AMESTRIS, 1951

AMESTRIS, 1951

"By Presidential Order, and with the approval of a majority of the Amestrian Parliament, we confer the posthumous rank of Brigadier General upon Colonel Roy Mustang in honor of his unsung efforts to protect the freedom and rights of the Amestrian people by exposing the corruption of the Bradley regime at the risk of life and limb. At his request, his remains are to be interred beside those of his lifelong friend and brother in arms, Brigadier General Maes Hughes.

"Furthermore, at the request of Brigadier General Mustang, the honorary rank of State Alchemist is to be conferred in absentia to Tricia Edward Elric, along with the equivalent rank of Major and all benefits and entitlements attendant thereof. Henceforth, Tricia Edward Elric will be referred to by her Alchemic title: The Spiral Alchemist. As the last surviving Alchemic disciple of the Flame Alchemist, she and her own disciples will be granted access in perpetuity to all of the Brigadier General's personal archives and resources, should they return to Amestris.

"Finally, a full and free pardon is extended in absentia and in perpetuity to Alphonse Elric, son of Hoenheim of Light, brother of Fullmetal Alchemist Edward Elric, and father of Spiral Alchemist Tricia Elric.

"To this do I set my seal on this 21st day of March, 1951

"Riza Hawkeye, President of Amestris"

KOKURA JAPAN, 1957

It was a damn shame, the nurse tut-tutted to herself, closing the door of Room 319, carrying the warm, drowsy bundle back to the nursery. Such a sweet girl, and it's awful the way her family is acting. He's such a lovely baby, little—she peered at the name scribbled on the clipboard—Taisa. "Well, little man," she told him as she laid him down in his crib, "maybe it's not the best way to enter the world, but you're here—and you'll do fine."

"Going to keep him, is she?" her superior asked. "Even if her family refuses to give him their name?"

The nurse nodded, smiling. "He's all she's got now. Heard the father's dead and turned out to have a sizable family in England. Not likely that lot will take 'em in. And I know the Miyazakis. More pride than money, and the old man is never going to let Hikari live this down. Best thing she can do is leave Kokura and maybe move back to Tokyo. Her English is good. Maybe she can find a job at the base hospital."

Her superior nodded. "I'll make a few phone calls. You've got a name for him now?"

"Taisa, she decided. Means 'honored leader'."

"Uh huh. Middle?"

"Roy, after the man that fathered him. And you won't believe what his last name is going to be!"

"What?"

"Can't be Miyazaki—and she can't legally make him a Rogers. You remember Ol' Colonel Roy? Ever meet him?"

"Meet him? Honey, that man could make a Carmelite nun roll on her back. Ol' Colonel Mustang was sniffing under every skirt in this hospital. Got a weakness for nurses. Every woman wanted to 'ride the Mustang'!"

"Eunice, you're terrible!" the nurse giggled. "Anyway, Hikari asked me what the word 'mustang' meant. I told her it was a fighter plane, but it also was a beautiful wild horse. I told her now wild mustangs out west don't like to be captured or fenced in. She liked that—so that's going to be his last name."

"You don't mean it!"

"Yeah." The nurse leaned down and ran an admiring hand over the infant's silky cheek. He really was a beautiful baby, in spite of his mixed blood…or maybe because of it. "Say hello to Taisa Roy Mustang"

AMESTRIS, 1961

"Damn, Havo. Only you would pull a stunt like this!"

A bottle of whore's sweat made the rounds. Even Furey was getting fershnickered tonight, as was the custom when they drank to fallen comrades on March 4th. Gateway Day they called it sometimes, or the Feast of St. Mustang the Sarcastic—or St. Roy the Rampant, depending on how drunk they all were and how obscene the stories were getting—and whether or not there were any women present. "I believe Havo was one of the last men living on this side to get a hand job from the Flame himself—hey, Breda! It was just a hand job, right?"

"Uhhhh…dunno, Falman. All I know was I was gone for an hour when we went up to see him in the north one time, and when I got back His Snarkiness was lookin' damned smug and proud of himself…and Havo was all red-faced and jumpy—and the whole way back he kept complaining every time we hit a bump in the road."

Furey looked wistful. "He never did me."

Falman shook his head. "Me neither."

They turned their eyes on Breda, who took a long pull on his ale. "Huhhh? WHAT?? No, damn it."

"Heymans, your face is sweaty," Falman observed dryly.

