A Series of Strange and Hilarious Events Starring Out Favorite Gryffindor Lion and Slytherin Prince

…. Honey we _______ ourselves ….

Problem # 3: I'm wearing a (MINI) skirt

My eyes fluttered open. I groaned.

What just happened?

I tried to sit up, but my head swam. I closed my eyes again and tried to clear my head.

I was with Malfoy… hallway… tickle…. wand…. pinned…. butterflies…. Peeves…. snow…. Malfoy…. Malfoy!

I sat up. Black dots exploded in front of my eyes and I blinked furiously. Where was I? I didn't recognize any of the surroundings. I appeared to be sitting on some sort of rock, and it was dim. I looked up and saw a rocky sort of ceiling above me. Was I in a cave? Was I outside? What time was it?

"Malfoy?" I called quietly.

"I'm going to kill him." I turned and saw Malfoy sitting on a log muttering to himself a few feet away. "Kill him."

"Malfoy!" I breathed a sigh of relief. At least I wasn't alone out here. (And yes this is the ONLY reason it was a sigh of relief.) He turned to me.

"Granger. It's about time." He said.

"How long have I been out?" I asked, running a hand though my curls, unsuccessfully taming them. I had a lump on the back of my head from falling. I winced.

"Fifteen minutes." He answered, standing up from the log and stretching before walking over to me. I didn't like the look on his face. It looked….. shady; like He was hiding something. I frowned as he sat down across from me and looked into my eyes; as if measuring my sanity. I frowned even more.

"What?" I demanded. Malfoy looked torn.

"Well…." He stated, looking into my eyes seriously.

"Just spit it out Malfoy! What's wrong?" I asked.

"Peeves….." He began.

"TELL ME!" I yelled.

"STOP CUTTING ME OFF!" he yelled back. I glared at him.

"Fine." I said. "Go on." He spoke.

"Peeves shrunk us."

My mouth fell open.

Sweet Mother of Merlin.

No.

Please no.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

"WHAT?!?!" I screamed.

I stood up and looked around frantically. I was standing in the hallway that I had previously been in before being hit with Peeve's jinx. The stairs now looked about two quidditch fields away. I looked up and saw that the ceiling was waaaaaaaaay up there. I groaned. I turned back and looked at Malfoy. He looked a lot calmer than I felt. But he had an extra 15 minutes to accept the fact that WE ARE THE SIZE OF BLOODY ANTS.

"Merlin no." I whispered as I realized the "log" I had been sitting on was in reality my wand. My WAND. It was now five times size of me.

Malfoy just swore and plopped back down on my wand.

"Do NOT sit on my wand!" I screeched at him, speeding over to him and unsuccessfully trying to push him off.

"Would you quit shoving!" he snapped, grabbing my hands and plopping me down beside him. I sat there and shook my head in disbelief.

"Wha….What… What are we going to do?" I asked. He sighed.

"Die?" he suggested. I punched him in the arm with a glare and rested my head on my knees.

We sat in silence for a few moments. Being the size of an ant was rather hard to soak in. Minutes passed before I felt a poke on the back of my head. I ignored it. A few seconds passed and there was a second poke. And a third. I sat up and looked at Malfoy.

"WHAT?" I said, annoyed. He widened his silver eyes at me innocently.

"What?" I didn't do anything." He said. I gave him a squinty glare. He smirked.

"Ugh. Come on Malfoy." I called over my shoulder. I turned and saw him begrudgingly get off my wand and follow.

"Where the bloody hell are we going?" he asked.

I ignored that question (mainly because I wasn't sure yet…) and continued walking.

"Watch it." I said, jumping over a large crack in the cobblestones. He easily stepped over it with his bloody long legs. Wanker.

"We do need to find people in order to change back." I thought aloud. "Peeves, being a poltergeist, probably cast a semi-complex shrinking charm on us. Now in that book from the restricted section I read that these types of spells are usually reversed by a potion along with a counter-curse." I kept talking to myself, trying to find a solution. I bit the end of my thumbnail and came to a conclusion.

"We are going to see Dumbledore."

Malfoy grunted in response. This was weird. No snooty remark? No insults? I was beginning to miss the old Malfoy. I decided to voice my thoughts.

"Where is the old Malfoy?" I asked.

"What?" He said with a frown.

"I mean, I haven't heard an insult from you in the past five minutes. What is that? A world record?" I said. He looked at me and then grinned evilly.

"Your hair is as big as it was before you shrunk." He said. I rolled my eyes.

"Glad your back." I muttered. Malfoy chuckled in response.

"Well Granger," he said as we reached the stairs, "It looks like we'll be headed to the Slytherin common room after all." He smirked.

"What?" I asked. "No way. Dumbledore's office is just up this flight."

"Unless you have a brilliant idea on how to climb those stairs…." He said and eyed the now ten foot tall stairs before us. Bloody hell.

"Well maybe I can… ummm…. stand on your shoulders and then I can… I can…." I trailed off. That wouldn't work. Malfoy smirked triumphantly and sat down at the edge of the step we were on. I tried to ignore the way the muscles of his arms stood out as he slowly lowered himself down the stair. He then dropped down to the stair below, barely making any noise upon his landing.

I sighed and followed, sitting down on the stair. It looked like a long drop. A looooong drop. A drop that one could break a leg on. Or an ankle. Or a hip. Or some other important bone. Does it really matter which one?

"Come on Granger." Malfoy said, looking up at me.

"Hey Malfoy, I have a grand idea." I said. "How about you go find someone to change us back and then come and get me?" I said cheerily, looking down at him hopefully.

