EDITED, EDITED, EDITED, EDITED, EDITED, EDITED, EDITED, EDITED, EDITED, EDITED.

Author's note:Hiya guys. I'm having some free time in my hands. Thanks a lot to all the fans supporting my little stories; that means a lot to me especially the encouraging PMs. Thanks. I love all my readers, young and old.

Anyways, at the same time I'm preparing for a tropical storm/hurricane to hit home I have cooked a little ONE SHOT that started as a comedy/criticism. Loosely follows Jokeistarchild'. ANOTHER DAY AT THE OFFICE simply asking what would Joker do after finding out people are abusing his character? Common sense say sue for slander and since he is sure he's not the only one mischaracterized he wants other characters to join in. His first choice of course…might not be that easy to convince but he will try anyways.

This story combines some good intended fun, criticism and some reflections on who these characters are to me and how they might see themselves. By no means this story is meant to insult anyone, and under no circumstances it suggests I have complete authority over the characterization. It is just a little play of words, a little bit of Joker humor, and a writer who has not only a very personal, and independent point of view on the subject (Without becoming the Bible like some other people claim to be) but also a playful personality that tempted me to play with the very same characters I write. There is no better proof that you are OK with yourself when you can make fun of yourself and I'm always available for a good laugh even if it is at my own expense. That's the little bit of 'Joker' that lives inside my head...crazy clown!!

AUTHOR'S NOTE #2: Who would have thought this would cause such a ruckus in the house and just because I thought I could make fun of the things I liked and disliked. Maybe the intentions were good, but the means to get to the end weren't. That is the only thing I regret. You guys know I don't go around spurting my POV's like they are Gospel, and I keep my ideas to myself unless someone asks. I don't have a favorite fandom, I just like to write Joker, though I might say that detective stories are among the styles I enjoy the most. All fandoms have something to contribute to my favorite character and I enjoy many stories in different styles and POVs, but please don't berate me from writing a character differently, trying to give him or her a new fresh perspective. That is very personal to me. I don't believe anybody has the MAGICAL formula to write the perfect Clown (not even DC) and the first one on that list…myself.

But this is different…

This is not a parody...for those who pointed this out before. Go back to Lit 101, because this is a SATIRE with comedy. Let me explain:

Satire. A literary mode based on criticism of people and society through ridicule. The satirist aims to reduce the practices attacked by laughing scornfully at them--and being witty enough to allow the reader to laugh, also. Ridicule, irony, exaggeration, and several other techniques are almost always present. The satirist may insert serious statements of value or desired behavior, but most often he relies on an implicit moral code, understood by his audience and paid lip service by them.

What am I satirizing? Batman fandom as a whole (comics, literature, movies, cartoons, etc.) pointing things that are not exactly my favorite and are solely my POV…

What can you do with my personal satire? You can ike it, dislike it, ignore it, use it as a doormat, or simply have some good laughs in my behalf. I personally prefer the latter. Laugh at things that are really funny in the world of Batman in general, laugh at Joker and Batman's exchanges and innuendos, laugh at the author trying to annoy the characters or teach them something, or laugh at my narrow point of view. Whatever you do, just take the subject lightly and enjoy the ride. Maybe it got a little bit personal, maybe some people can't laugh at themselves. I personally think WE are all guilty, but I accept my part and did some editing. I even added some points to think about, take them at face value. It might not be a perfect satire, but excuse me for trying. Same thing about my humor which I will be the first one to admit is a little dark…and this is my first comic writing. Nobody is good at the first try. Oh, and in case you're wondering, since this is a satire...some if not all characters are somewhat OOC…is called exaggeration and it's used for comedic value. If you have questions...PM me and I would explain in detail.

Finally, in order of fairness now this satire enjoyable by all ages, fandoms, personal creeds, religion, ethnicities, political parties, expecting mothers and....wait. What am I talking about? See, even I'm ranting now. Guess I'm a little touched from the head and for some reason all this reminds me of those ethnic jokes. Wonder why. Anyways, the heart of the parody is the same, just changed the way I was expressing my points and my deepest apologies for those that took my satire as a direct attack because it was never intended as such, but this time I tried to make it as general as I can, after all it is better to satirize ideas than people…unless it is myself.

Hope you all have as much fun reading as I had writing it.

DISCLAIMER 1: Joker and all related characters belong to DC COMICS

DISCLAIMER 2: There might be some instances of MATURE THEMES and LANGUAGE as well as SEXUAL INNUENDO. Some if not all characters are OOC. Be advised.

CASE STUDY 01: THE CLOWN vs THE WORLD

It was past two AM in the morning when he finally landed on the roof of the GCPD where Gordon and Montoya awaited him. It had been a long night and as busy as the whole week before. It seemed that when the moon was full in the sky, the worst of Gotham decided to take advantage of a tired city and wreck havoc. Tonight it seemed, was not going to be any different.

"Sorry for the delay, Commissioner. Busy night."

"I know and I'm sorry if I don't bring the best of news." Gordon responded handing the Detective a letter sized purple envelope addressed to him. The envelope, made of a fine linen paper, had an embedded wax seal with the embossed letter J closing the lid.

