Title: Unforgivable sinner

Summary: Dean finds out the truth about Bela's past and decides to help her no matter what. Not that she's ready to accept that help but...

The story starts during "Time is on my side".

Spoilers: Season 3, mainly 3.15 "Time is on my side".

Characters: Dean, Sam and Bela, plus I decided to develop a bit the character of a mysterious hunter Rufus

Disclaimer: If they were mine… I wouldn't waste my time on fanfics :)

Note: I was inspired by Cher's "If I could turn back time" and "Show me the meaning" by Backstreet Boys. Both are old songs and yet so fitting. Well, I just like old songs! And the title is taken from "Unforgivable sinner" performed by Lene Marlin.

All mistakes are mine. Just believe that they were not made on purpose. And, well, I will probably leave this episode in peace some day, but for now it is my fav and also the one I hate the most because I don't like seeing Bela die. And I can't stand to think that she had to die with Dean hating her because of that terrible lie that she said.

Chapter 1

You've been walking around in tears
No answers are there to get
You won't ever be the same
Someone cries and you're to blame

Struggling with a fight inside
Sorrow you'll defeat
The picture you see it won't disappear
Not unpleasant dreams or her voice you hear

"Unforgivable sinner" by Lene Marlin

Dean was driving down the motorway breaking all possible rules on the way. The speed of the Impala was at least twice higher than it was permitted but he didn't care, not a single bit.

Damn bloody bitch ruined everything! All the prices he'd paid, all the sacrifices he'd made, everything he'd been fighting for was – poof! – gone! Bela sold the Colt just like he thought she would. Of course she did! Why wouldn't she? But he hoped – Jesus, he even prayed on the way to her motel – that she had an actual heart somewhere under that ice-covered piece of stone in her chest. Wasn't too much surprised when it turned out that she didn't, though.

It was his only fucking chance!

"Damn it!" Dean hit his fist on the steering wheel in utter outrage and sped up.

Now they were left absolutely helpless, defenseless… All because of Bela! Ruby's knife, no matter how awesome it was, was of no use against the whole freaking army of demons, unless they had a collection of such stuff, which they had not, and that was what really mattered.

Wished he'd shot her right there and then. Of course it would not give him back the Colt but, God, it would at least be such a pleasure! But the bitch was going to pay the price and that would be a higher price than a simple bullet in a head, which she deserved, of course, but it would be way too easy after what she'd done.

Dean threw a sidelong glance at the folder with Bela's file that Rufus gave him. Absolutely unexpected part of her life, he had to admit with a chuckle. She had more dark spots in her past than he could have imagined. Cooking up a car accident was one thing, and that thing would not surprise Dean, not really. But selling her own soul for the inheritance at the age of 14 was something totally different. It was horrible, even for him, even after all he'd seen in his life. Turned out he wasn't that far from the truth when he called Bela Talbot damaged. Only not exactly the way he meant but … Oh, God!

Anger boiled in Dean's veins. It was mostly anger at himself and his own inability to do something, to help Sammy, to save himself from eternal damnation. And right at the moment the speed of the Impala was the only thing that kept Dean focused and occupied, made him concentrate on the road, otherwise he's probably kill someone for real.

Phone call caught him on one of the abrupt turns of the motorway. He snatched his mobile from the dashboard and bellowed without even looking at the caller ID:

"What?!"

"Nice to hear you too, Dean," a familiar voice hemmed on the other end of the line.

"Bobby." He took a deep breath to calm himself down feeling both guilty for shouting like that and irritated with the interruption of the train of his thought at the same time. "Sorry, I just… I'm just a little pissed off, that's it."

Bobby coughed.

"I'm happy it's not your permanent state! Did you find Rufus?"

"Yeah. Nice guy! And very positive, too! Haven't met such an optimist for a damn while already."

Bobby ignored his sarcasm.

"So?"

"So we had a long and informative conversation. And yes, I found Bela, if that's what you're asking about."

"And?"

