Thursday, August 24, 2023

Well, I'm glad that my family is somewhat okay with Scorpius and me, but I'm embarrassed that James read about us having sex. I mean, we haven't gone the whole way yet, but I still don't want my brother to know that I'm doing anything with my boyfriend.

Anyway, my cousins and my siblings were probably the most accepting of all of my family members. I think it's because we've been around gay people more often than my parents' generation has. My parents weren't too shocked by the news though.

Dad kind of smiled when I told them and said, "As long as you are happy." Mum blinked, frowned, and then blinked again before saying, "A Malfoy? Really, Al, if you had to pick a boy, couldn't you have gone out with the Thomas boy or Parvati's son?" She hugged me though, so I know she was joking. Mostly.

Grandma and Grandpa just sighed and shook their heads at me. I know it's a disappointment to them that I turned out to be bisexual, but I was a little upset with their reactions. I suppose I should just be happy they didn't decide to exile me from the family or something.

All of my aunts and uncles were in between my parents and grandparents reactions. Some of them were a little disapproving, but most of them said it was fine, "though I should have picked someone who wasn't a Malfoy" and that "at least Scorpius is a nice boy, regardless of his family." So even if they don't really support our relationship right now, I think things will get better over time. Or at least I hope so.

Scorpius was happy when I told him how the explanation went. I didn't mention how much everyone hated that he was a Malfoy, but I did tell him that my family loves him as a person. It made him blush a little. Silly boy.

Mum reminded me tonight that tomorrow is our last full day at the resort. We have to spend Saturday packing and then we are leaving on Sunday. I think I'll do something special with Scorpius tomorrow.

I know that's it been almost two months since we arrived at the resort, but I'm not ready to leave yet. I just discovered the real Scorpius. I'm not ready to lose him. He keeps saying that things won't change when we get back to Hogwarts, but I just can't see things staying the same.

Friday, August 25, 2023

I got up early this morning and went down to the front desk to ask what areas on the island were really romantic. The desk clerk told me about a waterfall on the southern-most end of the island that's really secluded and draped in natural privacy spells. He said that the first couple to get there would usually have total privacy for the rest of the day. Then he winked at me and said, "And girls think the waterfall is gorgeous."

I thanked him, but I couldn't help feeling weird. I hate letting people think things about me that aren't true. At the same time, I didn't know what to tell him. How does one explain they are dating a bloke? Do I really even have to? It's just easier to let people think you are normal, I guess.

Anyway, after that I gathered up some food for a picnic. I could only find breakfast foods, so I mostly got fruit and some pastries and muffins. I got Scorpius some hash browns and sausage. That boy loves anything made with potatoes or pigs, I swear.

Then it was time to go wake up Scorpius! I was really excited and practically ran up to his family's suite. I knocked on the door, and his mum answered. It was almost nine by then, so I thanked her and ran into Scorpius's room. First I poked him and he swatted at my hand. When I poked him again he muttered, "I don' wanna go to summer school."

Finally, I gave up and jumped on him. He screamed and shoved me off the bed. I don't think people without siblings are used to other people jumping on them while they are sleeping.

When he calmed down and got dressed (his mum made me sit in the living area while he was naked, which was very disappointing,) I told him what the day's plan was. He was not overly impressed, but I promised it would be worth it.

We headed off to the waterfall. When we got there it was a horrible mess of flowers and bushes and trees. It was perfect. There was a little clearing by the pool of the waterfall, and no one could see in into the clearing from outside of it. (I checked. Multiple times. Because I'm Scorpius is paranoid.)

We spread out a blanket next to some tiger lilies. I didn't know what they were called, but Scorpius informed me of their name and called me an uncultured baboon, but he did it with a smile, so I know he was only joking. Then we spread out the food. Scorpius just about had an orgasm when he saw the hash-browns and sausage. The look on his face was so sexy.

So, of course, I tried to get him out of his clothes.

I started by saying, "Hey, Scorpius, aren't you hot? Don't you want to take off some of your clothes?"

He just looked at me and started sucking on a sausage. The thought of his mouth wrapped around a different kind of sausage immediately invaded my mind.

I was desperate to get him naked and under me, so I scooted over next to him and said, "If I was you, I would just walk around naked all the time. I wouldn't have a job. I wouldn't have any skills. I wouldn't even know how to read. I would just be... naked."

He smirked at me. "Is that so?" he asked. I nodded, and he laughed at me. "You are so transparent," he said and then he kissed me.

I ended up underneath him and undressed before he even lost his shirt. Eventually we both ended up naked though, so it didn't really matter. We still didn't go all the way, partially because I've never gone all the way with a guy before, but mostly because I'm not ready to lose that last bit of myself to Scorpius. I don't really want to end up with a broken heart come September first.

