in his chest that settled over his worried heart in his sleep three weeks ago. As the weeks wore on, the pain spiked to an angry stab of pain and then settled into a quiet ache, then spiked again. The cycle repeated over and over. Iruka knew it was not his own pain he was feeling.

After the first spike of pain, Iruka immediately knew that evil had befallen his lover. He rushed to Tsunade the moment he could. As crazy as it sounds, he said to her, I know Kakashi is hurt and in trouble. I can feel it. She gave him a grim smile and sent him away. There's nothing to worry about, she said. Except the team she sent, Genma and Raidou in particular, to find the Copy-nin said otherwise. The moment he watched them leave the gates of Konoha, Iruka knew exactly how dire his partner's situation was. There was a chance Kakashi wasn't coming home at all.

He watched the rain patter against the open window and prayed Kakashi would walk through that window any moment with his signature smile, as healthy as the day he left. Any moment now he would gather Iruka in his arms and kiss him hello, telling him everything's okay.

Except it would not happen tonight. It may never happen again.

A slight knock on the door and a mumbled curse had Iruka jumping from his chair and rushing towards the front door. He never uses the door…unless…

Iruka swung the door open and froze at the sight that greeted him. He stood there in dumb, horrified shock.

Genma, Kakashi's oldest and closest friend, stood in the doorway. Genma and Kakashi had been friends for a long time since the day Genma passed his chunin exam. He was there for Kakashi when he lost Obito, Minato, and Rin, when the PTSD after Rin's death weighed him down, shattered his defenses and nearly destroyed him, and then picked Kakashi up and set him on his feet again. Kakashi did the same for Genma too, after he carried Okami's body, the first teammate the senbon specialist had ever lost, for 20 miles through the forest. Iruka was jealous of their bond when he first started seeing Kakashi, but after a night of drunken debauchery where Genma loudly proclaimed that that the mere thought of sleeping with Kakashi was akin to incest, Iruka knew he had nothing to worry about. The two were practically brothers. Which is probably why Tsunade sent Genma and Raidou after Kakashi, she knew they would not come home without him.

The honey haired shinobi's brows were knitted in worry as he stood on the threshold of the apartment. His eyes radiated concern and just underneath the surface, pain. Please don't tell me he's dead, raced through his mind but he could not get his lips to form the words. Raidou stood nervously next to him, one hand on the small of Genma's back and the other hand cradling...oh god.

"Kakashi."

Kakashi was cradled, bridal style, in the senbon's specialist arms. Iruka could see tremors wracking the pale body, the hand not in a makeshift cast clutched desperately at Genma's vest. His partner's eyes were wide with terror as he mumbled incoherently. Raidou's free hand rested in Kakashi's dirty locks, cradling the head settled on Genma's shoulder.

"Kakashi." Tentatively Iruka reached forward only to have Kakashi flinch away from his hand. The dolphin turned dark, questioning eyes toward Genma as he stepped aside to let the older man carry his love in.

"It…it doesn't look good, Iruka, but we couldn't take him to the hospital, not like this," Genma whispered softly. "It's…" Genma choked unable to continue as a dark look flittered across his gaze.

Worry and doubt ate away at Iruka's mind like termites on a log, but he remained calm and led Genma and Raidou to his bedroom. The honey haired jounin raised his eyes to meet Iruka's concerned gaze and took a deep, relaxing breath, willing himself to go on.

"We-we found him bent over a table, s-strapped down and…gagged. He was drugged out of his mind on prizyne," Genma stuttered.

"Prizyne? What is that?" A bad feeling began to settle in his stomach as a shiver crawled down his spine. Genma just shook his head as he gently settled Kakashi on the bed.

"It's a nasty drug," Raidou answered in his stead. "Developed during the last war by Grass country as a truth serum. It didn't work like they intended, as their guinea pigs were too high to answer questions during interrogation. A small vial will keep a person high for almost 24 hours." He sat down next to Genma on the bed and wrapped an arm Genma's shaking shoulder. "They discovered something much worse about the drug. It keeps the user calm and confused and with this drug, it uh," Raidou uncharacteristically stuttered before looking away.

"It makes the victim do whatever their captor wants."

The words hung in the air like a death knell. "What did they do?" Iruka whispered fearfully. Genma stared down at Kakashi, but said nothing.

Silence, sometimes, says more than words ever could.

"Kakashi should start going through withdrawal tomorrow night," Genma whispered pulling Iruka from his horrified daze, "he'll experience fever, chills, vomiting, nightmares…just try to keep him calm and hydrated." Genma's voice became dark and low, "when the withdrawal is over, he'll remember everything that happened." Iruka felt that pain stab in his chest all over again. His partner could not even be spared the memories?

"We patched up his wounds as best we could, but there are things you need to take care of privately," Raidou said quietly.

"Do you need us to stay?" Genma asked. Tears were stuck to his eyelashes and his face was so pathetically miserable, body trembling. Iruka knew Genma was just as shattered as he was. So Iruka did the only thing he could, he smiled and shook his head 'no' at the distressed shinobi, trying to remain clam and reassuring for everyone. They didn't want to see the infamous Copy-nin break anymore than he did.

"We'll be back tomorrow, first thing," Raidou said before gathering Genma and disappearing with a puff of smoke.