There was an awkward silence. "No," Breda finally admitted. "Never did me…but—"

"Yeah??"

"--one time…well…we were in the showers, right. Annnnd…"

"You peeked??"

"Yeah….I did."

Falman and Furey exchanged drunken grins. "Annnnnd?"

Heymans Breda flicked a driblet of sweat off the end of his nose. "All I can say is ….damn." Stumbling to his feet, he hoisted his sloshing mug. "To the valiant men who Rode The Wild Mustang—and to Roy the Rampant—best equipped officer in the Amestrian army!"

"Salute!"

"Annnnnd to Colonel Jean Havoc—smothered to death with his face between the thighs of Big Ludmilla in Mrs. Christmas' brothel. What a way to go!"

"SAAAAAALUTE!!"

BERKELEY, 1975

You want to know how it will be—

Me and her—or you and me

You both sit there, with your long hair flowing

Your eyes are alive, your minds are still growing

Saying to me—'what can we do now that we both love you?'

And I love you too…

But I don't really see

Why can't we go on as three?

--David Crosby, "Triad"

I love you, Hughes had told him.

I love you, Hughes had told Teddy.

"…and I know," he added so softly, "that you love each other—maybe not in the same way…but it's there. I can feel it. And so," his voice was barely above a whisper now, "in my heart...there's no choice between you."

And then he opened his arms wide enough to embrace them both.

That night he slept for the first time in their bed, skin against skin against skin. It had worked, miraculously. His heart was filled to the brim. A broad, fuzzy chest cradled his head and silken softness snuggled against his back. It made absolutely no sense whatsoever, that he could be in love with a couple, goddamn it—or that he could be so easy in his own skin with a woman that they could decipher a language of touch and tenderness that was utterly different to the incendiary passion Hughes could quicken within him. If there was greater peace than this precious intimacy…well…there wasn't. Plain and simple. This, he decided with drowsy sigh, is as good as it gets….

When love beckons to you, follow him, Though his ways are hard and steep. And when his wings enfold you yield to him, Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you. And when he speaks to you believe in him, Though his voice may shatter your dreams as the north wind lays waste the garden. All these things shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart, and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life's heart.

Khalil Gibran, The Prophet

ORLANDO 5, NOW

"Pull, damn it! Pull now!" Edward was screaming, wild eyed and frantic as he snatched at his brother's hand. "AL! Oh god--I've got you! Don't let go, damn you! Don't you dare let go!"

Havoc reached around Edward, his hands sliding down the older man's sleeves until they breached the surface of the stone. Small, slim hands locked around his wrists. They were icy and slightly damp. "Teddy! I'm here, petite! You're almost home now. Just keep moving—tiens! What—TAISA! Help me! She's falling!"

From the Amestris side of the Gateway, Al's voice was faint and weak. "B-brother….I-I-can't…we're tied together! Don't let go…oh god...WINRY!"

Teddy was shrieking now, like something was tearing her apart. "IZUMI!! Master, help me—ohh god, make it stop!"

Gracia and Mays stared at one another in horror. "It's killing them," she whispered. "What can we do?"

"Ed! You've got to get them out or they'll die in there," Taisa shouted. He locked his arms around his lover's slim body. "I'll hold you—try to reach past the surface and see if you can pull them in. Remy—grab hold of me and brace your heels.

Edward pushed through the transparent surface of the stone until his head and shoulders had emerged half way between the worlds, under a sky filled with unblinking eyes. He was clutching at Alphonse's hand but it was an illusion. He was alone in the silence. Glaring at the endless dark horizon he shouted GIVE THEM BACK! DAD! I KNOW YOU CAN HEAR ME! I WANT ALPHONSE AND TEDDY BACK NOW!

It was as if a very large hand had covered his face and shoved. He fell back, out, and landed heavily on top of Taisa and Remy. A moment later, Alphonse and Teddy landed on top of Ed, knocking the wind right out of him.

Remy all but wrenched Teddy away from her father, tearing at the rope that bound them to one another. He clutched her tightly to his chest, rocking her as if she were a wounded child. "Ma petit' ange…Remy's here, he won't let you go…mon Dieu! You're so cold! Gracie-cher! Would you—oh, that's better, merci…" Gracia moved swiftly to tuck an unzipped sleeping bag around her friend.

"Let's get her away from the stone and rub her—oh, god!" Gouts of bright blood gushed out from between Teddy's lips. "Denny! Call an ambulance—she's injured!"