"I don't think so." He scoffed. "Jump." He walked up and stood right below me. My feet were still a good two feet about his six-two frame. He reached up and tried to grab my foot. I held back a squeal and pulled my legs back to safety.

"Ummm. Here's the thing: I have a slight fear of heights." I said, looking down nervously.

"Really? I would have never known." He said sarcastically, craning his head to see me. "Just lower yourself down by your arms and I catch you or something." He said.

"Or something?!?!" I said, my voice high. He chuckled.

"I'll catch you." He said.

"Promise?" I said.

"Yes." He said, a hint of exasperation in his voice.

I scooted myself to the edge. I got ready to turn and lower myself when a terrible reality hit me.

"Malfoy I can't do this!" I cried, spinning back around and sitting on the ledge.

"Ugh." He groaned. "Why not?"

"I'm wearing a skirt!" I exclaimed.

Malfoy just stared.

"What!?!" I said defensively. "I am."

He laughed.

"This is hardly a laughing matter ferret!" I said. He grinned, but stopped laughing.

"Granger just fall."

"Turn around." I commanded.

"Seriously?" he said.

"Do I look like I'm kidding?" I gave him a cold glare.

"Your robes cover you!" he cried.

"Well I don't want to take any chances." I stated.

"This is ridiculous." He said, but nevertheless he turned and crossed his arms.

Ok. I told myself. You can do this. I turned around and placed my hands flat on the edge of the step. I slowly began to lower my legs down. I reached my waist and then stopped, locking my elbows. What now? I couldn't just drop to the ground. And in this position I couldn't lower myself any further. I stayed like there in a panic for a moment.

"Erm Malfoy?" I called.

"What?" he said.

"I'm stuck." I said. I heard a chuckle.

"Not funny." I snapped.

I heard his footsteps below me.

"You're not stuck." He said.

"Um, Yeah I a- AGHHHHH!" I screamed as his fingers wrapped around my ankle and yanked me down. I fell into his arms and my momentum carried us both to the ground. At least his body cushioned my fall.

"WHY DID YOU DO THAT?" I yelled, slapping him, trying to clear my hair out of my face. (It tends to have a mind of its own in these situations.) He looked up from beneath me, a mischievous look on his face.

"Why do you think?" He asked, waggling his eyebrows and sneaking an arm around my waist. I could feel a blush creeping up my cheeks, and then fully came to realize the position we were in. I could feel the rock hard muscle of him underneath me; his hand slowly sliding up my backbone. Our legs had entwined, and my hands rested on his chest. I held back a gasp as his hand made its way back down my back. Sweet Merlin. I swallowed as the butterflies in my stomach fluttered furiously. Focus Hermione! Focus!

I swore this morning that I would be the one to initiate the next kiss. ME! …… ME ME ME!!! Ahem….Not that there is going to be one or anything. I'm just setting that rule. Even if it is unnecessary. Because Malfoy is a ferret. And all of his flirtations are an evil plot. So there. End of story. No questions asked.

"No way Malfoy. I am not falling for that again. Not today." I said, trying to disentangle myself as quickly as possible before his bloody charms take a greater toll on my already frazzled self. Bloody wanker. He smirked.

"How about tomorrow?" He said. I tried to control the blush creeping up my neck.

"Hilarious." I said, still trying to get my legs to cooperate; somehow the bloody things had gotten twisted up with Malfoy's. I felt something tug on the front of my shirt. "What the….?" I looked down to see that the clasp on Malfoy's robes had snagged the fabric of my sweater. I bit back the swear that was on the tip of my tongue.

Malfoy reached up to try and detangle them. I smacked at his hand.

"I'll get it." I said, glaring at him. The snag was dangerously close to my…. you know. Malfoy's hands certainly had no place being there.

I began to carefully lower myself back down onto Malfoy, conscious of the clasp on my sweater.

What am I doing? I thought. And with that, I flopped back down, being sure to 'accidentally' elbow him in the gut. He grunted and glared at me.

"Oops." I said, fluttering my lashes like the clumsy, dainty female that I am. His eyes narrowed, but he didn't move. I turned my attention back to the clasp/sweater problem. I tried to get my hands positioned in the right spot, resting my elbows on Malfoy's chest and putting my weight on them to lift myself up the reach the snag.

Malfoy grunted and winced.

"No pain no gain." I said. He glared at me through his wincing. I turned my attention back to the clasp. I still couldn't reach the bloody thing. I lowered myself back down onto Malfoy and thought about the situation.

"Malfoy? Do you think you could maybe like roll us over or something? I can't really reach it at the right angle to untangle this. Maybe if I was on the bottom I could have more movement and… umm… yeah..." I trailed off. Malfoy rolled his eyes and I felt his muscles tense under me as he rolled us over. I silently cursed my mother and any other relative and ancestor who had given me the…. endearing trait of blushing.

I bit back a gasp as I felt him settle onto of me again. His legs on either side of mine, and his body crushed mine into the cool stones of the floor. I shuddered, the heat from his body and the temperature of the icy stones was probably a health hazard. He placed his elbows on the floor and smirked down at me.

"Better?" he asked, one eyebrow cocked.

"Ye-Yes." I stuttered, my voice slightly squeaky. Bollocks.

I mentally shook my head and focused on the task at hand. I could feel his silver eyes boring into mine, but WILL NOT look at them. Stupid, ferrety, mesmerizing, deep, sparkling, lithium, eyes….. AGH! FERRETY! THEY ARE FERRETY! AND DRAB! AND EVIL!

…..

Ok I lied.