"He escaped again?" The Knight asked opening the letter by one end. Knowing his enemy, the seal could be one deadly practical joke.

"Last night. Three guards dead, a fire in the laundry room and he was gone. The letter was under the pillow in his cell."

"He wants to meet with me…in private," the Knight told Gordon solemnly. "If he sees any of your men near the meeting site, he will blow one hospital and …."

"Yes?" Gordon inquired at the sudden pause of the Detective.

"…and the ugly sculpture in front of the Gotham Museum or Art which is a sore in the eyes of a real artist like me. Tell the artist he will be next to die…" Batman read the quote and looked at Gordon. "At least your men know where to start, Jim."

The Commissioner motioned to Bullock beside him who started to coordinate with the bomb squad to meet at the museum. "You're not planning to attend this meeting, are you? It's obviously a trap."

"But he has the winning hand. Until you can figure out which hospital he is threatening I have to meet with him." Batman walked over the roof's edge and retrieved his grappling gun. "Keep me posted."

"Where are you going…?"

"The meeting is tonight…and we don't have much time." The Detective answered firing his grappler and jumped off the roof to meet his foe in the preselected place. If he could keep him entertained long enough, maybe nobody would die tonight.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Batman arrived at the abandoned candy factory where the meeting was going to take place. On the north end of the building was a large terrace where he could see his target dressed in a western outfit with green jeans and yellow striped shirt, brown cowboy boots and a string tie around his neck with the large letter J enameled over a white buffalo. The madman was playing by throwing horseshoes to a stick he had drilled on the opposite end of the terrace, and so far he had missed every single throw. The Knight wondered if the fiend really believed he was a cowboy. Batman glided down to the terrace to land a few feet from the psychopath.

"Oh goodie…you made it." The Joker said with a loud cackle as he grabbed a bundle of horseshoes from a nearby box. "And with ten whole minutes to spare. Here, join me in this little game. One round. It's fun, believe me."

"You said you wanted to talk." Batman said dryly. Joker sighed.

"And you're early. Don't be a spoilsport and play with me. This is a lot harder than it seems…" The Clown said offering the horseshoes to the Detective.

"I'm not interested in your games, Joker. You're threatening a lot of people for this meeting. I don't think you just want to play horseshoes…"

The Jester let go of the horseshoes that fell noisily on the floor and combed his wild mane of green curls with his gloved hand.

"You are REALLY boring, chum. I wonder what was the writer thinking when they made you like this. No humor, no smile. You're worst than Oscar the Grouch. I couldn't live like that."

Batman looked strangely at the Clown Prince. "What are you talking about?"

"Oh come on, don't tell me that you don't know of all the people that write you. You're a detective. Don't you see the clues, the patterns?" Joker gesticulated aggressively in front of him. You definitely must have seen what they have made us, no?"

Batman stared at the Jester with a baffled look in his eyes. Finally the Joker had completely lost his mind and was starting to hallucinate. This could all part of his insanity or just one of his games deadly and he had no time for games.

"Just tell me what you want. Don't waste my time like this." Batman spat angrily.

"I'm not wasting your time, Detective. This is what you were created to do. Protect the innocent of the criminal scum of this city. From people like me." The Joker responded with a grimace. "Sometimes the way they write you is so predictable…"

"Stop your riddles," the Knight said advancing menacingly towards the Clown. Two of the Jester's thugs met his advanced and the Clown Prince looked up towards the sky…

"Hey you up there," the Jester screamed into the night. "What's wrong with that line, kid? Riddles? I'm not Edward Nigma in case you didn't notice. Clowns don't riddle, they make people laugh. HA, HA, HA? Start getting your facts right, and fix them before I kill you." Batman stopped to look up to whatever the Joker was screaming. The Clown Prince of Crime glared down and stared at the Detective with a large smile. "What did you just say, Bats? I'm a little bit deaf."

"I said to stop with your jokes, they are not funny."

The Clown Prince giggled. "Better, much better. Someone can consider herself lucky to live one more day." The Joker started to pace the terrace. Batman heard the metallic jingle in every step from the Clown. This Jester was also wearing spurs to complete his western outfit. "Ok, since you are so impatient I will tell you why I summoned you here. It's time we take control of our lives and demand better treatment."

"Control of our lives… better treatment? You're making no sense."

"Shut up and listen, Bat-sap. This was brought to me by Harley at the Asylum. I even made some research over the net on the subject and what they have done with us is insulting." Joker searched in the pockets of his jacket and growled angrily. He was losing his temper and in response he screamed again into the night. "HELLLOOOO! The fact that YOU don't smoke doesn't mean you have to take that Cuban from me you little Morrison wanna-be. Give me my nicotine fix or I swear I will make my next joke on you!"

The Jester fumbled in his jacket again and pulled a Cuban cigar that he lighted with a small flamethrower. He took a deep puff from his cigar and laughed softly as he went on. "Better…but it is ridiculous that I, the Clown Prince of Crime, have to beg her for a smoke. It's just not fair. That's why I had to tell you Batsap…we have to take control. Demand rights. I have it all figured out. I'm starting a legal class action against them all and I want you to join me. I'm gonna sue 'em and then I'm gonna kill 'em all. Nobody plays games with me... ehem…us."