"No I'm not!" Teddy gasped, spitting and wiping her lips. "It was Izumi. She—she overshadowed me. I'm fine…damn it, Hughes! Quit fussing with me! Is Daddy all right?" She pushed Remy away and crawled frantically to reach her father, prone in Edward's arms. "Is he…?"

Mustang steadied his old friend with a clasp of her shoulder. "He looks okay—Ed? Is he breathing all right?"

"Al?" Ed asked softly. "Hey, you in there?"

Alphonse' eyes were closed and tears dripped down his cheeks. "Oh…Winry…love…don't leave me!" he moaned.

"Alphonse…you've got to wake up. You're home, okay?" Ed slapped his brother's cheeks lightly. "You're home. Teddy made it, too. But you gotta open your eyes now. C'mon!"

Teddy caught her father's strong hand in her own and held it to her cheek, kissing it again and again. "Daddy…tell Mom I love her—and say goodbye, 'kay? Edo and I need you here."

After a long wait, Alphonse blinked miserably, then pressed his face into his brother's shoulder. "She's…she's still so beautiful…"

Edward laid his cheek against his brother's head. "I know," he said softly. "I know."

NOW—The Grand Floridian, Walt Disney World

It was, as Edward observed, the perfect place for this family reunion. "Whole fuckin' place is built on irony and illusion," he observed bitterly, pouring himself a brandy. "All this goddamned gingerbread made of Styrofoam. First Church of Walt, Orthodox. Makes me wanna puke."

"All magic and fairy tales. Weird as this family is, we blend. And short as you are," Mustang smirked at his lover, "you can ride all the attractions at Mickey's Toontown Fair without getting booted out of line, like at Space Mountain."

"Goddamn, I hate you, Mustang," Edward growled. "Whole fuckin' mess is your fault. If you hadn't been waiting for me back then, my dad wouldn't have gotten that wild hair up his ass about dragging Teddy back to be the Bridge—"

"Shut up, Edward." Taisa was not smiling now. "I refuse to be held accountable for my actions as the Colonel. And if Hoenheim interfered, he was using me as an excuse. And it sounds like Izumi Curtis was meddling as much as your father was. Is Teddy any better?"

"Sorta," he looked uneasy. "Gracia and Remy are getting her out of the bath and into bed, and Mays talked room service into whipping up some soup for her and Alphonse."

"How is Alphonse?" Taisa ventured cautiously. "Stopped crying yet?"

"Yeah," Ed answered heavily. "Cried himself to sleep. I've got the door half open so we can go to him when he wakes up. Guess he saw Winry," he finished, and tossed back another shot.

"Hey—easy with that. Ought to be sober when you debrief Teddy."

"Yeah," Edward mumbled. "Not looking forward to that."

About an hour later, Remy carried the empty dishes to the kitchen, glancing over his shoulder at Edward and Taisa. "Gracie-cher is just checking her blood sugar," he smiled. "Soon as she's done she'll call you. And don't worry—Teddy's a bit shaken but she's alive and in one piece and home, thank the saints. That's all that matters, yes?" Ed nodded, not at all comforted by the Cajun's words. "And Papa Alphonse? Still resting?"

"We'll fix him some supper in a bit. Gracia gave him some glucose, but he's going to need a decent meal. Amazing what traveling the Gates does to a person." Taisa poured Remy a shot of brandy which his friend accepted gratefully. "Raises blood pressure, lowers blood sugar, drops the body temperature. Any ideas why she threw up blood? Hasn't done it since, has she?"

Havoc grinned. "Not a bit, and she all but ate the patterns off the china. Gracie-cher says they're both dehydrated but if she can get some Gatorade into Papa Alphonse he probably won't need an IV either. I've got Teddy tucked in for the night, and as soon as you and Oncle Edouard have seen her she'll try to get some sleep."

"You'll be with her, right?"

Any fears Mustang might have held about his friend's happiness were assuaged by the tender expression on Remy's face. "I won't leave her," he answered simply.

Taisa nodded. "These Elrics—they'll drive you insane. I've known Teddy and loved her most of my life—and as Elrics go, she's nowhere near as bad as Edward…but she has her moments. If you ever reach a point where you want to smash your head in with a ball peen hammer out of sheer frustration," he confided, "call me—or email me, send me an IM, whatever. Winry said there needs to be a support group for Elric spouses—and that's us, my friend. No kidding. I'm here if you need me."

"Et moi aussi." Havoc offered his hand. Taisa shook it.