They are rather attractive. But only slightly. I mean lots of people have attractive eyes. Some aren't as magnetizing as others but…. AGH! I AM OVER ANALYZING THIS.

We were so close that I could smell him again. It was becoming a slightly familiar scent- which was weird. Malfoy… familiar? Ugh. We have been spending WAY too much time together.

I felt his breath on my face and swallowed again as I felt the blush creep into my cheeks. Nothing new there. I sighed, trying to calm myself.

Bad idea.

1) It caused me to inhale a HUGE amount of the Malfoy scented air around me- which has been scientifically proven to have damaging effects on me and my mental state.

2) It forced our bodies even closer together- if that was at all possible.

I blushed furiously. Malfoy cleared his throat from on top of me. I looked up to see him smirking down at me.

Bloody prat.

Time to get out of this position.

NOW.

I glared furiously at the snagged clasp, taking all of my inner feeling out on it.

I tugged on it.

Stupid eyes

Another tug.

Bloody cologne

Tug.

Annoying smirk.

Another tug.

Damn blonde head.

"Excuse me?" Malfoy said, his eyes twinkling in amusement. My eyes widened. Oh no. I did not just say that last one out loud did I?

"Umm…. I… uh…. I said…. Ummm…. Damn this …. Thread." I stuttered. STUPID COLOGNE. Malfoy smirked his haughty little I'm-so-wonderful-and-and-you're-not smirk at me while I glared back.

"You know," I said as I worked on the knotted strands of my sweater, "Maybe this would be easier if we stood up…."

"Yes, but it wouldn't be any fun." Malfoy said cheekily. I shot him the evil eye and smacked him over the head.

"HEY!" He yelled.

"That didn't hurt you little rodent. Now get off."

We stood carefully, mindful of the snag. Malfoy towered a good six inches over my five foot seven frame; his hot breath on the back of my head as I peered down at our chests was slightly unnerving. Actually it was very unnerving. I tried to focus, but the periodical brush of hot air on my scalp was driving me insane!

"Stop breathing on me!" I said exasperatedly, not bothering to look up. Malfoy gave an imperious snort and I heard him start breathing through his nose. Thank Merlin.

"You're hair smells like vanilla…. Mixed with fish." Malfoy kindly pointed out.

I looked up from my work and glared at him.

"Fish?" I questioned sarcastically. "I WONDER WHY?!? It's not like I jumped in a lake today or anything!" I looked up at him. His silver eyes flashed with mischief. I frowned and then went back to untangling the snag.

"I can't get this bloody thing to let go!" I almost yelled.

"Let me do it." He ordered.

"NO!" I barked. I struggled for a few more seconds and then…. I snapped.

"BLOODY HELL!" I shouted at the clasp furiously. I yanked on it a few times before releasing it and clenching my fists in agitation, heaving for breath. I rubbed my temples and tried to calm myself. You can do this Hermione. Snap out of it.

"Granger, really I think you've tried long enough." Malfoy said, trying to reach in between us. "Take a breather before you hurt yourself."

"Maybe you're right." I said, trying to take calming breaths and mentally release all of the extremely hateful and violent thoughts I was having about the inanimate object between us. I closed my eyes and struggled to control my breathing. In-two-three… out-two-three… In-two-three… out-two-three… There. I opened my eyes to see Malfoy's hands fidgeting with the clasp. Success rate: zero.

I watched his face as he worked; his eyes narrowed and his brow furrowed. He kept his lips pressed tight together, and his nostrils flared when the threads of my sweater gave him too much trouble. His frown deepened as time wore on.

I have to say Malfoy made a valiant attempt keep his sanity longer than I did, but failed. After about two minutes of silent work his once gentle pull turned into a slightly ferocious tug, and his eyes darkened dangerously. Had we been a bit of a different situation, I might've found his silver eyes sexy.

But I didn't.

At all.

They were like a… like a…..

Like a dull sickle.

Yes.

An extremely worn out one.

One that has fallen into a drain pipe.

And picked up by a hobo.

With missing teeth.

Not that the teeth have anything to do with the sickle.

Ooo I know.

The hobo picks it up and bites it like those miners who chomp on coins to see if they're real.

Except he doesn't have any teeth.

So he just gums it.

Ok. Ew. This little analogy is over.

I jolted, realizing that I had been staring at Malofy's dull *sparkling* DULL eyes for the past twenty seconds. Thank Merlin he hadn't noticed. I shook myself and checked his progress.

As I said before, his sanity was clearly waning. His glare had now turned into a death stare, and his was cursing under his breath. Suddenly he growled and looked up at me.

"Are you particularly fond of this sweater, Granger?" he asked.

"Not really." I said.

"Good." And with that he ripped the clasp away from my grey school sweater, leaving a gaping hold the size of a snitch.

"MAL-FOY" I screeched, smacking him repeatedly. "THAT WAS COMPLETELY UNNECESSARY! YOU PRAT!!!!"

"GRANGER!" He yelled, trying to grab my hands. I kept on swinging, hitting wherever I could reach, head, shoulder, arm… he grunted as I got a spectacular left hook right on his spleen; serves him right for ripping my sweater, the sod.

Unfortunately he eventually got a hold on my hands and glared at me, slightly pink in the face from trying to dodge my awesome fury.

"Bloody hell woman." He said as I tried to yank my hands free. "It was just a sweater." I glared right back at him.

"Well excuse me Malfoy if I don't have an abundant supply of money here. I'm not going to be able to mend this magically because a bloody CHUNK of my sweater is gone. Now I'll have to go buy a new one. WITH THE MONEY I DON'T HAVE!" I yelled.

