Disclaimer: I own nothing.

WARNING: This fanfiction is rated M for a reason other than lemons, even though I may consider writing some in later. The story contains religion bashing, self-deprecation, copious amounts of gore and violence, and psychological abuse. There's also many other things that I'm forgetting to mention in here that will come up in much later chapters, but they're equally dark and terrible. Consider this your warning.

Chapter One

Lost July

Anyone who tells you to 'just forget about it' is a moron and should be shot. They don't know how much pain you're enduring, the stress you're under, your inability to keep from having an emotional breakdown just for hearing a word that vaguely sounds like... His name... much less hearing said name spoken as if all was still calm and pleasant with the world and nothing had happened.

But things did happen, for one reason or another, good or bad, serious or mundane. They rolled right along, apathetic to however shitty the people they passed might feel, strumming and singing their merry, terribly inaccurate tunes of Change and Hope and A Shiny Prospect for the Future. All the while, you're sitting there in a messy heap, slowly but steadily being eaten away by the monotonous, repetitive, substantial amount of sheer indifference that filled the hidden cogs and wheels of daily life.

And while those aforementioned things are still happening, and life as we know it is continuing on its downward spiral, the fact that you're not moving along with it is the source of your inability to 'just forget about it'.

Such were the thoughts of the redhead who relaxed lazily (or, rather, tried to) on his unmade bed in the midst of a dump of an old storage room.

The room itself was pretty brown, and mostly everything was comprised of half-rusted iron; pipes that ran through the floor and those that ran along the floor were both visible on the edges of the room and ceiling in all a manner of sizes. The floor was a dirty slab of concrete that sank in the very middle and emptied into a metal mesh-covered drain that was nearly as big as a beach ball.

There were a few pieces of old, falling apart furniture scattered about the room: a slightly molding cherry dresser, a beat-up mahogany desk, a brown metal desk chair that swiveled on a squeaky ball, and what looked to be the remnants of an antique armchair, its once bright red velvet cushions now ripped and fading, the stuffing trailing out at various angles.

The lone window that looked out onto the back alleys of the city was large, the brown paint job of the edges chipping, and the glass very thin at the top of each pane, which was just another clue as to how old the building really was. It needed to be propped open with a couple of boards, one on either side, in order to let in the thick, wet, refreshing night air.

The bed, on its white wrought-iron, heavy frame, was pushed up right beside it. The sheets (a bit yellowed with age, though still whiter than the frame), were worn and old, but thankfully, clean. The duvet, which was bundled up at the foot of the bed after yet another night of the man kicking the covers off in his sleep, was a deep blue plaid in pattern. It seemed to be newer than anything else in the room, save the clothing the man was wearing and ignoring the few multicolored patches on its comfortable surface.

It was a comfort the man was thankful for. It had only been the week since the small funeral of his best friend and lover. Any tears he owned had already been shed until he was left with aching, dry ducts. His green eyes, nonetheless, were constantly red with grief, and looked rather dead to the world.

He knew the others, Yuffie especially, were mourning the loss of Demyx. They were all going about it in their own ways. Kairi had locked herself up in her office and refused to come out except for at mealtimes. Luxord and Xigbar tried to preoccupy themselves with poker and cheap alcohol, as if getting mind-numbingly wasted could help to take the hurt away. Neku had begun to tune people out with his headphones once again, blaring anything from heavy death metal and screamo to the soft and depressing kind of music you only ever hear in movies. Sora and Yuffie had been struggling to keep the air as happy as possible, even with the permanent absence of their third self-proclaimed 'Cheermeister'.

Those who remained-- Marluxia, Riku, Vincent and Albel respectively-- had accustomed themselves to leaving Station 516, their place of residency, at any chance they got. They never left together, preferring to be on their own, and would sometimes stay out overnight (much to Kairi's dismay), but they never failed to come back home when they were needed.

The other thing Axel was thankful of was the blessed lack of assignments. In a sort of twisted celebration of this, hadn't left his room in several days. He was greasy, his hair sticking in whatever direction it flattened in when he sat up. He was beginning to smell like a wet dog-- a truly bizarre combination for personal odor-- and not only that, but his already too-skinny body was taking a blow for the missed meals. Grief had robbed him of his appetite.

Kairi had warned him about remembering to eat after the funeral. She knew he'd struggled with eating disorders in the past, and was one of two people who knew all along of the relationship he had with Demyx-- and the extent to which his passing would hurt.

Though still rather young, Kairi, the female leader of their group, had an amazing insight and pure understanding of people that never ceased to amaze Axel. He wasn't surprised to learn just how good of a caretaker Kairi could be when she'd been officially instated as Lady January on New Year's Day. She wasn't the mothering sort; not the kind of person that would tell you bedtime stories, or fix you meals, or give you embarrassing pet names. She was more an older-- much older-- sister who could offer good advice where needed, encourage you when you're feeling low, and who'd been around the block more times than you could imagine.

Kairi was an Old Soul, and that was what made her the perfect leader for Sunrise.

Still, no matter how much Axel knew that he needed to 'just forget about it' in order to properly function whenever an assignment did pop up, he couldn't. You don't forget about someone you loved so quickly. You remember every smile, every movement, every laugh. You don't forget the times they'd cried in your arms, the pranks you pulled together, and the long, intimate nights shared. And if he believed for a moment that Kairi thought he'd be able to get over it-- get over Demyx-- that easily, then he would have slipped on Yuffie's girliest cosplay costume and made a general commotion while singing and dancing on the roof.