"I wanted to talk privately with you before you go in," Gracia began. She had led Edward into the kitchen on the pretext of making him a cup of coffee. "About something Remy and I discovered. Something Teddy hasn't found out about yet."

Edward began to tense up. "Like what? You don't look pleased, whatever the hell it is."

"Well…it's because I'm not sure how to react. I—I don't know what it means. Maybe you do. I mean—you lost your arm and leg and all…" she gestured helplessly.

"What the hell—she's okay, right? She's not missing any body parts?" Gracia didn't answer. "Gracia? What the fuck is wrong with Teddy?"

"We—Remy and I—we were bathing her…she was so weak, you know? And…oh, hell. Ed—her scars. They're gone."

Edward was totally baffled now. "What the hell are you talking about? What scars?"

"From the biopsies. And the hysterectomy. That's a long scar, Ed. There's not one damned trace of it now. It's like she was never operated on."

The room took on a sudden chill. "Did you examine her?"

His companion shook her head. "Didn't mention it. Didn't want to alarm her. I figured she'd had enough shocks for one day." She looked hopeful and scared all at once. "Is there a chance she was healed? Could she have gotten her organs back, do you think?"

"I—shit! I don't know!" he spluttered. "Anything is possible. You don't know about Truth, what that son-of-a-bitch is capable of doing to humans."

Gracia looked baffled. "Truth?"

"That's the—that—thing—that controls the Gateway. It thinks it's god…but I don't know. It's what took my arm and leg away and consumed Al's body—then gave it back to him again. It's all about equivalent exchange—Al explained that to you, right?"

She nodded. "That means making a sacrifice?"

"Or," Edward felt suddenly old again, "balancing the debt. If Teddy was perceived as having sacrificed more than she…damn…goddamn! Gracia—not a word, do you hear me? Not until I've had time to figure this…shit!"

"Edo."

"Kiddo."

"Love you."

"Damn right you do."

She didn't look half bad, considering she'd been dragged ass-backwards through the knothole of hell. On the other hand, she didn't look half good either. Still a bit pale and glassy-eyed, as if she hadn't quite digested all that had happened to her, but all in all better than Al was looking. Whatever he'd encountered—and far as anyone could guess it was a heartbreaking reunion with his dead wife—had been emotionally trying for his younger brother. Judging from what Gracia had confided to him, Teddy's 'exchange', whether paid for or redeemed, most likely appeared to be of the body, not the soul.

She reached for his hand, squeezed it tightly. Then she ripped him a new rectal orifice. "I am not," she began firmly, "expendable."

Edward Elric was accustomed to being the yell-er, not the yell-ee. Even the Colonel in his prime hadn't reamed out the Fullmetal Alchemist as scathingly as his own disciple did. Actually, this was the second round of ass-chewing he'd received on Teddy's behalf. Part of what the Colonel had written in the sealed missive had been blunt, critical and to the point:

"Get off her back, Ed. She's good. Damn sight better than I could have expected for someone who's studied no more than theory. You're acting like she's a failure or a disposable convience, a receptacle for a lifetime of knowledge—someone who exists only to keep the flame alive. Bullshit. Given a few years of practice and she'd have been as good as her father, who is a damned sight better than you in many ways. It would have given me immense pleasure to see her take you on in a combat situation. You might best her, but she'd cut you down a notch or two—making it even harder to see you from behind my desk—"

Fuckin' asshole, he swore inwardly. Still, she was right about a lot of it, damn it, and for that reason he tried to listen as honestly as he could. This wasn't some hysterical rant. It was a heated presentation of serious grievances—and it made him squirm.

She was winding down now and reached for both of his hands. "There are only two people in this world I love more than you—my mother and Daddy. I love you more than you love me—that's a fact. It sucks, but I can't change that. Far as I know I've never satisfied you, no matter what I did. I've been of use…and that's about the size of it. You've used me and sold me short and never believe in me and pretty much wrote me off as the first one to chuck out of the lifeboat if there's a water shortage. And in spite of all that, I still love you. I don't know why I should, but I do. I love you enough to tell you that from now on, either treat me right or fuck off."

A long time ago in the village of Dublith, Izumi Curtis had chucked the Brothers Elric out on their asses. "You're expelled. Go home!"

They had made it almost to the train station before they headed back. They dared to stand up to their beloved Sensei, and it had been the beginning of a deeper relationship on both sides. Maybe, Ed considered, this is the way it always has to be with students and teachers. After a very long and strained silence, he met her gaze, defensive and proud. He opened his arms to her, something he rarely did to anyone but Taisa.

