You know, I really am being rather calm considering my life has gone from bad, to worse, to apocalyptic in such a short span of time. I'm just sitting here, shooting the breeze, on a couch in the Gryffindor common room at ten o'clock at night.

Albus is in his favorite squishy chair, the one he practically snarls at first years over if they dare sit in it, and Sarah is cross-legged on the floor with a bunch of pieces of parchment spread out in front of her. She's calling them 'schematics' and organizing them relentlessly. But I've got bigger things on my mind.

It's been three days time since my trip to the hospital wing, three days since I snogged Scorpius Malfoy whilst he was unconscious, and three days since the aforementioned git snuck in to see me in the dead of night, casually alluding to the fact maybe he wasn't so unconscious. But the weirdest thing, is that it's been three days since anything monumental has happened.

The next day, a Friday incidentally, Scorpius doesn't say a bleeding word during potions. Not even anything insulting. Not even a brusque "Pass the lacewing flies, oh by the way I know you snogged me and now I'm going to have a jolly good time and torture you with it. P.S. your already crumbling relationship with Dominique is now in my evil, twisted, hands". So it's been two days since absolutely nothing has happened and one day since I've started to wonder if my whacked out, kooky, Rose-Weasley brain has dreamt the whole thing up. And I haven't even told Albus and Sarah.

"Are you listening, Weasley?" I snap my attention to where Sarah is glaring up at me from the floor, her hands on her hips. It's not very intimidating considering she looks like a put out child.

"Why are you calling me Weasley, Samuels? I thought we left last-name-ville ages ago. I also thought you'd dreamed up the perfect match for me to squash – I mean make Scorpius go mad with jealousy."

Sarah flicks her long black hair over her shoulder and readjusts the white pinafore she's wearing, itching slightly at the lace neckline. "I already tried Rose, Rosie, Rosie Red, and buttmunch, a variety of times. It simply isn't my fault you're a deaf old bat."

"Why you little –" I begin to growl, my red hair crackling slightly with electricity, but Albus intervenes, slipping a bookmark into the text he's reading. God forbid he should dog-ear the pages and blemish one of his sacred tomes.

"Now, now Rosie. You know how you frighten people…" I scoff, because Sarah is anything but frightened and she's even scarier than me. Just look at her. She's wearing a white Alice in Wonderland-esque night dress but her smirk speaks of pure unadulterated evil. Pure unadulterated evil with a plan. She shuffles the papers meaningfully.

"Do you want to hear something really frightening?" I casually draw a few invisible circles on the couch with my finger. I've got to tell them sometime about the mishap from a couple days ago that has remained incredibly dormant.

"Can it wait?

This is the part where I tell you I want to kill you and mean it. I snogged the love of my life, my best friend's boyfriend, while I thought he was unconscious but apparently wasn't and therefore HE BLOODY KNOWS. No, it can't fucking wait.

"Sure, sure, go ahead." I'm the most giving person on the planet.

"Alright then," Sarah scoots a little closer to the couch and places her parchments on the coffee table. I try to get a look at them but she snaps her fingers in front of my face. "Focus, Rosie." I glare.

"Who does Scorpius Malfoy detest more than anyone in the entire school? The entire world?"

"I'm not dating Al. Or James. Or Professor Longbottom." Albus snorts a little at this remark before opening his book again. Sarah kicks him in the shin with her heel and growls at me.

"No, you idiots. Think!"

"I can't date myself, Samuels." Albus is vigorously nodding his head and holds up a hand to show that he seconds that motion. Sarah pulls her hair and lets out a frustrated, yet alien, noise.

"Are you lot really this thick? How have you even socially survived for this long?"

"That's rich coming from you," Albus mutters into the pages of his textbook. Sarah Samuels' mouth forms a hard line.

"Did you say something?" Sarah's voice is low and enough to frighten Peeves. I'm scooting away from her and hiding behind a pin cushion pillow, and she's not even addressing me. Albus turns a new shade of green and shakes his head. "Good, then."

I wonder when Albus is going to realize he's not actually afraid of Sarah but is in mad like with her. I'd clue him in, but watching him bumble around is just too priceless.

