Title:The Truth of Your Words
Author: Breathing Stars
Pairing:Ritsuka/Soubi
Disclaimer: Loveless is the property of Yun Kouga, not me, so your lawyer can look elsewhere.
Notes: A random story that wouldn't leave me alone, so I decided to just sit down and write it. I think it's trying to capture Ritsuka's hesitancy to feel anything romantic for Soubi, and yet he knows what he feels is romantic. Did I keep in character? I tried really hard. Did I get the emotions even close to right? I tried hard on that too. Any feedback is appreciated and welcomed, but NO FLAMES. I won't stand for them. Also, this is strictly the anime. Haven't read the manga yet.
Dedication: For Kimmie, or Kiya-chan. Because she is wonderful and I love her. Don't know why this was written for you, it just was.
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The curtains were open, and soft, creamy moonlight drenched Ritsuka's room with a pale glow that seemed otherworldly. The young boy was lying in bed. He had climbed into it meaning to sleep two hours ago and now it was two minutes past one in the morning, but for some reason, he couldn't get to sleep.
At that thought, Ritsuka turned over with a tired sigh. That was what he told himself. He pretended he did not know the reason for his restlessness, when actually, he was all too aware of what was keeping him awake. As if pulled by some invisible force, the twelve year old's eyes were drawn to the pale blue cell phone resting on his night stand. It was always there to remind him, even though he couldn't forget. On nights like this when sleep was impossible, and pretty much every time other time he was awake, Ritsuka was always thinking of Soubi. Hell, he was thinking of him even when he wasn't awake. His fighter was forever present in his dreams.
Of course, Ritsuka would never admit that. Soubi was a liar, after all. He had to be. The earless adult had appeared out of nowhere and spoken words of empty comfort, claiming that he loved Ritsuka and would protect him from anything and everything. When he had first heard those words, the boy was confused and alarmed. An adult in love with him? The more he had thought about it, the more he saw how ridiculous the whole thing was. A joke, surely. Completely meaningless. And it was made even more so by the fact that Soubi had received the order to love Ritsuka from Seimei. Why his older brother would give an order like that, Ritsuka was not sure. All he knew was that Soubi had no true love for him. He was just there, obeying his former master and doing nothing more, and Ritsuka made sure that Soubi knew he didn't care for the words.
And yet…
Ritsuka knew that he was drawn to Soubi. He couldn't explain it, but there was something there, and he couldn't get it out of his mind. He remembered when he had first made memories with the fighter. Of course then, he had been ignorant of the entire fighter and sacrifice business; he had thought Soubi was simply a friend of Seimei's. But even so, everything stood out vividly in his mind about that day. There were no shadows anywhere. The sunshine was still bright and clear, the photos still some of the best he had ever taken. But what stood out most were Soubi's soulful blue eyes, the way they seemed to look on at the young boy adoringly. The sunlight streamed like milky golden rivers through Soubi's silky blond hair. Whenever Ritsuka tried to recall the exact way the strands were played with by the wind, he could never get it quite right.
And then, in the midst of observing Soubi secretly and taking note of how beautiful the older man really was, his face was suddenly cupped in Soubi's hands, and his brother's friend was KISSING him. Every time he thought about that kiss, Ritsuka insides shut down and his heart fluttered and cried out like a caged bird. They had shared two other kisses since then, and those had made him feel the same way.
When Soubi kissed him, Ritsuka's body and mind were rendered numb. He felt nothing, yet everything all at once. It was in Soubi's presence, after and during each kiss, when the infamous words were spoken softly to him, that Ritsuka believed that he was feeling the emotion called "love." It was in those moments, when Soubi held him so tenderly, that he could almost believe what the fighter told him.
A car drove by on the road outside, sending two faint, ecstatic beams of light flashing across Ritsuka's wall. It jerked him out of the haze he had drifted into. The boy pulled himself into a sitting position and took in his surroundings. Nothing had changed.
Except that he had made a decision.
Without giving himself time to think, Ritsuka reached over and snatched the cell phone from his night stand. He had flipped it open and arrived at the menu of his speed dial before he hesitated and thought seriously about what he was going to do.
A few weeks before, he had been thinking of ways how he could make Soubi prove that his love for him was genuine, but had figured out that his own feelings needed that kind of proof just as much. It wouldn't be fair to Soubi if he had put him in that sort of spotlight, not that the adult would mind. Ritsuka was sure he wouldn't, but that wasn't the point. Finally, after thinking about it for a while, he had formulated a plan that he was now going to carry out. But was it the right thing to do?