She never noticed the faint spots of dampness where her uncle had pressed his cheek against her hair, although she was startled when he kissed her goodnight. "I'll send in Remy," he told her. "Get plenty of rest, and we'll start fresh in the morning."

He might have been referring to alchemy alone, but somehow she doubted that.

Something else had begun to nag at the back of Edward's mind. Hughes and Gracia were sitting up with Alphonse while Ed led Taisa into the master bedroom they shared in the suite. "Look, Mustang, I've got a question I need to ask you now that all this Gateway bullshit is behind us."

"—you hope," his lover qualified cautiously.

"Whatever. Anyway, if you start having…I don't know…this sounds stupid as shit…but if your dreams start to, y'know—"

"What the hell are you talking about, old man?" Taisa wanted to know. "Okay. So you saw the Colonel. He's dumped his tired old body and his soul's moved on—"

"—into you, Mustang—"

"—yeah, so it seems. But it happened before I was born on this side, so I don't seem to have any memories. Are you—wait a minute—you think Alphonse and Teddy fucked around with time and changed things? That doesn't make sense, Edo. I mean, I'm here, so that means Al and Teddy always went to Amestris, and it always worked. End of story. I've never had nightmares about setting cities on fire or killing people."

Ed gave him a strange look. "Oh? And what kind of nightmares have you had, actually?"

Taisa laid his hands on his lover's shoulders. "About losing you, asshole. Someone or something I can't see or stop takes you away from me, and I'm standing in the darkness, and nobody I know or care about is around me and…oh…fuck! I—I think I'm gonna be sick again."

"Here, damn it!" Ed all but dragged Mustang into the bathroom, steadying his lover as he heaved up his modest supper and several shots of brandy. He eased Taisa down onto the rim of the tub before soaking a washcloth in the ice bucket, wringing it out and laying it across the back of the younger man's neck. "Christ, you're such a wuss, Mustang, although this is nothing compared to you getting fucked up on kola nuts and Dramamine in Ranamuerte." He brushed the damp hair from his lover's brow. "How's the eye?"

"Just about fine. Probably take the patch off tomorrow. It sure shook the shit out of Teddy, seeing me like this, with the patch and my hair short and all."

Edward sighed. "You just look so damn much like your other self—and remember, she was one of the last people to see him alive." An odd thought came to him. "I know you told me years ago, but there's a reason I'm asking again. Did you ever make love to Teddy? And I don't mean any of that three-way-whoopie shit you guys were into back in college. I'm taking one-on-one, 100 full monty fucking."

"ED!"

"Tell me the truth. Forget she's my niece. I know you played around and experimented. But did you actually..." he sucked in a deep breath, "engage in honest-to-god coitus with her?"

Mustang regarded his lover as if he'd lost his mind. "Jesus, Ed! I told you, that night in the diner when you were stuffing your face with pancakes."

"I know! Now tell me again!"

"It was the night of our Beggar's Banquet. When Hughes sang that damned David Crosby song, Triad, to us. You know the one? 'I don't really see—why can't we go on as three?' He said he loved her and he loved me—and that he knew damned well we loved each other, so we might as well become a trio. I couldn't quite get my head around being queer and yet finding myself drawn to her…and she said it didn't matter, to trust my heart and let it guide me—and to hell with the rest of the world. Sounded like pretty good logic to me…"

Ed nodded. "And?"

"And what, for god's sake? She was as much my lover as Hughes was."

"But," Ed insisted, "did you—"

"Of course we fucked! She was my first, last and only female—no offense to the gender. We were happy, probably because she understood me, and she loved me so damn much she set me up with the love of my goddamn life, Edward Asshole Elric. She's an amazing lady, she made me very happy and if Remy ever makes her cry I swear to goddess I will let Hughes break every bone in his body twice—and then I'll set his Cajun ass on fire! Now," he glared at his mate, "are you happy, you little shit?"

"Yeah." But that's not the answer you gave me thirty years ago—and you weren't lying then, anymore than you're lying now. Guess that goddamned Colonel decided Teddy deserved a little 'equivalent exchange' in this life for services rendered before—and I bet she won't remember it here, either.

