Author's Note: Hi again! I'm glad you guys are liking this collection. This story was so much fun to write. It's sort of a sequel to "Coming To Terms," the second story in this collection but I think it stands alone just fine if you haven't read the other one and don't want to. I hope you like it!

Disclaimer: I don't own Life With Derek but I do own an LSAT study book since once upon a time I was planning to take the test...not that that counts for anything...

Hashing Out The Details

Derek and Casey sat facing each other on opposite sides of the dinner table. Lizzie and Edwin sat besides their respective older siblings, ready to offer support, representation and more importantly, keep them in their seats and unable to kill each other during the course of negotiations.

Derek glared silently at Casey, his expression clearly letting her know that he'd rather be anywhere but here. Casey's own silent but murderous expression let Derek know, in no uncertain terms, the hell that would be brought down upon him should he even consider budging from his seat before this meeting had concluded.

The air positively sizzled with the fractious tension emanating from the two eldest. Lizzie sat uncomfortably at the edge of her seat, ready to restrain Casey at a moment's notice since Casey looked ready to strike should Derek so much as sneeze. She realized, with a sigh, that she'd be much better able to handle the job if she hadn't had to wear the ridiculous suit she had on; complete with heels, her hair in a bun, and fake glasses. But Casey had insisted and now she simply had to deal with it. She chanced a glance at Derek, in case he looked like he really was contemplating sneezing; in which case she'd simply have to act quickly and compensate for the suit and heels slowing her down. To anyone who didn't know him well, he looked like a guy who simply couldn't have cared less about what was going around him. But Lizzie knew better. He was staring at Casey so intently that Lizzie would be hard pressed to point out a moment where he'd blinked.

Edwin decided it was time to get on with the show. If he was lucky, he'd not only live through this but he'd also be done in time to catch a rerun of his favorite show. He straightened his tie and adjusted his suit jacket as he cleared his throat to get everyone's attention. He nodded to signal Lizzie that she could begin typing the minutes of the meeting in her laptop. He clicked around on his own laptop to pull up the right document and begin speaking.

"We're calling this meeting to order. Today we're here to discuss the terms of the relationship between one, Derek Venturi, and one, Casey MacDonald." Casey immediately leaned over and whispered something to Lizzie.

"My client has issues with the term 'relationship,'" Lizzie spoke up.

"Because your client has issues with everything," Derek snorted out. Casey let out a gasp of anger and quickly leaned over to whisper something else to Lizzie.

"My client would like to state for the record that you are a pig," she conveyed for Casey. Derek leaned forward and threw Casey an exasperated look.

"Seriously, Casey? That's how you want to deal with this?" But Casey simply crossed her arms and turned her head away from him.

"Fine," Derek ground out and leaned over to whisper to Edwin his own message.

"My client says that since we're stating things for the record, he would like to add, for the record, that Casey is an annoying, prissy Princess," Edwin intoned. Lizzie looked up from the computer screen.

"I am not typing that about my sister," she told them indignantly.

"You were fine with typing that my brother was a pig," Edwin reminded her.

"Because he is a pig," she insisted.

"And Casey isn't a princess?" At Derek's insistent coughing, he quickly amended. "Prissy Princess."

Lizzie's eyes narrowed at her stepbrother turned best-friend but she returned to typing and Casey leaned in to whisper her next argument.

"My client has decided to concede to the term 'relationship' if she may add a disclaimer defining said term."

Derek stood and took a few steps away from the table and Edwin followed him. After a few moments in discreet conference, they returned to the table so Ed could announce what they'd decided.

"We agree to hear out your proposed disclaimer but reserve the right to discuss and amend any and all terms before agreeing to them," he said magnanimously.

"Good, we're fine with that. My client would like to add the following parameters." She adjusted her fake glasses and took a list that Casey had just finished writing. "Number 1, though the relationship will be carried out in relative secrecy, it will maintain all the aspects of a legitimate, publicly known relationship such as fidelity, milestone and holiday commemoration, and shows of genuine affection. Number 2, when out in public together, each party will show a minimum level of respect for the other in regards to interactions with the opposite sex. Number 3, when attending public functions where it is customary to bring a companion of the opposite sex, out of respect of the relationship, each party is to attend solo. And lastly, number 4, when one or both parties finally regain complete control of their facilities, they will mutually agree to the termination and dissolution of said relationship in a mature and respectful manner. Should it be only one party who comes to their senses, the party who regains their facilities will treat the other, still afflicted party, with respect and kindness."

Lizzie finished reading and waited with Casey for a response. For a long minute Derek simply remained silent with his brows knitted close together. Finally, he slowly turned towards Edwin and simply said, "Huh?"

"Number 1, it's a secret relationship but it's a real relationship so no cheating, you celebrate birthdays, anniversaries and major holidays together, and aside from making out, every once in a while, when you're alone, you hold her hand or give her a hug or kiss her cheek. Number 2, no scamming on babes in front of her. Number 3, you go to parties and dances solo. Number 4, when one or both you finally get over the madness, you'll break up on good terms and do it nicely," Edwin clarified for his client.

"Oh," Derek said. "Why didn't she just say that?"