...Well, not really. But the thought sufficed to say that he'd have to have been an idiot to think that Kairi didn't know him better than that.

Axel sighed heavily and turned on his side to look out the window. Dawn was approaching, and with it the start of another bleak, Demyx-less day. Providing no assignments came in, everyone would continue about their grieving routine. Kairi in her office, Luxord and Xigbar wasted in their surrogate living room, Neku ignoring the world with his music, Sora and Yuffie trying to lighten the air, and Marluxia, Riku, Vincent and Albel making their getaways as quickly and casually as they could.

With a momentary glance down at his clothes-- worn blue jeans and a faded red t-shirt-- and realizing for the first time now just how disgusting he felt, Axel decided it was high time he took a shower. He hauled himself up and out of his bed, taking the liberty of stretching and cracking bones as he walked, a bit stiffly, over to his dresser.

He started rifling through his clothes, pulling out whatever articles he saw first and not bothering to match anything. Then again, he didn't actually need to; all his clothing, save a couple lounging garments, was black. Such was the practice with Sunrise. 'Shadows of the Morning' or whatever nonsense their slogan was. To stay as inconspicuous as a morning shadow was one of the biggest rules of Sunrise. Demyx had done possibly the best job at adhering to that rule, posing as a local indie singer-songwriter trying to make it big. And now Demyx was dead.

The way to the restroom was long, and he'd taken the long way in an attempt to ensure he didn't meet anyone along the way. He wasn't sure if he could handle anyone fumbling over their words, trying to think of something to say that hadn't either already been said or that wouldn't make things worse.

Axel had, after all, come out about his and Demyx's relationship at his funeral. It was only right to say something about it. Kairi and Yuffie had already known; Kairi, because Axel truly believed the woman knew everything about the social lives of Sunrise, and Yuffie, because nobody could keep a secret from reaching her ears. Ever.

The sudden change in the overhead lighting alerted him to the fact he was in the hallway where the restrooms were. In contrast with the clanking, brown environment he'd been in on the way there, the walls were a cool, clean white and the floor was made of that greyish linoleum that was meant to imitate marble-- though badly so. There were long strips of bluish, fluorescent lights overhead that have his shadow an orange tint as he walked, his slightly ragged slippers shuffling along and unintentionally removing parts of scuff marks from the black boots of the others.

He pushed open the reinforced grey door that lead to the men's locker room and shower area, keeping his eyes locked on the floor. It was partially wet; someone had been in there recently. Made sense, anyway. He didn't think anyone else had taken their mourning to a level where they refused to bathe for days on end.

Axel stood up and halfheartedly prepared for the shower, stripping and opening his locker to retrieve soap, shampoo, and a mini CD player. He stared at the small green plastic unit in his hands. Demyx had given it to him after he'd learned that Axel liked listening to music in the shower. It was waterproof.

The redhead gave an odd sort of half-choke, half-sniffle, set the CD player on the wooden bench behind him, then gritted his teeth and rested his head on the cool surface of one of the closed lockers, breathing deeply. Demyx... Oh gods, if only he knew how much Axel missed him. He suddenly clenched his fist as his body began to shake, then slammed it into another locker with a resounding smash. His hand hurt, and the locker had been dented. Coughing a little, he shook out the aching hand and picked up the soap and the player, and walked over to the long row of counter top sinks that were around the corner from the community showering area.

For a moment, he bent over one of the sinks and let the cold water run, gripping the edges of the counter as though he were about to fall over, his hair hanging limp around his head. He watched the clear water swirl around the porcelain basin and snake down into the drain for several minutes before looking up into the mirror.

It was worse than he thought. He saw himself, but... didn't recognize the man in the mirror staring back out at him.

The gleam was gone from his normally mischievous green eyes. His perky hair had unperked itself. His posture was drooping and he seemed to be curling inward on himself. There was no confidence in his stance, nor did he radiate that bad-boy attitude he so loved to give off.

It was a pity he couldn't bring himself to care much more.

He reached out and plugged the CD player into the outlet against the wall, turned up the volume as loud as the small unit would allow, then disappeared with his soap into the showers. Twelve creaks and grunts of water moving through the pipes later, the room was thick with the fog of all the hot taps on full-blast, their cold counterparts untouched. After he washed, Axel sank down to the floor under one of the shower heads, letting the boiling water flow down his body in scalding tendrils. Radiohead blared at him in a melancholy croon over the loud shhh of all the showers going at once.

Breathe, keep breathing, don't lose your nerve.

It wasn't as if Axel wanted to die, but he inevitably found it hard to remember to breathe for the last few days. He'd suddenly started gasping for air on numerous occasions when he'd zoned out, reminiscing on the one person he'd loved most of all. His ears faded in and out as he continued to lament.

Sing us a song, a song to keep us warm, there's such a chill, there's such a chill.

Even though Demyx's incessant singing could get old and repetitive and annoying, a life without it there, was... Cold. Bitterly cold. He turned his head up and opened his mouth and gulping down some of the boiling water. Why... why was it all so suddenly numb? Why was it so— cold?

Axel was locked in his position, unable to close his mouth, his gag reflex not working. The water was going straight down his throat, and he couldn't stop it.