"Are you even listening?" Sarah gives us the evil eye. Okay, maybe Albus is legit scared of her. I know I am. My cousin and I both nod in silence as she waits, pausing with an air of triumph.

"It's Teddy Lupin." I take a moment to process just what my odd ethereal cohort has just uttered as I'm fairly certain my jaw has hit the floor.

"EXCUSE ME?" I know I've screamed as loud as I have because the common room clears like nitrous oxide when you get those first breaths of pure oxygen after a filling at the dentist. What? Nana and Papa Granger were into the whole muggle teeth thing. I also know I've heard correctly because Albus is hacking up a lung from the spit he must have choked on when hearing this madness.

"Is there a good reason the pair of you are have bodily malfunctions? You both look like you belong in a special program." Samuels is giving us each a paper from her stack of parchment or "field notes" as she was calling them earlier.

So in my total confusion, and in my defense, the words coming out of Sarah Samuels' mouth were truly ludicrous, naturally there's only one thing that comes out of my big, fat, Rose-Weasley-Mouth.

"Um, I snogged Scorpius Malfoy while he was unconscious?"

And then I heard the most ungodly, otherworldly, scream, and did the only thing any self respecting Gryffindor would. I hid behind a pillow. And wouldn't you know it, the tartan little bugger didn't even protect me.

Ten minutes later and all three of us are sitting on one of the long couches in the Gryffindor common room. After I spilled the whole story, and after Samuels had chased me around the perimeter of the room, brandishing a down pillow and screaming, we're all just sitting. No one's saying anything. All three of us, Sarah on my right and Albus on my left, just sitting. Sarah crosses her arms.

"You just had to throw a wrench in my flawless plot, didn't you? You did it on purpose, you cold, unfeeling twat."

"Oh yeah, that was it. I was only thinking of you when my tongue was down his throat." I deadpan as Albus clamps his hands over his ears.

"Bollocks, Rosie. Details I did not need to know!" He's glaring at me under his furrowed brows.

"It was metaphorical! I didn't- well what I mean to say is there wasn't any –oh shite I hate you, Sarah Samuels."

"The feeling is very mutual in this moment," she snaps back.

We all revert back to silence. Sarah's papers from her file folder are everywhere, one sitting on the arm of the couch. Its dead quiet for a few moments, the common room completely emptied after our previous antics. Samuels waves her wand idly.

"Incendio," The paper on the couch bursts into flames and fizzles out.

"That was my copy!" I protest, before being silenced with a glare from Sarah.

"Well, fat lot of good it's going to do us now. All my work, for nothing." She looks like a tiny fairy sulking. I almost feel a bit bad. Except that I still haven't a clue as to what's going on and why Teddy is involved.

"And trying to even begin to understand your work has got me completely knackered. Why Teddy? Of all people, why Teddy? No, really. I'd love to know." Here I go, getting worked up again. I grab one of the surviving copies of Sarah Samuels' field notes and get nowhere.

I think I'm having a coronary, my breaths becoming shallower as I scan the piece of parchment in my hands, desperately trying to make some sort of connection. "What is this rubbish?"

Written in shiny black ink is the clear detailing of what appears to be a very crowded and intricate family tree. Albus takes it from my hands and begins madly scanning it.

"It's a family tree," Sarah points a thin, pale finger at her own copy. I roll my eyes. Really now?

"Oh, so you mean it's not a garden tapestry?" Sarah's eyes flash angrily, but I'm not even scared. That's how off my rocker I've gone.

"There's no need to be snarky with me, Rose Weasley." In my opinion, after she dropped that bomb, I'm at liberty to say anything I bloody well choose.

"There's not? Because I'm almost nearly certifiably certain you just suggested that I act as if am dating the fiancée of my cousin who happens to be seven years my senior. He doesn't attend Hogwarts anymore!"

"Actually, he's been sitting at the Professor's table for the past two days. No one's said why, only that he'll be here for an extended period of time on 'Official Auror Business'", Sarah forms quotes with her fingers, "and now speculation is running rampant!" She claps her hands at the intrigue of it all. I'm still confused.

