Who Wants To Live Forever?, a doctor who fanfic

this has been in my head a long time. this is more or less how i imagine the final episode of "doctor who" to be.

the lyrics are form queen's song, "who wants to live forever?" i'm aware that this was written for "highlander" rather than "doctor who," but honestly, this song could be written for the doctor.

Who Wants To Live Forever?

I couldn't believe it. It couldn't be true.

There was no way he was dead. He couldn't be.

Yet there he was, battered and broken, lying on the floor.

It was silent now, except for my own heavy breathing and the gentle crackle of the flames around us. They wouldn't reach us, and I wouldn't choke on the smoke. But that was the least of my worries right then.

I knelt down beside his inert form, still numb with shock. Remembering his face only minutes ago, determined, triumphant, angry, noble, sad... so many emotions all at once. The enemy was defeated, but not quite dead at that point. As his parting gift, he fired. It was meant for me, I think, but I was thrown out the way.

He has no regenerations left. As he fell slowly to the floor, so gracefully, something happened. If he'd been alive, he would have said it was a flexing of the space/time continuum or something. But he isn't. So I'll never know.

The ground shook around us. Or rather, Time shook. There was still one of everything, with the exception of two people. Him and me.

I looked to my left and suddenly saw my previous selves, all with identical expressions, all in identical poses. To my right, I saw blurred figures. Some seemed to have brown hair, some blonde, a ginger, one even blue. I resisted the urge to count them, which would have been impossible anyway; they were too indistinct.

Around me and the ghosts of my past and future selves, I saw every one of his incarnations. There was the old man I grew up with. I saw the fifth, whom I had met briefly in the Death Zone on Gallifrey, and vaguely recognised the regenerations in between. There were more incarnations, and then I saw the tenth, who'd found me again. From there, onto the final, thirteenth version, I knew them well. They all smiled at me, briefly, then time was still again.

Now I was panting heavily, unable to grasp what had happened. It had been over so quickly, yet it had seemed to take an age.

I leaned over and kissed his forehead, as if that would bring him back. I knew it wouldn't, though. Life travelling with him, as a widow and as a nurse has taught me that. I gathered the body in my arms, tears beginning to track silently down my cheeks as they melted through the cold numbness that had taken me when the shot was fired.

There's no time for us.

No Time. We are Time Lords. We have no Time.

There's no place for us.

It's gone. Lost in Time.

What is this thing that builds our dreams,

Yet slips away from us?

The strange thing is, even Time Lords sometimes forget we're not immortal. Except Rassilon.

Who wants to live forever?

Good question. Rassilon knew that immortality is a curse. Living for nearly forever is a curse, too.

I finished placing the last few logs against the fire, and lit it. I watched as the flames grew, hungrily swallowing the whole thing, including the shroud-wrapped body. I stood, feeling the heat of the flames, watching them glint against my necklace and watch, seeing them leap into the sky then fizzle out.

There's no chance for us.

It's all decided for us.

Time is set. Not in concrete, more like in jelly. But that doesn't change the facts. We will all live, and we will all die.

This world has only one sweet moment

Set aside for us.

Even if you're a Time Lord, that time will eventually end, and you will just be a sigh against the huge expanse of the Universe.

Who wants to live forever?

I don't. It's painful enough living thousands of times longer than anyone else.

Who dares to love forever,

When love must die?

I will always love them. They're gone, my entire family, but I will always love them, and never forget them.

The flames gave a final flicker then died, as if to assure me that there was no more life there before me. I gave the fire a moment to cool, then collected the ashes into a small jar decorated with stars.

The TARDIS reluctantly started. She was in mourning too, I knew, but she had to perform this task for me. The jar sat precariously on the control panel before me, but I knew the TARDIS would never let it drop. She moved smoothly, whirring and grinding softly around me. Eventually I felt her tell me we had arrived.

But touch my tears

With your lips.

Suddenly afraid, I picked up the jar and made my way to the doors. I clutched it tightly to my chest as I pulled them open, and gazed out at the Time Vortex.

I'd never seen it before. I felt the whole of Time crashing down on me, and fought it back. I opened the jar and felt the tears fall down anew.

Touch my world

With your finger tips.

I threw the ashes into the Vortex, and watched them as they fell gently down, glittering like falling stars. I imagined them falling through time, visiting places and faces and times he'd been to. I knew he'd have wanted it this way. Somehow, I just knew.

And we can have forever.

And we can love forever.

Forever is our today.

Right here, in the Time Vortex, it is forever. This is past, present, future, possibilities, choices, and forever.

Who wants to live forever?

Forever is our today.

I watched like that for a few moments. Then I closed the doors and turned back to the console.

Opening the panel, I was careful not to look directly into the Heart of the TARDIS. I opened my hand, where the last ash sat delicately like a dark petal. I blew it a kiss, and it flew into the TARDIS' Heart. I whispered to her,

"Who waits forever anyway?"