NOTE: Please listen to the song while reading this! You can find it at paylist (dot) com!
Title: Butterfly Kisses
Rating: T
Summary: "It's a father's right," Charlie explained to me, a smile dancing on his lips. "To steal his baby girl away from the groom ... for just one dance." - Edward watches Renesmee on her wedding day.
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. I also don't own the song Butterfly Kisses by Bob Carlisle. Thanks a million to my beta, CrystalRaindrop!
— Butterfly Kisses —
( Edward POV )
There's two things I know for sure,
She was sent here from heaven, and she's Daddy's little girl.
As I drop to my knees by her bed at night,
She talks to Jesus and I close my eyes.
And I thank God for all of the joy in my life, oh but most of all ...
"Don't even say it," I growl, and Charlie laughs deeply. His eyes twinkle with amusement as I cross my arms over my chest and glare at the floor.
"You know," he starts, and he leans up against the wall beside me. "Even I took this day better than you are. At least I walked Bella down the aisle with a smile."
"Shut up," I growl again, and I try to fight the anger that is rising with me. It isn't Charlie's fault that I'm such a grouch today. It isn't even Renesmee's fault. No. It's that dog's fault. It's his fault that, today, I'm losing my baby girl. My miracle. The daughter I was so sure I'd never ... never have.
"Go to her," Charlie prods gently, and I sigh, and stand from my spot by the wall.
"Fine," I relent, and I shove my hands into the pockets of the suit that I didn't even want to be wearing.
I walk slowly through the halls of the house, trying to keep my eyes from the decorations — white, beautiful, pure ... just like my baby girl — that Alice has splashed everywhere. I keep my eyes down, not noticing anything.
For butterfly kisses, after bedtime prayer
Sticking little white flowers all up in her hair.
Walk beside the pony Daddy, it's my first ride,
I know the cake looks funny Daddy, but I sure tried.
Oh with all that I've done wrong, I must of done something right ...
To deserve a hug every morning, and butterfly kisses at night.
And as I walk those halls, I remember everything. I remember when I first felt the love for my little girl that I should have felt from the beginning. I remember the hate, too. I remember how I hated her for the first several weeks of her life, before she was even born.
And I remember the first time I heard her thoughts, and realized how much she ... loved us. Even me. Me, who hated her more than anything.
I remember the first time I held her in my arms, too, and the love that overwhelmed even the horror that filled me in that moment as I watched my Bella die. I remember the peace Nessie brought me, though, while I watched Bella as she suffered through the change that allowed her to stay by my side forever.
I remember her first steps, and the first time that Bella and I played with her in the snow, her eyes so ... so bright, and her cheeks bright pink with the cold. I remember her smiles, how they melted my heart, and her tears, how they made me want to protect her from everything in the world that would hurt her.
I remember how she would hold onto me so tightly when she was scared, and how I would wonder if it was possible to love two people more than I loved the woman who had given life to me, and to our daughter.
Bella.
Renesmee.
God, I love them so much.
She'll change her name today.
She'll make a promise, and I'll give her away.
Standing in the brideroom just staring at her,
She asks me what I'm thinking, and I said I'm not sure.
I just feel like I'm losing my baby girl.
And she leaned over ...
I walk into the room where my little girl — who isn't so little, anymore — is spending her last minutes as my girl. Soon, she'll belong to him, and there's nothing I can do about it.
"Hey," I whisper almost silently, and suddenly, five pairs of eyes are on me. Bella's eyes are soft, and so loving that it makes my heart clench painfully. Rosalie, Alice and Esme's eyes are simply brimming with pride and the tears they can never shed as they watch Renesmee.
And Renesmee ...
"Oh, Daddy," she cries, and she throws herself into my arms, her white dress wrinkling with her actions. She doesn't seem to notice, or care. "Oh Daddy," she whispers softly, and I can feel her tears against my neck. "I love you."
Those three words, those three simple words, are all it takes. Everything inside of me snaps, and I wrap my arms so ... so tightly around my little girl.
"I love you, too, Nessie," I breathe, and she smiles then, hiccuping as she chokes on a sob. "Forever."
And when I look up, Nessie and I are alone. Completely alone. Even Bella's gone. And I realize that, because Bella's gone, there's an emptiness in my heart that I never considered could be in anyone else's.
"Does it hurt?" I murmur. "Being away from him, I mean."
Renesmee nods slowly, and lays her head on my chest again, not caring about dresses or make-up, or anything else besides this moment. "I love him, Daddy. I love him a lot. Oh, I'm so happy!"
"Does he make you happy?" I ask, and I decide that, if her answer is yes, then I'll let it all go. Or, at least, as much as I'm capable of letting go. I'll let my anger go, and my pain. I'll let my baby girl go, too. I'll let her go into the arms of the man who, over the past seven years, I've tried to hard to accept.
"Yes," she breathes, and I close my eyes and breathe in deeply.
Because I'm letting it all go.
But it still hurts. A lot. But as I feel another pair of arms wrap around me as Nessie leaves my embrace, I smile, and bury my anguished expression in Bella's soft ... soft hair.
"Our baby girl," she whispers, and I nod, but I can't speak, because I know that, if I do, everyone in the room will hear the pain that I'm trying so hard to keep inside.
