Hey there! Lilliwyn is here again with her first KotOR oneshot.

This can be seen as a prequel to Finding You since I am using the same Revan and the same Carth (obviously). But this can be read on its own and still be understood even if you haven't read my other KotOR fic.

Disclaimer: I do not own Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic I or II. This is merely a story that takes place in that universe.

Why does this have to be so hard?

Revan sat in front of T3 who sat in front of her beeping, wondering why she had called him. The Jedi sighed, trying to build up the strength to ask him what she had called him for.

"I'm sorry, T3, but this request of mine is kind of hard for me to ask you to carry out."

The droid dwooed sympathetically as he heard Revan's answer.

How can I do this? Revan thought. How can I leave him behind? A single tear rolled down her cheek as her thoughts turned to Carth, her lover. She started to remember the times back on the Ebon Hawk when she was known simply as Lianna Star, Scout of the Republic and most recently as Padawan. She remembered the laughs her and the pilot shared late at night in the cockpit while gazing at the stars, the stories shared and the barriers broken. Carth, who had trouble trusting Revan at first, soon let her melt away his tough exterior and see his weaknesses. Not only that, but he began to love her.

A silent sob wracked Revan's shoulders as she wiped away more tears. "How can I leave him, T3?" she asked. The droid remained silent as he watched her cry.

Join us, Revan...

The Jedi gripped her forehead as the voices started again. The reason for her departure quickly came back to her mind. The voices had started about a week and a half ago, coaxing her and begging her to come and join them. They spoke in a language that was nearly impossible for human beings to become fluent in, but Revan easily understood it. The True Sith which Revan must have found with Malak in the Unknown Regions had been harassing her and the Jedi now knew that they were a dangerous force that needed to be eliminated. She couldn't take anyone she loved with her, it was too dangerous and the temptations were too powerful. She needed to go alone.

But that didn't lessen the pain of leaving.

Revan regained her composure as her sobs weakened. She took a deep breath and wiped her eyes dry. She knew that saying goodbye to Carth wouldn't be a very good idea. The man was too stubborn and would probably do everything in his power to make Revan stay or take Carth with her. Plus, seeing the reaction he had once he knew that she was leaving was not something that Revan was too eager to see.

"Okay, T3," Revan said when she found her voice, "can you record something for me?" The droid beeped a yes as the Jedi wiped her eyes again and took another deep breath to help ensure that the sobs would not come again.

"Here goes..."

Carth looked at his watch. It was late, 0130 republic time to be exact, but Revan was a night owl and would most likely still be awake. He saw the way that the Jedi looked during the award ceremony they had earlier that day, and it looked like she was in great need of some chatting over some of her favorite pastries. Revan was able to escape the ceremony after the Ebon Hawk's crew was awarded yet another medal, but Carth had not been so lucky since everyone and their brother seemed to want to talk to him.

Carth took the apartment building's elevator up to the floor that Revan's apartment was on and walked to her door. He gently knocked so that he wouldn't disturb any of the other tenants in the building. He waited a few moments, but there was no answer.

"Revan?" he said quietly. Still, no answer. Maybe Revan really was sleeping. Carth sighed and rummaged through his pockets for the spare key that Revan had given him to her apartment and pushed it into the lock. For some reason, Carth just felt that he had to make sure that she was there.

The door opened and Carth found himself in Revan's empty living room. Everything was very neat and tidy, just as she liked to keep it. In the corner next to an end table sat T3, staring at Carth and then beeping a greeting. Carth nodded at him and then gently knocked on Revan's bedroom door.

"Is Revan here, T3?" Carth asked with a little more than a hint of panic in his voice when he found her bedroom empty. The droid seemed to droop his head, but after a moment he started a recording that was taken only minutes ago.

Carth couldn't believe what he was seeing.

Revan tried to keep her head down low as she made her way down the Citadel Station's streets to the hanger where the Ebon Hawk was kept. The last thing she needed was some adoring fan to be begging her for a autograph, or something. Thankfully, there weren't too many people up this late at the station, and the streets were mostly bare. The Jedi kept up her fast walk as she began to hear footsteps coming closer behind her.

"Revan!" a man's voice called. She didn't look back, she didn't have time for this. "Revan!"

This time, she recognized the voice. She slowly turned around, knowing that she couldn't ignore him. Carth ran up to her and stood, a look of disbelief on his face.

"What's going on?" he asked. Revan had trouble finding her voice as she stood before him. No words came. "Please Rev, tell me what's going on."

Tears sprung to Revan's eyes. "You can't come," she said simply. "I'm sorry, Carth."

Traces of frustration lined Carth's face, but he gently indicated the bench on the sidewalk for them to sit down on. Revan obliged and sat down next to him.

Silence filled the air as the two sat there on the bench. Revan began to softly sob again.

"Carth, I'm so sorry. I have to leave."

The pilot looked at her and then spoke, "Why, Revan? Can't you let someone else be the hero this time?"

Revan looked at him in the eyes before answering. "No. No one else who is alive have even seen the True Sith. How would they even have an idea with how to deal with them, let alone find them?"

Carth took a look at Revan's eyes, which were glassy with tears that glistened as the light reflected onto them. They were so beautiful. He reached over and stroked Revan's silky, brown hair as she laid her head onto his shoulder.

"You really have to go, don't you?" Revan answered with a nod as those big, glassy eyes looked into Carth's. "Can I walk you to the hanger?"

"Of course," Revan replied as they stood up from the bench. The two's steps and hearts began to feel heavy as they made their way over to where the Ebon Hawk was kept, but the couple kept walking, even though their feet felt like lead.

Soon they came to the hanger. They opened the door, stepped inside as the Ebon Hawk quickly came into view. They walked over to the loading ramp but then stopped to say their goodbyes.

"Well Rev, here we are," Carth spoke first. "Please come back for me when your mission is done."

Revan nodded. "I will, Carth."

"You promise?"

"I promise."

The two embraced as tears started to freely flow. Their lips passionately brushed up against each other as they shared one last kiss. They stood there together for what seemed to be but a moment, both unable to let go of each other.

Carth took the initiative and broke off their kiss and let her go. "I'll see you later," he said as Revan slowly made her way to the loading ramp. "I love you."

"I love you too, Carth." The door to the Ebon Hawk opened and Revan took one last long look at her pilot. Carth put on his best excuse for a smile on his face and waved at her. She did the same through her tears before finally stepping through the door to her ship.

It wasn't but a minute until the engine turned on and the thrusters flared. Revan went through the airlock as another glass one closed behind her and she flew out into space. Carth wiped a few tears from his eyes as they blurred his vision before turning back to go home.

Safe journeys, Revan.

Please leave your thoughts or comments! Reviews are always welcome! :)