Teddy wriggled out from under Remy and tiptoed nude into the bathroom. God, I am so sore all over. Feels like that damned stone landed on me. She fumbled with the faucets on the tub, testing the water with her fingers. Wish I had some damned Epson salts or Batherapy—anything to soak out my muscles.

A tousled blonde head peeked around the door. "Darlin', are you all right?"

She tossed him a smile. "Yeah, but I'm still achy all over, so I'm taking some Tylenol and I'm going to soak again. Go back to sleep, love."

He was as exhausted as she was, nearly. "Holler if you need me. I'll leave the door cracked, oui?"

"D'accord, cher," she answered. She sniffed at the soap carefully. Her skin was so damned sensitive, just like her father's, but this was some of the Burt's Bees Baby Bee stuff that she kept in her traveling kit. Blessing Gracia for her thoughtfulness, she slid into the warm water and stretched out with a contented sigh. Tomorrow, she decided, she'd book a massage—maybe a couple's massage with Remy. That would be so nice…Mnnnn. Or Gracia and I can go—I haven't done a spa day in years. Maybe get my hair trimmed—get a nice pedicure and soak in a mineral bath…yeah…great idea, kid. And then a quiet dinner alone with Remy, maybe go out to the House of Blues…he'd like that. Or we can slip away for a night of bliss somewhere away from my darling family…

Her stomach still felt tender after all that awful puking. Instinctively, she began to massage her belly.

It was smooth. The little incision cuts where the endoscope was inserted—even the long ribbon of pale scar tissue that began at her navel and disappeared in her soft brown curls— there was no trace of any of them on her abdomen now. it was as if she'd never been touched by the knife.

It took nearly a full minute before she began screaming…

SULLIVAN'S ISLAND, SC

"No, no, cher—dat table by de window. I'll have dat, yeah." Stacie's frosted lips pouted in a slight moue of displeasure, but there was no arguing with the tall, rawboned lady with the cowboy hat and the long silver braid, especially when she flipped off her Ray-Bans to reveal a pair of sky blue eyes that nailed her to the side of the servers station as neatly as a honed set of well aimed throwing daggers.

Yasmin, the other server, was pouring out coffee for a table of pasty looking senior citizens, fresh off the tour bus and looking for some 'local color'. They had bitched loudly at the lack of handicap access at Coconut Joe's—"If Marty has a stroke after climbing up two flights of steps, well, you tell your 'Joe' he's going to hear from our attorney!'—dismissed the legendary coconut fritters as 'grease bombs', and demanded that the chef make their Triple Cheese omelets with Egg Beaters, which meant Joey or the new guy had to run down the street to Food Lion and grab a couple of cartons.

This rangy looking grandma had sashayed up the steps behind them without stopping to wheeze, flashed a smile brighter than an American Express Gold Card and complimented the view, the 'early Buffett' décor and sweetly insisted being placed at the large corner table in non smoking. "What the hell," shrugged Yasmin. "You can take it, even if it's my station. Besides, Miss Tee won't care. New issue of Guitar Player just came out. She'll forget to eat her pancakes if we don't remind her."

"Not like she's eating much these days. Heard she broke up with a boyfriend."

Yasmin looked surprised. "Her? At her age? You gotta be kidding?"

Stacie cracked her gum, braids waggling. "Nope. Heard she fell for some biker dude in Texas. Bet he freaked when he met that weirdo family of hers."

"Know what you mean. That uncle of hers is real cute but boy, what an asswipe!"

"Mornin'!"

The woman dining alone at the adjoining table glanced up from her magazine, pushing a pair of John Lennon-type specs up the bridge of her nose with one finger. It took her nearly a minute before she could smile back. "Good morning," she answered, making an effort to be sociable. Bloody tourists, she thought. Damn. Ohhkay…hopefully this one won't glomp onto me if I'm pleasant.

She kind of liked the look of this one, though. Crone—has to be. If she ain't Pagan, she's a biker like…She took a hasty swallow of her coffee, burning her lip. "Fuck! Ohh—sorry! Pardon my language, Ma'am."

"Ha! Never said it in my life—but I'm a goddamn liar, so don't you believe me, cher!" The older woman had a rich, throaty laugh that reminded Teddy of her own mother. "Say, darlin', what's good on the menu?"

After pausing a moment, Teddy folded her magazine into her bag. "Everything. Seriously. I'm—I'm partial to the banana pancakes."