And now we are one, in everlasting peace.

He felt a bit dizzy-- maybe it was because of the heat. Everything immediately felt hotter, for some reason. It was beginning to hurt. Why...?

We hope that you choke, that you choke.

Breathe... he needed to breathe...? Had he forgotten again?

We hope that you choke, that you choke.

Yeah, he'd forgotten to breathe again. But the reaction wasn't working... all that was there was water coasting smoothly down his throat. The room darkened.

We hope that you choke, that you choke.

"Axel?"

His eyes snapped open and he jerked forward. Amazingly, the startling, familiar female voice had convinced his motor skills to right themselves again, and he was now on his hands and knees under the spray of the shower, retching and coughing the water out of his lungs.

"Oh my god... Axel, are you all right?" Kairi voiced, slightly panicked, and flew to his side holding a clean white towel. She ignored the puddles of water, still-running showers and the fact that he was completely nude, and fell to her knees beside him, rubbing his back. He tried a couple times to reply, but couldn't get anything out. He coughed up another small mouthful of water.

Kairi shoved her now rather wet auburn hair behind her ears and flitted around the room as quickly as she could, turning off all the taps. That done, she splashed back over to him and picked up the half-sodden towel from the floor and wrapped it around his waist just as Axel was finding himself able to speak again. He kept his eyes on the partially flooded floor.

"I'm--" he croaked,but he was cut off.

"Axel, you weren't... You weren't trying to..." Kairi asked hesitantly as she helped him off his hands onto a kneeling position, like her. Axel shook his head and gave one last minor cough, his brow a bit furrowed. No, he hadn't been trying to commit suicide. But his body seemed to have had a mind of its own. As much as he missed Dem, Axel was sure the boy wouldn't want him to die.

There was a long, somewhat awkward silence. Kairi continued to rub his back in a calming manner as a faster, more upbeat song echoed though the locker room, the sound pristine. Demyx had always taken good care of his CDs, and had beat Axel into the same habit. He doubted there was even a scratch on it.

"How did you know...?"

"That you were in here?" Kairi finished for him, removing her hand from his skin and now trying to ring a bit of the water out of her black blazer sleeves. She gave a slightly strained smile. "I was on my way to use the restroom when I heard the music. It was his... So I knew, and just got worried."

She seemed apologetic and very slightly ashamed of herself, but Axel could understand why she'd done it. People in his situation could sometimes be a bit unpredictable and self-detrimental. It still stung, but... He tried not to let that get to him. After all, she had jarred him out of somewhat of a stupor that would have drowned him if it had continued on for much longer.

"If you had done... done that... you know what would happen," she continued gently, the edges of her indigo eyes creased with concern, "You know... what would happen, Axel. And you don't want that."

Axel frowned and stayed silent, thinking on that. An unexpected rage bubbled up in his chest. It was hot and made him feel sick to his stomach. She brushed the hair out of his face.

"I know what you're thinking," Kairi whispered when Axel hadn't responded to her earlier comment. "And it's not Tidus's fault."

Tidus. Tidus. It was all because of him that Demyx had been killed. Gods, if that bleach-blond, beach-tanned... freak weren't already dead... there'd be hell to pay. Ten times over. Kairi had told him repeatedly that Demyx's death wasn't Tidus's fault. But she was wrong. She'd never been as wrong as she was in saying that. She wasn't sincere, she was... trying to placate him and make him feel better about the situation. And Axel hated being lied to.

"They were connected, Kairi," Axel said slowly, shakily. "Like you are with Naminé. You and I both know it. They knew it. We all know how it is. If one dies, then so does the other."

"Then you should be more understanding," Kairi coaxed, placing her small, purple-nailed hand on his shoulder and giving it a consoling squeeze. "If Naminé were to get herself into some sort of situation and couldn't get out, just like Tidus did, I would never hold it against her, and I wouldn't want any of you to, either."

"This is different!" Axel barked in reply, causing her to lean back abruptly in alarm. He shook his head and hunched over sadly. "This is... a lot different than if that would happen..."

"Because you loved Demyx? Is that it?"

Axel didn't reply audibly, but his silence said enough. Kairi sighed.

"Demyx wouldn't have wanted you to hate Tidus for it, Axel. He wasn't that kind of person. You know that. Please don't be like this," Kairi begged softly, tilting her head and giving him a pleading gaze. Axel still hadn't looked at her. He knew the moment he did, he'd be in for a major guilt trip. "You don't have to like him, or even forgive him, but please don't hate him or blame him for that happened."

But she was right. No matter how much Axel still thought everything was Tidus' fault, he knew Demyx hated hate. The man was pro-love, a peace activist, a modern-day hippie. 'Make love, not war' was his favourite slogan. He scolded Axel every time he'd gotten angry, saying that life was too short to waste any time on grievances. They'd even attended Peace Jam together and met the Dalai Lama.

It was then that Axel understood what Kairi was getting at. He couldn't-- and wouldn't-- stop hating Tidus for taking his love away from him just yet. And he never thought he could ever forgive Tidus. But in respect for Demyx's memory, he would try to stop hating him. It was a start.

After a pregnant pause, Axel nodded silently. Looking very relieved, Kairi stood up and bent over to press the water out of her black dress pants. After a moment, though, she stopped, looking concerned once more.

