(((Dedication: Dedicated to Caleb. Because you're "very definitely male," remember?

Summary:

It was going to take some work to get our beloved insomniac, L, to relax enough for sleep—but Raitou was up for the challenge, if it meant he could get some sleep as well.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Info: Death Note one-shot; nonromantic, nonyaoi; L-Raitou centric; friendship, hurt/comfort

Warnings: Spoiler: L's real name is revealed. Also, some very slight language.

Author notes: Don't forget: RaitouLight, and LawlietLRyuuzaki.)))

Thinking in Circles

By: Tjix

He was never safe.

There was never a moment in his life when he could drop his guard. Not one single moment, even when he was sleeping (which was rare—damned insomnia). There was never a moment when he could relax, never a single moment when he could stop thinking about deceptions and strategies and suspects and caution. There was never a moment when he could stop being L and go back to being Lawliet. Never a moment's peace, as they said.

Especially now; now, when he was so certain that Raitou was Kira, and when they were handcuffed together and spent every minute of every day in each others' company... it was disconcerting, to say the least. The stress of being chained to a suspected murderer who was supposedly out to kill you would have already cracked any other mind, any mind weaker than his. Fortunately, he had a strong mind. Unfortunately, that meant spending more time with Raitou.

Curled up in bed, his back a few inches from Raitou's, Lawliet stared at the wall with wide black eyes. Insomnia wasn't the only thing keeping him awake tonight. Being no more than a foot away from a man who could probably kill him without batting an eyelash was not helping his condition. The fact that his thoughts—about the case, about Kira, about Raitou, and about himself—kept going around in circles wasn't exactly a boon to the cause of sleep, either.

Lawliet's eyes flickered back toward Raitou, and then forward to stare into the darkness again. Kira. Raitou was Kira. He had to be. But why couldn't he remember? Or was he really not Kira? No, no, he had to be. Lawliet told people that the possibility of Raitou being Kira was about seven percent, but it was really closer to about ninety-seven percent. So he had to be Kira. But there was still that persistent three percent to deal with...

Rolling over carefully, the young black-haired man settled in to stare at the back of Raitou's head. His best friend. His worst enemy. It hurt him to think that, instead of one or the other, it had to be both... so no matter how the situation was resolved, it would wound him deeply.

After a few moments, Raitou, eyes still closed, whispered, "What is it, Ryuuzaki?"

Somehow it didn't surprise Lawliet to know that Raitou wasn't actually asleep. Just another one of the reasons that the detective could never drop his guard around the honor student—it was always difficult to tell with him. To tell what? Anything. Awake or asleep, angry or indifferent, excited or scared... truth or lies... innocent or guilty. Raitou or Kira.

"Ryuuzaki?"

He still hadn't replied, he realized. What had the question been? Oh, yes, of course. "Nothing, Yagami-kun."

Lawliet could hear the frown in Raitou's voice, even though he couldn't see it. "Something's bothering you."

"You should sleep, Yagami-kun."

He was scowling now, Lawliet was sure of it. "You think I'm going to kill you in your sleep, don't you? Or something like that."

Lawliet didn't bother to reply. Raitou knew the answer.

"Damn it, Ryuuzaki. Even if I was Kira, I wouldn't kill you tonight!"

"Why not?" Lawliet asked without inflection, habitually searching for more information. Perhaps, said the cold, logical section of his brain—the dominant section—this was a chance to gain an insight into Raitou's—Kira's—mind.

"Because I, unlike some black-haired, candy-loving super-detectives I could mention, am trying to get some sleep at this ungodly hour!"

Lawliet was silent for a moment, then said, very softly, "I am sorry. I didn't mean to keep you awake." Then he rolled over, once again putting his back to Raitou. Staring at the brunette wasn't going to make anything clearer, and he could at least try to pretend to be sleeping, if only for Raitou's sake, to help him sleep. Lawliet almost chuckled. For Raitou's sake. Just a moment ago, he had been thinking about how Raitou was probably a mass-murderer who wanted him dead...

Raitou tried to dismiss the subtle quaver to his companion's voice, but it was more difficult to ignore the faint vibration traveling down the chain from Ryuuzaki's wrist, trembling from the pressure of his clenched fist. Raitou rolled halfway over, onto his back, and sighed when he saw Ryuuzaki's tense posture—back arched, knees drawn to his chest, shoulders hunched up around his ears.

"Ryuuzaki," he whispered.

No reply.

"L."

A slight shift, a flinch. Then Ryuuzaki's shoulder settled around his ears again and he was still.

"If I promise not to kill you tonight, whoever I am, will you believe me?"

After only a moment's hesitation, Ryuuzaki nodded once.

"I promise. Now will you go to sleep?"

"I can't." The whispered words were laden with deep torment.

"Try."

"I have tried. I can't."

Raitou frowned. "Well, you'll never get to sleep like that. Relax your arms, and stop trying to touch the top of your head with your shoulders."

Ryuuzaki hesitated, then forcefully lowered his shoulders. Raitou brushed his fingertips across the top of his friend's back and sighed. "That's no better. If you were any stiffer I'd make a roof out of you."

"I can't relax." His voice nearly broke with effort and exhaustion.

"Yes, you can." Raitou reached across the space between them and rested his hands on Ryuuzaki's thin, tense shoulders. Very gently, he began to rub knots out of Ryuuzaki's back with his thumbs. "Just breathe deeply and think about the fact that I'm not going to kill you tonight."

Lawliet bit his lip, arms tightening around his knees. However, he couldn't help but unwind as Raitou massaged the tension out of his back, murmuring soothingly. Almost against his will, Lawliet's eyes began to drift closed.

Once Raitou could feel Ryuuzaki's muscles easing, he curled up against the older boy's back. "Now go to sleep," he murmured.

"Okay." Lawliet couldn't keep his eyes open anymore. Somehow, having Raito at his back no longer seemed like a cause for concern. On the contrary, Lawliet felt safer than he had in a very, very long time. Without even realizing it, he was allowing his guard to drop, inch by inch.

"Raitou-kun?" His voice was small and listless with drowsiness.

"Sleep, Ryuuzaki." Raitou's quiet voice spiraled out of focus in Lawliet's half-sleeping state.

"My name isn't Ryuuzaki."

Raitou's eyes widened as he realized what his friend was about to do—something he would strongly regret, come morning. "L, you don't have to tell me—"

"My name is Lawliet."

Raitou drew a deep breath to quell the rush that he felt at the knowing of L's true name. He had always wanted to know who L really was, but now was not the time to revel in that knowledge. "Go to sleep, Lawliet."

"Okay."

Raitou knew that, in the morning, Lawliet was truly going to regret revealing himself, but it didn't seem to matter right now. Right now he was finally going to get some sleep, no longer haunted by the knowledge that while he wasted away his time with resting, Ryuuzaki—L—Lawliet was wide-awake, his thoughts chasing themselves back and forth.

"No more thinking in circles tonight," he murmured, moving his arm to lay across Lawliet's waist.

"No more thinking in circles," the smaller man agreed, settling back against Raitou's chest. "Goodnight, Yagami-kun."

"Goodnight... Lawliet."

Lawliet closed his eyes and, for the first time in a long time, drifted off into peaceful sleep...