"You finally snapped." The Knight barked. "You need a straitjacket."

Joker looked at the Knight sadly. "You don't believe me, do you? That's why I came prepared to show you who's been behind our little lives all this time." The Jester walked over to a small table with a small red trunk lying on top. The Clown Prince picked the lock and saw the Knight retrieving his batarang from his utility belt. "It's not going to explode, Bats. Geez! You're so jumpy!"

Batman remained silent as the Jester opened the trunk and retrieved a bundle of printed material. As he turned towards the Detective, who was still holding the Batarang ready in hand to attack, the Joker couldn't hold a cackle.

"Put that thing back where it belongs, Bats. This is not a war. I'm trying to help you."

"Help me? By threatening the lives of the people of this city? You're out of your mind."

"Old news, and that's cute. You look like a lightning rod with that batarang so high above your head. Is it metal?" The Jester had just finished saying the last words when a spark of lightning hit the tip of the batarang forcing the Knight to let go of his weapon. The Jester giggled maliciously and looked up once more. "THANK YOU! Heh. It seems our writer has the same twisted sense of humor as me tonight."

"This is…" The Batman said looking to see where the spark had come from. Tonight there were no clouds in the sky.

"Absurd, I know, but the weather is unpredictable. Now listen. You, like me, have been used and misused constantly by writers and artists alike who had taken their little liberties to make fools of us. It started with you, over seventy years ago taking care of the evildoers just by yourself. Then one day they think that you are too grim, too dark and they give you a little sidekick to appeal to the young masses. I can understand the logic on 'wow, let's add a kid to the boring bat, so kids would love him', but why do they have to give you one annoying sidekick after another? I think they're treating you unfairly."

"The fight against criminals like you required help…."

"They mislead you to believe that, Bats." The Jester waved his hand beside him. "They just wanted to revamp you. In the process they made you look like a pedophile and an irresponsible ward. Risking the life of young children having them fight murderers like me is a crime in the real world. I'm surprised you are not in prison. And the Robin wannabe I killed in Ethiopia? Somebody else wrote that for you after a poll made by the big cheese editor concluded that your Robin sucked. Aren't you thankful?"

Batman growled. "How dare you talk about Robin…?"

"Punch, Lou….please stop the Bat from coming any closer. I'm not finished," the Jester said motioning to his two thugs that formed a solid wall between the Jester and the Detective. Joker peeked from behind Lou with a copy of Death in the Family that he tossed at Batman. "Holy Clown Pranks, Batman.' The joke's on you. They gave you a whiney sidekick, and then they killed him because people hated him. THANK GOD someone realized how annoying he was. But they didn't stop there… they also had to give you one annoying son to complement your brat repertoire. Don't you deserve some payback for all your grief?"

"How do you know about…?"

"Damian? Who doesn't? The boy is a bundle of everything that makes me want to kill in one small packet and I'm not the only one that feels that way, but that's enough on the brats or I'll lose my appetite and tonight is Sushi night with Penguin."

Joker took a drag of his cigar "You've also been the Zebra Batman, the 50-foot tall Batman, the Merman Batman, the negative Batman… and the now infamous Bat-Baby. Don't you get tired of that crap? Gosh! You've even be an alien from space. Talking about bastardizing a character…You deserve a little more respect, dear."

"Where are you getting all this insane--?"

"In your favorite library, bookstore and comic book shop, even the internet. You haven't noticed?" The Joker sifted through the bundles of paper that he still had in his hands. "Oh and don't forget the fan fiction. Do you know what slash is?"

"What you do to your victims when you want to have some deadly fun?"

"Oh no…you just didn't make a joke." Joker looked up to the sky again. "OK, the Joker is the only Clown here, Ms. I-think-I-can-be-funny-too, not the oversized rat. I know I make bad jokes, but at least they are MY JOKES. Another wisecrack from the boring bat and I'm doing something real funny over your grave. And if you don't have a grave I can fix that really fast."

"Who are you talking to?" Batman inquired while looking up into the sky.

"The writer of this story…never mind me. She's just trying my patience." Joker responded taking a drag of his cigar. "OK Bats, slash fiction is a form of literature that rejoices in the pairing of two people of the same gender to play an important part of the plot and let's just say that it involves some romance, sex and sometimes smut and porn. Follow me?"

"No, what are you trying to do?"

Joker sighed. "Teaching you something useful. There are many pairings out there. Two males or two females. It doesn't matter and though I kind of enjoy those between Harley and Ivy, because I'm a pervert by nature, the ones that really worry me are the ones between you and me."

"We?"

"Yes, There are some...hints that authors have left in literature that have sparked a whole fandom were you and I...well, we get to know each other very well. There are things like 'Hello cupcake…' or that thing that thing Frank Miller started with, 'Darling…' Oh, and let's not forget that sadistic Grant Morrison having me goose you for giggles in Arkham Asylum. I personally was not laughing at that one...but people loved it. You know he even wanted me to wear stockings and heels? The nerve of that guy. That's why I want to sue 'em and then kill them all." Joker let out a loud chuckle.

"You're making no sense…."