And she leaned over ...
Gave me butterfly kisses with her Mama there
Sticking little white flowers all up in her hair.
Walk me down the aisle Daddy, it's just about time.
Does my wedding gown look pretty Daddy?
Daddy, don't cry.
Renesmee grabs my hand, and laughed so joyfully that the love filling me then overshadows eveyrthing. The pain. The hate. The resentment. Everything.
"Daddy, it's time!" she sings, and her chocolate brown eyes — so much like her mother's — are shining so brightly that it makes my heart clench as I remember the words I used to whisper to her when she was so small she could sit on my knee.
"You're eyes are my sun," I told her, and she blushed brightly, like her mommy always did. "Because they're so bright, and so happy."
"Then you're my sun, Daddy, because I love the sun a lot. And I love you, too, Daddy. But I love you more than the sun."
I'd laughed then, but I'd give just about anything to go back to the time when I was her world, her protector. I'd give anything to hold her on my knee again, or in my arms as she curled herself to me, her head buried in my chest as she slept on. I'd give anything to have my little girl back.
"Daddy, I love you," she whispers, and though sometimes I wish so badly to go back to the time when my baby was just that — a baby — I don't think I could give today up for anything.
Because she is so ... so happy. Happier than I've ever seen her. And though today, for me, is so hard, I know it's the best day of Nessie's life.
And I couldn't take that away from her, no matter how much I may, in this moment, hate the man that she is smiling for.
Oh, with all that I've done wrong, I must of done something right.
To deserve her love every morning, and butterfly kisses ...
I couldn't ask God for more, than this is what love is.
I know I gotta let her go, but I'll always remember...
Every hug in the morning, and butterfly kisses.
I walk slowly beside my baby girl, her hand in mine. And then we're at the alter, and I'm staring into the eyes of the man that I'm giving my Renesmee to.
"Jacob," I acknowledge, and he doesn't even look at me as he answers. Instead, he's staring at Renesmee, and the look on his face is completely absorbed. Completely happy. And so full of love.
"Edward," he whispers, and it's almost as if he can't spare a single word more than what he's already spared. I smiled sadly, and take Renesmee's hand into mine, and then I press it so ... gently into Jacob's large, warm, waiting paw.
"Take care of her," I whisper, and I knew that, if I could cry, the tears would be in my eyes already. "Love her forever, Jacob. Make her happy."
He smiles, then, and finally tears his eyes away from Renesmee's face — something that seems to pain him very much — to meet my gaze.
"I will," he breathes, and the words — so simple — remind me of my own wedding, not so long ago. They remind me of my own promise, to Charlie, that I'd not broken yet.
The promise that I would never break.
And I could only hope that Jacob, too, would never break his promise.
Butterfly kisses after bedtime prayer
Sticking little white flowers all up in her hair.
You know how much I love you Daddy, but if you don't mind
I'm only gonna kiss you on the cheek this time.
With all that I've done wrong, I must of done something right
To deserve her love every morning, and butterfly kisses at night.
"You know," a voice behind me saya softly, and I tear my eyes from my daughter and her ... husband for only a brief moment to smile at Charlie as he stands beside me. I turn back to watching. "It's a father's right," he explains to me, a smile dancing on his lips. "To steal his baby girl away from the groom ... for just one dance."
I smile, and I nod, but I can't make myself move. I'm rooted to my spot, unable to do anything.
"Go on," Charlie prods me, and he pushes me forward. He's smiling so softly, and I sigh before moving swiftly to Renesmee's side. I tap Jacob on the shoulder, and the smile lighting his face makes me smile, too, as he places Nessie's hand in mine — much like I'd placed her hand in his only a few short hours ago.
"Daddy," she breathes, and she lays her head on my chest as we sway slowly back and forth, not really dancing, content only in being in each other's arms. "I'll always be your little girl ... you know that, right?"
I can't stop the sob that rips quietly from my throat then. I bury my face in Nesse's soft, bronze hair — so much like mine — and cry softly, tearlessly, as I hold her tightly to me.
"I know," I whisper. "But you're his now, too."
"It doesn't matter. Daddy, I love him more than anything, I won't deny it. But I loved you first."
I look in her eyes then, and she's crying, too.
"I love you," I whisper, and it seems more like, goodbye.
And then she's back in Jacob's arms, and Bella takes me into hers, and we don't even move as we stand in the middle of the dance floor, holding each other, silently accepting, together, the loss of the baby girl we'd had for such a short ... short time.
"This isn't the end," Bella whispers, and I nod, and hold her closer. "It's only the beginning." She smiles, then, and it's the kind of smile that always makes me worry. "Besides," she says, and I already know I'm not going to like the next words that come from her sweet mouth. "You might be a grandfather soon. Who knows? Half human, and all."
I growl darkly.
"Don't even go there, Bella," I hiss, and she laughs, and the sound — so beautiful, so pure — makes me smile, too. "Don't even go there," I repeat, but this time, I'm laughing, too.
There's two things I know for sure,
She was sent here from heaven, and she's Daddy's little girl ...
Well, that made me cry. I don't know about you, but I'm sitting here, listening to the song, and blubbering as I write this. Also, I updated my other story, A Child in the Night, just a few moments ago. Check it out? Please?
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