"Merlin Granger I'll just buy you a new one." He said.

"You'd better." I spat "Or I swear I'll-"

My threat was cut short by the sound of footsteps. Very loud footsteps.

Malfoy's eyes focused on something behind me, and I whipped around to see Neville coming up the stairs.

"NEVILLE!" I screamed, waving my arms frantically, praying that he would see me. Neville continued coming up the stairs, muttering to himself about herbology.

"LONGBOTTOM!" Malfoy joined in the yelling, standing beside me and cupping his hands around his mouth. "LONGBOTTON YOU GIANT HALF WIT!!!!!! DOWN HERE!!!"

Had we not currently been the size of small insects trying to contact a larger life form a hundred times our size I would have hit Malfoy for being so rude to poor Neville.

"NEVILLE!!!" I yelled again, loud as I could.

It was useless. Malfoy and I stood at the edge of the step, desperately jumping up and down trying to get his attention, but nothing seemed to work. We were just too small. I screamed as Neville reached the step below ours; he could crush us!

I felt Malfoy grab my arm and drag me away from the edge. We sprinted to the side of the step as Neville's foot connected with the stone; the aftermath of his footfall causing me to trip and fall like a feather buffeted by the wind. Malfoy barely stayed upright and glared up at the boy.

"YOU COULD HAVE KILLED US YOU GREAT BUMBLING OAF!" he bellowed, shaking his fist at the retreating Neville. I stayed on the ground for a moment, my pulse pounding in my ears.

I heaved a sigh and stood, walking back to the edge of the stair, trying to calm my racing heart.

"Malfoy. Let's just get to your common room." I said with a suppressed shudder. I sat down on the edge of the step and peered down to the stones below. I gulped nervously. I heard Malfoy grunt and sit down beside me.

"After you." I said, not looking forward to my own descending of the step. He dropped down, making it look easy. I took a deep breath and readied myself. Malfoy looked up at me, the usual smirk on his face. How in Merlin's name can that boy smirk at a time like this!?!

I gulped and gripped the edge of the step, tensing my muscles, ready to go….

"I can't do it!" I cried.

"Oh come on Granger, you did it once already!" Malfoy called from below.

"And it was horrific!" I replied in defense.

"You landed on me!" he said.

"Like I said, hor-rif-ic!" snipped. His smirk widened.

"Granger you liked it." He said. I glowered down at him.

"Malfoy do not start this again." I snapped.

"Don't start what?" he said, his silver eyes glittering. "Your obvious infatuation with me?"

I scoffed and leaned towards him menacingly.

"Infatuation?" I snapped. "So that's what causes that nauseous feeling when I see you. And here I was thinking it was the ferret fumes."

Malfoy continued to smirk up at me. "You're in denial. Get down here."

I glared down at him as he stood there with his arms out slightly ready to catch me and carefully lowered myself again, ignoring that bloody, erratic beating of my heart. Shut up you stupid organ.

"I am not in denial." I said stubbornly before letting myself fall into Malfoy's awaiting arms. As he caught me I couldn't help but notice the way his arms felt around me and how hard his chest felt. Not to mention his familiar (Yes I know familiar. UCK. Right?) scent washed over me, making me slightly lightheaded.

"Yes, you are." He said, setting me on my feet. I glared at him.

"If anyone's in denial here it would be you Malfoy." I said, flipping my hair over my shoulder as haughtily as possible and walking towards the next step. Malfoy grabbed my elbow and spun me around.

"And why do you say that, Granger?" He said, a hint a smile- no a smirk, on his face. (I bet Malfoy's can't smile. Like it's some genetic disorder passed down from generation to generation. Poor widdle ferret.)

"Because," I said, smacking at his hand, "you're always the one who's grabbing me." I stared pointedly at his hand which I hadn't managed to whack off. "And making those stupid sexual innuendo jokes that you think are so witty." I continued. He rolled his eyes. I kicked up my glare a few notches.

"And frankly, I think you've been following me around ever since that day when I hit my head." I leaned closer to him, trying to be intimidating (fail) and continued. "If anyone is infatuated, it's you." I said, jabbing him in the chest with my pointer finger. Ow. That kind of hurt my finger….

He chuckled. "Don't poke fingers at me. You're the one who kissed me three days ago…." He leaned closer so that we here eye to eye. "And liked it."

"It was like kissing a dead fish." I spat. "An old dead fish…. Not even one that is commonly eaten. Like an old, dead goldfish. Reeking of ferret." I added. He chuckled again.

He cocked an eyebrow. "So it was like kissing a fish? …. Yet you liked it? He ended with a mocking incredulous tone in his voice, mischief shining in those silver eyes.

"DID NOT." I said.

"I've kissed a fair share of girls little Granger, and you definitely enjoyed that kiss." Malfoy said. If looks could kill Malfoy would've died on the spot. (Actually he probably would've died years ago because I'm pretty sure everyone looks at him like this…)

"Malfoy you liked that kiss just as much as I did!" I yelled. He grinned-smirked. (like I said before, I have a firm belief that Malfoy's are incapable of grinning, smiling, beaming; etc.)

"Prove it." He said. I glared furiously at him.

"How am I supposed to prove it to you, idiot?" I yelled.

"I don't know. Use you're imagination" He said, and broke out into an evil grin (evil grins don't count in my smiling theory) "Seduce me?"

"UGH!" I yelled before pulling myself from him grasp and stomping over to the edge of the step. "Let's just reverse this spell so I can GET AWAY FROM YOU." I said.

"Please Granger. I know you cherish these moments." He said, sitting down beside me.

