The Dark Knight Abridged, no super villains were harmed in the making of this movie. One was killed though. Oh, is that too soon?
Edit: I'm editing it up slightly as I feel my opening chapters have a lot of small mistakes, and I'm a perfectionist, I've also tossed in a few more jokes here and there to force you to damn review!
Outside Gotham bank henchman gather. There clown masks, standard shotguns and big bags with dollar signs clearly show these are criminals of the most generic kind.
"O.K, dude, why are we here?" Generic henchman 1 asks.
"Do I have to summarise the rough plot events of the last 6 months, again?" Generic henchman 2 says.
"It's only been 6 months. Wow, feels like 3 years for some reason. But yeah, kind of." Generic henchman 1 says.
"Alright. Batman stopping Qui-Gon-Jinn put the force back in peace with itself, and Gotham's began to recover. That relatively incompetent guy with the moustache is helping him. But now some guy has now arrived to give the world a better class of criminal. He's pulling a bank job and we're helping for some reason." Generic henchman 2 explains.
"You don't consider immortal monks and a drug that scares people to death pretty high standards of crime?" 1 says.
"No. This is the Joker."
"Oh my God! You mean...!"
"No, this is a reboot of the franchise so all Jokers you've known and loved is being replaced by Heath Ledger." Generic Henchman 3 interupts.
"Who? What's he been in?" Generic Henchman 1 asks.
"How about you watch Broke back Mountain. Yeah, go ahead, it's a romantic comedy in cowboy land." Generic Henchman 1 suggests.
"Sounds nice." Generic Henchman 2 comments.
"Prepare to be surprised." Generic Henchman 2 mutters.
Than from nowhere, the Joker arrives. His eccentric dress and odd make up assures us, that the fan-boys are squealing right now.
"Helloooooo all, I'm the Joker!! As part of this raid, I'm giving you all code names, your Grumpy, your Rapey, your Dumpy, your Jack Nicholson."
"And your an idiot." Generic henchman 1 says.
"And you're shut the hell up! Now go rob that mobster while I sit here with my knife and wait for which ever of you lives."
"Since we're one dimensional characters with apparently know intelligence, why not." says a generic yet gullible henchman.
Meanwhile a great distance away...
Trouble is a foot in Gotham's dark ominous parking lot. It is times like this when villains and gangsters gather, that the parking lot got it's name, dark ominous parking lot.
"Hay, scarecrow, why are you so happy?" Evil Russian says.
"Cause I've got a cameo in this film! You know what I was doing before Batman, bugger all! Low budget zombie flicks, nudes scenes." Scarecrow laughs.
"How unfortunate." Evil Russian replies.
"Not really, I look good naked. But right now, I'd be happy even if a group of Batmen jumped down right now and hit me."
"Did somebody say group of Batman, cause we're the Bat street boys!" yells a group of Batmen.
"Oh you've got to be kidding me!" Scarecrow mutters.
"I'm the camp one, Bat West. He's the dark one, Bat Keaton. And they're the child friendly ones, Bat Kilmer and Bat Clooney!" yells Bat West.
"And I'm the best one Bat Bale." the most impressive yells.
"You wouldn't hit me if I claimed to be your mother Bat Bale?" The evil Russian dealer begs.
"To hell with that!" Bale says.
A massive fight ensues in which the evil Russians are defeated by the good Americans, and all former Batmen have their arses handed to them by the true Batman, Christian Bale. and the evil English character Scarecrow, is defeated by the righteous American. Propaganda count up.
"No fair, what gives you the right to screw the rules?" Fake Batman aggressivly inquires.
"I have money!" Batman yells before taking off into the night.
Meanwhile a great distance away...
"Damn it, a dog bit me, could you build me a new Bat suit." Bruce Wayne asks.
"Why, it's bullet proof and knife proof. I feel that new great enemies will soon arrive that may threaten Batman, and you'll need to be ready." Morgan Freeman, uh, I mean God says.
"We're not paying you to be the magic black guy in this. Just provide a plausible explanation of how my gadgets do what they do. And possibly make a reference to Catwomen." Bruce explains.
"O.K, this'll resist Dog attacks, I don't know about Cats though."
"Thank you." Bruce Wayne says.
Meanwhile a great distance away...
"Password." Commissioner Gordan asks.
"Girls are gross." Batman replies.
"Very good, I call the meeting of the Gotham crime fighters together. I want to recruit a new member to the gang, Matt Damon! Gordan suggests.
"Sorry, he's busy filming and putting on weight for, The Informant coming to cinemas in September 11th 2009!" Batman shamlessly advertises.
"How about we consider Hugh Jackman, Ryan Phillippe, Liev Schreiber, Jake Gyllenhaal and Josh Lucas."
"There also busy on various projects like X-Men Origins: Wolverine, coming to cinemas May 1st 2009! And some other stuff I don't really care about." Batman explains.
"Oh alright, we'll pick Aron Ekhart, here by to be known as Harvey Dent as know one knows he is. He can act as our public guy." Gordan decided.
"Why can't I be the public guy?" Batman asks.
"You're a man who dresses like a bat and drives a small tank while beating up criminals. You're almost as anti-social as a guy who sits at his desk and types up or reads fan-fiction." Gordan reasons.
"Oh yeah, that is pretty anti-social, I'll go hold a charity raiser and try and have sex with someone." Batman realises.
We have now covered, around an hour of the dark knight, more soon...