Ritsuka glanced down at his thumb resting uncertainly on the 'call' button, the blue selection bar pulsing over Soubi's number. The middle schooler's deep amethyst eyes slowly scanned over each number, tracing them carefully, trying to remember the way it felt when Soubi's lips moved over his, making him drain, making him feel…
Yes. This was the right thing. Something inside Ritsuka knew it. He had to do this. He took in a shaky breath, and with that, pushed the 'call' button and placed the phone at his ear.
"Ritsuka?" A deep, smooth voice breathed his name on the other end in what seemed like no time at all. The cat eared child felt his heart stop. Soubi had answered on the first ring.
"Ritsuka, what are you doing up? Why aren't you asleep?"
Ritsuka rolled his eyes. He could ask Soubi the same question. The art student was most likely up late painting or something, which was good because it was one of the few times where he actually kept his promise to answer the phone.
"Is something wrong?" the fighter asked with concern. Ritsuka shook his head, then realized that Soubi couldn't see him. He sighed, and attempted to swallow his embarrassment as well as the blush that was slowly blooming across his face, before answering in a voice that he prayed sounded stable.
"No Soubi. Nothing's wrong." The boy focused his violet gaze firmly on the floor. "Can you come over? I want to see you."
There was a silence on the other end. Not uncomfortable, just surprised. Ritsuka wondered for a brief moment how he knew that. He clenched his jaw nervously as said silence dragged on. Maybe this whole idea had been a mistake. But then, Soubi answered, "I'll be there in a few minutes."
Ritsuka breathed a quiet sigh of relief. "Okay," he replied, and hung up. The cat boy glanced expectedly at his balcony door, bathed in moonshine. His eyes rested on the handle as his heart sounded in his ears. Step one had been carried out. Now he just had to see about the rest of them.
It wasn't long before three sharp knocks sounded from beyond the glass. In the time between phone call and arrival, Ritsuka had changed into some clothes and made his bed. He quickly ran to the door and unlocked it, letting Soubi in. As the older man slipped delicately into his sacrifice's room, Ritsuka couldn't help but be satisfied that he wasn't covered in water from rain. Usually when Soubi came through this door, it was raining.
Soubi smiled down at him before leaning over to kiss the boy affectionately on the forehead, one large hand braced in his soft raven hair. "Hello Ritsuka," he said. He didn't seem to care in the least that Ritsuka had dragged him out here in the middle of the night. Nope, Soubi was the same as always. "I missed you."
Ritsuka closed his eyes, and secretly relished the feeling of Soubi's hand in his hair. He was here. Even if the words WEREN'T true, it still made the young boy's heart rise and fly to hear them. They sounded nice. Sometimes they were all he wanted to hear.
But right now, he had something else he wanted to hear.
Ritsuka gently pulled away from the hand, and it lowered. "Thank you for coming, Soubi," he told his fighter softly.
"Of course Ritsuka. What is it that you need?" They were speaking in hushed voices, as if they were thieves who feared getting caught in the act.
Before he could stop them, Ritsuka felt his cat ears fold down into a submissive gesture. His blush came back full force. He hoped that it was dark enough so that none of this was obvious. That was the question he knew that Soubi would ask, the one he had been waiting to hear. Now…how was he going to answer it? He looked up into those deep blue eyes, which were now shining with quiet amusement at Ritsuka's actions. The boy took a deep breath. He had it all panning out in his head.
Looked like he was just going to have to go for it. Something he had never been good at and was even worse at under these circumstances, but nonetheless, he had to try.
He didn't say anything for a moment, just backed away from his fighter. Orbs of violet stayed firmly locked with orbs of sapphire as Ritsuka gestured with lowered eyes towards his bed. He whispered, "Sit with me?" Two seconds later, the twelve year old was sitting next to Soubi atop the quilt, facing him. The fighter's eyes were now glowing with curiosity and concern. Step two was now done, Ritsuka told himself. Now came the hardest part of all.
Ritsuka kept his gaze on the floor as he composed himself. When he was ready, he looked up sharply with the most serious expression he could manage and looked directly at the university student.
"Soubi, I'm going to give you some orders, and I expect you to follow them. Do you understand?"
Soubi stared at the younger boy with complete surprise. Ritsuka half expected him to just get up and leave right there, appalled by the sudden changes in Ritsuka's behavior, but even as the panicked thought ran through the boy's mind, his fighter's eyes were answering before his mouth.
"I understand," Soubi stated.
Another silent breath of relief. "Good."
All was quiet for a few minutes as Ritsuka tried to figure out what EXACTLY to do. For the first time, he had his fighter right where he wanted him, and he could get some real answers. Soubi was probably expecting another interrogation about the Seven Moons and Seimei, but right now, that dilemma was put somewhere in the back of Ritsuka's mind. Not forgotten, just stowed away until it could be dealt with properly.