"Yeah, I see how partial you are, child. They've fossilized in the time it's taken you to forget you had a plate in front of ya." She lifted a weather-beaten hand, studded with silver and green turquoise. "Pardonez, miss!" Stacie trotted over, whipping out her receipt book. "My little boy's on his way over, so this is for two: gimme a tall stack, a short stack, two orders of crispy bacon, two coffees with milk, one with double sugar, and a tall glass of o.j. for my new friend who don't feel much like doin' justice to her breakfast. On me, cher," she added to Teddy with a nod.

"Really, Ma'am—you don't have to—"

The older woman waved off her protests, then reached out her hand. "Jeanne-Marie."

Teddy clasped it. "Teddy Elric."

Jeanne-Marie jerked her head towards the black guitar case propped up in the chair beside Teddy. "You married to dat thing, yeah? 'Bout as big as my late husband, God rest his soul. Easier to keep dat in tune dan a man. But no—pretty girl like you, there's a good man somewhere, eh?"

Teddy stared miserably down at the puddles of syrup on her plate. "No…no. There's nobody. Not now."

"Oh ho—so dat how it be, yes? I don' think you lose him, Miss Teddy. I think you got yourself lost and don't know how to come home again. You think he forget a woman like you? Hell, no!"

"Not that simple," Teddy mumbled.

"De hell it ain't! You love him? Yeah, you do. Look at how your pretty eyes get to tearin' up. Now," the older woman leaned in closer, "you just listen to ol' Jeanne-Marie—she tell you how to put things right. You put yo' pride in one pocket, your fear in another an' just love your man. He do the same—and you be happy, no? Now…child, it's all right. You go into the ladies, go wash that pretty face, comb your hair and come out and I'll have a fresh stack of pancakes and that big ol' glass of juice., and you try to eat a bite—and I swear before the Blessed Mother, you'll be fine in the end, okay?"

When she came back, her guitar was on the floor under the table. A dozen red roses had replaced her stack of pancakes, and a tall man with shaggy blonde hair and Jeanne-Marie's blue eyes rose from his mother's table to snatch her off her feet.

"REMY?? How the fuck--?"

"Hughes and Gracie-cher are back at the house," he told her. "Taisa said when life got to be too much for you you'd head down to Risembool South. He told me to leave you alone for a week and then chase after you until I got it through that stubborn Elric head of yours that you can't get rid of me—any more than Oncle Edouard can get rid of Taisa. Now, petite, you and I and Maman will finish breakfast, go home and talk this mess through. D'accord?"

"All right, darlin'—we're all here. You just tell us what's worrying you so."

After a long pause, she told them what she'd learned within days of her return from Amestris, when she'd been quietly shuttled to a private health clinic for a very necessary ultrasound of her lower pelvis.

She had a womb, all right.

And three weeks later, she found it was occupied.

"Stupid, isn't it?" she dug her nails into the sofa cushion she was clutching in both fists. "I brought MRE's. I brought water purification tablets. Even brought some fuckin' rope. I never," she cast a pleading look at her lover, "thought I needed condoms."

Mayland blinked as if he was stunned. "But—I-I mean, c'mon! How long do those little wigglers stay alive in a woman's body?"

The three women answered in unison: "Long enough!"

"And Teddy and I always used condoms—for now, that is," said Havoc gently. "So the father of this child is—was—Colonel Roy, yes?" Teddy nodded slowly. "And this life—it must be your choice Teddy—"

"—I'm keeping it. I…I don't want this. I don't want to be a mother…but…I don't know. For some damned reason I was given a second chance and this child was made in love—even if it wasn't my love."

"And you were afraid I'd turn away from you and your child? Teddy…oh, petite ange…did you really think I would?"

"That means Taisa is…well, damn it…he didn't make this child with his body, but--"

"—it will look just like him. And people will talk, Remy. You think you can deal with raising a son or daughter that looks like my best friend?"

"So? We tell everyone he was the sperm donor—that you were pregnant when we met, and I always wanted to be a papa, so you are two blessings in one."

"Dey don' like it, I kick the crap out of 'em!" Jeanne-Marie crowed, punching the air with her fist. "An' I get to be a grandmere at last!"

"One thing, though," Gracia cautioned. "Teddy, your medical records identify you as a cancer survivor. You had a hysterectomy, remember? How are you going to explain this?"

Jeanne-Marie considered. "You got family out of the country, darlin'?"

TOKYO—RIESMBOOL EAST

No pastels, she had warned him. And god, no nursery rhymes or anything that's going to rot her little mind. And if anybody even looks like bringing a Barbie or a Bratz doll within a hundred yards of my daughter I will rip their appendix out with a crochet hook.