Iruka wanted to scream, cry and cuddle his injured partner, but he could not break down, not until Kakashi was cared for.

Kakashi had curled up into a tight ball in the corner of the bed and was shivering violently. Iruka approached cautiously and sat on the edge of the bed. He reached down to lovingly stroke the scarecrow's cheek, but Kakashi flinched again.

"What did they do to you, love?" He did not expect an answer. He didn't even know if Kakashi could hear him. But the dark silence in the room was beginning to suffocate him. Iruka never did like silence.

He decided it was best to just let Kakashi rest until the drugs wore off. He could sit by his side, hold his cold hands, and wait for his love to return to him. A dark stain spreading across the bed sheets had Iruka changing his mind.

"Oh god,"

Iruka pressed a hand to the back of his eyes to stop the tears as he stood carefully to retrieve the medkit. He took a few, long calming breaths before returning to his injured lover.

He'd never had to deal with anything like this before. Kakashi had come back from missions before distraught and injured, but Iruka had never seen his lover this vulnerable and lost. Iruka felt so useless, he felt crushed, defeated, and utterly hopeless.

In the six years they had been together, Iruka had seen Kakashi injured more times than a tree had branches. He had seen his lover worn down and distressed just as often. He had seen Kakashi break down, held his grey haired lover as he cried, Iruka had soothed the older man's pain, kissed his injuries, tended to the needs of his broken heart. But there was one thing he could never do for Kakashi…he could not fix him. He could not take away the pain, he could not heal the hidden injuries and he could never mend his sore and broken heart. But most importantly, Iruka could not stop Kakashi from being sent out again to be beaten down and hurt all over again, to watch more comrades, friends, die in the battle field.

Next time Iruka saw Tsunade he was going to demand that Kakashi be given a break, a long, relaxing break.

Iruka's chakra flared in anger and Kakashi flinched away from him. A wave of guilt and heartbreak washed over Iruka. He'd never thought his own lover could be afraid of him and it hurt terribly, though Iruka new it wasn't his fault.

Iruka knelt down next to the bed, eye level with the terrified jounin and smiled softly.

"I'm just going to take your clothes off and tend to your injuries. Okay?"

He didn't expect a response, nor was one given, but it soothed his mind, relaxed him and Iruka hoped it did the same for Kakashi.

Genma and Raidou had done a good job patching his partner up, binding broken bones, and stitching gashes, but the injuries went deeper that. Raidou's comments made more sense now, there were things only an intimate partner could privately heal. In his frantic state, Kakashi cried out in pain and tried to crawl away when Iruka probed the injury. When he commanded him to stop, Kakashi did. It had to be done, he repeated over and over in his mind. This was not the type of injury that could go untreated, but he knew Kakashi would not want anyone else but Iruka to see it.

It had taken every once of will power he had not to left his nausea overwhelm him, but once he tucked the jounin into their bed Iruka could control his heaving stomach no longer. He found himself kneeling over the toilet, emptying his stomach into the porcelain bowl.

His mind was revolted by Kakashi's injuries. Never had he thought someone could be so cruel and inhuman to another human being.

Kakashi had been burned, whipped, beaten, bruised, his left arm broken and right knee shattered.

But that wasn't the worst of it all. He found Genma's words ringing through his mind. We found him bent over a table, strapped down and gagged. He should have been more prepared for it, should have known what he would find, but he hadn't wanted to believe it was true. Iruka hadn't wanted to believe that someone could actually do that to Kakashi. But with the evidence starring right at him he couldn't deny it anymore. It was like a slap in the face and he had been forced to walk away and collect himself.

And suddenly everything he thought he believed, everything Sandaime taught him about being a shinobi felt so false. He felt lied to, he felt utterly hopeless, he felt betrayed because nothing, nothing, not even the safety of the village was worth this.

And this was what he taught. He taught children to be warriors so that they could go out into the world and face the same terrors his lover could never quite erase from his memories. The same terrors that kept Kakashi up at night and sent him out to face death at the hands of Konoha's enemies. He wanted to say he taught to protect his village and those who couldn't protect themselves, but somehow he felt that even that wasn't true anymore. He never wanted anyone to have to go through what they had been through. He wouldn't wish their life on anyone, not even his worst enemies. But their village thrived on violence and in an imperfect world, they would never see the day where shinobi were not needed.

And it was all so wrong, this system of life, the world they lived in. It shouldn't have to be that way and yet it was the only way. But the pain they went through just to keep others happy? It just wasn't fair. It just wasn't right.

No, Iruka thought as he looked down at his tortured and abused lover, this definitely wasn't worth it.

Iruka crawled into bed with his love and gathered the injured man close. He stroked Kakashi's pale cheek, kissed his bruised lips and waited for the long night to be over.

And in the morning he would call Tsunade in tears, and somehow through the hysterical sobs he would manage to beg her to come over and heal Kakashi's shattered knee and broken arm.

And when tomorrow night came and feeling returned to Kakashi in waves of pain and anguish and all he could do was hold his lover close and kiss away the tears, Iruka would still wonder if it was really worth it. He'd curse his village and those who dared harm his love.

And Iruka would watch Kakashi suffer through the fever, chills, vomiting, and nightmares and would know that this would never end, never, even though it simply wasn't worth it.

And no matter how much Iruka may curse and scream or beg and cry, he could never change the graves dug out for them at birth.