"If you mean 'cherish' as in they torture my thoughts and I'll have to use a pensive to relieve the annoyance, then yes. I cherish them with all my bloody heart." I growled. He chuckled again and dropped down to the next stair with ease. I glared at him back and followed grudgingly.

The rest of our descent occurred in the same fashion, a few witty jokes (if you could call them jokes considering they WERE NOT FUNNY) from Malfoy, me yelling at him occasionally (ok a lot), a few smacks (pretty hard ones I am proud to say) and one skinned knee (stupid butter-pawed ferret). All in all, it was not a pleasant experience to say in the least.

We finally reached the floor the Slytherin common room was on. We were tired, slightly sweaty, and rather irritable. Well, let me rephrase that. I was tired, slightly sweaty, and extremely irritable. Stupid Malfoy wasn't any of the three. He never seemed to tire, never lost his arrogant, carefree attitude, and had shed his outer robes on stair number 6, keeping him nice and cool and virtually sweat free. I, on the other hand, don't have an obnoxiously exceeding amount of galleons burning a bloody hole in my pocket, so I couldn't afford to simply leave my shrunken robes anywhere and say, with a casual shrug, 'I didn't like that one anyway.' Stupid, spoiled, rich, pompous, sexy, stro- NOW DON'T YOU START THIS AGAIN!! UGH.

I swept a hand underneath my curls, lifting them off my damp neck. Merlin I was tired.

"Malfoy, what time is it?" I asked. He checked his I'm-sure-the-wizard-version-of-Rolex-watch.

"Almost 9." He answered. I groaned and sat down against the wall.

"This is taking forever." I muttered, annoyingly picking at the gaping hole in my sweater. Malfoy slid down next to me and stretched his legs out in front of him. They were at least foot longer than mine.

"Shortie." Malfoy said, looking at our legs. I glared at him.

"I am not short."

"I'm taller."

"Thanks for pointing that out Malfoy. I mean, it's so hard to tell with your legs down there." I said sarcastically.

"Sassy." He said back with a smirk. I glowered at him and seriously considered using the ever-so-effective silent treatment again. But considering where that got me last time…. Pressed up against the wall... Malfoy's lips on mine…. My hands around his neck…. His lips- HEY! STOP THINKING ABOU IT!!!!!!!!!! GAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

"Ugh." I said, standing and walking down the wall twenty feet before sitting down again.

"Grangerrrrrrrrrrrr." Malfoy called annoyingly.

"What?" I barked. "Just leave me alo-" I was cut off by a loud hiss and a thundering sound. Suddenly Mrs. Norris leapt out from the shadows, her tufted ears and topaz eyes fearsome. I let loose a bloodcurdling scream and scrambled to my feet.

DEAR SWEET MERLIN!!!!!!!!!!

I froze, terrified, as I read her great yellow eyes: Hermione. It's what's for dinner. She began stalking towards me like a starving mangy lion.

"GRANGER RUN!" Malfoy yelled. He had already stood and was now sprinting towards me. I screamed again as Mrs. Norris pounced between us, sticking her great cat face beside me.

"MALFOY!" I yelled. I could see his look of horror from across Mrs. Norris' massive paw.

"MRARW!!!" Mrs. Norris yowled, batting me over with her paw. I yelped, falling to the ground. I'm gonna die I'm gonna die I'm gonna die I'm gonna die I'm gonna die I'm gonna die!

I AM ABOUT TO DIE!!!!!!!!!!!

I staggered to my feet and sprinted towards Malfoy again, my arm throbbing from where I landed on it. Mrs. Norris let loose another deafening "RAYERRR!" and I screamed again. My scream intensified as I felt her stinking cat breath on my back.

"GRANGER!" I saw Malfoy's look of panic and knew I was in for it. Suddenly I felt myself being lifted off the ground by the back of my robes, caught in the teeth of Mrs. Norris.

SWEET MERLIN SHE REALLY IS GOING TO EAT ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"MALFOY!!!" I screamed. "HEEELLLLLLLLLLP!!!!!!!!!!!" Malfoy reached us and leapt up, grabbed my ankles, and held on tight as Mrs. Norris began to trot down the hall.

"WHAT DO I DO?!?!" I yelled, panicking.

"TAKE YOUR ROBES OFF!!!" he yelled back, his vise-like grip on my legs solid. I lifted my arms over my head and squirmed, trying to slide out of the damned garment. I felt my arms slip out of the sleeves and we dropped to the ground. Whatever oxygen I had in my lungs got knocked out of me, and I gasped for breath as Malfoy yanked me up and started sprinting towards the wall again.

"COME ON!" he yelled as he dragged me along. I looked behind us as I stumbled, still not recovered from the fall. Mrs. Norris was bounding after us, an evil glint in her eye.

She leapt up into the air, and I saw the grimy claws emerge from her paws. I released another scream before Malfoy whipped me forward and shoved me into a crevice in the wall. I felt him slam into me, wrapping his arms around me and shielding me with his body.

"RAYER!" Mrs. Norris screeched, outraged. She swiped at the crack, her claw slipping inside and barely missing Malfoy's unprotected back. I whimpered and pressed myself deeper into the walls of the crevice until I couldn't go any farther, Malfoy attached.

"MRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR." Mrs. Norris groaned angrily. I clung to the front of Maloy's shirt and buried my face in his chest. My heart was thumping and I was gasping for breath. Mrs. Norris' paw thumped against the wall again, sending reverberations through the stone. I clung tighter Malfoy, not caring that he was a ferret at this point.