Dean could picturesque almost in every detail how Bobby frowned and held his breath waiting for his response.

"And? There's no and, Bobby! Couldn't be! Do you think she was waiting for me to come? Quite on contrary! And what's most important - the bitch sold the Colt, probably the next moment she laid her greedy hands on it!" He had to grit his teeth not to growl. "The Colt is who knows where, can be in Tibet or elsewhere in any other part of the world, and we're freaking out of time to try and track it down." Only three bloody weeks left! And what – planes?!

Bobby sighed in disappointment and Dean suddenly felt his outrage fading away at the sound. If it wasn't for Bobby they'd still be nowhere in their search for Bela. And although Dean didn't like what he found out, knowing something was anyway better than knowing nothing at all. The least he could and should do was vent his anger upon an old friend.

"I'm sorry, Dean."

"Forget it, okay? We both knew it was a dead end, right?"

"Well, yeah, but… What about Bela?" Bobby asked with… was that concern? Gee!

"What about her?" Dean didn't even have to close his eyes to see Devil's shoestring so clearly with his inner sight as if it was right before him. Another turn on the road. Less than two hours left to drive. "Probably head over ears in her dirty business." Like she had much time left, he thought with somewhat satisfaction. "Did you know? About her."

A pause. "Yes." Another pause and a heavy sigh. Dean imagined Bobby shaking his head this time. "Poor girl."

Dean choked and stopped the car short, barely missing the telegraph pole at the roadside.

"Poor… what?! Poor girl?!" He repeated in disbelief, one hundred per cent sure he must have misunderstood what Bobby said. Had to suppress a childish urge to shake the telephone in case he was hearing this nonsense because of problems on the line or maybe even because something in his phone was transferring Bobby's words into something… something insane. "What the hell do you mean? Are we still talking about Bela or did I miss something?" Crazy day. "Bobby?" Dean called him by the name when the silence in the receiver became way too long, even took the phone away from his ear to look at the screen and check if Bobby hang up.

"She didn't tell you, did she?" Bobby asked suspiciously at last.

"Didn't tell me what exactly?" Dean closed his eyes and rubbed the bridge of his nose while counting to five. "Do you know something that I don't know?"

"Perhaps."

"Listen, Bobby, I'm kind of screwed up here, meaning really screwed up. Besides, I have a tight deadline and Sam is out there all alone with that psycho doctor Frankenstein because stubborn jerk decided it was more important than finding the Colt saving the whole world. Not that he was wrong… anyway, if you have something interesting to tell me, please do!"

"She'd probably kill me…" Bobby muttered to himself.

--

Bela was in the middle of packing her stuff that Dean threw all over the room back to the suitcase, alongside with all her other things as she had no more reasons to stay in this motel any longer, when the door to her room suddenly opened without a knock. She paused for half a second, even caught her breath instinctively, but was immediately back to what she was doing. She didn't even have to look over her shoulder to know who came in.

"They have a lousy service for the price they charge," Rufus commented after a quick look around. The whole room looked like it was an epicenter of a tornado not so long ago.

Bela gave him a heavy glance but did not say anything.

"You were right, he came to me," Rufus continued. "I told him what you asked me to." He leaned against the door watching her sure movements. Hadn't he known her any better he'd probably never noticed that her fingers trembled slightly against her will and her knuckled were unnaturally white when she was folding her clothes before putting them into the suitcase.

"So I've noticed!" Bela gave out a short nervous laugh. "What do you think is this all about?" She gestured around the room, which was still quite a mess.

Rufus finally noticed a hole from the bullet in the door that somehow slipped his attention when he just came in, and whistled to himself.

"Did you talk?"

"It was a hell of a conversation, believe me!"

"I take it you didn't tell him the truth," Rufus sighed and shook his head in regret. She moved her shoulder as take-it-whatever-you-want. "What did you tell him, then?"

"Other side of the truth," Bela shrugged.

"Meaning - another lie?"

