Reflection

Reflection

Standard Disclaimers: Yu Yu Hakusho and all its characters are not mine. Mild flicks of sort of violent yaoi between Shuuichi Minamino and Youko Kurama ^-^;

Chapter One: Through The Eyes of a Mirror (Kurama's Point of View)

It can't be.

I stared perplexed at the smooth surface of the tall mirror, it's glass hard and cold beneath my fingers. I could feel the chill run up my arm, letting me know this was not a dream. I ran my fingers through the frame, my eyes fixed at my own reflection.

It just couldn't be.

A pair of dark, golden eyes stared back at me, the body standing as still as a statue. If only not for the eyes that followed my every move, I'd say it was just an image left to petrify me. I wish.

I willed my head to stop staring back, and lowered my gaze down at my hands, my clothes. My "reflection" didn't follow the movement though. It stood right there, still as ever, yet I can still feel it watching my every move. My hands, the color of my own skin, it was still me. It was me. Shuuichi Minamino. My clothing, it's still the long sleeved shirt I've always known to wear to work. I can see the strands of hair in my shoulders. Fiery red. It's still me. And even through my own sight, I know I still possess the green orbs that make up my eyes.

But the reflection…it wasn't me. Not me, in a way I've accepted myself to be. He didn't look at me through green eyes, his were gold. He looked at me through a gaze that left me numb, a gaze that made me feel weak. His hair was silver through the moonlight, his clothes only that of a white robe that had been too familiar with me. His skin was pale, as if no blood ever goes in it. And unlike my astonished expression, he wore a calm smile. A smirk.

I backed off. This can't be real.

Then for a split second, he moved. He shifted to both feet, standing firmly there, in the mirror. He was in the mirror. I tried telling myself. He was just a reflection. But something bothered me more about that reassurance. He was MY reflection.

And yet, it was as if he has his own will. He moved by his own accord. He smirks by himself. Unlike a normal reflection, he moved not according to how I moved. But I'm sure this was a mirror. It reflected everything in the room. Everything, but me.

"Don't look so surprised" he said suddenly, causing me to step back once again. He spoke. Very much unlike a reflection. His smirk widened, staring at me, I felt his eyes delve into mine. Our gazes clashed, as if our eyes were glued to each other. Which felt somehow strange, I was looking into alien, yet familiar eyes. But there was nothing I could see inside him. His eyes were a total blank. "I remember before you'd look through the lakes in Makai and see me, but you don't seem surprised," he added, tilting his head in mockery of my expression. I was in shock. That's all I could say about myself.

"What do you want?" Despite my state, I was able to speak. There was no doubt I'm talking to my other self, an alter ego I have lone forgotten. A split self whom I wanted to keep at the back of my very being.

He looked away, his smirk leaving his face. I'm not completely sure whether to call him "me", since I'm here, standing in my place, and he's there, doing things beyond my own will. The very scene confused me. "I got tired" he replied, running a hand through his hair, the silver strands sliding smoothly through the ghostly white fingers.

I watched him, the very same way he does me. I had to keep my guard up, but frankly speaking, this body wouldn't last against my youkai self for long if ever a threat was thrown. "Tired?" I asked. I didn't understand, it was as if he was talking in riddles. Not that he talked much, but even his eyes held questions and statements. Blank as they may be, it was as if there was a hidden message behind the cool darkness of his stares.

He shot me a glance, a glare to be precise. "I got tired" he repeated, his jaws firm, as if hiding a sudden anger. "I got tired of living behind you" he said, his voice an octave higher now. He stepped forward through the floor of the reflection, his eyes never leaving mine.

I gasped, or tried, only I choked at my own breath. He was getting too close to the surface of the mirror. It was as if he's planning to get out of it. But he couldn't do that…could he?

He stopped after that step, standing still again. "I'm tired of having to hide," he said, pausing silently. "I'm tired of pretending to be dead," he stepped again, closer than ever to the mirror's exterior. "I'm tired of being ignored. I'm tired of being forgotten," He touched the surface of the mirror. I could see it ripple against his touch, then harden again, trapping him inside. I'm not sure whether relief ran pass me. He was still calm, looking at his other palm, closing it into a tight fist. His brows knotted as he shut his eyes. His ears twitched.

I stared at him. An ear-crushing silence fell between us, it almost made my ears burst. I felt my heart beating violently in my chest, as if trying to get out of its confinement. I couldn't blame it. I wanted to get out of here. Far away, anywhere, just anywhere were I won't see any mirror. Especially this one.

A mind-torturing minute came. A sudden gush of wind suddenly came between us. As if for some sort of miracle, his hair, his tail, his clothes, they moved with the wind. As if he was touched as well. He seem to be real. Too real. And the ears. I remember somewhere before, they never move, not unless there was something inside me that I hide. My frustrations would come out of my ears. My anger seem to rush from my body to them, causing movement. But what could be bothering him? He was tired. That was all he said. I couldn't understand.

And then, my question was answered. He took a deep breath, his thick eyebrows still together. "And lastly…greatly…" he started, his voice low. "I am tired of you!" his voice raised, his first calm gaze blazing like fire now.

Before I could move in defense for myself, he leapt through the mirror, as quickly as I remember myself, in that form, could. It broke, sending hundreds of shattered pieces on me, burying their sharp wedges in my skin. I winced before I felt ice-cold hands grasp my neck, holding it in a tight coil. I found it difficult to breath as I felt his nails pierce through my neck, my blood dripping on my shoulder.

