You say "How's the weather?"
So I look out the window
To brighten my soul
It should have been sunny.
I had checked everywhere--The Weather Channel, Weather Underground, the forecast on the radio, and they had all said the same thing:
"Tuesday: Sunny, with highs in the mid-70s. Winds 5-10 miles per hour."
But I can't control
The rain that keeps falling
"It's raining again, isn't it?" His voice is thin and reedy. The floor squeaks quietly beneath his feet as he crosses the room to stand next to me.
"Yes," I reply. "I'm sorry, angel. I said it would be sunny."
A smile on the outside
Never comes in
Comedy, mystery, irony, tragedy
So I scream "Let the show begin!"
He reaches down and squeezes my hand. "It's okay. You can't control the weather. Some things just aren't meant to be."
"Is that how it is?" I ask softly. "Everything is scripted, and if it's not in the script, it can't happen."
Am I scripted?
You break me open
Turn on the light
Stumble inside, with me, with me
"That's not what I meant," he protests.
I step away from him. The rain continues to fall.
"Are we just actors? Do we step into roles--some of them tailor-made for us, others ill-fitting?"
Is that what happened to me?
Do I entertain you?
Do I preoccupy you
With my wit
He turns away from the window, staring beseechingly at me. "Please," he begs, "let's not talk about this anymore. I didn't mean it that way. Besides . . ."
To cover this lie
Are you mesmerized?
" . . .you're scaring me."
I scare him.
Do you think me faithful?
Do you think me a clown?
He grabs me around the waist tightly, burying his face in my shoulder. I can feel his body shaking beneath my hands.
"I'm sorry. Please talk about something else. Tell me about the weather. Tell me how the Yankees are doing. Please!"
I put on this shirt
I picked out this hat
I wore all this paint
Just for you
I stay silent, holding him. He never likes it when I get philosophical on him, preferring light and meaningless conversations.
Sometimes I think he loves my mask more than me.
He finally looks at me, frowning.
"Aren't you going to say something?"
I look out the window.
You break me open
Turn on the light
Stumble inside, with me
With me . . .
"It's still raining."
~la fin~
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disclaimer: trowa and quatre belong to their respective owners. "sad clown" comes from jars of clay's cd "if i left the zoo." it's a really good cd. of course, all of their cds are really good. and the lead singer is hot!