Don't Call Me Bones

Rating: K+

Disclaimer: If it were mine, Cam would've been... "transferred"...

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This place should have a map, Seeley Booth thought as he wandered the halls of the Jeffersonian Institute. Archaeology, Paleontology, Zoology-- how many ologies did one place need? Finally he found the one he was looking for. Anthropology.

A guard was stationed near the door, flipping through a magazine. He raised his head at the sound of footsteps, but a quick flash of Booth's FBI badge returned his attention to what he was reading.

The lab alone was bigger than Booth's entire apartment. Twice the size, at least. He scanned the room, taking note of the various faces, before realizing in defeat that he had absolutely no idea who he was looking for. None of the stories he had heard about the famous Dr. Temperance Brennan had included her appearance.

The stories had included that cold, calculating Dr. Brennan was at the top of her field, the only forensic anthropologist within miles, and she didn't hesitate to point it out to anyone that would listen. Apparently, if you didn't have a doctorate, you weren't worthy of Dr. Brennan's time, especially if you happened to be one of the poor, unfortunate agents from the Federal Bureau of Investigation that was assigned to work with her. At the Bureau, being sent to work with Dr. Brennan and her Squint Squad was practically a punishment. Booth, personally, had no idea what he had done.

He sighed. It didn't matter now, because he was here, and in desperate need of an ID for a body they had found behind a building, too beaten up to recognize. Tucking the file of x-rays he had brought with him under his arm, he scanned the room once again, this time for someone who could point out the doctor. He spotted what could only be a college kid leaning over an examination table and figured that he was the best choice.

"Hey, you!" Booth called, making his way closer to platform that the table was on so he wouldn't have to shout. The kid didn't even bother looking up from the bone he was studying, so Booth tried again. "You, with the bone!"

At this, the kid did briefly glance up, along with several amused faces around the room. Booth winced as he realized how his last words might have sounded. When the floppy haired college kid noticed Booth, without greeting, he said "You don't have the clearance to come up here," before returning his attention back to what he had been working on.

Booth struggled to refrain from rolling his eyes. This guy was the textbook definition of a typical Squint. "Don't worry kid, I'm not going to touch your precious skeleton. My name's Seeley Booth; I'm with the FBI. I was wondering if you could help me find--"

"Dr. Brennan!" the kid exclaimed. Booth raised his eyebrows at the enthusiasm, but nodded slowly.

"Yeah. Do you--"

He was cut off by a beeping noise as an auburn haired woman scanned a card and stepped up to join the kid by the examination table.

"What do we have here, Zach?" she asked.

Talking a mile a minute, the kid, Zach, Booth presumed, answered, "Revolutionary War Patriot from Limbo. Cause of death was a shot in the back, with the bullet lodging in the eleventh thoratic vertebra. A break in the left distal radius suggests that the victim attempted to break his fall."

The woman glanced at the table momentarily before nodding. "I concur. Nice job, Zach."

Zach beamed. "Thank you, Dr. Brennan."

Booth's eyes widened. This was Dr. Brennan? But... she was pretty. He had been expected a geeky looking woman, with wire rimmed glasses and poofy hair. She wasn't supposed to be attractive!

Tying her hair into a ponytail, Dr. Brennan instructed Zach to check over the skeleton again to make absolutely sure that the bullet was the cause of death.

"But, Dr. Brennan," Zach protested. "It can be assumed that--"

She cut him off. "Assumptions have no place in science, Zach. You know that. Not to mention that it will be excellent practice for you." Zach nodded, beginning his reexamination of the bones, and Dr. Brennan looked up. "Who are you?" she asked Booth, walking down the steps to face him.

"Special Agent Seeley Booth," he answered, showing her his badge. "I'm here to--"

"I know why you're here, Agent Booth. Do you have my x-rays?"

"Right here. Um, the FBI's forensic team says that--"

She held out her hand. "I'm sure they included their findings in the file you're holding. I'm very capable of reading it on my own."

He handed her the file. "Right..."

The Squint in Dr. Brennan finally showed itself when she opened the file. She flipped through the x-rays, her forehead wrinkling in concentration, then abruptly looked up less than a minute later.

"Zach," she beckoned, waving over the kid, who Booth now assumed was her assistant, and holding up the file for him to look at. "Tell me what you see here."

Zach studied the file for a moment in the same manner Dr. Brennan had before slowly answering, "The victim was bludgeoned in the back of the head?" He looked to Dr. Brennan for confirmation.

She nodded approvingly. "With what?"

"A blunt, rounded object..." he replied, making a circular motion with one hand. "Almost like the end of a pipe or a baseball bat. It's difficult to discern the exact weapon from this picture."

She flipped to another x-ray. "The sex?"

"Female," Zach said with a confident nod.

"Very good, Zach." The she turned back to Booth. "I need the actual remains to confirm cause of death and to find an accurate ID," she informed him.

Booth was incredulous. "There's no way you figured all that out from just the x-rays."

"Then how did I figure it all out, Agent Booth?" she asked him.

He shook his head. "I have no idea."

"Look," she said, holding up the x-ray she had just been showing Zach. "The pelvis tells us the sex. Females have--"

Booth stopped her. He didn't have enough patience for Squint speak. "You need the actual bones?"

She nodded. "As soon as possible, preferably."

"Got it." He went to leave, still in slight astonishment of Dr. Brennan. The other agents hadn't been exaggerating. "Bones..." he said in awe. She had gotten all that from bones. Not even real bones! Just the x-rays.

"What did you just call me?" Dr. Brennan asked.

"What? I didn't..." He turned back to her, surprised at how annoyed she looked. Then he smirked at her, deciding to have a bit of fun. "Bones. I just called you Bones. It's your new nickname!"

"But..."

"So, I'll have that body for you later today, Bones! See you then!"

He turned around to leave again, his smile growing with her agitated reply.

"Don't call me Bones!"

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Booth loves people that review. You all remember him saying that, right?