A:N: Yes, I know I completely changed the title of this fic but I couldn't help to do so. My previous title was just not sticking much to me so I decided to change it from "Coming Out" to "Half Lidded Eyes" So sorry for any inconvenience. Remember to Review! And thank you so much to wuup, ., Raigo, and CarnivalRiotx3 for your support.
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I immediately walked home after school and I didn't even dare take the school bus knowing Cartman would be on it. I had convinced Cartman to let me go to class after that stranger caught us, he was reluctant but I had told him someone else we may know might catch us and not only spread rumors and gossip about me but about him as well.
I was never so relieved to be at the front door of my house as I searched for my keys in my pocket. When I stepped inside and closed it I rested my back against the door the surreal event that happened today came rushing at me in full force. I started freaking out a little, and my breath pattern began to quicken. I had to call Kenny to talk to him to tell him…no…I can't tell him what happened between Cartman and me today, he'd fucking flip. I still however developed the urge to call him and have him come over; I really do need him right now.
"Kyle?" My little brother inquired as I noticed him enter the living room from the kitchen, nibbling on a piece of baked knish.
"What?" I asked having no idea why I was whispering, as I still kept my back at the door and only traveled my eyes to Ike.
He knitted a brow at my clear odd behavior. "What the hell are you doing?" He strangely asked as he took another bite of his Jewish snack.
"Uh…nothing, everything's fine, I just had a long day." I said as I adjusted myself and tried to gain as much normality back into my state of mind.
"Yeah, you're sure acting like it." Ike commented as he sat on the couch and flicked on the television.
I merely took one last look at Ike before I ascended the stairs and went into my room. I tossed my bag on my bed and fished for my cell in one of the small pockets and dialed Kenny's house. He should be home already if he ended up taking the bus after school, which he usually does.
"Hello?" Kenny mumbled, as I also heard distorted clamor.
"Hey dude." I said as I perked up my hearing to listen to what's exactly in going on surrounding him.
"Oh, hey, what's up?" He said as I heard him adjusting more into the phone.
"Want to come over again?" I asked a bit cautiously due to the more distinct arguing I hear in the background.
"Yes!" He exclaims much to my surprise. "I really want to get out of here." He muttered obviously keeping his voice from being heard from the others in his distance.
"What's happening?" I asked with a frown, concern plainly fasten in my tone.
"Uh…later….I'll see you in a few." He said in a whisper and hung up the phone.
Fuck, his parents are probably at it again, he grew up with them arguing and has seen it all during their painful fistfights. Now I'm getting even more nervous to see him. After what Cartman had told me today and just to call Kenny's house and hear his parents in a raw dispute is a little overwhelming to handle for one day. There has to be another way to fix all this, I'd rather do anything else for Cartman. I can probably bribe him with doing all his homework for him instead, which I doubt is all that difficult since he fucks off at school anyway.
I should have known Cartman would pull off some shit like this. Now I find it pretty clear that he was gay for me since the fucking fourth grade. His lack of human compassion and Hitler being his ideal hero of a lifetime only makes it a lot harder for him to completely accept being a homo-sexual. It doesn't surprise me that he is one, he's in denial with everything else in his life and I would always hear him talk about boys before he'd talk about girls.
I pull out my trigonometry book and decide to begin on my homework until Kenny comes over. I'm also pissed off that I have five extra questions to do thanks to Cartman's fatass, fucking prick. Calming down seems to be the bet thing to do right now; being angry at the issues I have no current control over doesn't help me in any way.
After I had answered about two questions into my homework I hear my door knob twist open and there is Kenny.
"Are you ok?" I swiftly asked, despite myself, the moment he stepped into my room. I shot up and discreetly examined him. He looked at me strangely as he took a seat on my bed.
"Yea dude, why weren't you on the school bus today?" Kenny questioned as he slipped off his backpack off his shoulders.
"I decided to walk today." I said with a shrug of my shoulder, surprised at myself that I was able to think of a lie that quickly, and not the type of person to lie to anyone. Its gets difficult to lie to my own mother.
He raised a single eyebrow at me. "Come closer." He said, I almost felt like he was going to interrogate me any minute.
I walk and close the distance a little between Kenny and me, as I tried to keep whatever awkwardness I'm carrying in check. I stopped where I felt comfortable enough and smirked while my hands were laced behind my back.
"Closer." He implies with a half nod of head towards his chest.
I don't say anything as I walked even closer to him. I can currently literally feel the radiating heat of apprehension and attraction rolled up in this one odd feeling. I finally reach to Kenny both our bodies' now only inches apart from each other.
He looked at me his baby blues piercing into my discreet nervous eyes and he slightly surprised me when he rapidly stole a kiss from my lips. I slightly jerked back just from his sudden movement and I ran a single hand through my curly hair as I achieved a forced smile. I felt like shit right now…guilty is more like it. I've done more with Neo-Nazi Eric Cartman in one afternoon than I've ever done with Kenny since we got together.
He abruptly wrapped his arms around my neck and looked at me cutely with those bright blue eyes again and he rested his forehead against mine. "I have two favors to ask of you." He said in his signature charm.