The Jester dismissed the statement with the wave of his gloved hand and took another drag.

"And those were the official editor approved versions in the comics. In fan fiction they go into a little more…detail, because they are not bound by continuity or editorial red tape. In this example, the author even has a little 'secret' chapter in which we do it. Details and all. The problem is not doing it...the problem is how you like to do it. I never had a problem with men before until I met you. Here, read this…." The Joker handed Batman a bundle of papers stapled together. The Knight started to sift though the printed pages. Batman's face changed from the stone cold unemotional hero to a grimace of disgust.

"I did...that? I must've--."

"That takes the romance out of it doesn't it? Yes, I admit I am obsessed with you to the point of insanity but this?" Joker giggled and spoke almost to a purr. "Look, I don't mind the pairing, actually I think it's kind of cute that they can see me doing animal sex, but to tell you the truth, I thought you'd be a better lover. You know…tender, caring? I know there's really a teddy bear underneath that cowl. Let me see it." The Jester said teasingly has started walking playfully towards the Knight.

Batman backed off a few steps as he notice the Jester wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. "Don't even think about it, Joker."

"Worried what your fans will say of their all-around-macho hero when he's lonely? It's not like your taste for little boys is a secret..." Joker smiled maliciously letting his words sink in. "Some even tried to explain it."

"That is a fabrication. Every kid under my care has been treated with dignity...and respect!" Batman snapped. "I've never looked at them in any perverted way. Only in a twisted mind like yours..."

"Hmmm....and what if I tell you that in the 1960's a professor made a thesis on the subject?"

"You're lying...right?Analysis in that much detail...?" Batman inquired, with dread in his voice. Joker shook his head. "Oh..."

"But not harm done, right? Just one more opinion in a sea of opinions regarding your nightly habits." Joker shrugged and smiled maliciously. "Luckily nobody remembers that study except maybe, a pervert clown like me. I just thought I would bring it to the conversation to show you that in Batman's world nothing is sacred."

"God…but I'm no pervert."

"No, that's me. You're just boring," Joker said between giggles. "Don't sweat it, Batsy. It's not canon, just the analysis from someone who had too much time in his hands. You have other more pressing issues to deal with, like anger or that phobia to Clowns…

"I'm not afraid of you."

"If you're not afraid of me, then you must love me." Joker said twirling happily where he stood. "I KNEW IT! I'm your favorite psychopath, the one that makes your heart race at night...no substitutes."

"The only thing racing is my patience, Joker, and with you it races away, far away. You have issues, serious issues."

"I just need reassuring that I have a special place in your heart, because you're the reason I exist. To annoy you and put a smile in that face."

"Get a life."

"I do have a life…and I don't mind spending it with you as long as they write me well…and on top. After all…I'm better than you, you know? And you're lucky that the story has a good plot or I would have said something about that." The Clown giggled. "Anyways, I forgive you…because I can only imagine that that much energy honed in one moment of passion can only be due to the fact…that you don't get laid enough."

"You're not very funny. You've become somewhat predictable in your own way." The Knight barked as he finished reading. "And this is sick…"

"Mmhmm, not to mention painful…" Joker said with a sad expression of pain on his face. "You left me so sore I couldn't sit for a week. Who told these people I liked doing it doggie style anyway…haven't they read the Kamasutra…? And yes...some people have forgotten what it means to be Joker. But I intend of fighting back and get some of my dignity back. Hmmm, want a second take on that night, Bats?

"SHUT UP!! Why do you keep bringing up the subject, Joker?" The Batman growled. Joker smiled. He was really enjoying this.

"Because I have this obsession with annoying the hell out of you." Joker took a drag of his cigar. "You can call it a psychosis. I call it a pastime. You know you're too stiff, right? You need to see the funny side of things and just...go with the flow. Laugh...then the world laughs with you…and then it dies."

"You're even sicker. Is there a way of stopping this…?" The Detective said handing the papers back to Joker.

"Who wants to stop it? Not me...My sick mind wants to see how far they can go with their little twisted imaginations. I just want better characterization and that they allow me some power play once in a while. Don't worry, I also want them to write you better, because when you look bad I look bad. This is why I'm offering you a piece of the cake. You have millions of dollars that we could use to sue the crap…"

"Hold on…you know who I am?"

Joker eyed the Detective with wide unblinking green eyes and approached him slowly, putting a hand over his shoulder. He whispered softly to his ear. "Bruce Wayne, boring millionaire playboy? Everybody knows who you are, dum dum. It's out there in the stories and comics. Didn't you read? You were even having sex with me without your mask on….DUH! Yes, I know who you are. I just don't care, because your alter ego is boring and superficial. You're much more fun to fuck with in costume…no pun intended." The Clown started to laugh hysterically.

For the first time, Batman was at a loss of words. He never thought any of his enemies knew who he really was, and among them the Clown Prince himself. Joker stared at the pensive Detective as his laughter started to subside.

"OK, before you have a nervous breakdown and quit this job…nobody else knows but me." Joker said flicking the ash from his cigar.

"How can you be so sure…?"