Instead of asking about Seimei, Ritsuka pulled his legs up under himself so that he was directly across from Soubi, without even slightly facing the other direction. He laid both his small hands, palm up, in his lap. "Give me your hands," the boy stated as an order.
Soubi's gaze flickered between Ritsuka's face and his lap. The sacrifice could tell he had confused the man, and couldn't help feeling a little triumph. "Soubi," he said, "just give me your hands." And a moment later, Soubi's much larger hands slid tenderly into Ritsuka's.
Soubi's hands had always looked rough, but they didn't feel that way. The first thing Ritsuka noticed the first time he had held them was that they were extremely smooth and cool. The fingertips were slightly calloused, from long nights of creating art he imagined, and here and there were the tiniest hints of scar tissue. Ritsuka busied himself with sliding his fingers softly over the flesh, studying it with his own, and comparing how different his hands were from the ones before him. He scooted closer to Soubi, and soon, his fighter joined him in the caresses. Soubi even took one of Ritsuka's hands and brought it to his mouth, placing a light kiss on its palm. He opened his mouth to say something, but was stopped when Ritsuka put a finger over his lips.
"Don't say anything," the boy whispered. "I have another order for you." Soubi's mouth closed again with a smug smile. He was starting to enjoy this. He knew now that nothing was wrong and his young sacrifice simply wanted to explore a few things. First, there had been touch. Soubi wondered what his next "order" would consist of.
Ritsuka suddenly tightened his grip on Soubi's hands, then looked up at him with the same expression he had used to give the first order. It wasn't quite as hard this time, but was still strictly business. Soubi resisted the urge to laugh. That would make Ritsuka angry, and he liked him like this.
"Now," the boy said softly, "kiss me how you've always wanted to."
For a moment, the fighter wasn't sure what Ritsuka meant. Kiss him he could do, but how he'd always wanted to? He titled his head in confusion, and the cat eared child in front of him blushed harshly. Normally, with Ritsuka looking this cute, Soubi would just kiss him acting on instinct, but right now he had been given an order he had promised to follow. He wanted to make sure that he kissed Ritsuka the way the boy wanted.
The boy in question fidgeted nervously with the older man's hands. He felt like his blush was going to set him on fire and make him burn the house down. Soubi's beautifully intense eyes were seeing into him, making this particular task all the more harder to do.
"Uh…when I say how you've always wanted to, what I mean is…" Ritsuka swallowed, trying to find the right words. "Well…we've kissed before, but I have a feeling that you were holding back on those. I want you to kiss me without holding back." He looked up to lock gazes with those mesmerizing eyes again. "And you've always wanted to do that, right?"
Soubi's confusion melted away like frost on a windowsill, replaced with a smile as warm as the dawn. God. He really loved this child. Ever so gently, the man untangled his right hand from Ritsuka's left and tenderly graced it across the boy's flushed cheek. The hand moved lower to wrap tightly around Ritsuka's waist as his eyes closed and his lips met Soubi's.
It was the kiss to end all kisses. Never in the history of the world had there been a kiss so boundless, so pure and intense. The pair's other hands were now apart, both of Soubi's moving in slow patterns down Ritsuka's back, drawing him as close as he could, both of Ritsuka's resting on his fighter's shoulders. Delicious tingles spread throughout the boy's body as the tips of Soubi's long hair tickled his fingertips, of his small body pressed up against the larger one. Soubi's tongue had plunged into his mouth and declared war with his own, just bordering on the edge of violent. Ritsuka was overwhelmed with all that the kiss had released. He roughly buried his fingernails in Soubi's shoulders, crying out for the older man to stop, yet at the same time begging for more.
It seemed like an eternity before the two finally broke apart, panting harshly, having forgotten what it was like to breathe. Ritsuka's eyes remained closed, his body trembling slightly as his lungs fought for much needed oxygen. His limbs felt weak with euphoria, his skeleton now made of jello. He slumped against his fighter, who gathered the boy up in his arms and drew him in. Somehow, Ritsuka had ended up on Soubi's lap, one leg on each side of his waist.
They stayed that way for a while, holding each other tightly and enjoying the feeling of being so near to each other. It was when their breathing was no longer ragged and their limbs not as weak that Ritsuka finally pulled back to meet Soubi's eyes again. The child's eyes were shining like twin amethyst jewels, sparkling with so much love that Soubi was afraid he would go blind. Ritsuka leaned over so that his mouth was next to Soubi's ear. "Thank you," he whispered. And as if to say the words before his fighter could beat him to it, the boy laid a gentler, much more toned down kiss on his lips that said it all.
"I love you Ritsuka," the fighter whispered after their lips separated, and this time, Ritsuka had no doubt that the words were true.