He pushed me back as I chocked under his touch. I felt the cold wall of my room behind my back, pressing me into it so hard it hurt. "Shuuichi Minamino" he muttered my human name with such a great hatred, I could see him grit his teeth through the name through my shut eyes. He lifted me up the wall, making it harder for me to gain any sort of leverage to get away from his hold. He was only holding me by the neck, his grasp ever so tight.

"Let go" I tried to yell it out, but my voice turned out raspy, like a whisper. A desperate whisper. I was running out of breath. I tried kicking, but it didn't help. He had me pinned. My hands held in his other free one. My body held down by his arm. His knees pinning my own. He was too strong for me, or to say it another way, my youko form is stronger than my human one.

"I hate you, Shuuichi" he said, squeezing my neck for three seconds, only to throw me on one corner of the room, causing me to yelp in pain. I shut my eyes through the pains in my back where it hit the wall. My body felt so numb and weak from the torture of his hold, I doubt I could even move a finger. I never thought I'd fear somebody this much. Not to mention that I'm fearing my own self. As strange as it may sound, it was the truth. For months, his presence had taunted me. But it was only until now did he actually proved he still existed.

"I am sick and tired of everything that had gone between us. The usual tug of war" he said, half kneeling in front of me, watching me struggle with my own body to get the pain away. "You keep saying to the others that you still have me, and that I've changed. That you have changed me."

"I'm not as stupid as to tell them the truth" I said, struggling for words, but finally getting to spill them out. Yusuke and the others will just be worried about me if I tell them my secret. That Youko Kurama still exists. I hate him as much as he hates me. But still, he was me. I've known long before that I can't get rid of him. All I could do was make up for his mistakes. Although, the things I think are mistakes on him are what he was actually proud of.

He smirked again, despite his obvious rage. "You're afraid" he said, his voice taunting me to reply. To deny the fact. I wanted to. I really did. But the mind-blowing fact is…he spoke the truth. I was afraid. I was afraid to lose my friends. I was afraid to make them worry. I was afraid to hurt them, especially when the one that could hurt them the most is my own self.

He must've seen my eyes, much as I tried to hide them. I knew they'd give me away. "Guess what, Shuuichi. You can't hide me forever. You can't tolerate my being forever. You are not the only Kurama."

He leaned forward, grasping a bundle of my crimson hair in his hands, making me wince. My body was aching, my head was spinning. I was in pain. And in confusion. And to add to that, he hit me with the back of his hand, hard on the cheek. I felt myself cough out blood, the dark hue splattered on the wall. I shut my eyes from the sight. And from the pain.

Through my closed eyes, I could feel him breath, as quickly as I was. We're both trying to catch our breaths. It was as if he was just as tired. I opened my eyes, carefully tilting my head to look at him. I was surprised to see his lips bleeding, his eyes reflecting anger and pain. Come to think of it, his cheeks are just as sore as mine. And he had a wound on his back shoulder, just like mine when I hit the wall. His neck was bleeding, little cuts mark the sides, blood trickling down his shoulder and chest. He was at the same state as I am. It was as if I was still staring at my own reflection. Without a mirror.

He caught me looking, and hit me again before letting me go. I fell down on the floor, curled up from the pain that coursed through my body. I watched him as he wiped the blood that appeared from his lips with his forefinger, staring at it for a moment. He sat down beside my lying body, cupping my cheeks in his hand, wiping the same position of blood from my lips with his thumb. I watched him through half closed lids, biting my lower lip for letting him touch me again.

He held the two fingers up, my blood and his. "You know why this happens?" he asked, his gazing playing around the dripping blood. "It's because we're one, I feel your pain, you feel mine" he said. As if to emphasize what he said, he brought his two fingers together, mixing up our blood. "I want to be left alone, Shuuichi. I want to take myself away from you," he said, lowering down his fingers, brushing his blood-coated thumb on my lips, spreading our blood on them. I would've spitted them out if not for my state.

He leaned down, his eyes demanding me to be still. "And that's what I'm going to do," he leaned closer until I could feel his breath on my face.

I felt my breathing quicken, my pulse running through my veins like a flowing flood. I was still as he leaned closer. He stopped midway, causing a great anxiety course through me, making me believe time itself had stopped. Nothing moved between us, except for the occasional gushes of wind that touched my wounds, making me wince. He smiled whenever I do.

He pulled me closer until I felt his lips touch mine. My eyes widened as my heart skipped a beat. I felt myself weaken, much as I tried to struggle. No, this can't happen.

He watched me through half closed lids as I tried to struggle free from his hold. He watched as I went still and looked at him weakly through my closing eyes. I felt myself grow weary, and by the time my eyes closed, I felt him smile through the kiss. I was able to open my eyes slightly, only to see his eyes closed, his brows knitted in his forehead. I shut my eyes as he kissed me, unable to do anything, feeling his now dry forefinger slide teasingly down my neck. He groaned, as he deepened the kiss, pulling me to him as he sighed harshly through my ears.

I felt my hearts calming almost instantly, my breathing weakened. This wasn't an ordinary kiss. I knew what he was trying to do. And as sure as I was, I felt weak, my hands and feet numb. I couldn't move. I couldn't breathe. I can't feel my own heart anymore. It was as if my very soul and energy are being sucked out of me.

And that was what he was just doing.

That was the last thing I've thought about. I felt myself falling. And then…everything went dark.

End of Chapter 1

Document created with wvWare/wvWare version 0.6.7 -->