"So you agree to our terms?" Lizzie asked. Derek pulled Edwin away for another conference. They were gone longer than last time so Casey looked over at Lizzie and gave her a questioning look. Lizzie tried but couldn't seem to make out they were saying so she simply gave her sister an apologetic shrug. Several minutes later, Derek and Edwin returned to the table.

"For item number 1, my client agrees with the condition that gifts not be required for milestones and holiday commemoration." Lizzie turned to Casey who quickly grabbed her and dragged her away from the table for their own conference.

As they waited for the girls to return, Edwin turned to Derek. "Yeah, Bro, I told you I didn't think you'd be able to squeeze that one in."

"Shut up, Ed," he growled in return as the girls made their way back to their seats.

"My client is willing to do away with gift requirements for minor milestones on the condition that gifts be required for Valentine's Day and annual anniversaries, should the relationship last that long. Furthermore, since it has already become custom for both parties to exchange birthday and Christmas gifts, my client would simply like to continue that tradition with the understanding that your client is no longer allowed to pick up my client's gifts from drug stores, gas stations, thrift stores, donation piles, clearance aisles, the streets, the school, or his place of employment. He is also no longer allowed to give my client recycled gifts or anything like the Popsicle stick paper weight she received last Christmas. In addition, gifts are to actually be purchased, not stolen or 'borrowed.' To make things easier for your client, we have compiled a list of acceptable shopping venues and examples of appropriate gifts." Lizzie handed over the list to Edwin who handed it to Derek. They whispered amongst themselves for a minute before Edwin announced their decision.

"We accept on the condition that my client not receive any hand made gifts such as knitted scarves or sweaters or anything embroidered. Furthermore, my client is not to receive embarrassing gifts such as matching shirts, sweaters, hats, gloves, etc." Edwin paused to allow the full weight of the announcement to sink in. He noted that Casey's expression looked slightly crestfallen. He continued. "There will be nothing pink or purple or decorated in glitter or hearts or sparkles or sequins. My client will provide a more detailed list at a later time."

Lizzie leaned towards Casey to discuss the new condition and eventually Casey simply nodded. Edwin saw that she did so with a small pout on her face and he had to wonder what kind of crazy pink, sequined matching sweaters she had envisioned herself wearing with Derek around the house.

"We accept," Lizzie stated and added the notes to the documented minutes.

"On count number 2, my client feels that it is most unfair to require him to stop dating other women AND deny him the pleasure of some harmless flirting," Edwin orated, nodding sympathetically towards Derek. Casey narrowed her eyes and leaned in to whisper furiously to Lizzie.

"My client would like to reiterate the pig observation from earlier and point out that turnabout is fair play. If your client is allowed to 'scam' on other girls, then my client is likewise allowed to 'scam' on other guys. My client would also like noted that she is very much looking forward to flirting with a certain former boyfriend named Max." And just as Derek and Edwin had thought the worst possible scenario had been presented, Lizzie went in for the kill. "My client also thought it would only be fair to add that Sam has been looking very cute lately. A flirtation with him might help her cure herself of this affliction sooner."

Derek leapt out of his seat and dragged Edwin out of his own so quickly that Ed barely had time to get to his feet. Lizzie watched on with a mixture of amusement and pity for her best-friend as Derek whispered quite furiously at him. A few minutes in, Edwin walked over to the table and addressed Casey.

"Hey, there wouldn't be any possibility of you rescinding the fair play part? Like you allowing Derek to flirt and you not flirting and in return I pay you like a hundred bucks?"

Casey glared at him.

"Two hundred?"

Casey's glare turned murderous. Edwin visibly recoiled and turned to head back to Derek. He made it a few steps before turning back to give it another shot.

"How about if I –" He was cut off by Casey suddenly standing up and Lizzie leaping to her feet to restrain her.

"Never mind," he squeaked out hastily and hurried back to Derek.

A few more minutes later, Derek and Edwin returned to their seats across from Casey and Lizzie.

"After much deliberation, my client has decided to accede to your demand on the condition that it is clearly defined that neither my client nor yours be allowed to flirt with the opposite sex. In keeping with fairness, of course."

"Of course," Lizzie replied magnanimously. It wasn't lost on Edwin that she very subtly shared a knowing look and a secret victorious grin with Casey. But Ed couldn't fault them. He had to give credit where credit was due and Casey and Lizzie were running this negotiation very well.

"As for condition number 3, my client agrees to attending parties and dances solo on the condition that your client meet up with my client no less than a minimum of 2 times during each event for no less than 10 minutes per encounter to engage in 'relationship' activities in secret," Edwin announced, turning an odd shade of pink as he finished reciting the condition.

"Eww, Edwin!" Lizzie yelped. "That is just gross. You cannot possibly expect my sister to –" Lizzie was interrupted as Casey leaned in to whisper something in her ear.

"Accept!?" Lizzie couldn't keep the shock and surprise out of her voice. "Casey, no. You can't be serious. Casey?"

She turned to look at her sister but Casey was determinedly keeping her gaze focused on the wall away from Lizzie and her ears had taken on a tint quite similar to Edwin's.