I peered out from behind Malfoy and saw Mrs. Norris stick an eye against the crack, nearly blocking out the small amount of dim light that filtered in. Her eye glowed menacingly, and she growled.

"Ma-Ma-Mal-Malfoy!" I squeaked. He turned and, with a grunt of effort, kicked the demon cat right in the eye.

"RAYAWWWRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!" Mrs. Norris screeched and hissed; I screamed as her sharp teeth flashed at the entrance of the crack, spitting and snapping angrily. She gave one last furious snarl before she disappeared from my view.

I leaned against the wall, trembling violently. Malfoy stuck his head out and quickly pulled it back in.

"She's gone." He said, wiping his forehead with the back of his sleeve. I was shivering too much to answer. My teeth were slamming together, and my vision kept blurring.

"Granger?" Malfoy asked, coming up beside me. "Are you alright?" All I could do was nod my head before falling to my knees. Malfoy caught me before I hit the floor, and I shuddered.

I didn't know what was wrong with me. I mean, I had faced giants, death eaters, werewolves, centaurs, hippogriffs, mean eating plants, and even stood by Harry when he defeated Voldemort; but when facing Mrs. Norris I freak out.

Maybe it was because I hadn't had any way to defend myself. No wand. I had been defenseless. I had never been this close to death before. My stomach was clenching and unclenching, and my palms felt fiery. I kept shaking; tremors reverberating through me.

Malfoy slid us to the floor while holding me in his arms. Another shudder wracked my body. I forced myself to take deep calming breaths, trying to slow my thundering heart.

"S-s-sorry." I mumbled into his shoulder, trying to push myself away from him. "I-I j-j-just need a mom-moment to re-recover." I stuttered through chattering teeth. He helped me sit up and I leaned back against the wall and closed my eyes, calming myself.

In…Out…In…Out…You're ok. You're ok.

Hee… Hoo… Hee… Hoo… You're ok.

The scene replayed over in my head, and I felt a blush of embarrassment creep up my neck as my trembling died down. I remembered how I panicked, and how Malfoy practically saved my life. I remembered how I buried my face into his chest, and how I whimpered like a 5 year old. I remembered how I clung to his shirt, and how good he smelled. Bloody hell. I am an idiot.

I peeked open an eye to look at him. He was in the same position I was in, but seemed to be studying me intently. The blush continued up my neck and into my cheeks. I was still pressed up against his left side, and the contact was making it hard to calm my stuttering heart.

"Maybe we should just stay here for the night." Malfoy suggested, giving me the once over… again. I followed his gaze and did a little personal inventory myself. It was not a pretty sight. My knees were scraped and my skirt had ridden up to mid thigh. I noticed Malfoy's eyes lingering there for a moment and I yanked it down, blushing furiously. He smirked. I scowled and continued to asses my appearance. My shirt was half un-tucked, and the hole in my sweater had gotten bigger. I'm sure my hair now looked like the mane of a lion. Or maybe one of those frilled lizards. I felt the circumference of its bushiness, wincing as I lifted my arm. Yup, I was definitely rockin' the lizard look. Merlin. There was one word to describe me: SHABBY.

I looked over at Malfoy and cursed silently as I took in his slightly ruffled appearance. There was a tear in the knee of his pants, and his once white oxford was looking pretty dirty. He had a small cut on his cheek, and his hair was sexily- I-I mean horrendously sticking up all over the place. Did I mention it was horrendous? And… and ugly. Yeah. Ugly….Overall, one word to describe Malfoy: SEXY.

…

NO!!!!

DAMN IT.

Let me try that again.

One word to describe Malfoy: ATTRACTIVE

WAIT A SECOND.

Attractive?

Heck yes.

NO!!

AGHHHH!!!!!!

I winced as I flexed my arm again. There was a dark stain at my elbow.

"Ow." I muttered, trying to get a good look at it.

"What?" Malfoy asked, leaning over me to look at it.

"My elbow." I said, still trying to see the stupid thing. I tried pushing up my sweater and shirt sleeves, but there was too much fabric.

"I can't bloody see it!" I said, frustrated.

"Here let me see." He said, leaning over me even more. His cheek was right in front of my face; I could see the faint stubble growth. I caught a scent of that divine cologne of his and held back a sigh. I cringed as he moved my arm towards him. Owowowowowowowww.

"Careful!" I squeaked as he moved it even more. "Maybe we should switch sides." I said, swallowing as he turned his head towards mine.

His eyes never left mine as he placed a hand next to my head on the cool stones. He smirked before swiftly crawling over me, swinging his right leg over both of mine. The muscles in his arm tensed and he pushed off the wall, bringing his left leg over and gracefully settling on my left side. I sat there and blushed like the brilliantly intelligent human being that I was.

"You're going to have to take your sweater off." Malfoy said, still smirking at me.

"Fine." I mumbled. I tried to slip my arms though the sleeves, but I couldn't do it one handed. I grabbed the end with my right hand and tried to pull it over my head, but that didn't really work out too well either. "Ugh." I groaned.

"Granger, stop before you further injure yourself." He said, reaching over to help me.

"No!" I said. "I can do this." Merlin. I can take my own sweater off thank you very much. I struggled for a few more minutes, Malfoy smirking beside me. I growled and yanked up the end of my sweater with my right hand and tried to pull it over my head; but only succeeded in getting it tangled around my face. Bloody, stupid, sodding thing. My left arm hung awkwardly at my side, the sweater pulling on it. My right arm was up above my head, trying to find the collar of the blasted thing. "Bloody hell!" I yelled, squirming around. I could feel Malfoy laughing beside me, which only frustrated me more.