"Because I'm insane. Nobody makes reality as colorful and strange like me and I asked if I was me or a character in a comic book. It's my talent..think out of the box. I'm surprised you have not figured it out yourself. After all, you're labeled as the best detective in the world and you're probably as crazy as me. And I can give you the quotes to that last statement..."

"This…defies logic."

"Now you can understand why I can see it, and not them. They can't fathom the reality of our existence." Joker said with a smile and pointing at his thugs. "Would you like to know more of the world…out there?" Batman nodded silently and the Jester handed him more bundles of paper.

"What's this?"

"It's another story. This one is written by our present writer. She thinks she understands me…ehem…she doesn't. I don't blame her, since sometimes I don't even understand myself. You see...if before there were just hinted emotions, here I'm loaded with them." The Jester folded his arms over his chest. "I have to admit she is kind of bold into putting things so…out there and she has a little taste for the kinky, which I like, but I think she misses my point sometimes."

Batman perused the printed pages. "Your point…?"

"I don't think I am that passionate...after all life as well as love are jokes."

"That coming from the man who went insane when his world crumbled around him...and decided to make murder his punch line."

"Yeah...one bad day, that's all it took," the Jester said with resentment. "But at least I live a lot happier, while you...you are still not smiling. What will it take to make you smile?"

"Tell me which hospital has the explosives."

"Hmmm, no, let's play a little more." Joker took a deep drag from his cigar and exhaled a thick ring of smoke that he stabbed serveral times with his finger."I like to have you in chains, torture you a little and make you suffer some because I'm determined on making you laugh the big joke called life and let's face it...I'm a sadistic clown, and here I earn my gold star…have you found it?" Joker laughed loudly. "It left you thinking about love and pain for like a dozen chapters. I think I finally was able to put a smile on your face…a very wide smile."

Batman frowned and advanced towards the Clown. "How dare you even insinuate…"

"Hey, don't take it on me…take it on her. She is the one with the Bat-in-chains-toyed-by-a-horny- clown fetish." Joker protested while pointing up to the sky. "And read what she did with me. Though she tries hard to give me some feelings and emotions, I'm not an emo freak that talks to himself and I need her to tone me down a little. Go back to my roots. I am, hence I kill, then I laugh. That's me. " The Jester retched. "That's where she misses my point…but she's learning. And that's why she's still alive."

"I'm surprised you're talking about all this so…calmly."

"How does it go... he who laughs last...? I'll get her someday for that. What's worst is what other authors are doing with me and Harley. I mean, if your thing is exploring my relationship with Harley, go ahead and write away, but for every good fic, there are a few others that well…wake the deadly clown in me..."

"That happens in any form of literature and don't you love her?" Batman asked. Joker turned to look at the Knight and busted into a crazy laughter. "I thought..."

"Come on, Bats. Don't you have a psychological profile of me in that big computer in the cave? That should give you a little hint. Besides, she giggles and squeals every time I touch her you know where and she's ticklish when we…you know. She thinks everything's funny and then I just want to squeeze the life out of her, because it's my nature. I can't help it, Bats. I like to murder people." Joker shrugged.

"Why do you keep her with you then?"

"I..dunno. There are a lot of people that like seeing us together I guess and as long as they do with good taste and respect, I don't care, but the truth is...I don't like to be stereotyped and between us men, I liked it when I was free. No strings attached. I miss those days. The Laughing Fsh affair, my Five Way Revenge. Just you and me. It's not hard to balance both worlds and in this economy is good to have two jobs. "

"Joker, every time you are free, I get concerned."

"I can be the psycho boyfriend during the week and lonely murderous lunatic in the weekends. What I want is the opportunity to be written as my own character in my own plot to be written like that more. I'm not asking for much…I can share the love with all the fans..."

Joker cleared his throat. "Maybe it's because I'm an egocentric, selfish, self-centered bastard, but I also have wonderful stories all by myself that are now classics. I can do that again. I want to create conscience that I am my own man and I can be written as such without Harley around all the time. Why is it more difficult to do that? Both visions and both fandoms are not mutually exclusive are they? I'm sure Harley would be happy to be written by herself in her own adventures too. Even she gets fed up with me sometimes."

"You are on your own now, Joker."

"I know. I guess I'm just impatient and want a little bit more fun than the rest. And Harley? She cooks, her lines are sometimes as funny as yours, and I've used her for my own perverted pleasures, but something tells me that she might just be a...GEE! I never thought I would say this...but i think she has potential. Besides, if she is away doing her own thing, my stress level goes down, I don't kill as many people, and I have much more time to dedicate to you, my favorite toy. "Joker grinned. "Wouldn't that make you happy?"

"I'll never understand you." Batman responded with his eyes, fixed on the Jester "You don't want her around you...and then you want the best for her. I don't get it."

"You don't have to get it. I've just spoken with Jokerlady and she has a valid point. Harley was created with the sole purpose of toning me down for the animated series, nothing else. A comic relief. But she became much more on her own right. She has even given you a whoppin' once or twice, hasn't she? That has to mean something, but I don't think that means...I care for her, right?" The Jester quipped with genuine concern in his eyes.

Batman hinted a little smile that quickly disappeared under the cowl. "I will let you figure that one out."