"Oh, please don't say it surprises you," she smirked. "Listen, I asked you to do me a favor and tell Dean Winchester what I needed him to know, and I appreciate what you did because I needed him to find me." Bela tried not to sound irritated. She wasn't, not at Rufus anyway. "But that's it. I didn't ask for an advice or anything, did I?"

"You should have told him," his voice was somewhat reproachful.

"Why?" Bela finally straightened herself up and looked at him, dark determination in her eyes. "What for, Rufus? So he could laugh me in the face?" She inclined her head slightly to her shoulder, brows arched expressively, as if deciding whether to expect for an answer from him or better move on. Chose the later after all. "No, thank you very much! Maybe some other time." She threw a quick look at her watch. "Or some other life by the looks of it."

"He would have helped you," Rufus insisted.

"Dean? Dean Winchester? Help me? After… Oh, come on, it's not even funny, really! The last thing Dean would ever do is help me, and this is the only truth." She chuckled bitterly feeling her voice start to shake with emotions and had to pause for a moment to pull herself together. The image of Dean pointing a gun right at her head was still way too vivid in her memory.

"It's not right, Bela. You can trust people. Not everyone and now always. But you can. You shouldn't be on your own all the time." The words were so strange and so not Rufus-like that Bela couldn't help but wonder if he believed in what he was saying himself.

Still, she mustered her best cat-like mocking smile. "For the one who has been in this business for so long you are too trustful, don't you think, Rufus? Losing your grip?"

His lips twisted into a wry grin.

"I know when I can trust my intuition."

"So do I. And right now my intuition tells me to save myself before it's too late, so excuse me…I have no time for idle chat at the moment."

Rufus looked at her gravely trying to understand whether her actions were a result of simple stubbornness or something else. Not exactly foolishness. Bela Talbot was anything but foolish, but her unwillingness to even try to rely on someone but herself even when there was no other way was driven to the verge of something very close to bathos of stupidity. Sometimes. Like now.

"What are you going to do?"

"Whatever it takes to avoid hellfire." Her gaze was cold as ice and firm as steel.

"Okay," Rufus nodded not quite sure he wanted to understand what she meant. "Just… well, you know."

"Thank you."

Bela watched him leave and close the door soundlessly behind him, wished he slammed it instead. Then she sank heavily onto the corner of her bed when she felt that her legs could not keep her standing anymore. She felt so tired and weary, like a balloon that burst up all of a sudden. It was hard, harder than she thought. Maybe playing games with Rufus was the last thing she should have done, but Bela couldn't let herself abandon that role of the bold and the bitchy even for a while.

Rufus was wrong. Of course he was! How could he not be? It wasn't he who had that tremendous pleasure of looking at Dean Winchester when he had a gun at her head and utter determination to pull the trigger written across his face. And that was exactly what she expected to see because they both knew that this time she overstepped the border. Bela was one hundred per cent sure he'd do it and finish it all without a second thought. Had no idea what stopped him from shooting though. Especially after what she said… when she managed to suppress almost irresistible urge to confess.

But she couldn't tell him… simply couldn't make herself say these words out loud when he was looking at her like this. Okay, maybe he wouldn't laugh – which was a really serious maybe – but jerk as he could be at times he definitely wasn't a mean and cruel jerk, and that was probably the only thing that she knew about Dean Winchester for sure. That and his bloody devotion to do his so-called job. Though Bela doubted he'd help her either, even assuming his stupid intention to save everyone around. He would never forgive her for what she'd done and no excuses would help.

That look in his eyes… It wasn't their usual lazy banter, the kind of who is smarter here, anyway? It wasn't a game anymore and Dean wasn't simply pissed off like when she'd pinched that rabbit's foot or a damn pirate's hand from him and his brother. It was pure, burning and overwhelming hatred she saw, and in any other circumstances, say, had she been somebody else, or hadn't she had the door right behind, Bela would take a step back.

