Chapter 2

-Relapse-

Light began to panic, his hands clutching at the collar of L's hospital gown. He yelled at the top of his lungs.

"Someone help me! Come quickly! DOCTOR! Anybody!!??"

He didn't even realize that he was still on top of L; he had lost sense of all rational thought when L had gone limp under him and gave no sign of life. Lights eyes were wide and panic stricken at the thought of L actually being gone. The door swung open as a parade of nurses and doctors entered the room. Light was lifted off of L and ushered to the other side of the room; a nurse had drawn the curtain. He stood there un able to move, his ears picking up metallic sounds and muffled yelling. He heard one doctor yell "CLEAR!" and the sound of electric current hit his ears. He crouched into a ball, covering his hands with his ears. Light did not want to hear them any longer, it made his heart break a little more each time the dull thud of the paddles of life slammed into his skull. Finally after what seemed like hours the heart monitor began to regain a steady rhythm and the curtain was drawn back, the doctors left the room. A nurse made her way over to Light's side and helped him into bed. He laid on his back staring at the ceiling; unconsciously he began to gnaw on his lower lip. The nurse pulled the blankets over him and left the room after she checked his vitals.

Once she was gone light turned his head towards where L lay, he was hooked up to even more machines and his oxygen mask had been replaced. Tears sprang into Light's eyes, both incidents had been his fault, he was also sure that L hated him now and that what had happened was unforgivable. Light narrowed his eyes and began to laugh as Kira once again took over the boys mind, why should he care. Bubbles of insane laughter filled his throat, he had wanted L dead. He growled and pushed Kira back, returning to consciousness, why had he felt so devastated when L went limp? Why the hell did he feel like his heart was breaking? Light growled low in his throat and balled his fists, what type of hold did L hold over him? Nothing made sense any longer, whenever something happened to L like the previous incidents something stirred inside of him. But he had no idea as to just what that something was. Finally Light regained control of himself, but he couldn't stop shaking. Light sat up and placed his feet on the cold tile floor of the room, and made his way slowly over to L's bedside once again.

--LXL--

L looked worse than he had when they first arrived, his skin was a deathly shade of white even his lips were an odd blue color. His breath came in short ragged gasps, each breath he took drained him of more energy than he had at this point. Light reached with a shaky hand and brushed L's cheek softly. His skin felt cold and clammy, almost like death itself, a thin sheen of sweat glistened on the pale ghostly flesh. An IV needle had been placed into his arm, Light chewed his lower lip as he watched the liquid drip at timed intervals, he leaned down close to L's ear. His lips brushing the flesh ever so softly, and whispered into it, he hoped that it would be heard.

"Ruyzaki…I never wanted any of this to happen. I…I didn't want you dead, despite what you or any one else thinks..."

A few tears managed to find their way to Light's eye lids and slide down his cheeks, he shut them tightly. He felt so lost and confused, the tears lightly dripped onto L's flesh. They rolled down his cheek and onto his pillow, Light blinked slightly. Was he seeing things, was L crying as well? He couldn't be. Could he? Light swallowed heavily and deeply. His eyes moved to the heart monitor, the beat was steady yet he could tell that L was fighting. He balled his fists in anger; he had been keeping it inside and needed to release it somehow. He moved to the other side of the room and dug around in the small nightstand near his bed, it was gone. Someone had taken his watch, but when had it happened? Light slammed the door shut; the sheer force of his gesture nearly toppled the small stand over. He tried to remember what had happened but his memory was a complete blur, everything had happened so fast. Light crawled into his bed and lay on his back, his mind reeling. L knew that he, Light Yagami was Kira and had lied to him about everything. How could L ever forgive him for that? He probably never could or would. Light took a deep and shaky breath, turned his head the other way so he didn't have to look at L. He felt that he wasn't even worthy enough to be in the same room as him, everything was his fault. And now L was in a deep coma, and that was also because of him. Sometimes Light felt as though he was fighting against something dark, and sinister inside of him. The bad thing was that Kira was winning, was that what L had called it? Kira? Killer. Light swallowed hard, the only thing he ever wanted was for L to look past it all and forgive him, he doubted that he ever could. Light laid there in self-pity and hatred for himself, he wanted to give up and die. But he knew that he wouldn't even be given that chance, he was forced to stay alive and remember everything that he had done and everything that had happened because of him. The lives he had torn apart, his mind drifted to Raye Pember, he bit his lip hard causing it to bleed. Kira was winning, and Light wasn't sure if he had the strength to fight it, especially without L by his side. Light wanted to just stop fighting and let it take over, he wanted only to die.