"He's really been here for the past two days? I thought he left after he saw me in the hospital wing. He would have told me if he was staying," I pout, my mood doubly soured at the thought of Teddy keeping me out of the loop as well

" Well, if it makes you feel any better, no one really knows why. But he's been here, eating with the school at meals, popping up in the occasional lesson…he's waved at you in the corridors, you know. Where have you been?" Sarah raises her dark eyebrows at me as I curl my fingers into a ball.

Where have I been? Really?

Oh, I don't know. Rolling down a rocky incline and macking on the love of my life while he was supposedly, but most definitely not, unconscious? Becoming the only casualty in an all out war between my family and some pompous twat that I'm utterly mad for? Posting up in the hospital wing because I took a few stunners to the face? Take your pick. Really, I insist.

"She was spaced off in her peas and carrots as usual." Albus supplies casually, as if this was some sort of daily occurrence. Okay…fine. It may have become one ever since the aforementioned dastardly battle and snog fest took place. But hey, I've got a lot on my mind.

Like going over every single solitary detail of Scorpius' sneaky little visit to the hospital wing. Like obsessing over how he plans to use this against me and torture me with it. Which, wouldn't you know it, leads me to torture myself with all the possible, gruesome scenarios, and thus playing straight into his sick, twisted, perfect hands. I've got to hand it to him; Scorpius Malfoy may very well be an evil genius. And this is still just all in my head.

"See, she's doing it again. Except this time she's staring at that second year, Johnny Moffit, who just ran up the staircase in what I can only assume is fear." My cousin shrugs at Sarah Samuels as she seethes, pounding a tiny alabaster fist on the low standing coffee table.

"We never get anything done with her, you do know that don't you? I've made charts and have been doing most, if not all, of her evil plotting. And she just stares at vegetables and children." Sarah sighs in exasperation before collecting all her papers neatly into a filing folder.

"Rose?"

I look her in the eyes as she says my name, "you've got to make it seem like you and Teddy are mad for each other. You've got to make it seem more real than anything else you've ever felt! Thus bruising the ego of Scorpius Malfoy, make him question all his life's decisions, wonder if he's ever been good enough for Mummy and Daddy, instigate what one could only call jealousy at Helen-Of-Troy proportions, force him to chuck Dominique, and ultimately leave him curled in the fetal position in the Potions classroom. Hold the applause."

I stare at her. She's slightly panting as she finishes the unveiling of her master plan.

"I don't completely follow…" Albus forces out, voice cracking ever so slightly. I try to wrap my head around everything but I'm failing miserable. And there's only one emotion I feel when I can't reason a problem. I get angry. Very angry, very fast. A veritable ticking time bomb inside a hornet nest.

"You're damn straight we don't follow," I snap, practically snarling right back at Sarah. Bzzzz, Ka-boom!

"You don't…you lot really have no clue what I've been banging on about, have you?" Samuels widens her eyes and softens her voice. She even touches Albus' arm and I'd take a minute to smirk if I wasn't feeling quite so lethal at the moment.

"You better start explaining, and fast, why I'm about to embark on another journey that will get me excommunicated from my family. The entire Delacour-Weasley branch will feed me to thestrals. Ginny might be a little bit happy if Fleur's upset, but she'll ultimately shun me because she'll take Uncle Bill's side. And Uncle Bill will call Uncle Charlie to have dragons light my hair on fire because I've made both his precious baby girl's cry. Louis will feel protective over his sisters and rally Hugo to turn against me, although Hugo's never really been quite pushed on me anyways. Basically no one will ever forgive me, and I wouldn't put it past my Dad to use an unforgivable on me. Do you understand the gravity of what you are asking me to do?"

Bzzzz, Ka-boom! I'm about to continue my rant and bring Percy, Audrey, and Molly into this but Sarah stops me short like she always does. It only takes on simple sentence.

"Do you love Scorpius?" She's staring me down, completely and eerily calm.

"I think that's a little beyond the point right now –"

"Love him, yes or no?" I see her eyes searching mine and I already know my answer. I don't even need to pause.

"A million times, yes." And it's the utter truth. Always has been, always will be.

"Then you'll find a way to do this, and since you're Rose freakin' Weasley, you'll find a way to do it brilliantly."