So, she made her choice. He hated her? Fine! Prefect! It was better this way. She'd rather die – which was now only a matter of hours if she failed, but who cared? – than let him see that other side of hers. The side that she kept well hidden and locked for years. The side that she dared to reveal – just a little – when she met Dean Winchester because as terrible as it was but she did care. And for some time she even thought – seriously believed – it was her second chance.

And yet again it was a big ha! Like a ticket for a runaway train.

Now he was gone and she was alone once again, just like always. But it didn't mean that she was going to give up and stop trying to win. That was what she'd been doing her entire life – taking care of herself. That was what she was going to do for the rest of her life, too, no matter how quickly her time was running out.

She knew what she had to do. They told her to find them both, Dean and Sam. And now she had to kill the later… She still had a chance to break that deal and God damn her if she didn't at least try.

--

It took Dean forty minutes to get back to Bela's motel and half a minute more to sneak into her room.

He wasn't really surprised to find it empty, though. Bela's stuff was gone, as well as she. And, yes, Dean hadn't seen her sleek silver car on the parking lot where he'd left the Impala.

He checked the drawers of the bedside tables and the wardrobe anyway only to find a silk scarf in the corner on the later, most likely forgotten by accident. Considering that it took her not more than an hour to leave the place after his visit, Bela definitely was in a hurry.

Dean felt panic growing inside of him – not to mention that awful guilt he was trying to suppress. Where on Earth could she possibly go? Another motel? Another town? Another…

He froze on the spot and the quickly reached into his pocket only to find the keys from the Impala in there. No motel receipt that he'd put there automatically after check-in. Of course he felt Bela's hand when she was taking the damn piece of paper! He just didn't care much about it then. Only thought in the back of his mind that she was losing her grip – using old name for registration, letting him feel her fingers in his pocket… The mistakes she'd never let happen before. Unless…

Sudden realization made chill run down Dean's spine.

He looked up. Devil's shoestring was still tucked above the door. Bela either had the whole lot of that stuff or… Dean cut himself off, didn't want to even start thinking that way. Still couldn't believe he let her fool him so easily; should have known better than believing every word she was saying. Bela Talbot couldn't tell the truth even in a matter of life and death, he thought with irritation and slammed the door.

--

Bela was driving down the highway on top speed, her heart pounding like a drum in her chest. So loud that she could barely hear anything else around. A gun that she kept hidden under the mattress and that Dean luckily didn't find lay on the passenger's seat wrapped in a towel.

How could it end like this, she wondered for what seemed a millionth time already. How could it be happening to her? She was a baddie, true, but at least she was honest enough to never deny it. She was a thief, too. A great thief, like she once said. A great thief capable of doing pretty much everything for money. Not that she really needed it, but it was fun, always had been. Like some kind of sport. She needed to win. Bela Talbot was no loser. But she was no murderer, too! Aside from that single episode that turned her life upside down and literary made her become what she was now.

A vicious circle, Bela thought bitterly. Once again she had to kill somebody in order to survive. But how could she? That determination she had when leaving her room seemed to be fading quickly.

Hot lump began to form in her throat and her eyes started to burn and Bela had to clutch on the steering wheel tighter and to blink several times. Dean bloody Winchester! If she didn't need to run into him, no way she would agree to look into his eyes ever again.

Bela turned from the highway to the side road and this was when something black rushed past her can with lightning speed cutting in on her and forcing her to turn the steering wheel and jam on the brakes. Her car came to a stop with a loud squeak, Bela was thrown sideways, her elbow struck painfully against the door, and it was nothing more but pure luck that her reaction was fast enough to avoid the crash. Thank God she managed to miss that tree that was growing right at the roadside, Bela thought somehow through that crazy hammering of blood in her temples.

Seatbelt unfastened by the still trembling fingers, she rushed out of the car with an overwhelming urge to rip the head of whoever dared to cross her path off his neck.

"What the hell do you think…" Bela started but stumbled in her tracks and stopped in the middle of the sentence when the driver of that black car got out of it. "Oh, you," voice cold and irritated, arms folded on the chest. Well of course it was him, who else? She should have guessed it right away. "What do you want now? Changed your mind and decided to finish what you had left?"