"What's wrong?" Axel asked, not quite ready to leave his position on the floor and his thoughts of Demyx, though he had the sinking feeling that there was something she wasn't telling him. Kairi shook her head for a moment, as if to brush it off and say 'it's nothing, don't worry about it', but then gave in and stood up properly.

"I wanted to give you an extra day to recover," she said gingerly, running one hand through her shoulder-length hair and looking off into the other part of the locker room, "But I got a text from Spring this morning. Autumn's got our latest set of assignments, and she'll be here before sundown,. I'm sorry."

Axel nodded. The large amount of time in which they hadn't had to take care of assignments had been a blessing, but they had to get back to work sooner or later. The day after the funeral, a batch of assignments had actually come in, but Sora had generously volunteered to cover for Axel. It was just as well. Axel didn't truly think he could have functioned well enough to keep himself-- and his own connected partner-- alive.

"I'll leave you to finish cleaning up, then," Kairi announced shortly after, tiptoeing through the remaining water on the floor to get the raised level the rest of the locker room was on. Axel stood up as she left, readjusted the towel around his waist and followed her, though instead of heading for the door, he made a beeline for the CD player and turned it off.

As she was halfway out of the locker room, Kairi stopped hesitantly, then turned to Axel again.

"I know you can't forget about it, and I don't want you to," she said soothingly, as if to make amends for anything she'd said earlier, "But even though it really hasn't been that long, I think everyone would benefit if you finally caught up with the world and stop watching from the sidelines."

Axel processed this in his head quickly. It made... a lot of sense.

"Kairi... Thanks," Axel muttered after a moment, gratefulness not absent in his tone. She smiled back at him.

"If you don't mind, I need to go change clothes," she laughed lightly, slipping into the hallway, the door swinging shut slowly behind her. Axel waited until he could no longer hear her footsteps, then finished cleaning himself up, intent on complying with her suggestion and at least trying to regain his lost footing, whether he succeeded or not.

Yuffie sat with Luxord at the dark meeting table. The room was actually the dining room, the walls dark red and brown and the table painted to match, and was also where they took their formal meals. The formal meals in question only took place after a successful completion of a batch of assignments, when one of their number died, or when a new Riser was added.

For now, however, there were no meals to be had and the time when Autumn would arrive was still very far off. Kairi had sent out a mass text to everyone to make sure to be back at Station 516 at 6 PM sharp in order to be briefed on the latest mission specs.

Station 516 was an abandoned fire station in the older and shadier part of the Chicago downtown area. It was part of a district that the city ignored on a regular basis, preferring to do work on other areas-- road construction outside the museum was one such example. Still, Sunrise found it to be an easy place to operate out of. Police rarely patrolled the area, and the only others around who knew that twelve people (currently eleven) had taken up residence in an abandoned city building were the kind of people who had something to hide, like stores of hard drugs-- why risk being carted off to jail just to nark on people that didn't actually bother you in the least?

Yuffie sighed and flopped forward onto the table. The air was still tinged with grief, but it was getting better, little by little. She glanced at Luxord, Sunrise's second-in-command, who was reading a book entitled Catch-22 across the table from her and snacking on an apple. Well, he wasn't going to be any fun. Not only did he seem immersed in his book, but he wasn't drunk either. And Drunk Luxord was much more fun than Sober Luxord.

After squirming about boredly for several more minutes, Luxord put down his book, took off his gold-rimmed reading glasses, and gave her an exasperated look.

"If you're that bored, why don't you go do something instead of sit here and make odd noises while I'm trying to read?"

Yuffie grinned. Well, maybe he wasn't as much of a bore when sober as she'd thought. Odd noises, huh?

"There's nothing to do! I'd normally get Sora and we'd run around and go have fun, but Riku dragged him and Neku to the store to help carry groceries," she whined, crossing her arms on the table in front of her and resting her chin on them. She frowned and blew her black bangs out of her face.

"Then why not go pester Xigbar? I'm sure you'll get a kick out of that, he has a severe hangover," Luxord replied before taking another large bite out of his apple. He looked down at the gold watch he wore around his wrist. "It's only 4:30, you have an entire hour and a half to kill before we have the meeting. I'd vastly prefer if you didn't bother me while I'm trying to read."

Yuffie glared at him. What a jerk. That watch was SO being sold on eBay the second she was able to swipe it.

"But Xiggy will shoot me or something, I dunno. He likes sleeping when he's got hangovers and he's pretty damn trigger-happy on a daily basis... Add in the paranoid twitches he gets when hung over, and voila! You have yet another body to dump into a grave this month"

"Yuffie, that was uncalled for," Luxord replied quietly, his tone slightly dangerous. "Don't let Axel or Kairi hear you saying things like that. Chances are, they'll rip you a new one."

"Psh, don't be silly, Kairi's not that violent," Yuffie responded with a smirk and a wave of her hand, an overconfident grin on her face.

"And you didn't know Axel before Demyx came here," Luxord muttered darkly. Yuffie narrowed her eyes at him, her chin resting on her hands now as Luxord tried to return to his book.

"And what is THAT supposed to mean, Luxy-face?" she demanded, pointing at him and wiggling her finger around near his. Luxord swatted her hand away.

"Don't call me that. And Axel used to have an... unpredictable streak, is all."

