It was Christmas time already, and things had died down. Shane's father was still snooping around town, but had found no actual proof that we were vampires. After I told Shane everything, he was shocked but not too surprised because I think deep down he knew, and it eventually blew over. That's not to say that he just took it with ease. It actually took him a few weeks before he was comfortable being in the same room with me again. Every time we hung out, we were with Clair and Greg who by now were officially dating. But it was still a little weird between us, but things were getting better. Though I had violated his trust in me, I was gaining it back little by little. He still told me every day that he loved me, so I was thankful that didn't change. But he didn't usually like coming to my house anymore. It used to be a place we thought of to be alone, but now if he would come pick me up at the house, he would stay in the car, an easy exit strategy I guess, in case the mean little vampires tried to suck his blood. But all I could say was we were getting there. Getting back to the way things used to be. Well close enough as you can get to it, seeing as he now knows I'm half vampire.

Jacob on the other hand was not too pleased to hear that Shane now knew the entire truth. He had always tried to use the fact that he knew "the real me", and that Shane wouldn't accept who I was when he found out. But now that Shane did know the truth, and we were still together, Jacob was more distant and depressed every time I saw him- which lately had been never. Our last encounter didn't go so well. It ended with me slamming my bedroom door, and him storming out of the house, shaking, trying to control himself so he wouldn't transform while he was still in the house. Not like I cared at that particular moment. I mean, why can't he just mind his own business? Why didn't he get a girlfriend of his own to worry about, instead of fixating on me all the time? I used to find it sincere and sweet, but now it's just plain annoying.

"You know, you should cut him some slack." Dad interrupted my thoughts. "He's been going through a lot."

"Well that's still no excuse!" and I left it at that.

The week of Christmas though, was even worse. No matter how annoying I thought Jacob was, he was still my best friend. But this year he refused to come over. He said I was being stubborn and ungrateful for everything he's ever done for me. It was so infuriating! I hated this. I hated how this all happened. All I wanted was my best friend to be with me for Christmas, and he wouldn't even talk to me.

I couldn't take it any longer. Christmas morning, I woke up relatively early, grabbed my boots and my winter jacket and ran out to the car. Snow was falling, filling up the roads that had previously been shoveled. Ice had formed on the roads the night before, but I didn't care, I just drove as fast as I could down to La Push. I ran up to the door and pounded on it as hard as I could.

"Renesmee. Surprised to see you here." Billy said, still groggy from the morning.

I walked past him determined to find Jacob. "I have to talk to him!" I stormed to his room and pounded on his door. I waited about half a second before I opened his door to find Jacob putting on his clothes.

"You couldn't have waited five more seconds?" he laughed, but stopped short remembering he was mad at me. "What do you want?"

Ha! Like he really didn't know. "To talk!" I half yelled half pleading with him.

We walked to the forest that lined his backyard, and walked in silence for a while until we were somewhere in the middle of it, surrounded by white topped trees. "What do you want me to say?" he finally said, after we stood there for another minute looking away from each other.

"I don't know exactly." I turned away ashamed. I should have figured this out before I came here. What did I want him to say? That he still wanted to be my friend? That even though he disapproved of me and Shane that he should get over that and just be there for me? How much more selfish could I get? But it didn't make sense. Shouldn't he be happy for me? I mean he used to say that Shane wasn't good enough because he didn't know the truth, so now that he does why should Jacob be mad? "Why do you care so much if I'm dating Shane? That's how all of this started, because you got mad. Why?" It seemed too broad of a question. I turned away from him, embarrassed, and confused. And I was confused about why I was feeling embarrassed and confused. Things were jumbled, and it didn't make sense. I heard Jake walk towards me. I looked back up towards him, and I saw confliction in his eyes. "What is it? You can tell me."

He took two long strides toward me, grabbed my jaw with his large warm hand, and kissed me. It happened so fast I wasn't even sure if it was real. But the worst part was, I didn't pull away from him. I leaned back up to him and kissed him back. My emotions were going crazy. My thoughts were scattered. But then I came to my senses, pulled away from him and slapped him across the face. I was gasping for breath, in the thin cold air. I didn't know what had come over me. Tears were falling down my face. I didn't want this, yet it seemed so right. But I loved Shane, and I couldn't imagine not being with him, but then I couldn't imagine not having Jake in my life either. And if I walked away now, without another word, where would that leave us? Not talking, not looking at each other, because I was ashamed of what I had done? But was I ashamed? I couldn't tell. Jake walked toward me again, but I stepped back. He held his hands up as if surrendering as he walked towards me again, but I kept backing away, until I could no longer go any farther. My back rested on a tree, which had been blocking my pathway. He continued to walk towards me, but I dint know what to do. "Jake…" I whispered. But he came so close to me that our bodies were touching. He stopped and looked down at me.

"I love you Nessie" he said, smiling. "I have always loved you, and that's why it kills me to see you with Shane." He said, whispering into my ear.

I straightened up, and took my hand placed it on his chest, and pushed him back away from me. "Why would you do this to me?!" I was full on crying now. "Jake, it's not fair!" And then I ran. I ran as fast as I could back to my car, but Jake was faster than me. He stopped me at the edge of the forest. Snow was falling down into my hair now, and my tears felt like they were freezing onto my face.

"I know it's not, and I'm sorry. I should never have kissed you. But I had to tell you. It was killing you that we weren't talking, and I can't lie to you." He said, stroking my cheek. He traced his hand along my jaw line, then up to my hair where he pulled it back behind my ear. Then wiped up my still continuous tears.

"Jake…." I paused for a moment, not sure how to go on. "I love you too…. But I also love Shane." I saw a frown appear on his face. He dropped his hand from my face to his side. "What were you thinking was going to happen when you told me that? That I would just forget all about Shane and be with you? He's stuck by me, which is more than I can say for you!"

He looked hurt at that last part. "When have I not been there for you? I would do anything for you!"

"Jake I haven't seen you in like two and a half weeks. And you've been ignoring my phone calls! You wouldn't even talk to me! How do you think that made me feel? I felt like my best friend had completely abandoned me. And it hurt Jake." I took a deep breath. "How can I be with you, when I can't assure myself that you will be there for me?"

"Because I was mad that you were with Shane. I wanted you to be with me. It's different now. I won't ever leave you again."

"Jake I needed you these past few weeks. I missed my best friend, you're the only person I've been able to tell things to without feeling judged, or being confused about half the things in my life. And you couldn't be there because of something so childish. You've lost my trust Jake. And that's something that must be there in order for a relationship to work." I wiped up my tears one last time, walked to the car, and left Jake standing alone stunned at what just happened.

It didn't hit me until I was half way home, that I just pushed my best friend away for the second time. I pulled over to the side of the road, crying so hard, that I couldn't see anything in front of me, but blurriness. What was I going to do?

A/N: Wow, so it has literally been FOREVER since I have updated. And I feel absolutly horrible about it. I'm so so so sorry! But I hope you enjoyed this, and if you didnt thats okay too!