"We need to talk," Dean said.

Bela threw a quick glance over his shoulder, made sure that the Impala was empty – Sam still wasn't within a striking distance – and turned away from Dean to get back to her car. She didn't even really cared how he found her this time, although was a bit surprised but mainly with the reason of his sudden interest. Thought they'd already discussed everything.

"Go to hell, Dean. I don't have bloody time to chat with you in the middle of nowhere," she opened the door. "And move away this junk that you call a car out of my way." Considering the fact that both cars stood at different angles almost across the not so wide road it was the only way for her to leave. Unless she managed to jump over Dean's beauty.

Dean ignored her rather insulting words. Instead he came to her in a brisk pace, grabbed Bela by the elbow, dragged her to the Impala, opened the front passenger's door and forced her not so graciously inside. And slammed the door with a loud bang! She didn't even have time to say anything – didn't even have time to wonder what that all was about – when Dean took his place and the Impala darted off into the night.

"What the hell are you doing?" Bela demanded and looked back to where the streetlamps along the highway were still visible among the trees. Her hand reached for the door handle instinctively.

Dean noticed her move. "Wanna jump out now? Be my guest." And that was very nice of him, assuming the obviously exceeded speed.

"My car…"

"Is not going anywhere until you're back."

Which was true of course, but… Damn, she didn't even have her gun or anything or… Not that Dean was any real threat by the looks of him, Bela decided. He looked strange, even… confused? Uncomfortable obviously. Dean?! But their previous conversation wasn't the nicest in her life so she'd preferred to have some back up anyway. Still, right at the moment she had nothing else to do other than let the handle go and lean against the leather seat.

"Where are we going?" She asked not even bothering to look at him with her thoughts too mixed and jumpy to think straight.

"Nowhere. As I've already said I needed to talk to you and I can't do it standing like a jerk in the middle of the road."

"Where is Sam?" Bela asked flatly.

"Has a job to do," he shrugged feeling an immense urge to turn on the music to ease the tension somehow but changed his mind the last moment. It didn't look like anything could ease the tension. "Why?"

"Idle curiosity," she smirked. "You said you wanted to talk. That's what I'm doing. Surprised to see you here all alone, without your faithful squire, that's all."

"Whatever," he muttered. And after a pause, "I know everything."

"Like everything? Congratulations! Must be a real smarty now."

He paid no heed to her words and continued, "About your parents… um, your dad." Was it his imagination or the air actually became cooler? "About your deal."

Dean didn't even have to look at her to know that she was stunned by his words and that she was pale as sheet now, fingers clutched onto the door handle so tightly that her knuckles grew white. Not necessarily because she was seriously considering jumping out of the car but probably because she just needed to hold onto something, whatever it was.

Bela held her breath and bit her lip, though managed to suppress a wish to shut her eyes tightly. Oh, God, it wasn't happening for real, was it? Damn, it was. She felt like she was falling because, hell, he actually did make the ground slip from under her feet. Not able to look at him… not really, Bela turned away from Dean and rested her head against the cool glass of the side window taking small breaths and trying to understand if she still had a chance to save the remains of her pride and dignity. Is she had some left.

"So you know. Fine! Hope you're happy now." Great job! Now she officially deserved a Nobel Prize or something for acting talent. Hoped she managed to keep her cool. "Why do you even care, Dean?" She winced at the bitterness of the tone of her own voice. "You have a lot to worry about, don't you? Say, Lilith wants you badly too after all." It was an attempt to piss him off enough to throw her out of his car.

Okay, she knew about his deal, too. Dean gave her a sidelong glance, hoped she didn't notice. Well, of course she knew! Why wouldn't she? As long as he remembered, Bela had always been one step ahead of time, in any situation, and news about his deal should not necessarily be on billboards all over the world for her to be aware of it. Still, it was something close to respect that he felt about her ability to be up to date. Yet, he got the ploy and decided not to buy it.