"Sure, just don't tell Harley I said that. It'll go to her head."Joker shrugged. "But enough about me…It is you the one I need to convince of this lawsuit.'

"Joker, the hospital you're going to blow. There's innocent people there--."

"Shhh. I'm not blowing anything while you're here," Joker interrupted as he walked over the trunk on the table and pulled a portable DVD. He set the portable device on the table beside the trunk and motioned to the Batman to join him. Batman stood beside him as the Jester tried to turn on the DVD player without much success. The Clown Prince set both hands angrily on the table and started to huff. "No power supply and no batteries. You know…this writer is really starting to get on my nerves. She is playing these practical jokes on me and I don't like to be toyed with. She's really asking for it and when people ask for it, I really give it to them in my own twisted way."

"Calm down. Here." Batman said pulling an interesting electronic piece of equipment from his belt which he hooked to the DVD player. He turned on the device and then turned on the DVD.

"Thanks. Handy utility belt you got there." The Joker said with a smile. "Any possibility of me getting a chunk of the patent?"

"Didn't you tried that once?" Batman said with a subtle smile. "I remember you tried to make one before."

"Are you trying to be funny, Bats? She's definitely pushing this...you don't do funny." Joker shook his head. "Anyways, look at this…"

Both enemies looked attentively to the small screen of the portable video device and the figure of a man dressed in a blue and gray bat costume was flapping his cape and wiggling his hips in what looked like some type of neurological disorder.

"What's that?" Batman asked.

"Your show….1960s. And that is the Bat-Tusi. You invented that step and it caused a furor that grabbed the mindless masses of the world. Literally, because you have to have no brain to like that dance."

"I don't dance like that…" The Knight protested

"You blind? And you did it more than once in the show."

"What was I thinking?" The Detective said with a grimace and massaging the bridge of his nose.

"They. That's the problem Bats, our writers sometimes, don't think…at least with the right organ or body part, and they come up with these things. And you know? Even your villains were ridiculously campy in that show." The Jester forwarded the movie and the scene changed to the image of a bicolor version of the Caped Crusader fighting an overgrown Mr. Freeze with a strong foreign accent.

"Now that's more like it."Batman quipped. "At least I'm doing what I was destined to do. Fight evil in Gotham city, even if it is in the form of an overgrown, over-muscled Victor Fries."

"Oh, don't mind the gorilla with the armor. Victor was not too thrilled with the cast selection and he didn't like it when I started calling him the Govenator. What you should be looking at is your uniform and the new fad….the BAT NIPPLES."

"The what?" Batman protested leaning over to take a closer look at the tiny screen. "You're kidding."

"When have I joked with you?" The Jester said with a malicious smile. The Batman just stared angrily back at him. "I can think of a few sick, kinky jokes about your kevlar nipples, but I don't think you had that in mind." The Joker wetted his middle fingers with his tongue and touched his chest making a hissing sound. "You thought they would make you sexier didn't you foxy beast?"

"You are really having fun with this…aren't you?" Batman snapped.

"Always…you're my favorite toy." The Jester answered with a wide toothy smile. "What are you waiting for...smile!"

"What about you…anyone put you in a movie?"

Joker stood still glaring at the Detective, then looked up to the sky and closed his eyes as if concentrating. "This is your idea of fun, isn't it girl? Embarrass me in front of him."

"Stop talking to the air, Joker." Batman warned.

The Jester sighed. "I have been in the Superfriend's show, play wits with Scooby Doo (I know, embarrassing that a dog outwits me). I have had a Latino hunk play me with a sensual Spanish accent in your show. I think that is what got Harley hooked on me because she keeps asking me to talk like that."

"That was before she was born."

"Reruns Batsy. She's seen them all and more than once. Call her OCD. Anyways, what really started to annoy me was when they had me use lines like: 'Have you ever danced with the devil…'. Don't get me wrong, he's a great actor and his portrayal of me has gone down in history as one of the best, but who came up with that? It's like other line in that X-men movie...about toads and lightning. I could have done better…"

"But you were still dangerous...true to your essence."

"Have to admit that, though I could have gone on a diet. But my essence was also present in TDK's Joker. When that boy started to speak about murder, chaos and anarchy…I had to wipe a joyful tear from my eye. Oh, and the pencil magic trick just created a whole new world of possibilities for me. I will have to top that somehow now... Which brings me to you again."

Batman sighed. "What did they do to me this time...?"

"The moment you opened your mouth you sounded like the worst case of laryngitis in the world. I thought: YES! He's got throat cancer and started to laugh when I realized it was all faked."

"You're exaggerating."

"Honest to God. Didn't your throat hurt at the end of the movie? It took me thee viewings and read the novelization to get your dialogue. They even made fun of it on YouTube. It's embarrasing."

"Any embarrassing Joker moments on the screen?"

"Some. There were those Onstar commercials and I wasn't too thrilled with that 'This city needs an enema'line because it made me sound like your proctologist. I've heard I even made a cameo in South Park, and had made me wrestle heroes on YouTube, but I think my most embarrassing moment though has been with my lines in the comics. I remember one." Joker cleared his throat. "…So! They laugh at my boner, will they?!"