"Malfoy!" I snapped, my voice muffled by the sweater.

"Yes." I heard him ask sweetly, a hint of a laugh in his voice. I glared from inside my sweater. I did not want his help. But drastic situations call for drastic measures.

"Could you… Could you please help me?" I gritted out in defeat.

"Are you sure?" he asked. "I looks like you've got it all under control." He added with a chuckle.

"Just help me, ferret!" I snapped from inside my sweater.

"You know," I heard him say as I felt his hands on my arm, pulling my sweater the rest of the way over my head. "You are lucky I am such a wonderful person. Not many people would help someone who asks in that manner." He chided. "But I suppose that's why you love me."

My head popped free and I found his face right in front of mine, his silver eyes glittering. I glowered at him.

"I do not love you, Malfoy." I said, patting down my hair with my free hand, trying ignore the little clench I got inside when he leaned closer.

"Don't deny it." He whispered.

"I am not denying anything!" I hissed before pushing him away from me. His bloody charms will not work today; oh no they won't. Stupid ferret. I shot him a glare and tried to look and my elbow again, rolling up my shirt sleeve carefully. I still couldn't see the blasted thing.

He leaned in too, still smirking.

"URGH." I groaned. My neck was starting to hurt from craning it, and my arm hurt from pulling it towards my face.

"Bloody hell, Granger, just let me do it." Malfoy said, grasping my arm in his hands. I watched him as he inspected my arm. His eyes had narrowed, and he had an adorable little scowl on his face. Erm…. Did I say adorable? I meant unattractive. Like a huuuuge turnoff. Like E to the EW.

"I need something to wrap around it to stop the bleeding." He said, looking up at me.

"Ummm…" I hummed, looking around for something useful.

"We could tear off the bottom off of your skirt." He suggested with an evil grin. I rolled my eyes at him.

"That sounds like a fabulous idea." I said sarcastically before leaning down and slipping off one of my shoes. I then peeled off one of my knee highs and threw it at him.

It hit him in the face.

Whoops.

"There." I snapped. He pinched the sock with two fingers and gave me a disgusted look before wrapping it around my arm twice before tying the two ends together snugly. I gave it an inspection.

"Thanks Malfoy." I said, bending it painfully. I think I'll live.

"No charge." He said. I gave him a look that clearly said what-the-heck-you're-a-freak and stood, peeking out the crack into the hallway.

"How much further to the Slytherin common room?" I asked. The hallway was definitely darker; the light from the main stairwell dimly filtering though our crack. I turned and looked down the hallway; good thing out crack was near the end, I couldn't see very far because of the darkness.

"Down this hall, a right, a left, and another left." He answered. "There's no way we'll make it in the dark." I sighed and begrudgingly sat down diagonally from him.

"Alright. This will have to do." I said. I stretched my legs out in front of me. They actually reached the other side of the crack. Man. I feel really tall right now. But wait…. A terrible realization hit me. "Malfoy there isn't very much room…"

"You could sleep out in the hall if you prefer." Malfoy suggested.

"And get stepped on by something like Bulstrode? No way. You sleep out there." I said. He snorted.

"Malfoy's do not sleep in deserted castle hallways." He said. I glared at him.

"Yet a crack in the wall is adequate?" I snapped.

"Quite." He replied, smirking at me. I glared.

"Fine." I said icily. "We'll both sleep here." I began to lay down and then shot up. "But you better leave me alone, ferret!" I threatened. He looked at me innocently, his eyes twinkling with mischief.

"Me? Bother you?" He asked. "Never." I shot him another dirty look before laying down, pressing myself as far into the wall as possible. He lay down next to me, his left arm pressed firmly against my right. I gulped and tried to control my accelerating heart. Merlin slow down you stupid thing. I pressed my left elbow into the wall, trying to let the pain distract me… it didn't work.

We lay in an extremely awkward silence for about four and a half minutes. Well actually I found it awkward. Malfoy was probably cackling with glee on the inside because he enjoyed my discomfort. Stupid ferret.

I squirmed and tried to get comfortable, turning towards Malfoy and settling on my side, carefully placing my left arm in front of me and using my right arm for a pillow.

There.

This isn't so bad.

I looked up at Malfoy. His eyes were closed, and his hands were back behind his head, making his arm muscles stand out underneath his sweater.…Which is a minor detail. Just so you can know. For the sake of details. And fully picture this. Realistically. I didn't actually notice his muscular arms. I just want you to know. So yeah. Just wanted to clarify. You're welcome.

I shut my eyes, trying to fall asleep. A couple minutes passed and I groaned. This was impossible. I couldn't fall asleep. My mind was racing, and I was cold. Freezing, actually. My hands and feet were the worst; I felt like I couldn't ever control my fingers. I began to shiver a little.

I tried to shift my focus to my thoughts as I began to shiver, attempting to forget about how bloody frozen I was becoming. Instead of helping, tracing my thoughts was making things worse. All I could think about was…. Wellllll…. That's really none of your business, is it? Hehe… Oh Merlin.

…

Fine. Ill tell you. I couldn't stop thinking about Malfoy. Him and his sparkling eyes and sexy smirk, and bloody muscular body. I mean, I just blame my natural female instincts here. This has nothing to do with who I am. Its just hormones. I'm not actually attracted to Malfoy; my instincts were. There is nothing wrong with me feeling attracted towards him.

Not that I am.

But if I were to be, there's nothing wrong with that.

But I AM NOT.

AT ALL.

*gulp*

Ugh.

Something is seriously wrong with me.

I shivered again.

That's it.