"Why didn't you tell?"

"What difference does it make anyway?" The question was asked in order to finish it as soon as possible. Bela wasn't so sure she'd managed to keep her face for too long. "If that is what you wanted to talk about, you're wasting your time because it's none of your business."

"I want to know why," Dean insisted. His voice was only a bit louder than a whisper and yet so firm and determined that Bela just couldn't not to hear it.

"You want to know? Really?" Her laugh was loud and a bit too hysterical, and because of that probably even sounded like an uncontrolled sob, but Bela just couldn't do anything about it. All she could do was hope that she was not going to start crying right there and then because she was really close to that. "What do you think, Dean? It's not that part of my life I usually brag about." Like there were any parts to brag about.

She finally let herself close her eyes with the only wish to fall asleep and wake up two weeks ago. Though two days would do now, too. She should have told him from the start, Bela thought belatedly. Should have go to him immediately, and everything would be different now. But she didn't know then… about his deal and stuff. And she didn't want to be weak and vulnerable in his eyes because Bela Talbot was anything but weak. And now she felt so humiliated and confused and embarrassed and… all too many feelings at once to even identify them. And with Dean sitting next to her...

"I'm sorry," Dean said quietly.

"I don't need your sympathy, Dean," she retorted harshly. "Or understanding, or… anything."

"Can you stop being so damn bitchy for just a second?" He gave her a quick glance out of the corner of his eye and shook his head in annoyance. "Gee, Bela! Why do you always have to be like this? I'm kind of trying to help you."

Her heart fell. "You can't help me," voice was tired and bitter. "No one can. Maybe with the exception of your brother."

"Sam?" Too much surprised with her words, Dean nearly missed the next turn but managed to straiten the car out the last moment before they drove into the ditch. "What does Sam have to do with it? How can he possibly help you?"

"Simply by dying," Bela said dryly, decided to play her cards open now that there were not so many things left that Dean Winchester didn't know about her. So, she told him everything - about why she needed the Colt, about how it didn't work, and about what they asked her to do instead. Tried not to touch upon a subject of her past, though. Bare facts, no emotions, as if she was speaking about the weather. And only God knew what it cost her! "Sam's dead and I'm free. You wanted the truth? Here it is, simple and cruel. Feeling better?"

"Idle curiosity, huh?" He chuckled. "Not even close."

They kept silence for several miles, both deep in their thoughts.

Then Dean fished his mobile phone out of the pocket of his jacket and dialed the number.

"Hey, Sammy!" Bela heard his overly cheered voice. "You okay there?... Fine, just watch your back… Um, listen, I need your help here. I need Ruby's phone number and I know that you have it… Okay, I know that, but I don't really have time for candles and spells and other chick romance." Bela didn't have to look at him to say that Dean winced; couldn't believe that, considering the obstacles, she smiled to herself. "Yeah, I remember what I said… and this too…" There was a long pause this time followed by a heavy sigh. "No, Sammy, I'm… I'm not coming back right now." Dean took a deep breath before he continued. "I have a lead." A quick look at Bela and his eyes were on the road again. "I have a lead on the Colt. And I might use Ruby's help here… No, it is real this time, man… Thanks, bye."

He stuffed his mobile back into the pocket and concentrated on the road.

"So?" Bela asked after a while.

"What?"

"What was that weird conversation about?"

"Do you know where the Colt is?" Dean narrowed his eyes at her.

"Yes."

"I need it," he sighed as if this confession was the last thing he could possibly imagine to say. "And I need it badly. And… I have an idea how to help you out of this deal. Then I want the Colt back."

Bela regarded him suspiciously doing her best to hide that obvious surprise and – yes – hope. "Are you serious?"

"No, it's my freakin' way to fool around!" He rolled his eyes. "'Course I'm serious!"

"What are you going to do?"

"You said you've gotta kill Sam," Dean shrugged matter-of-factly. "So, logically, all we have to do is kill him, right?"

To be continued…