Batman let out a soft cackle, but tried to dismiss it by forcing a cough. "I remember that. But you tried to had me make a boner too if I remember correctly."

"I can't believe we're talking about boners…again. After all this time. My boners, your boners." The Joker suddenly started to giggle childishly as he stared at the Crusader beside him. "But nothing compares to the boner you had in that Jokerlady story. I would call it the Bat-boner…"

"Shut up!" The Knight snarled as he pushed the Prince Clown at the shoulder.

"OK, OK…enough about boners." The Jester responded with a shrug. His voice became grave "At least I'm not the Goddamn Batman! Are you a retard?"

"What?"

"One of your best lines. Thank Frank Miller for giving you an IQ of minus ten…." Joker's giggling quickly escalated to a frantic laughter out of control. "And after pushing me like that, your IQ just dropped ten more points. Don't you realize I can still blow up the hospital?"

"Thought you said you were not going to blow anything if I listened to you."

"Until you started to get physical. Anyways, in this story Miller have you kidnap a kid, take him to that damp cave you call home, and project all your frustration on him. Congratulations, you just won the father of the month award."

"It must have been when we were getting to know each other. It can get rough…"

"Excuses." Joker retorted with a frown. "At least the plot is starting to sizzle, especially since they added me in the milieu. Now that one is an interesting take on me. But that tattoo... Hey! Wanna see the tattoo? It goes all the way to--."

"No, thanks. I can buy the comic."

"OK." Joker frowned. "Anyways, you should also protest the abuse in your wardrobe. Fashion makes the man, and what they are making you wear in and out of the media makes you look more like a buffoon."

"What you mean? It's always been a cape, a cowl and armor…Hope you're not bringing up the bat-nipples again."

"No. Let me illustrate…" The Joker flounced over to the trunk and started searching frantically for something deep inside. He pulled an action figure and tossed it to the Knight. More figures followed and the Knight tried to catch them as best as he could. "Here. Have a Rocket Blast Batman, or a Night Glider Batsuit, the Thermal Shield Batman for those hot days of summer and my favorite….the Wing Blast Batman. Hmmm…orange must be in vogue, eh Bats?"

"This is ridiculous," Batman said examining the Wing Blast Batman with his bright orange color and hard plastic wing array. "…and unpractical. Who came up with these designs?"

"Toy companies. And you will never even wear three quarters of them. They just want to sell, and sell and sell. And you're a great seller." Joker took the Wing Blast Batman from the Detective's hand. "...even in a bright neon orange outfit. I will be able to find you in the darkest night with this one, even with my eyes closed." The Clown Prince busted in a hysterical laughter.

"That is illegal. Batsuits are my patented design."

"Not anymore....."Joker said playfully. "That's why we need to sue and that reminds me…my last subject is going to be art because I'm a renowned homicidal artist." Joker said when he held his head on his hands and looked surprised. "Hell…I'm now quoting Nicholson…"

"You are…odd."

"No, I'm insane. But I can still tell the difference between art and plain crap. You have artists, like Alex Ross, that capture that air of heroism in his superheroes paintings and have to admit, paints a decent version of me while other artists…well look by yourself." The Jester handed the Knight a copy of Batman year 100.

"I personally don't mind this new century art where anatomy is not meant to be accurate, but hell, it has to at least be pleasant to the eye. Isn't that what art is about? And if the plot sucks, at least you have something pretty to look at.

"The plot on this one is not that bad."

"Oh, one that I'm starting to dislike is this Jim Lee guy. Don't take me wrong, I like his art, but why do you have to be all heroic and muscled type and he has to draw me all scrawny and demented with my hair in that I-just-got-hit-by-lightning style. And that nose...I can smell dinner from three miles away, I swear. He has to treat me the same way he treats you, that's the least he could do."

"You're a villain, and you do not work out. You're supposed to look scrawny."

"Oh Bats…you know how to hurt a man in his pride. I think I'm gonna blow that hospital anyways."

"Joker, you promised..."

"Why do I have to be the one looking so sickly? Is not that I have a terminal wasting disease you know? I'm healthy, a little touched from the head, but otherwise healthy as an ox."

"You're the villain."

"No fair. They pumped up Victor for that movie." Joker said flexing his arm beside him.

"And now Victor is suing…right?"

"Yeah, but villains are charming, handsome. Like Prince Charming from Shrek."

"Villains are supposed to look weak…"

Joker growled. "Now that is just being prejudiced. You know I'm anything but weak, or I wouldn't have lasted this long in your comic books. I've been stabbed, shot, electrocuted, being involved in a plane accident, been caught up in explosions even survived multiple car crashes and here I am. I'm tougher than a rhino's hide. I'm a survivor…not the poster child for the Feed the World Group or the UNICEF. It's just not fair."

"Whatever, Joker, stop whining," Batman said finishing his YEAR 100. "I liked the plot, but I agree. Someone better could have drawn me. At least you don't look like some kid drew you."

"I beg to differ…did you see my Batman Confidential story line? One of Harley's pet hyenas could have drawn me better than that. No concept of proportion, or anatomical detail. And you were not that far behind. Here, I think I have an issue here." Joker said pulling a comic from his trunk.