"An unpredictable streak?" Yuffie asked in a curious yet accusatory voice, standing up and planting her hands on her hips just above the waistband of her black short-shorts. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Luxord pinched the bridge of his nose and set the book down on the table, quite obviously becoming highly annoyed.

"It means, thick one, that--"

Suddenly, a loud beeping noise erupted from both their pants pockets; Luxord's, a classical tune, and Yuffie's, a fast techno melody. They retrieved their phones and checked the latest text message. It was from Kairi.

AUTUMN COMING SOONER THAN EXPECTED

BE BACK AT 516 BY 5:00 SHARP.

Yuffie scowled at the text and flipped her phone to the closed position just as Luxord had a moment earlier. "Why doesn't she just call them by their names? They have real ones, you know, they're not just messengers!"

"She's observing formalities, as any good commander-in-chief would do," Luxord tittered as if taking pride in their leader-- which he did. He had faith in Kairi's decisions, and as a former member of the US Army, he knew how chains of command worked and when to spot a good leader. Kairi was a good leader, no matter how passive her personality was, and therefore, he respected her. Of course, Luxord had explained this to Yuffie on multiple occasions (and she still had no idea why he insisted on doing it more than once in the first place-- probably some male pride or ego thing), and by now she had his speech pretty much learned by heart.

Instead, she rolled her eyes, hoping to nip the long-windedness in the bud.

"Yeah, well, it doesn't hurt to be friendly once in a while, does it?" she grumped, sitting back down and laying her head on the table, her foot jiggling. Luxord looked at her for a few more moments.

"You aren't going to go do anything?" he asked with raised brows, reaching for his reading glasses again. Yuffie laughed.

"You read the text, right? By the time I find something interesting to do, it'll be time for the meeting and I'll be angry because I didn't cure my boredom. And I'll make the whole meeting even less enjoyable for everyone."

Luxord regarded her appraisingly, then sniffed.

"Touché," he said loftily, returning to his page in Catch-22. Yuffie grinned.

"I call this meeting of Sunrise to order," Kairi called authoritatively from her position at the head of the long table. Everyone quieted down at that point and turned to look at their standing leader from their seats. Luxord, as Captain's First Mate, sat at her right. The seat to her left was empty; it awaited Autumn, their guest for the evening, who was running just a bit late.

"Autumn hasn't yet arrived, but I suppose I can give you an idea of what's coming. I'm sure most of you are aware of our current problem," Kairi said, rifling through a couple sheets of papers in front of her. A murmur from farther down the table caught her attention. "Yes?"

"Lost July," Yuffie shrugged, a bit embarassed. "It's... Well, you wouldn't get it, but you know what I mean."

Axel winced, but kept his expression mostly even. Neku rolled his eyes and muttered something clarifying to Sora, who'd been looking confused at what she meant, but Kairi ignored their interaction and just gave Yuffie a strange look before proceeding.

"Yes... You're right. Demyx is gone and we need to find the next July as soon as possible. If--"

Everyone's heads turned in the direction of the door. A woman with dull, spiked brown hair dressed in a rather skimpy gray outfit walked into the room, taking a drag of a cigarette and carrying a grey briefcase. She sauntered nonchalantly down to the far end of the table where Kairi stood, plopped the briefcase on the table then settled in the formerly empty chair, leaning back on two legs, putting her arms behind her head and kicking her tall-booted feet up on the table.

"Feel free to continue, not much of a talker myself," the woman said after all she got were stares waiting for her to talk about the new assignment specs. "'Sides, you've been over stuff like this before. All the information's in the case."

As if to illustrate her point, she nudged the briefcase toward Kairi with her boot, then blew a ring of smoke into the air. Kairi frowned disapprovingly at the smoke, but nevertheless clicked open the locks on the briefcase and rummaged through the files.

"Heh... You look like you've been well, Paine," Xigbar grunted amusedly from beside her, eagerly taking the opportunity to grab his own cigarettes from his pocket with a grizzled hand to light one up. Kairi normally didn't approve of smoking at all, much less in the station, but once Xigbar had learned that Kairi couldn't get Paine to refrain from huffing and puffing tobacco, he took every chance he got to have a relaxing smoke inside the station walls. "Light me up, yeah?"

Paine complied and shoved the tip of her cigarette to Xigbar's, and it quickly started smoldering.

"Enjoy the fag," she said uninterestedly, pulling the cigarette back to her lips.

Sora seemed to have notice Axel's change in expression at the mention of that word.

"Can we like... not use that word around here?" he asked a bit timidly, raising his black-gloved hand and glancing around the table to see everyone's reactions.

"Why not? It's the same as saying cigarette," Albel muttered, his tone frank. His eyes were closed. His arms were crossed, the metal-clad left one gleaming in the dim overhead light, and he was leaning back in his chair.

"It has certain connotations that are rather cruel, August, " Kairi interjected, eyes skimming a piece of paper. Yuffie rolled her eyes-- presumably at the use of his code name-- and started swinging her feet around beneath the table. Albel gave a silent, derisive laugh. Kairi continued. "I know you don't get slang still, but you should know by now what that particular word means."

Albel scowled and looked away from her. Neku and Riku smirked at him. Marluxia, who'd been uncharacteristically silent, gave Albel a filthy look before wrenching his attention onto Kairi.

