How Ice Managed to Win a Victory in the War of Love

"It's like, even when I know all he's done is shoot me down horribly, I still can't help but smile at the thought of him. That first reaction makes all the really bad memories of him I have seem pretty nice. Zero-thoughts are an, what's the word … euphoric recall."

"Wait, did you just describe interacting with Zero as an euphoric recall?"

"Yes. So…?"

"Idol, you tactless jackass, people use that to describe heroin."

"So you're saying I can't compare him to heroin, Wild?"

"Not if you want to actually get past the stage in the relationship where he threatens you with a gun."

"But he is heroin! At first, a little goes a long way, but then as you grow more accustomed to the drug, it takes more and more to reach the same highs as before. And you like those highs, and go into withdrawal without the drug, until you're desperate to have it, and willing to do anything—"

"Hang on. We are talking about Kiriyu Zero here, and not actual heroin, right?"

"Yeah."

"Just checking."

"Gaah, this isn't helping! How are we going to convince him to date me?"

"Well, the way I see it, we have three options."

"Uh-huh?"

"One: you could continue what you're doing, which is courting him in an obnoxious manner that pleases the fangirls but annoys him. In which case, I'd suggest trying to serenade him outside his dorm window and hope to god he doesn't feel like throwing things."

"Not suggested. Next option."

"Two: Ask Yuki-chan what he likes, and use what she tells you to plan out something he'd appreciate—which would be a pleasant change from the usual."

"That would probably be the best idea, making the third option totally obsolete and pointless to the extent of ignoring it completely… but, what the hell, I'm curious. The last choice is?"

"Give up and stop harassing him."

"And I was right, that choice was completely unnecessary. So, Yuki-chan?"

"Yuki-chan."

***

"Aido, what the fuck?!"

"Surprise, Kiriyu, you're on a date with me!"

"Riiiight. And with that said, I'm leaving. Goodnight."

"I probably should tell you that trying to leave will get you nothing but a nasty shock."

"…Aido, you have five seconds to explain why before I begin shooting."

"I decided that the best way to trap a hunter was to use hunter techniques."

"Meaning…"

"I altered some hunter charms meant to hold vampires in one area to contain those of hunter blood instead. You triggered them when you walked through the door."

"Ignoring the fact that you are, in essence, holding me hostage, how long did that take you to do?"

"Three weeks."

"Ah."

"…Is that all you're going to say?"

"What would you like me to say?"

"Gee, I don't know, 'wow, Aido, that's brilliant' would be nice, maybe 'I'm flattered you worked so hard to try and spend time with me.'"

"And what do you honestly expect me to say?"

"Nothing fit for polite company."

"Pretty much. So how did you manage to plan all this, anyways?"

"All what?"

"Let's see, I currently hear my favorite band from that CD player over there, I can smell the curry from here, and I know for a fact that this room doesn't actually have a telescope for stargazing in it on a daily basis."

"Ah. Well, I used my amazing powers of observation to figure out what you like and try to provide it so as to make you the most comfortable on this da—"

"You heckled Yuki until she told you."

"I might have done so, yes."

"Well, that's better than finding all this stuff out by stalking me."

"It's not stalking, it's devotedly observing from a close distance."

"Aido, there are so many things wrong with what you just said that I can't even be bothered to list them all. Just shut up and start eating so this date can end and I can leave. And before you start looking for deeper meaning in what I said, I don't consider this a legitimate date."

"I'll stop talking if you call me Hanabusa."

"Fine. Since I probably can't stop you anyways, you can call me Zero."

"Not Ro-chan or—"

"Hanabusa, I would like to remind you that I have a gun."

"Zero works."

disclaimer: I don't own Vampire Knight, and make no profit off of it.

A.N. Sorry, this is kind of crack. But then again, the entire basis of Manipulation of Ice is crack. Basically, I got out of school last week, and I was really bored, so bored that I wanted to write an entirely-dialogue fic, just to see if I could. It just so happened that the characters involved morphed into Aido, Kain and Zero. Go figure.

And that little bit about charms was inspired by Blackened Wing's fics, which everybody should read.