"Okay," I breathe out, "Will you now please enlighten us as to why Scorpius Malfoy should give a toss about Teddy? And why me liking him will cause the next Trojan war?"

Sarah lifts a dark eyebrow at me as my mood shifts gears from the kill-shot zone to that place I go when I've got to learn a new fact or master a new spell. Albus likes to call it the "sponge mode" since I like to soak up every detail I can find. Thanks for referring to me as a skuzzy kitchen accessory, Al.

"For all your book smarts, you really have no idea about the social workings of the wizarding world, do you?" I glare. So what if books are better friends than people? It doesn't mean that I'm socially inept…right? I instead settle for a huffy silence.

"I'll take that as a no," Sarah snips, and I could pull her braids out. What business does someone so clearly evil have in wearing braids anyways?

"Take Albus' copy of the family tree and follow along if you can," She adds to me. Albus hands over the crumpled parchment and grins.

"What are you smirking at?" I demand, feeling utterly daft for being the only person clearly not in on the big secret. Albus shakes his head, black hair falling into his eyes. Eyes that are mocking me with their knowledge of evil plots.

"Listen, Weasley," Sarah snaps at me," this could still work if you pay attention." I glower.

"Okay, so here is the essential breakdown. Here, we have Teddy Lupin. Trace his parentage back and you'll find that his grandmother is the late Andromeda Tonks. This here, is the key. Andromeda, her maiden name, before she married a muggle man and was disowned by her pureblood family, was –"

"Black!" I yell in delight, clapping my hands together as the puzzle pieces fall slowly into place.

"Yes," Sarah is glaring from under her fringe, clearly put off that I've cut her off. But I'm already figuring things out as I hold the piece of parchment with the family tree up close to my face.

"So this means," I say, tracing my finger along the branches of the tree, "Since Andromeda's sisters were Bellatrix and Narcissa…and Narcissa married Malfoy…oh wow, they're distantly related! Scorpius's Grandmother would be Teddy's Great Aunt! And vice-versa! What does that make them?"

Sarah gives a perfunctory nod at my discovery. "I don't know, second cousins I believe."

I furrow my brows together. "I still don't quite understand why this has Scorpius loathing Teddy. I can't imagine they'd come into much contact."

Albus takes his turn to chime in, of course having reasoned it all out on his own. "That's just it. Teddy's had loads of contact with the Malfoy family, ever since he was young. When James, Lily, and I were young, Dad used to bang on about how the Malfoy's were all a little too welcoming. "

"That sounds creepy."

"Well, it is. The Malfoy's are a part of pureblood society. They've always had their own events and gatherings, and Teddy was invited and brought to each one, courtesy of the Malfoy family." I raise an eyebrow.

"Why were we never invited? The Weasley name goes back just as far as the Malfoy's. The two families have been intertwined for centuries," I feel a slight pang in my chest as I say this. "And don't tell me it's because my Mum is muggleborn, Teddy is about as far from pureblooded as you can get!"

Sure, the Malfoy's and who are left of the pureblood families are a bit of a dodgy bunch, but childish emotions are having me feeling left out. I could have grown up with Scorpius, we could have been at all the same social gatherings. Things could have been different.

"Don't get offended, Rosie." Albus nudges me with his shoulder. "Dad and Uncle Ron never much cared for it. It was never that our families were uninvited."

"But why did Teddy get to go? And why did he choose to?" I whine, part of me still jealous, and the other part genuinely curious.

"Isn't it obvious?" Sarah speaks softly. "They're the closest thing to his original family that he has. Who wouldn't naturally be curious and feel the desire to spend time with blood, no matter how diluted?"

I shrug. I'd never had to think about what it would be like to be without family. I've always had mine, sometimes far too close for my own liking. Something like that, understanding Teddy's thoughts and feelings like that, would never have crossed my mind. And that fact makes me feel like a shit mate.

I try and clear the thoughts from my head. "So he was brought up alongside Scorpius then?" Sarah nods.

"Exactly. I think his parents, Mr. and Mrs. Malfoy, sort of…emulated Teddy. He represents something good that came from their family, someone's whose parents are regarded as heroes from the war. I know the Malfoy's still feel a great deal of shame for being collaborators during the first and second wars. Teddy was their…redemption, so to speak."