--LXL—

The door to the hospital room swung open, showering the dank room in light from the hallway. Light squinted, and then rolled his eyes as he made out the forms of his father and Matsuda. This was not what he needed right now, they were the last two people that Light wanted to see, especially in his current frame of mind. Soichiro sat beside his son's bed, placing his hand on Light's shoulder.

"How are you son?"

Light snorted and averted his gaze from his father, who sighed and removed his hand from the boy's shoulder.

"How do you think I am?"

Light's voice was filled with anger and bitterness; he turned his gaze back towards his father.

"I'm stuck in a hospital, and…"

His voice trailed off, his father wouldn't get it. That was a lot of the issue; his father was not the person he wanted to confide in. He took a deep breath and turned his gaze back towards L on the other side of the room. Soichiro sat back in the chair rubbing his temples. Light was difficult to deal with on a normal basis, but in the state of mind that he was in lately it was even harder. He didn't understand his son; he had given the boy everything he wanted and more. Light got great grades, was at the top of his class, yet he still seemed to want more, but Soichiro couldn't understand, just what it was Light wanted and needed so badly.

"Light what is it that you want exactly?"

Contempt filled Light's eyes hearing his father's question, his fists tightened under the blankets.

"A man like you would never understand what I need or want. You're not home enough to even know!"

Soichiro winced visibly; he was clearly hurt by Light's words. Matsuda was looking at the two of them, shock in his eyes, his jaw gaping.

"Light, what has gotten into you?"

Matsuda's voice had a nervous pitch to it, wringing his hands at his sides. Light smirked in a manicle sounding laughter emitted from him, Soichiro blinked as he stood and unsteadily took a step back away from the bed and stared at his son. His gaze moving from Light to Matsuda and back. He cleared his throat and went back to Light's side, determined to get through to his son.

"Light, what is wrong..?"

The laughter became even louder and started to echo in the room, then abruptly ended as quickly as it had started. Light's eyes fixed on his father a manicle gleam in them and a sadistic smirk on his lips.

"What's wrong you ask? What's wrong!!?"

His voice had an edge of complete insanity in it, and the laughter began once again ending once again abruptly and the smirk was back.

"I'll tell you what's wrong, father"

Light's voice lowered to a low hiss, full of hate and contempt. Those amber eyes fixated on Soichiro.

"I am Kira, I tried to kill L and now look at him! I couldn't even finish my job! And remember Raye Pember and all those detectives? I killed them too!"

Soichiro backed up slightly, tugging at his necktie. Beads of sweat dripped down his flesh. This was not Light Yagami, this was another person. This was a very sick, sadistic, and twisted person.

"L…Light, don't say stuff like that. You're not well, you need medication."

He swallowed the lump forming in his throat as the laughter began once again.

"Well, of course I'm not well. L was the only person who understood me! And now he's laying in a coma! Because of what I did! I've killed L and so many other people! I'm KIRA I AM KIRA!!!"

Light hugged himself as he sat up; he began to rock back and forth slowly. His eyes were fixed on Soichiro and Matsuda but they failed to see either of them anymore. Soichiro glanced at at Matsuda. The younger cop seemed terrified, he mumbled something then abruptly left the room. Matsuda swallowed hard as he made his way to Light, he placed a shaky hand on the boy's arm and gave it a squeeze.

