A/N: Okay so this is my first FanFic and all so just work with me...
First of all be patient with me... School is about to start and Im starting another fanfiction when it does... Plus I know Ill be grounded and busy... Yes I expect to be grounded... atleast Im honest... :
Second, I always listen to music when writing... even in school... hehe I know Im horrible... So I'll list the songs I was listening to when I wrote each chapter... You know to get me like in the mood and give me ideas and all...
Third, It may be awhile between chapters... So be patient please :...
Okay so lets begin!
Chapter 1 – Hell of a nightmare
It's not possible
No! It can't be
I will not accept what my eyes see…
I will not and cannot see this
For my heart is in too many pieces and my mind has shattered with it
I cannot stay and see what the devil himself gave to me
BPOV-
I walked out of the church and into the tears of 'God'. I walked down to the creek and kneeled down. I walked away from this impossible Hell. No, not even the devil himself can be this cold and dark. No not even he can wish this upon me. One by One I let the tears streak down my pale cheeks, each one a reminder of why I am here. Each one a reminder of the sins I must be repaying. Even if I don't remember doing a single bad thing in my life. Even if I stuck by the lord and was always faithful. This must be some way of testing it right? But why me?
Flashback
I was two and my mom was taking me to an Easter Party at our church. She was talking with some of her friends as I wondered off.
I spotted something in the creek and went to explore.
It was shinny and glistened in the sun…
I followed it because the rays of the sun that reflected off of it called to me…. And I wanted to answer them…
It was rocky but I was sure I could make it.
I ignored the sharp and pointy ones at the bottom of the creek that kept calling my attention…
I knew I would not fall… I mean all the rocks I was on were flat… Not sharp
I was wrong
Oh so very wrong
I slipped… the rocks were flat but covered in water…
And at that moment I saw my short tiny life flash before my eyes… And just about every memory she was in….
I knew in that moment that I would not survive… I may have been young… very young… but I was smart… And I knew that there was nothing close by to hang on to…
I knew that I would fall into those pointed rocks just below me… I just prayed that it would not hurt… and at least be fast…
But then something warm and shaking grabbed my arm and pulled me up before I was able to hit the rocks at the bottom…
I turned around to see a tear filled mommy…
She clung to me and sobbed as realization hit me I cried to… not knowing what else to do…
I had come so close to dying… At the age of two!
I looked up to my frightened mother as she supported me… She was not just my mother but a friend… a savior…. And part of me…
She was always there and always will be… Sort of…
"Oh Bella! You had me so worried! I thought I was about to lose you when you slipped!" She cried practically screamed… you could easily hear her worry…
She pulled me into a tight embrace… One filled with care and love…
End Flashback
At that moment, as I came back to reality, I looked around only to realize that I was in that very spot…
I was in the spot where I almost lost my life so many years ago….
My mother had saved my life…
Why couldn't I have saved hers?
Why wasn't I there for her like she was there for me….?
WHY?
Than darkness took over….
And it's like I shattered right then and there…
I woke with someone shaking my shoulder…
The Priest…
My throat was still tight and sore and it hurt to open my eyes… but I did… and regretted it immediately when reality hit me once more…
"We are going to the grave site now. Do you wish to follow?" he asked.
I simply nodded not being able to speak through the lump that was forming again in my throat.
He looked worried but I didn't care. I didn't want or need people's sympathy…
I knew I probably looked like shit right now but can you blame me?
I got in my black mustang… I loved it so much… it had two blue sports stripes on it… My mother was helping me pay for it… Was being the key word…
I took deep ragged breathes as I pulled out of the church parking lot and followed the black limo, the one that screamed death, the one that held my mom… my best friend in ways… I was never really close to anyone at my school because I had my mom… I didn't need anyone else… I didn't want anything more… Now I regret not having a shoulder to lean on….It was then that I realized it was raining… Hard…
Wonderful
I stopped behind the limo and took a deep breath and got out to face death…
All my mothers and step fathers closest friends had also followed… Of course most being my mom's friends… She was always one to be very social… My step dad… Not so much… they all had red eyes just like me… wow we all looked like crap….
After this I was to go to Forks, Washington to live with my father, Charlie, He was the chief of police there… He was the last living relative of mine… And he never really had anyone close since me and my mother left just after I was born… Yeah I visited him every now and then but I never really got close to him… It was just too weird... I didn't know much about him but honestly… I don't care… All I want is my mother and I know that's the one thing I can't have… Perfect
I walked up to the two muddy holes and watched as the lowered my mother, Renee, and My step dad, Phil, deeper and deeper into their death beds… Where they would rest… for… well for forever…
"NOOOOOO!!" I screamed as my mind finally took over… I crashed to my knees and reached for her…I reached for the arms I wished could hold me right now…. Or tell me that everything is alright and this is just a horrible nightmare that the devil worked up to piss me off…. She couldn't leave… Not now…. Please….Not now… a pair of arms restrained me as I cried into their chest… Everyone was looking at me with worried eyes… Well hell, this was bound to happen….
I stopped crying eventually and the priest continued his prayer as they finished lowering them into their graves…
I felt weird… I felt…Numb…empty… there was nothing left of me… I didn't hear the rest of the priest's prayer… I ignored the sobs and goodbyes around me… I didn't even acknowledge the many hands that patted my shoulder…
Then I finally turned to the person that had restrained me… He was just holding me now…
I looked up to him and you could tell that he too had been crying… but he was not anyone I had seen before… He was not Renée's or Phil's friend… Or I would have met him before…
He was well dressed… very well dressed… Hell he was good looking to…
But I hate him… I swear he was sent here by the devil because the words that flowed out of his mouth crashed the last of the hope I might have had….
"Bella, I'm sorry to inform you-" he stopped and looked away from my eyes and let out a sob… and I just sat there dazed... then he continued still not looking back at me…"-b-but… Your father, Charlie,-"He stopped again… I wish he would just spit it out… this was getting annoying… My father… Yes I got that but what about him"-he was w-was shot a-and killed earlier this m-morning".
That's when I finally gave up… every hope that I had left… Every chance I might have…. Everything…
YAY! So what did you think?
Okay first let me explain at the beginning when it says 'God' It's cuz she's upset and all so she is having doubts or whatever...
I know it's a rouugh chapter but it's to forshadow future events :
I know your woundering who the man is... Okay at first it was going to be a police officer but i think you guys will like this much better...
But you'll have to wait and see... Don't worry you'll know in the next chapter...
Your lucky the first version I wrote of it was so depressing when I reread it... my eyes got all watery... Yup :
Oh right the play list... Um here you go...
Playlist
Surrender by the Barlow Girls...
Thats the main one... there was also Stand in the Rain by Superchick
But that does not have so much to do with this chapter but in a couple chapters...
Yeah...
Okay Thanks for reading! XD