"In any case," Kairi said, calling them back to attention by snapping the briefcase shut loudly, "I feel the need to remind you all that this is a serious meeting, and I'd appreciate it if you'd refrain from any further outbursts." She looked around the room. A few people looked guilty, some apologetic, and some looked bland and unconcerned. Kairi shook her head, then started passing around the folder with the individual assignment briefings. "Oh, and Xigbar, put out that cigarette."

"What?" Xigbar spluttered indignantly, brushing a silver strand of hair that had fallen from his low ponytail out of his face and pointing at Paine. "Well why doesn't she have to--"

"Because she's our guest," Luxord chimed in. "And a good host always extends every luxury and courtesy available to guests." Xigbar glared at him and opened his mouth to speak, but Kairi slammed her fist hand on the table.

"Xigbar. Put it out," She said testily, eyes closed and nostrils flared. Why were they so hard to contend with when they'd gone a while without having a debreifing?

"But--"

"Put it out or leave," Vincent said coldly from the far end of the table. "Most of you have failed to see how crucial this meeting is in light of recent events. If you're going to continue to act like a child, then I have serious doubts as to how you're even with this group in the first place. There is no room for such foolishness in Sunrise."

Yuffie shifted uncomfortably in her seat. Marluxia gave Vincent a grateful look. Neku fingered the buttons of his iPod, presumably trying to decide whether this would go on long enough to get lost in a song. Riku sighed silently and began tapping his fingers on the table, as if waiting for something more interesting to occur. Sora kept sending Axel worried looks from across the table. The redhead in question seemed to be zoning out on the sheet of paper in front of him.

Xigbar, however, scowled at him and narrowed his good eye in a glare, but nonetheless dropped the cigarette into the water pitcher in the middle of a table. It fizzled out with a small, quick hiss.

If anyone had something to say to that, they kept their mouths shut, which Kairi was thankful for. She straightened her black jacket and scanned the room. At this point, everyone was looking over the files they'd been given.

"Getting back on track, yes. We need to find the new July as quickly as possible. What you have before you are your individual instructions. According to the letter Autumn delivered, there are five people pinpointed that have been scattered across the globe who could potentially fill the position."

Kairi chanced a glance at Axel. He was gripping his arms rather tightly; his knuckles were white. She felt a little bad for him, as the whole meeting was about finding someone to take Demyx's place, but it had to be done. Sunrise couldn't function properly when they were down a member. The person who created their assignments and scoped out new potential members (Galileo, as he preferred to call himself, though Kairi wasn't even sure he was even a man but it was easier to refer to he/she/it as such) had never spoken to any of the Risers in person. The only people who had ever contacted him face-to-face were his Couriers, and those four had taken on the codename of one of the seasons.

Paine, of course, was one of them, as Autumn, but she was forbidden to speak of anything that Galileo didn't tell Sunrise know. Of course, Paine wasn't one to follow rules.

Galileo's got only a few morals and doesn't exactly care about people, she'd said once to Kairi in her office before blowing smoke into the girl's face lazily.

Kairi often wondered why, if that were the case, Galileo even bothered with them. By the sounds if it, he didn't even like humans, so why even bother with them? Unless it was for entertainment? But then again, he had information they needed-- information about what the people of Sunrise really were, and the bargain they-- the original members of Sunrise-- had struck with him entailed being his personal... people-for hire. There really was no word for it. The assignments he had them complete ranged from something as serious as hacking into a government computer for datafiles to something as silly as becoming the top scorer on a game at the local arcade.

Galileo played around with them. Kairi knew this, and she was sure some of the others at least suspected it, too. They had no clue why, but they couldn't question it directly and they couldn't retaliate. If they did, they suffered the consequences.

Like Tidus.

Kairi cleared her throat awkwardly.

"I've also finally gotten into contact with Naminé," she said a bit hesitantly, her expression soft as she gazed around the room, gaugung everyone's reactions. All eyes were rapidly fixed on her-- even Paine's, though she already knew what happened. "... One of Tidus' assignments was to take out a Ronso by the name of Kimahri. Apparently the Ronso was the overprotective bodyguard of one of Galileo's couriers that had been preventing her from reaching her destinations on time to to a slight safety paranoia... And he was Tidus' friend.

"Tidus refused to do it, and in the end... Galileo sent one of his personal henchmen to destroy both Tidus and the Ronso man. They died of stab wounds to the heart." Just like Demyx had.

"Yuna's run away," Paine said softly, earning her an alarmed look from most of the members of Sunrise.

"Wh-what? Why'd she run off?!" Yuffie demanded worriedly, pounding her fist on the table. "Doesn't she know that if she goes against Galileo, she'll be given the shaft too?!"

For the first time that day, Paine shed her impersonal exterior, adopting a rather nervous one.

"Probably because her employer killed her friend and her boyfriend. I'd probably run off at that point, too," she shrugged, chucking the remnant of her own cigarette into the water pitcher with Xigbar's. There was a short silence before she added, "Rikku went after her."

"What? But... I got a text from Spring this morning, she can't have gone after her," Kairi frowned, digging her pink phone out of her jacket pocket and flicking it open. She checked the number. It was the same as always. "Yeah... this is Spring's number, so what...?"