Batman eyed the cover with disgust. "Sorry, now I know what you mean..."

"S'OK. One more person I have to kill. No biggie. What I can't understand is why he did it. I've seen him before, and the guy can draw better than that." The Jester said with a Jester looked down at his boots. "Well, what do you think? Worth the legal action? I have tons of more exhibits for the court."

"Yes, but you don't think they would wonder how two fictional characters like us decide on taking such a large step? They can just, you know, stop writing us. Maybe even worse, stop drawing us."

"Some of them I wouldn't mind. There are people out there that shouldn't be touching my character at all. They just make me look…like a phony, even in DC. Not everybody can grasp my complex nature...or your anger issues."

"Still, don't you think that it's a little bit risky? What would we do if we ran out of writers and artists because we scare them with this lawsuit? Who would want to tell our stories?"

"You don't see it, do you Bats? We've been around for close to eighty years. We're more than just characters in a children's comic book. We are alive, we are real."

"Now you're talking crazy…"

The Jester shook his head and combed his hair with his hands. "No, think. What makes us such lasting characters? We are them. We are the best and the worse of the people who read us. You have no superpowers or strange appendages or an alien origin. You are human. And you do the best you can with who you are. You inspire people."

"And you?"

Joker smiled one large malicious smile. "Me? I am what happens when you turn off the lights. I'm the necessary evil. I'm the dark force that sets everything in motion. I just do it from the backstage, because you are what they want to see, but I am what they want to feel. You are the Ying, I'm Yang. And together we make up the human soul. We are them, Bats. They can't stop thinking us, they can't stop creating us, because it will be lie stop thinking of themselves. We are an integral part of their lives. I just think that we should get some respect as characters; to be portrayed in a deserving way. Is that too much to ask?"

Batman looked at Joker attentively. Is this the man who had murdered so many people without remorse, talking now about the human spirit?

"No, its not." Batman looked down and then to the Jester that had started to pick up his exhibits. "You know Joker. Sometimes you don't sound so crazy."

"Really? That goes against what mamma and daddy Joker taught this Clown. "The Jester giggled. "And I now remembered I have a hospital to blow."

"Joker, no. I told you I will join you in your lawsuit, but please, don't kill those people."

"That's what I do, Bats…I'm a mass murderer." Joker said simply while searching aggressively in the trunk.

"Then you leave me no option, Joker…I will--."." Batman said pulling a Batarang from his belt. He remembered the lightning before and kept the weapon close to his body now. Joker pulled a large manila envelope that he handed it to the night…. "What's this?"

"I told you I was going to blow a hospital, just never told you how I was going to blow it."

Batman opened the envelope carefully and pulled a series of very large format photographs of a building and details from the façade. Cornices, gargoyles, window panes, brick work. All in extreme close-ups and of the same building He immediately recognized the building. Gotham General Hospital. The Detective looked at the Jester with a large cynical smile. "Blow up…pictures."

"Yes. Every architectural detail blown out of proportion. Never give you what you expect. That is my rule in a world with no rules. Otherwise where will be the fun in messing with you? Now you know what I can do. I can kill hundreds…or just joke around. Depends on the phases of the moon, the day of the week and the type of underwear I'm wearing. And tonight, well, tonight I just feel like a clown. But don't get use to that. I also have my bad days."

"All this…just to show me?"

"Because what affects you…affects me. I have a reputation to keep and a standard of enemies I need to maintain. And there is a small part of me that likes you, even for a microsecond. The rest of the time it is Me against You. Now if you want to do something about the writers and artists I'll need some paperwork for you to sign."

"Sure, you want me to sign tonight?"

"No…couldn't risk bringing legal documents here not knowing how you were going to react. Finding a lawyer that is willing to work for me has proven to be a daunting task and the fees? Ridiculous. I will send all the paperwork to your mansion, how about that?"

"Do you know where I live?" Batman asked with some concern in his voice. Joker just stared back at the night with a sardonic smile. Of course he knew. He knew everything that needed to be known to be the best foe he had ever encountered. Batman looked up to the sky and lifted an angry fist. "Hey girl. This is for keeping me in a cage for three weeks without a shower or a porta-potty. You crazy amateur!"

Joker started to laugh hysterically. Lou and Punch just exchanged confused looks. The Jester set up a hand over the Knight's shoulder. "Go home Bats. You're starting to lose your mind and there can only be one demented genius in this town. Yours truly. Tell Gordon the good news before he gets a coronary, trying to evacuate every single hospital in the city." The Clown Prince turned to his thugs. "OK boys, time to pick up the tent and move on. The show must go on."

Joker saw Batman fire his grappling gun and leave the terrace. It was then that he looked up into the sky, the moon shining brightly high above his head. He smiled. In front of him on the table a cup of warm tea waited for him. He grabbed the cup and smelled the elixir, and enjoyed the fragrance at the same time he licked his lips. He had spoken for so long had not realized how parched his throat felt. He took a sip of the tea and felt the tingle of orange on the back of his tongue. His favorite. He raised the cup of tea up towards the sky. "You know you're not my favorite cup of tea, girl…but thanks."

FIN

Hope you liked this especial treat. I know it's strange and a little long, but I had fun writing it.