"Anything." I replied, not even bothering to process what he just said. Its was always little things like this that inevitably made me fall for Kenny to begin with, when he would put up the puppy dog act with his eyes and slightly poke his bottom lip out…its times like these where I just want to take him right here, right now.
"Can you help me with my Algebra 2 homework...and can I stay the night?" He asked never leaving our fixed gaze. I noticed the first question he asked cutely but the second request he held a much more serious tone to it.
"Yes and definitely yes." I answered managing a much more organic smile this time.
He pecked me on the cheek and I again felt appalled with myself, I can plainly feel my stomach knot up with shame as I felt him linger his mouth to my ear and began to nibble on it. My body flushed with his contact and I melted into his touch but what happened between Cartman and I kept replaying in my mind and interfering with the moment.
"Let's get started on homework." I say with a sigh as I was becoming overwhelmed with remorse.
"Sound's good." He commented, giving me one last bite on the ear before reaching into his bag and pulling out his things.
I walked over to my reasonably spacious desk and carried on with my homework while Kenny grabbed my computer chair and sat next to me. I did help him with his Algebra 2; it wasn't all that hard since I already had the course last year. I was honestly surprised to this day on how focused Kenny was at concentrating with me and on his homework. He use to regularly slack off, getting bored and would mess around from drawing doodles on his paper to his mind merely drifting off. His attention span at times is that of a five year old but during this past year he has been improving drastically with his overall grades, and I think it's primarily because he abandoned his drug abuse.
It was around 6 p.m. when we both finished our homework with out any distractions and by this time the Cartman episode was not bugging me as much as it was earlier. I had already told my mom in advance that Kenny was spending the night and I made up some bogus history project final we had together and we needed as much time as we to work on it. She happily agreed to my relief and decided to make us some gefilte fish with some veggies for dinner. Good thing I had asked when she was in a good mood because she would have been unenthusiastic to whole idea of having someone spend the night on a school night.
Kenny was sitting at my computer internet surfing while I went to go take a shower. I really felt like I should have taken one sooner today but I just never got around to it. I turned on the water and made it a little bit warmer than usual. Stepping inside the acrylic tub never felt so refreshing. I allowed the water to massage my back letting it wash away every touch, and every kiss I received from Cartman. I decided to wash my hair while I was at it and brush my teeth, thoroughly.
When I returned back into the room I noticed my computer is shut down and Kenny lying on my bed napping. For some reason I couldn't help but to smile at the sight of him. I sat at the edge of my bed and rested my hand on his shoulder, his eyes opened instantly from my touch.
"Hey…" He mumbled drowsily.
I lay down next to him and rested my head against his chest savoring his natural aroma. He began to pat at my hair as he rested his chin on the crown of my head. I suddenly want to ask Kenny about his dad, if he really did beat him that day the way Cartman said he did.
"How have your parents been?" I decided to start with a simple question to kind of ease my way into the real problem I have in mind.
"Fighting, you know the usual." He says indifferently.
I already know this is going to be more difficult then I thought so I chose to stop beating around the bush and simply cut right to the chase. I lift my head away from his chest to meet his gaze.
"Kenny I'm about to ask you a something and you have to tell me the truth, alright?" I warn. I wish to God he'll say no, that his father never did lay a hand on him.
"Oookay." He says as he laced his hands and rested them to the back of his head, perching him up more.
"Did your or…does your dad ever…like….hit you sometimes?" I trailed off now regretting that I asked.
Kenny's eyes grew wide and he stayed silent, but he never left my gaze. "What made you figure that out?" he cracked after some time.
"Uh…Cartman told me." I said shamefully, considering the type of circumstances I was under when I had found out.
"…fucking asshole…" He said in mere whisper barely audible to my ears.
"I'm sorry I should have never-
"No, dude, its not your fault." He said sincerely as he ran a hand through my hair and I instantly felt myself calm down from his caress.
"So is it true?" I timidly inquired.
"Yea…yea it's true." He said without a trace of embarrassment.
"Fuck, cant you like, I don't know-like tell the cops or something." I flustered, as I can feel myself freaking out again. Fuck Cartman was right, fuck! I can feel my eyes darting around frantically for a solution as my throat stiffened with defeat. If Kenny doesn't find a way out of this then Cartman once again has me wrapped around his finger.
"I already tired that." He says. "You know how they are, they didn't fucking believe, apparently kids all over town call the cops all the time saying their parents kick their asses just to get them off their backs."
"Fuck…" I said involuntary as I returned my head back to his chest. I felt like I needed to protect Kenny more than ever now, even if it does mean I have to do things that I don't morally think is right with Cartman. I can't risk Kenny's life and mental health because I didn't feel like abiding to Cartman, Kenny's dad can really put him in the hospital one day…and he may not come back.
"Why did he tell you?" Kenny asked unexpectedly after a few moments of silence.
"Uh."
"Cartman…how did he go about telling you something like that?" Kenny enlightened.
I felt my entire back stiffen, I have to make up something and quick. "because…he felt like…like I needed to know…"
I feel like I'm digging myself a deeper hole…because I lied to Kenny.
Twice.