"Galileo replaced them," Paine replied with a shrug. "My guess is that he shut off Yuna and Rikku's phones and reassigned the numbers to the people who filled in their places. I met the new Spring this morning in Detroit. She's a Viera girl. I asked her to text you for me because I forgot my phone back at my apartment in New York. She's the strong, silent type. Tall as hell, too, and that's without those damn rabbit ears." She dig in her pocket and fished out another cigarette. "Though I did like her clothes."

Kairi closed her eyes, trying to think. If Galileo had just replaced them as easily as that, then...

"Is he... after them, do you know?" she questioned, a hand over her mouth and biting her lower lip. Paine snorted, and then dragged her feet off the table, leaving scratch marks on the surface. She stopped leaning back in her chair, too, and rested her elbow on the table, her chin in her hand.

"You bet."

Kairi swore under her breath as a frantic murmur swept the room. Yuna and Rikku had been two of the nicest people she'd ever met, and she doubted anyone in the room (aside from Albel, who apparently hated everyone) disliked them in the least. And if Galileo was after them, it was their duty to capture them and hold them prisoner should the opportunity arise. After allowing some time for them to let the shock absorb, Kairi pressed the meeting on in the direction it was originally supposed to have taken.

"We're all going to be on the hunt for the new July. I've paired most of you up in teams of two or three, depending on how dangerous the area you'll be in is. I'm going to stress extreme caution. We can't afford another casualty."

It sounded so... cruel to say that, to make Demyx's death out to be nothing more than an inconvenience. But that's what the professionalism of this part of her position called for. Still... it didn't feel right. In a masked apology attempt, she decided to drop the formalities after that.

"Xigbar, you and Yuffie will be going to Spain to look up a matador in Barcelona. Mid-twenties. In his free time he hangs around La Silla Bonita in the Nou Barris district. It's in the east end. Danger level 3."

Xigbar scowled a little and put his palm to his forehead as Yuffie started smirking mischievously. Kairi hoped the girl wouldn't come home full of bullet holes, but Yuffie needed to be paired with someone who knew where they were going-- and Xigbar had grown up in Spain. She handed Xigbar their file.

"Neku and Marluxia, you'll be heading to Phillipsburg, Montana. It used to be a great venue for gold back in the 1900's. Very western feel to the town, lots of tourist attractions. Around 13 years old. Kid you're looking for hangs around the old mine cart railways at the north end of the town. Danger level 1." Kairi passed another small folder down the table to them. Marluxia thanked her, and Neku nodded his comprehension.

"Albel, Luxord, and Vincent... You're going to Garmser, Afghanistan. There's been a lot of warring in the city in the past, but it's been stable for a while. Target fancies herself a painter, but has overprotective parents and older brothers who rarely let her out of the house. Contact with her will be difficult. She lives on the northern end of the city in a house nicer than most in the area. Danger level 4."

She handed the file off to Luxord at her right.

"...Be really careful, okay? There's been a lot of bombings in the larger city just south of Garmser, and things could start up there again, too."

"We'll be fine, I assure you," Luxord replied as Vincent nodded in silent agreement. "I'd bet my life we'll get out of there alive."

Yuffie snorted at the odd statement, Albel sighed, and Kairi smiled, looking just a little relieved.

"Coming from you, that's a good sign," she chuckled lightly, then returned to the remaining files.

"Sora and Axel, you're headed to Phoenix, Arizona. Funnily enough, the city doesn't have too large a large crime rate considering how populated it is. Target frequently attends raves in the desert not far from the city, and works at a coffee shop on 2nd street, if you're not comfortable scouring the desert for tripping high schoolers and college students. Late teens. Danger level 2."

She passed the file to Sora, who accepted it warily. Both of them were looking for some sign of life in Axel's eyes, to tell them that he knew what he was supposed to be doing and could handle it. He didn't react. That's what Kairi was afraid of, and why she'd paired him up with Sora. The brunette was something of an Empath and would honestly do the best job of helping Axel cope with what had happened and keep his head in the game.

"... And Riku, you and I will be heading to Adelaide, Australia in pursuit of an environmentalist who works with exotic animals." She waved the file around, then passed it down so he could look through it. "Normally I wouldn't be going on an excursion, but considering the circumstances, it's necessary. So Paine has agreed to watch Station 516 while we're away."

Kairi started cleaning up the mess of papers she had in front of her as everyone started rising from their seats. Oh, and...

"Be ready to leave at the crack of dawn tomorrow morning," she added, holding a pile of papers. "No exceptions. All the flight tickets are scheduled for 8 AM."

The group murmured their acknowledgement, some grumpier about how early they needed to rise than others, but eventually they filtered out of the room-- everyone save Paine, who was now reading a magazine that had been in the rack behind her, and Axel, who was still staring at the table with a stony expression on his face.

Knowing Paine wouldn't be listening anyway, Kairi circled the table and sat next to him.

"Are you all right?" she asked concernedly, not for the first time that day. Axel kept his eyes on the table.

"... I'm fine," came the depressed, low reply.

"No, you're not," Kairi said stubbornly, leaning on the table in order to get a better look at his face. "Remember? You need to start moving again, Axel. It doesn't look like you're doing very much of it from here."

"I AM, but..." he protested, giving a momentary look at Paine before lowering his voice just a little bit. "It's... really hard, you know? I've... been out of it for a while, and... it's..."

