Author's Note: AkuRoku day! I'm…kind of freaking out right now, because I totally left it like, till the last minute. I'm currently listening to all of my Rufus Wainwright songs, trying to get inspired. Rekaina is giving me ideas, and it's actually REALLY funny, and interesting. I just want to let you know that this was all Rekaina's idea.

Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts, or Final Fantasy, or Meet the Parents, and I never will, so suck it.

I've been dating Roxas for about two years now. Roxy, Blondie, Shorty, Hot-ty, sex on legs, you know, Roxas. I've known Roxas for almost my entire life, and I've been in love with him for the last five years of my life, though I refused to say "love" because the word was so foreign and unethical to me that I thought it was a lame made up thing by the hallmark people.

I remember the first day I realized it, I was on the tower with Roxas and the sun was setting. I remember looking at him and the way that sun hit him, oh god, my eyes were ready to fall outta my head. Those eyes…They were so blue…so beautiful and deep. Yeah, and that was how I realized that I was in love with my best friend, Roxas Bell.

It took Roxas another month to start swaying towards me, though I had a fuck load of help. Sora –Roxas's brother- and Demyx. They were so fucking hyper I couldn't help but wonder if instead of getting me a date, they were busy buying candy and chocolate. Well, what the fuck ever, they helped, a lot, even though they were annoying as fuck.

So Roxas finally confessed. Yeah, it was tear-felt, and it was clumsy, and of course we shared our feelings and then we had a kinky make-out session.

So two years later here I am, standing out in front of my house, Roxas by my side.

Going to meet my parents.

Oh god I was scared shitless.

Roxas held my hand. His soft fingers were entangled with mine; cool, tan, and oh so Roxas. "D-don't worry," He stuttered. Oh crap he stuttered! Oh god I knew this was a bad idea, I knew he wouldn't be able to do this! I knew I wouldn't be able to do this! "That's it, we're leaving, my dad is going to murder me" Roxas gripped my hand tighter. Did you know he had quite the tight grip? Yeah, so I was wincing at the pressure, it felt like my already skinny digits were being crushed.

"Calm down you dumb ass" Roxas's other hand starting making a fist, and when I realized what he was planning to do, it was too late. He knocked. "Ah! Roxas! I still need to put my game face on!" Roxas sighed, but I could tell it was forced, oh god it was forced. Almost like that one time…

No, no time for dirty thoughts right when my parents were about to open up the do—"Axel! Oh my fuckin' god! We haven't seen you in such a long time y—Who the hell is this?" I stared at my father. My flaming red hair was from him, but other then that…I don't really know what else. I let my eyes scan his being for a fraction of a second and found him eyeing Roxas and giving a frightening smirk, "Oooh, this must be Roxas! Please come in!"

Roxas looked terrified. Three things you never do with my father. Give him more whiskey, let him watch horror movies, and leave him alone with my boyfriend, of course I didn't add the third one till a lot later. "H-hello Mr. Chevalier, I'm Roxas Bell," Apparently Roxy didn't get the fact that my dad already knew who he was. I tried not faint at the thought of my father trying to get to know Roxas a bit better. "Who's at the door honey?" By the look on Roxas's face I could tell he was confused. If I could read minds it would probably be: Uh, Axel, I don't want to ask, but…is that a man holding your fathers hand? Or maybe something more realistic, like: What the fuck is going on here?

Lets say that I was crazy, and lets say that during our two year of dating I forgot to mention my "parents" weren't a regular mom and dad, in fact if they were to be called that it would mean one was the bitch, and the other… "Rufus, look who finally decided to fucking show up, yo!" Oh god, don't tell me my dad was planning on adding "yo" to the end of every single sentence. Roxas would make a huge deal out of that.

My other father, a tall blond, who, in my thoughts, was a real father figure. Usually I call them "Dad" and "Pops" actually. "Uh, Dad, this is Roxas, I told you last week we would be coming?" He nodded and gave Roxas a smile, "Hello Roxas, nice to meet you, please, call me Rufus," His smile grew wider. Roxas nodded. Through out all of this, I realized that I had yet to let go of Roxas's hand. Pops noticed this. "I don't want to know where those hands have been,"

Oh my god.

Roxas face turned a shade of pink that I couldn't remember the name of. "Uh…Mr. Chevalier?" "Please call me Reno, "Mr." makes me feel old" So, my father was planning to get into my boyfriends pants, I could sense it. That glint in his eye? Yeah, it screamed I'm sexin' up someone tonight! I don't get why my dad wouldn't do anything about that though! "Axel? You okay? You haven't said anything," Everyone's eyes were on me. I felt the skin on the back of my neck stand on end.

I loved it when I got attention, it's just…the wrong kind of attention was the kind of my parents give me. "Oh, yeah, I'm still trying to…put my game face on," Pops laughed and Dad gave a low chuckle. "Please come in, it's starting to get cold," Dad and Pops moved out of the way to let us pass. As Roxas started moving forward (and he was doing it very cautiously) I saw my Dad take a peek at his ass. I glared at him and made sure to cover up Roxas's rear.

So later, I was sitting at the dinner table, (Made by my Dad, of course, my Pops couldn't cook worth shit) and I couldn't help but grimace every time my Pops asked stuff like: "So how did you two meet?" or "Pass the salt, Roxas?" Oh, I know what pass the salt meant Reno Chevalier! Oh I know!

Did you know that my Dad loved to drink red whine? Yeah, well with me finally being able to, (Though he would have still given it to me, no matter the age) and wouldn't you know it, Pops broke out the fucking whisky! Oh god…Well here's a little rhyme I made up when I was a kid,

Pops drinks whisky,

Then he gets frisky,

Oh god, no sleep tonight.

I lived by that for most of my life, and tonight I would also be living by that little snarky rhyme again. I'm gonna have to teach Roxas it too.

So here I am, watching TV with Roxas snuggled up at my side, trying to watch "The Wizard of Bras" but all I could hear was the thump, thump, thump of my two fathers, plus the occasional OH GOD, YES, MORE, UH HARDER! RUFUS! That was my Dad…taking like a bitch.

"I'm…kind of getting frisky now" I looked at Roxas, he said it so CALMLY! Well…not like I was complaining now…I would just stain my parents couch and teach them a lesson! HA!

Oh well…it was their fault!

Okay so the reason he has two dads is because of temporary mother, don't know the other word, can't spell it right. HA!