"I…It's okay Light."

He narrowed his eyes at Matsuda, his lips set in a thin line. His voice was barely above a whisper.

"It's not okay, Matsuda. I tried to kill the only person who understands me, the only person I…"

Light went silent and dropped his gaze, and refused to make eye contact. Matsuda's brow rose at the abrupt end of Light's sentence.

"Light..do you….do you….love Ruyzaki?"

Light's head rose, amber eyes fixed on Matsuda once again. Unshed tears threatening his eyes.

"Do I make it that obvious Matsuda?"

Matsuda heaved a sigh, he was very unsure of what to say or even do at this point. A wrong answer could send Light tumbling into the deep depths of his soul, and over the edge. He did not want that to happen now that he had gotten the boy to actually talk.

"Matsuda, he won't ever forgive me. Do you know what that's like? Having the person that you love with all your heart and soul, completely hate you?"

Light's head dropped and he held it in his hands, squeezing his eyes shut against the tears that were threatening to spill.

"Once L wakes up it will be my execution, Matsuda. I'm a dead man walking. But it doesn't matter, I'm already dead inside".

Matsuda took a seat near Light's bed, he suddenly wasn't afraid of the boy any longer. He was beginning to understand him, understand the depths of his heartache and pain. The feelings were almost overwhelming; he also understood why Light couldn't talk to his father.

"Light, are you saying that you actually are Kira?"

Light lifted his head, gnawing on his already bloody lower lip. Blinking back tears that threatened to fall once more, his voice barely above a whisper. Matsuda had to lean close to even hear the boy.

"Yes, Matsuda. I am Kira…".

Shock registered on Matsuda's face, but he knew at this point that Light was telling the truth. He didn't want to believe it, but something inside him told him it was true. He paled visibly, opening his mouth to respond but the door opened and Soichiro once again entered the room with a nurse, Matsuda and Light fell silent sharing a strange look. The older man scratched his head knowing that he missed something and sighed.

"Light? I've been given permission to take you home"

Light nodded but kept silent, he stood slowly and made his way to the closet and grabbed his change of clothes. He made his way to the bathroom, stepping in he shut the door. He trusted Matsuda for some reason with his secret. Perhaps it was because Soichiro was the last person Matsuda wanted to hurt, and Light's confession would crush his father.

He glanced over at L's bed, then back to Soichiro.

"Matsuda, did something happen while I was gone?"

Matsuda turned his gaze back towards Soichiro, his face was visibly pale. He shook his head, he wanted to tell him but it would rip Soichiro apart. He hated to lie to the chief, but perhaps it was best for now. He knew Light had confided in him and he didn't want to break that small bond they had made.

"Chief, I'm going to stay here with Ryuzaki a bit longer…".

Soichiro nodded, his eyes moving towards the bathroom door, it opened and Light once again stepped into the room. He looked at his father, then at Matsuda.

"Please give me some time alone with L, before I go…"

The two men nodded and exited the room, Light slowly made his way over to L's bedside. He placed a hand gently on his cheek, leaning down he brushed his lips over the cold, clammy flesh. His voice was heart breaking; he choked back sobs as he spoke.

"I'm so sorry Ryuzaki, I hope in time you can forgive me, even just a little. Everything spun out of control, I'm afraid. I can't control it, I thought I could handle this power I was give, but…but…I can't Ryuzaki. I'm so scared, it's taking over. It's only a matter of time before I'm fully gone. I'm getting weaker by the day; just remember one thing for me Ryuzaki…please…"

Light's voice was beginning to break at this point, and his hand shook. He kissed L softly on the cheek, a few tears rolling down his face.

"I…I love you Ryuzaki…".

He stood up and made his way out of the hospital room, Matsuda passed by him on his way out. He gave Light a knowing glance and kept going, his head bowed silently. Light knew his confession was safe, at least for now. Soichiro and his son left the hospital that day heading home, leaving Matsuda with a heavy and sad heart.