Before I knew it, my last day here on the island drifted away, and all that was left was one more night. I broke it to Scorpius that I won't be able to spend tomorrow with him, and he seemed to take it okay. We promised to send owls to each other until we got back to Hogwarts. Then we spent the rest of the evening talking. We won't even be apart for a week, but I'm going to miss him.

Saturday, August 26, 2023

Today was my last day at the resort. This was definitely an odd vacation, but I really enjoyed it here. I ate breakfast with Scorpius, and we said our goodbyes. Well, really it was more like "see you later."

Then I came back to the room and I've been packing ever since. I think we have almost everything put together now, except for what we will need in the morning. I'm getting ready to go to sleep now. I'm still not ready to leave, but I don't have much choice in the matter.

Sunday, August 27, 2023

We are heading home now. We already took a roomkey from the resort to the airport, and now we are on the plane getting ready for take off.

I didn't sleep much last night. I think I'm just going to take a nap on the flight. I know that if I stay awake my family will want to talk to me, and I'm just not in the mood.

It's been over twenty-four hours since I last saw Scorpius. I miss him.

Monday, August 28, 2023

We got home very late last night, so we didn't see anyone. This morning I woke up to Guy Coote hammering on my door. I let him in, and he was immediately all up in my face asking me questions.

Guy is one of my best friends. I love him to pieces, really. It just that most people, meeting him for the first time, form three impressions of him: that he's English, that he's intelligent, and that he's gayer than a tree full of monkeys on nitrous oxide. Really, he is all of these things, but he isn't the "gay" gay. He's a metrosexual (I think that's the term) and loves fashion, but he hates being called a homosexual because he's straight as a ruler. So his kind of "gay" is the crazy, happy kind.

His first question after rushing into my room and stealing my spot on my bed was, "How many girls did you bag while you were away?" and his second one was, "Did you bring me any island clothing?"

I said, "No." and "None."

He frowned. "What did you do then?"

He sat there, waiting for me to answer, and I knew that I had to tell him about Scorpius. "Well, I met a boy, who was as cute as can be. And wouldn't you know he was crazy for me?"

"Uh-huh," he said. "And where are you going with this?"

"It happened so fast. I tried to fight it, but..."

He grinned. "Summer love, eh? Was it love at first sight?"

I stared at him. "Don't you care that I said I was involved with a boy?"

"No, not as long as you give me all the details. Gay, straight, it doesn't matter. Just tell me, did you get very far?"

I blushed, and he had his answer. "Little Alby had sex!"

I glared at him. "Shut it. It's not like I was a virgin or anything."

"You should have been an arse virgin. What guy fucked you before this one?"

"Wait, what?" I really couldn't believe he had said that. "We didn't go all the way. And what makes you think I'd be the bottom?!"

"Al, you are the follower. You never would have dated a girl if Topaz hadn't pressured you into it. And you wouldn't have had sex with her either. You are lucky she wanted you enough to seduce you."

I made a bit of a mistake then when I was trying to stick up for my manliness. "Well, if you must know, I kissed him first. That's leading a relationship, right? And I haven't been fucked by any guy, not even Scorpius."

Guy just blinked at me. "Scorpius. Now, I know that isn't a common name, but please tell me Scorpius was a cute island boy and not Scorpius Malfoy."

I couldn't lie. "He was Scorpius Malfoy."

He burst out laughing. "That's too much. You're probably right then. Malfoy's more of a femme than me. You would be the top."

"Shut up!" I hit him over the head with a pillow. He just laughed louder. "Scorpius is not a femme. He's amazing."

Guy stuck out his tongue. "Tell me more then. If you didn't go all the way, how did you spend those long, hot summer nights?"

"We talked."

"You're in love. You really like him." Guy was dumbfounded.

"How did you think I felt? Of course I love him! I didn't decide to get involved with a guy. It just… happened." The look on Guy's face really upset me.

"You mean… you're gay?"

"No, I'm not."

He sighed and smiled. "I thought you must have just been experimenting. I'm glad I was right."

I could have left it at that, but it felt like I was betraying my love for Scorpius. "I'm bi." I tried to explain to him that I was attracted to both men and women, but he didn't seem to understand.

"Why don't you just pick birds or blokes?" he asked.

"It's not that easy! It's not like I'm only attracted to one gender at a time. Right now, I like a man. If we break up, I might fall in love with a woman. It's not like I can say that from now on I will only date women."

We ended up talking about it for a long time. I still don't think he understands, but at least he isn't grossed out by it. I'm glad I didn't lose one of my best friends over this. I'm still not sure how my family will handle the idea that I'm bisexual, but that's okay. I'll take things one step at a time.