My jaw's gone slack and my head is swimming. This is why I stick to books. The social politics of it all is just so maddening. "So basically," Sarah summarizes, "Scorpius Malfoy truly loathes, scorns, and abhors Teddy Lupin because he's always felt inferior to him, stemming all the way back to infancy".

"And whatever Teddy's done or accomplished, or had," Al supplies, "Scorpius has always tried to measure up in his parents, and the entire pureblood society's, eyes." Sarah beams at Al, one of her million watt smiles, and he's awed into silence.

"Perfect deduction, Albus. So I'm willing to bet that whatever Scorpius Malfoy thinks Teddy Lupin has, will drive him quite literally mad with jealousy. And he'll make it his personal business to obtain it. Or in this case, you."

"Sweet," I drawl, "so I'm an object to be had?"

Sarah growls at me. "This is the plan. I spent days collecting facts and data and drawing up schematics. I had to squeeze this information out of that brick, Reginald Parkinson . Do you think I just did that for a laugh? No, Rose Weasley, I did not".

Albus stiffens on the couch and the scowl is apparent on his face. "Parkinson's a cad. A bloody, wanking, cad."

Sarah's cheeks turn pink and I snort. "Tell us how you really feel then, Al." My cousin grumbles to himself and slouches down into the cushion.

"I only bribed him with firewhiskey…" Sarah supplies, quietly defending herself. Albus looks marginally more chipper but the awkward silence in the room is enough to smother a monkey with. And let me tell you, those slick little suckers are not easy to smother. Not that I go around smothering primates. Because I don't.

"Right," I cough, "there's only two flaws t this plan." Sarah glares at me and moves her hand closer to her wand.

"No, there's not, it's perfect."

"Really? Because first of all, how am I supposed to strike up a relationship with my oldest friend who is engaged to my cousin?"

"I didn't say it was real. It's simulated. You've just got to make him think there's something there." I roll my eyes.

"Okay, how about this. I snogged Scorpius while I thought he was unconscious. But he really wasn't unconscious and now I'm buggered because he knows and he's told me so, and now he knows that I know that he knows, and we all just know!"

"Yes, you really did fuck it up with that one, didn't you?"

"Gee, thanks Samuels." It's silent in the common room for a moment while Sarah and I sit, glowering at separate spaces on the wall. Sarah concedes the silent death match first.

"So, what's Malfoy going to do now that you know that he knows?" Albus, who had been relatively quiet, snorts loudly.

"What?" I demand. He takes off his glasses and rubs his eyes before snorting again.

"Well, simply taking everything into account…Dominique, Teddy, the family, the fact that I'm quite certain Scorpius took pleasure in toying with small animals as a child…"

I turn on Al quickly, "YES? WHAT OF IT? And I will have you know all he did was charm a squirrel to do the can-can in second year! Hardly diabolical."

Albus rolls his eyes and messes with his hair. "Merlin, Rose. You're fucked." The truth of this statement hits me. Hard. Scorpius holds my life and my sanity in those aristocratic, demonic, lovely hands. A single movement will destroy everything.

I start to panic and I'm probably looking green. Al is right, absolutely right. Sarah's plan was brilliant, and now everything's gone tits up. There's only one voice or reason that's going to calm me down now. That's Teddy Remus Lupin. And he's at the root of all this. And I can't even tell him what's going on, at least not in full, but just seeing his face will hopefully be enough.

"Oh, God. I have to see Teddy. I have to talk to him. I have to see him!" I'm about to hyperventilate and all Sarah does is look on in approval.

"Yes," she nods, "this can still be salvaged! Go, do what you must!" I could sock her one right in the face.

"Samuels, I hardly think that –"

"Yes! Less thinking, more doing! Seduce him! Ravish him! Or at least make sure someone sees you!" Her gold eyes are wide and pushing me forwards and I hate her for it. But I don't have the time to muster up a snotty remark or even hex her. The room is starting to spin.

"I…I've got to get out of here. The common room is making me feel like fuzzy slippers on a beige wall."

And with that I turn tail, and bolt from the common room. In my pajamas.

Merlin, I am fucked.