The bullpen was empty at this early hour. The sun tried to show his pale ray but the heavy clouds, full of rain, restrained its effort. The rush hour did not start yet on the DC downtown.
Empty bullpen…not quite. A man was sitting at one desk. His head was lying on one arm and he was looking to his computer. The blue light from the screen was illuminating his face. Deep shadow could be seen under his eyes. A sigh left his lips and he turned off his computer. He then, realized that his team would arrive soon and did not want anyone to see him like…that.
His suit was wrinkled, his eyes reddened by tears and he could not face any the unasked questions on the visages of his colleagues. He got up and walked to the window. He could see people entering the Hoover Building.
With his right hand, he started massaging his cramped shoulder and his mind started wondering to the last email he received from her. She was asking him to forgive her. She wanted to see him. However, he did not know if he could face her. Honestly, he could not tell if he was able to forgive her. She left him. She decided for him. She left and expected that he forgave her?
He closed his eyes and saw her. He could still perfectly picture her, like she never left. Her smile was illuminating her feature. Her smile…he missed and was still missing this smile. Without knowing, a faint smirk started floating on his lips.
He could remember her laugh…so joyful and playful. She used to laugh like a schoolgirl who had been caught doing a prank. A small chuckle rose from his throat but died on his lips. Tears filled his eyes but he refused to let them go. How come, after these many years, he was still broken by her departure? He shook his head and came back to his reality.
Alone, not allowing anyone to approach him too intimately and hiding behind a personality that was not totally his, he decided to go back home and take a shower. He will be back in an hour…on time for the team meeting planned by Demetrius. He grabbed his coat and decided to take the stair. He did not want to take any chance to encounter an early bird in the elevator, like Tara.
Under the hot jet from the shower, he let his tears flowing freely on his cheeks. Deep breaths were shaking his whole body. Without totally realizing it, he was kneeling in the shower, crying over his pain; this pain that was tearing his heart and his soul apart. This pain that he did not want anyone to see. How to explain something, an emotion that grasped your whole being and refused to leave? This pain was following him, day and night, in his dreams and in his nightmares. Every time, he saw a woman that looked like her, the same pain crushed his soul. He allowed himself, for a bit, some moaning coming out of his mouth. At that instant, a picture of her came back to his mind. He could see her clearly.
Leaning against his apartment door, she was waiting for him to pack their picnic. The warm breeze was playing with her hair. A smile was floating on her lips. Her small brown short was showing her perfect muscular legs. A pink shirt brightened her beautiful eyes. With her finger, she motioned to him to come to her. He could not resist. Still smiling, she approached him and kissed him, gently. Her lips were soft and they tasted like raspberry. He could not stop himself and deepened their kiss. She was his.
He let the hot water pouring on his back until the tears finished their course. Washing his face to remove any trace of those tears, he promised himself not to let anyone break his soul like she did.