Then again, this might not be an issue. I still haven't heard from Scorpius.

Tuesday, August 29, 2023

I'm so tired. We went out and battled the crowds in Diagon Alley today. I still haven't heard from Scorpius. I don't know whether I should owl him or not. If I haven't heard from him, by tomorrow, I will.

That's not overbearing is it? I just miss him and want to talk to him. Maybe he doesn't want to talk to me though. We never really decided on who would send the first letter though. So, maybe he's just afraid to contact me too? I dunno. I miss him. I'm going to go crawl into bed and sleep.

Wednesday, August 30, 2023

It's raining. I hate the rain. English summer rain seems to last for ages. I went down to the basement of Grimmauld Place today to hide from my family. They are driving me crazy. So I sat down there and listened to the rain for ages. I'm trying to figure out what I should say in my letter.

I love you. I miss you. Drop on by and see me!

No, that's not right.

How have you been? Are you home yet? Are you alive?

That's stupid.

Hey Scorpius. Are you home yet? I'm home and we went shopping yesterday in Diagon Alley for school

All right. I need to calm down. I'm going to hold my breath and count to ten.

It didn't help. Why hasn't he written me?

Dear Scorpius, Why haven't you written me you fucking bastard?!

NO. Not unless I WANT him to dump me.

Dear Scorpius,
Everything here at home is the same. Nothing ever changes in this dusty old house. I'm in the basement, and you might as well be in the sky. I can't touch you anymore. I can't feel your heart beating against mine. I can't hear your voice whispering in my ear. I can't taste your skin. And I sure as hell can't see your face.
Why haven't you written? Am I the only one who feels like he's falling apart?
I miss you. I love you.

Well, that would work, if I wanted him to read it, laugh at how pitiful I am, and toss the letter, and my heart along with it, into his fireplace. I'll have to start again later.

Thursday, August 31, 2023

I didn't send a letter last night. Guy came over, and we started packing up my stuff for Hogwarts. I went over to his house today to help him pack his stuff. I kept spacing out and thinking about Scorpius. I decided not to send the letter because maybe he decided he didn't want to be connected to "The Son of the Saviour" after all. Maybe he doesn't love me. Maybe he went back to Dickhead.

No. I'll trust him. I know he didn't do that. I know he loves me.

I hope he still loves me...

Friday, September 1, 2023

We are driving to the station now. Less than fifteen minutes from now I will see Scorpius. I think I'm going to toss my breakfast. It might just be Uncle Ron's driving causing that though.

Later…

When we got to the station I was nervous. I climbed out of the car and helped unload the stuff. We made our way through the barrier, and I was the last one through. As soon as I made it to the other side, I found myself looking at Scorpius.

I wanted to run, but I knew there was nowhere to hide. His eyes caught mine then, and there was no one else alive. He has the silver eyes of a temptress, but at that moment they reminded me of fire.

It was like they were spitting spite at me. His anger filled me, spread through my blood, and I knew I wouldn't run.

I walked over to him and his eyes continued to glare at me. "Why didn't you write me?" he demanded.

"Why didn't you write me?" I asked in return.

"You were the one who said you'd write. I was waiting for you."

"I thought you were going to write first."

His eyes softened then. "Are we still… together, then?"

I reached out to touch him, but he backed away. "I'm gay. I am who I want to be, but you could be anything."

I grabbed his hand. "All that matters to me is being something with you. I don't need labels."

He let me pull him into a hug. "I've missed you," I murmured in his ear.

"I've missed you, too. Are we okay?"

I pushed him away and looked at him. He looked serious. "Yes." I embraced him again, and struggled not to cry as I came to terms with the fact that he really was mine. "I was so afraid I was just a summer fling."

"I was afraid of that, too. I was afraid I was just an experiment and that you wouldn't even look at me this year."

We stepped apart then when Lily and a bunch of her friends started giggling. "Try to avoid making out in public, boys," she said. "You're going to gross people out!"

Scorpius just smirked at her. "You know it turns you on."

Lily and I both gagged at that, but Lily and her friends left, and Scorpius and I started moving towards the train. We spent most of the ride talking, but Scorpius is sleeping now, so I'm writing in here. He confessed that he couldn't sleep last night because he thought I was going to leave him. Merlin, I love this boy. I hope I never lose him.

I'm at the very bottom of the last page of this not-diary now though. The summer's over, it's time for school to start, and I have Scorpius by my side. I'd say that while this book is over, my story has only just begun.

The Beginning

A/N: This is it! The end... or the beginning. :)

Thank you all for your support. I apologize for the quality of this fic. I haven't had any part of this betaed and it shows. Once I complete some other responsibilities, I hope to come back an clean this up. Until then, I hope you enjoyed this fic. :)