CHAPTER ONE

I awoke suddenly by a shaking feeling. Looking around, I noticed everyone seemed to be the same as they were before I had dozed off. Concluding that it must have been a speed bump or perhaps a hole in the road, I glanced outside. The sky was overcast and it looked like it may rain. Part of me wished it would, as I loved the rain, but I was not outside and would only be able to watch.

It was almost silent on the bus. There were very little people aboard as it was, and considering the bus had left Brooklyn at three in the morning two days ago, the people who were there were very tired. I was one of them, but I knew I would not get back to sleep yet. There was way too much on my mind, as within only a couple hours, I would be reaching my destination.

Somehow Ville, my boyfriend and the lead singer of the band HIM, had convinced me to go along with him to West Chester. His best friend Bam Margera was having this year-long "camp out" in his castle home, and Ville could not turn down the offer. Knowing very well that I would miss him, and Bam was not going to permit any visitors during this experience, he had asked if I could come too.

Other than Bam's mother April, and his brother Jess' wife Kelly, I would be the only woman in the house. Of course, Jess and Kelly would have their small daughters Ava and Scarlett, but they did not count as women. I was sure that even Ava was still too young to understand what I was going through. Patting my stomach a moment, I wondered even what I was going through.

"I'll get through this," I whispered to myself.

I hadn't seen Bam or any of his family for a month and a half. I hadn't even heard from any of them. Bam and I had been dating for six months, spending many moments together, but then he broke it off. Seeing as he had just divorced his wife Missy only two months before we got together, he was sure that he was not yet ready to date. A week after the break-up, I received an email from Jess and Kelly, telling me that they would be there for me. I hadn't received another.

Of course, after dating Bam, I had found myself becoming good friends with Ville Valo of HIM. Two weeks after the break-up, I began to date Ville. I should have expected something such as this to happen, considering Ville and Bam were such good friends. I had found myself very happy and joyful with Ville, up until the moment I started vomiting in the morning. Nothing needed to confirm it for me.

Pulling out a notebook from my bag, I began to jot down a to-do list:
- put on a happy face and pretend nothing is awkward
- give a hug to everyone I see
- take a nap with Ville or alone

I considered putting something else on the list, but I decided against it. I didn't want anyone to know of my current condition, not even Ville, for as long as I possibly could. In two or three months, it would become obvious, but I wanted to wait. The fear was building up inside me with nowhere to possibly go. Turning another page in my notebook, I began to sketch a garden scene. One of my past times had been sketching nature, as it was something that calmed me down.

Hours passed, and I failed to fall asleep again. Luckily, I had brought a portable DVD player with me, and I passed some of the time by watching Sweeney Todd and The Nanny Diaries. My collection of movies wasn't particularly the best, but I enjoyed myself the best I could. As the sun began to set over the horizon, I noticed the bus pulling into West Chester, Pennsylvania. My insides began to tense up, but I was able to force a smile on when I saw Ville waiting for me. I grabbed my bag, and as the bus came to a halt, I exited.

With Ville was Ryan Dunn, who enveloped me in a big hug. Despite the fact that he was good friends with Bam, he and the rest of the guys enjoyed my company, and missed the time we all spent together. After Ryan released me, he handed me over to my boyfriend, who pulled me in for a hug, and gave me a soft kiss on the lips.

In his thick Finnish accent, Ville asked, "How was the bus ride?"

"Good," I replied. "Although pretty boring, to be honest."

"It'll all liven up as soon as we get to Castle Bam!" Ryan exclaimed.

I nodded, and Ville and I jumped into the truck that they had arrived in. Ryan sat in the driver's seat, and within a span of fifteen minutes of silence, we reached our destination. There were few other vehicles around, and nobody outside. Ryan took my bag from me as we exited the truck, and Ville held my hand as we entered the building. He didn't speak, but I knew he could feel my tenseness.

Faces turned to us as we walked in. Everyone knew I was coming, but due to my breakup with Bam, they were all a little confused by why I would come. Even if it was just for Ville, they were confused. There was a briefing going on, so Bam could explain the rules, and our arrival had interrupted. The people participating in this "camp out" were Bam, Jess and Kelly, April and Phil Margera, myself and Ville, Ryan, and Tim Glomb. Everyone else was either busy, or just didn't want to.

"I'm sorry," I told everyone quietly.

"That's okay," Bam explained, "I'm just going over the rules."

I bit my lip a moment, then asked, "Can I go take a nap? I'm very tired. Ville can tell me all the rules later."

I noticed Bam was about the object, but April smiled and said, "Of course, go rest up."

"I…don't know which room is mine."

"Dunn, you know the rules already, you go show her where to sleep," Bam instructed to Ryan.

Ryan nodded, and still carrying my bag, motioned for me to follow him. He brought me up the stairs and down a corridor, opening the third door on the left. The room was painted black, and had fuchsia glow lights instead of real light bulbs. It looked like the sort of room I would dream of having. Ryan placed my bag on the floor, and shook his head at my shocked and amazed face.

"Ville requested this room. He put up quite a fight for it. You can have your nap, I'll send the man up when Bam's done with us."

After he left the room, I spent a moment looking around. There was one stand-up closet against the wall, which seemed to be full of Ville's jackets, and a dresser with half the drawers already filled. I unzipped my bag, and threw my two jackets into the closet, and the rest of my clothes into the two unfilled drawers. After putting away my clothes and setting out a few items on a bedside table, I collapsed on the bed.

I couldn't fall asleep instantly, much to my dismay. "Why…" I began, muttering to myself, "Why must this have to happen?"