"It's hard to jump back in again, I know," Kairi replied soothingly, reaching forward and grabbing an apple from the fruit bowl and polishing it with her cuff. "But you'll feel better once you do. I promise." She held the apple out to him.

Axel started to say he wasn't hungry when Kairi audibly expressed she wouldn't take that nonsense. She shoved the apple in his face.

"Eat it," she growled evenly. Enough was enough. She felt sorry for Axel and everything, but she wouldn't let him risk his own life-- and his connected partner's-- by dwelling on Demyx too much. There was a line that separated work and personal life, and Axel was dangerously close to crossing it-- he was on the line and wobbling violently.

Axel was a bit bewildered, but nevertheless grabbed the apple and took a small bite, chewing slowly. Kairi watched him, making sure he swallowed and took another bite.

"And if you're like this again tomorrow, I'll personally see to it that you're properly dealt with."

Axel winced and turned away, but kept eating the apple. Kairi shook her head.

"And we're ordering pizza tonight. You're to eat at least two slices of that and have a large breakfast in the morning. And I'll know if you haven't," she added darkly, standing and placing her hands on her hips. "Capiche?"

Axel nodded.

"...Yeah."

"Come on. You're going to socialize," she replied, a slight laugh in her voice as she dragged him to his feet.

"But I don't--"

"Then at least pretend to socialize so I don't go insane, okay?" she laughed, ushering him out of the dining room and into the lounge, where the others had taken to popping in a DVD to watch on the ancient television set.

Paine closed the magazine and looked around, waiting. Everyone was preoccupied. Perfect.

She dug Kairi's cell phone out of the bag she'd left and dialed a number. After four rings, someone picked up.

"K-Kairi? Is that you?" the girl on the other end breathed heavily, as if she were in the act of running somewhere, voice a bit fearful. "Oh my god-- what about--?"

"No, this is Paine," Paine replied in a low voice. The girl sounded relieved. "Galileo can't track calls made from within 516. And Sunrise can't know this. But I have to be brief, I'm on Kairi's phone and she doesn't know I'm using it. They're all leaving, even her, tomorrow morning. You can hide out here until they get back."

"And when will that be?" the voice on the other end asked nervously. Paine thought about it.

"Three days at least," she replied quickly. "Is that okay?"

The girl on the other end seemed to be asking something to someone she was with before returning to the phone.

"How early can we be there?"

"8 AM," Paine replied, remembering that was when everyone's planes would be taking off. The girl moved away from the phone to speak to someone again.

"... We'll be there."

"Okay. Be careful. Paine out."

She closed the phone and slipped it back into Kairi's bag. After another quick glance to ensure that nobody had been spying, she stood, stretched, and wandered into the lounge, jumping over the back of the couch and inserting herself on the cushions between Xigbar and Riku.

After all, she needed to relax, too, before confronting the stressors that awaited her in the morning.

A/N: A storyline I've ben toying with at a leisurely pace for years. Not everything, mind, just something of a darker story involving some sort of shady group in the back streets of the Chicago downtown area. A place where everyone went by codenames for safety, or somesuch. They're not for safety here, but I can't tell you what they're for. Anyway, I finally took the story and made it into a fic.

I added a lot of pretty obvious movie, anime, and manga references in here. Let's see who can find the most in a review. -laughs- In case some of you had no idea, Albel Nox is a character from Star Ocean and Neku Sakuraba is from The World Ends with You, which are both from Square-Enix. WEWY is very new (and I don't even think it has a category on FF yet), and I don't think SO is too well-known. Maybe. (But they're both good games, so play them!) Also, if you just do a google image search for either of their first names, you'll come up with the right results, if you want/need to know what they look like. In general. Barely anyone in this fic is wearing their 'usual' clothing, so... yeah.

Also, I know they're not from/in Kingdom Hearts, but I like them both a lot. In my head, I kind of meld anything Squeenix-related into one large lump of associations, and... I have absolutely no idea where I'm going with this. :D;

Ed was surprised to find that Paine was Autumn. P: I wanted YRP to be three of Galileo's couriers, and so I just slapped them with the seasons that they seemed to fit into most (in my opinion, anyway) so there's really no reasoning behind it. The fourth courier will stay secret until she decides to reveal herself. :B But along with whomever being the connected partner of whomever, you're free to make guesses as to who it is in reviews. Does that make sense?

Also-- It's okay to be confused right now. There was no point to put in the information I wanted to give you without it being out-of-place. A lot more will be revealed in the next chapter, though.

Radiohead is cool. I love them a lot. Lyrics are from the song Exit Music (For a Movie). Go look them up.

This is how they were sitting at the table, in case you were wondering. I hope I didn't make any mistakes when I wrote it in. If I did, please tell me so I can fix it. :)

-- -- Paine Xigbar Axel (Empty) Yuffie Albel
Kairi
-- -- Luxord Riku Sora Neku Marluxia Vincent

Big thanks to Ed, my luffly beta reader. (Sorry for being impatient to the others who said they'd beta, but I -really- hate waiting!)

Ed's Character Points for Fangirl Moments Tally
Amount of points given varies according to the situation

Riku: 50 (For existing! (Lol wtf Ed x3))

Vincent: 10

Kairi: 7

Sora: 5

Yuffie: 2

Luxord: 2

Axel: 1

PS: Author notes shouldn't be this long, I'll work on it. -shot- Chapter 2 already in the works.