"I…uh, umm I guess we accept," Lizzie stammered out, glaring a little at Derek. Her eyes were accusing him of tainting her perfect older sister but he simply looking quite pleased with himself.

"Okay," Edwin said uneasily, still hoping to hurry this along. "As for condition number 4, my client has no objections but he would like clarification on what constitutes as ending the relationship in a 'mature and respectful manner,' i.e. 'nicely.'"

"We mean no teasing, mocking, bullying, belittling or any other hurtful behavior. No blackmailing, no threats, no constant rehashing of details or events from the relationship in future fights or arguments. No break-ups via texts, voicemails, e-mails, phones, or any other third party method. You break up face to face in a calm, rational matter. No sudden cold-shoulders or letting them hear it from the rumor mill or simply catching you cheating. No picking fights so they'll dump you first. No pouncing on them off guard. When the time comes, let them know you need to talk about the relationship and arrange for time to talk it out. And there is to be a respectful mourning period after the break up before parading a new significant other in their face. Two weeks minimum," Lizzie said, reading from the outline Casey had provided for her.

Edwin had a brief powwow with Derek before announcing that they accepted.

"Good, now we can just briefly go over the rest of the details and get on with our lives."

"Fine," Lizzie quickly agreed.

Edwin cleared his throat and pulled up another document on his laptop. "My client's demands are pretty simple. No clinginess. A guy needs his space. No bugging him during major sporting events and a calendar will be provided for you with dates blacked out and memos will be sent in the event games are pushed back, rescheduled or rematches made. No forcing him to go with you on girly shopping trips for girly things. No PDAs as this is meant to be kept secret. Do not pressure him to suddenly talk about feelings everyday. No cutesy pet names. No baby talk. No forcing him to attend things like the ballet. My client is prepared to try and find activities you both enjoy and can do together but do not expect to be attached at the hip."

Lizzie conferred briefly with Casey.

"My client is prepared to accept those parameters if your client can live with hers. My client requests there be no pressure in furthering the physical aspects of the relationship beyond my client's comfort level. My client must hold an equally important place in your client's life. She will not simply be someone he can make out with and then forgotten when convenient. No more pranks. No cracking mean and hurtful jokes about her hobbies and interests. No caveman possessiveness. No interrupting her when she's working or studying. A calendar with major study days, tests, and major project due dates marked will be provided as well. Memos updating changes and upcoming milestones and holidays will also be provided. No complaining about attending opening night performances for drama club or major dance recitals for moral support. An honest compliment from time to time is also required as they will also be provided for your client."

Lizzie had noticed Derek wince at the 'no pranks' clause and look positively pained at the part of him attending Casey's plays and dance recitals so she was quite surprised when Edwin announced that they had accepted the terms.

They quickly went through the last few details such as agreeing on at least one official date per week, (which they then had to define "official date" from a "non official"), acceptable secret couple behavior in public, accept secret couple behavior in semi-public, boyfriend duties, girlfriend duties, mutually agreed upon lies and cover stories, the number of lunches they had to have together during the week at school, the days they had to hang out with friends, they days had to hang out with each other, etc. Lizzie shuddered at the thought that this was simply them becoming a couple. She was terrified of what would happen if they broke up. She took a moment and sent a prayer heavenward that they never broke up and instead got married and lived happily ever after. But then she realized that if they got married, chances were she'd have to help Casey negotiate a prenuptial agreement. It was a lose-lose situation and Lizzie suddenly had visions of herself and Ed being forcibly sent to law school. She shook her head to clear it of the thought. No, the powers that be would simply have to strike her down dead before any of it happened.

She quickly added in the last batch of terms to the minutes and forwarded it by e-mail to Edwin. Edwin quickly read through it again to make sure everything was just right before transferring it all into the contracts he had drawn up and printed them out to be signed and stamped. He gave both Derek and Casey signed copies as well as keeping one each for himself and Lizzie. They all shook on the deal and brought the meeting to an end. Casey and Derek, hand in hand, each holding on to their copy of the contracts, took off together upstairs.

Lizzie looked over at Edwin as he shut down his laptop.

"What?" he asked, when he noticed her staring.

"I can't believe we just went through that," she told him honestly.

"Tell me about it. I've already taken the liberty of starting to look into law schools for the both of us," he announced as he opened his brief case and began pulling out brochures on various law schools. "Here, take a look. I hear this one has an excellent soccer team."

Lizzie was about to protest when the music and soft sounds of whispering and giggles coming from upstairs were suddenly interrupted by a loud, sharp and distinctive cry of "DER-EK!"

Letting out a long suffering sigh, Lizzie reluctantly took the brochure Edwin had been offering her and with a sad and dejected look asked him, "Law schools in America require an LSAT score, right?"

--

So that's the end of "Hashing Out The Details." Was it funny? Cuz in my head, it was pretty funny...LoL Poor Lizzie and Ed, always forced to do whatever Casey and Derek want. Anyway, please review and let me know what you think. Was it good? Was it not good? I like hearing what you guys have to say. Oh and if you haven't read any of my other fics, please do. I'm currently actively working on "That Summer" and should have a new chapter out soon.

- SugarRune