"This," Alphonse announced to old Pinako, drowsing on the windowsill, "should make her happy, you think? It makes me happy."

The mural was wonderfully rendered from his own childhood memories. A vast green meadow, a lazy meandering river and a white house on a high hill. Under the shade of a dozen apple trees stood a rogues gallery of all the people who would welcome Izumi Jean into the world, just in time for Thanksgiving, if everything continued to go as well as they'd hoped.

Mama was there in her alchemist's coat, Papa's strong arms around her. Grandmere Jeanne-Marie and Auntie Marie-Luc were telling stories by the bonfire. Aunty Grace and Uncle Mays and cousin Elysia were playing hopscotch—little Teddi-Grace would be added as soon as she too made her safe arrival on this side of the Gateway. Einstein the rat was doing tricks at the command of Uncle Taisa, while Uncle Edo was perched in the branches, munching an apple, his nose in a book as usual. Yao the Psychotic Psiamese was on the branch opposite, stalking him, tail almost quivering it was so well rendered. There were Technicolor toads and frogs leaping everywhere, and overhead, Granny Winry roared across the ceiling on her Harley, silver wings streaming behind her like her golden hair. Another angel—this one in a splendid blue uniform with flying coattails—wore a patch like a pirate, flames dancing from his hand.

And Grandpapa Alphonse? He was sitting in a rocking chair by the fire in his famous red coat, a pretty black haired Amerasian child on his knee. "She looks a lot like the man with the eye patch," he told the artist, "only prettier." And a tawny haired boy was sitting at their feet, a guitar in hand, the Flamel cross in scarlet across his black leather jacket. "That's your cousin Edwin—maybe you'll study alchemy together…

"Or maybe not." If Izumi Jean Elric arrived whole and unharmed, then that was all he could ask for. Soon as Teddy finished her first Trimester she and Remy would be moving into this apartment just down the hall from Al, Ed and Taisa. Once the baby had come, Hughes would help finagle a fake adoption, so that Teddy could safely bring her baby home with no nosy questions.

Entering his own home, he slid off his shoes and padded in his slippers to the kitchen, where he spotted a small, slim woman of many years and much inner grace.. "Oh…er…Ai-San. You're…you look lovely today. Will you join me for tea?"

SOMEWHERE IN THE SOUTH OF FRANCE…

"This," Edward announced grandly, "is more like it, goddamn it! All those cab drivers and waiters in Paris—they're all such assholes."

"Takes one to know one," Taisa murmured serenely from around a bite of buttery croissant.

Ed glared across the pillow at his lover—no, his fiancée—stuffing his face on French pastries as they lolled in bed for the third day in a row.

They had been booted unceremonially out of five five-star hotels in the City of Lights, and only the ample greasing of certain palms had kept Edward out of jail. Now they had settled in for a week at a country inn with a high tolerance for well heeled homosexuals—or as Ed announced as he marched through the lobby, "We're here—we're queer—we have American Express." Sick to death of being harassed for being a gay couple, Ed decided that nice didn't matter any more. All that mattered was being allowed to travel the French countryside hand in hand with the man he intended to spend the rest of his very long life with.

Or life could be short—heartbreakingly so. All they really had was now, and Edward intended to savor every fucking moment of it.

He hoisted his champagne. "To us!"

"To us," Taisa echoed.

"To your fifty trips around the sun, shithead. And to those who come before—and those who follow, especially Izumi. May she live long, love well, laugh often…and always keep a piece of chalk in her pocket. Salut!"

"Salut, you asshole!"

"Brat!"

"Bastard"

'Mmmmmm….you're gonna look so adorable in that wedding dress with the crotchless panties, Roy!"

"FUCK YOU!"

…NOT THE END….

The Further Adventures of the 21st Century Elrics Will Be Recounted in "Beggar's Banquet" , in which Some are Born, Some Die…and Ed and Mustang finally tie the knot…

….and coming Autumn, 2008 to FMAYaoi, "You and Me of the Ten Thousand Wars". Stay Tuned!

Author's Note:

My grateful thanks to all the folks on fmayaoi and for going along on the ride—hope you'll join us on our next excursion into the Alt!Verse of "Fifty Trips" . Feedback feeds the creative flame, so if you've enjoyed it, I hope you'll let me know.

See you at the Wedding!

Love,

The Binary Alchemist

binarytales.