Drastic times call for drastic measures.

Yes.

I mean that.

What is that? You may ask.

Well.

I am about to do the unthinkable.

….

Cuddle with Draco Malfoy.

(Well I wouldn't call it cuddle since I wouldn't enjoy it ONE BIT; so it was more like huddle. Yeah. Huddle. Not cuddle. Easily confused.)

"Malfoy?" I whispered, going up on my right elbow.

No response.

Was he asleep already?

"Malfoyyyy?" I whispered again, leaning in towards him. He cracked an eye open at me.

"Wha?" he asked.

"I'm cold." I said miserably. He grunted and sat up slightly, looking around us confusedly before laying back down. He turned to his side and faced me, his eyes bleary. Wordlessly he slid an arm around me and brought me closer to him. I stiffened as I came in contact with his chest; but the heat soothed me. How was he so warm?

To my utter horror and embarrassment I found myself snuggling as closer, cradling my hurt arm between us. I buried my nose in his neck and he shuddered.

"That's bloody freezing." He muttered.

"Sorry." I mumbled into his neck, my lips brushing his skin. His steady breathing caught for a moment and then resumed. I felt him swallow.

"Your hair smells good." He said, touching it gently, smoothing it away from my face. His hand trailed slowly down my jaw line and back up again, stopping at my ear. He fiddled with the lobe and traced the contours, then went back to my hairline, stroking gently.

Sweet Merlin.

This needed to stop immediately.

IMMEDIATELY.

But how to stop it?

I turned my face up to his; he was looking down at me, all traces of sleep gone from his molten silver eyes.

"Malfo-" I tried to say, but before I could finish my sentence his lips descended to mine. Like a sigh I melted into the kiss. I ignored the voice in my head (WHAT THE BLOODY EFFING HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU IDIOT) and gave in. His lips were soft and smooth, and his spicy scent spiked the air around me. Slowly, he moved his lips, and I felt mine move too.

I felt rather than saw the flashes of light behind my eyelids. Some people call them fireworks. But they were not firework I assure you. Fireworks can't even begin to describe this feeling. We both wanted this. We both needed this.

His hand ran through my hair and slid to the base of my neck, holding my lips to his. His other hand brushed across my cheek before trailing down my arm and grabbing my wrist, bringing it up to his shoulder before letting go. I then felt myself grip the fabric of his oxford and pull us closer together.

.

I felt as though I was having an out of body experience. Was this normal when you kissed someone you weren't supposed to? When you kissed your worst enemy? When you kissed the person you wanted the most?

I couldn't control the fact that my hand had trailed from his shoulder to his chest, and that my fingers were skimming around his collar. I couldn't control the way I craned my neck and deepened the kiss. I couldn't control the way my lips moved with his or the way my stomach was twisting itself into knots.

He pulled away our breath mingled in the space between. His nose brushed mine, and our lips touched briefly again before I opened my eyes to see his inches from mine.

"Are you warm now?" He breathed, his voice low and husky. I licked my lips and swallowed.

"Quite." I croaked. His hand slid from my neck to my cheek.

"Goodnight Hermione." He whispered.

"Night." I said. His eyes bored into mine. I couldn't tear myself away. In the dim light coming from the crack in the wall the silver of his eyes looked like liquid iron. I gasped as I released the breath I didn't even know I was holding and looked away, my cheeks flaming.

DEAR SWEET MERLIN.

I can not believe that I just kissed Malfoy. AGAIN. And this time I didn't even try to deny that I didn't like it. And I won't deny it. I did like it. Bloody hell. What was going on here?

What was I supposed to do!?!??!

WHY DID YOU KISS HIM YOU NUMBSKULL?!??! WHYYYYYYY?!?!

Malfoy was never going to let me live this down.

NEVER.

AGHHHHHHHHHH.

I closed my eyes and turned over to my other side, facing the wall.

This was a disaster. A DISASTER!

I couldn't sleep.

Who could after kissing their worst enemy?

Who happened to be sexy.

And attractive.

And smart.

All that and a superb kisser.

AGHHHHHH.

Damn it.

I sighed and tried to clear my head, trying to let my practical logical side take over.

Ok Hermione.

Ok.

Calm down.

I listened to the sound of Malfoy's steady breathing, and talked myself through insanity.

Ok.

Ok.

You are going to be fine. In the morning you will wake up. You will go to Dumbledore and reverse the shrinking charm. Harry, Ron, and Ginny will come back from Christmas holiday. They will not find out about this. And you will ignore Draco Malfoy and live your life as it was before any of these bloody crazy kisses occurred.

Everything is going to be ok.

I think.

¸.•*´¨`*•.¸¸.•*´¨`*•.¸¸.•*´¨`* •.¸¸.•*´¨`*•.¸¸.•*´¨`*•.¸¸.•*´¨`*•.¸¸.•*´¨`*•.¸¸.•*´¨`*•.¸

OHH BABY THINGS ARE HEATING UP

=DDD

Soooooo yeah how did you like it!?!?!?

I'm pretty satisfied with it, not gonna lie.

I have some freaking AWESOME ideas for next chapter.

Which I haven't even begun to write yet nbd.

BUT TARRY NOT I DO HAVE A PLAN.

And yes.

I did mean to misuse the word 'tarry' there.

REVIEW AND MAKE ME SMILE.

They really do you know. Like if I wasn't afraid that I would be stalked by doing so, I would totally put up a huge picture of me positively BEAMING with joy from when I get a review. And It would be a pretty good beam. I had braces. =E)

That was supposed to be a smiley with braces in case anyone was wondering….

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