23.

Control had never been my strong suit. Even back when I was the eager freshman eager to learn everything I could, my emotions would always get the better of me. When Lissa and I had escaped from the academy to seek refuge in the shadows away from those who wanted to hunt her, it was my lack of control that led to our downfall. Not being able to blend in, not being able to properly provide enough substance for Lissa to live on and not being able to control my emotions the night we were found. It was the classic case of flight or fight and I had chosen to fight... this time I would choose right.

My shoes crunched against the gravel as I made my way up Victor's driveway. Small droplets of rain washing away the dried blood on my face and the cool breeze cleaning out the smell of the fight from my body. The sound of gravel being punctured behind me was almost overbearing, he was following me. Not letting me go. Walking around the side of the manor, I found myself face to face with an extensive collection of cars sitting inside of an opened garage, it felt like they were waiting for me. A small smile touched my lips and a shallow sigh escaped my lips as I turned and braced myself for the final confrontation. "Go home Dimitri.."

He stopped ten feet away from me. His usual stoic face was nowhere to be found, he looked furious. "I'm not going anywhere." A frown touched Dimitri's brow and he shook his head with disbelief. "You're being rash, there's no need for .. this." He spread out his strong, ample arms and waved his hands in front of me. "For all of this. You're coming back to the academy." As he took a step towards me, I took a step back.

"No, I'm not." The sadness took my tone. This had been the inevitable. "You can't see it because your too close to it..." I paused and decided on my words carefully, "Too close to me." Once we had engaged in a conversation about what would happen if we were both charged as Lissa's guardian, what would we do if we got ourselves into a situation where we were all compromised. And we had agreed full heartedly that we would protect Lissa, over each other. "You were right, Lissa has to be your main priority." Using his own words against him would surely gain me some ground. "And you can't do that if I'm around."

Dimitri's face hardened as he folded his arms across his chest. "Your not doing this," His russian accent slowly seeped into his voice, something which happened when he got..emotional. "Your not going to use me as the excuse for you running." He paused his darker than chocolate eyes watching me closely. "Your running because your scared."

"Stating the obvious much," I retorted. "Of course I'm scared. I'm on the cusp of being a guardian, my lover is my teacher and my charge is giving off some crazy ass blood bond mojo." Taking steps closer to him, I tilted my head up and looked directly into his eyes so that he would look into mine. "Do you even see these eyes?" I didn't need a mirror to know that they were still the colour of coal, the magic from the blood bond was coursing strongly through my veins. "They're full on freaky black which apparently according to " I pointed out to the woods to where we had parked the van "that crazy old bastard.. is interesting. Interesting is not good.. interesting is bad."

"Since when do you believe a word Victor Dashkov says? He's crazy, you said it yourself. Besides you have an academy full of people who are willing to help you, a sister who would do anything for you" He said referring to Lissa, "And you have me." Dimitri took a step closer to me and placed his hands on my shoulders, steadying me. "You have all of me."

The butterflies in my stomach were going on a rampage, trying to escape. The pure emotion and openness he was offering me was overwhelming, it was almost felt like I couldn't breathe. I had waited for so long to hear him confess his feelings for me, for him to confess to himself that he loved me. I had waited so long for him. Looking down from his eyes, I stared directly at his chest and took several deep breaths. I needed to control myself. My mind was too busy in flashback mode, remembering last night when we had been together, as one. Running a hand through my auburn hair, I looked up at him from under a set of full black lashes. "This isn't a fairytale." As the words escaped my mouth, I could feel my heart straining to keep itself together. "Last night was...but today is today."

Not exactly the most eloquent, but he understood my meaning perfectly clear. His hands moved from my shoulders at warp speed as though he had been electrically pricked. "I won't follow you." He spoke clearly and took a step back. I knew that he wouldn't, I may have been the love of his life or so I like to think but he would never turn his back on his duties. And he knew I would never ask him to. "I can only ask you to stay, consider.."

A sad smile touched my lips, "Would you stay?" I asked rhetorically. "Would you stay if you knew that you had been compromised and someone else's life was in danger because of that? Would you?" And thats when I felt it, my heart breaking apart. I was compromising Lissa's life by being ill equipped to defend her. She wasn't safe in my protection. I was going to lose everyone that I loved. It was becoming hard to see with the water swimming around in my eyes, waiting to escape, to betray me. "You need to go.. protect her.. save her."

Dimitri didn't move.

"GO!" I shouted and turned my back on him, facing the inside of the garage. The tears freely escaped my eyes and streamed down the sides of my face.

I felt him move up behind me, my body tensed wanting to be touched. He leaned in close to my ear and I felt his hot breath against me. Dimitri spoke softly into my ear, "Come back to me." And then he was gone.

My body crumpled down onto the floor in a heap and I cried because I had been broken.