Title: Similarities
Characters/Pairing: Kurogane, Kenpachi, Yachiru, Fai
Genre: Crack. Ish?
Rating: PG
Warnings: none
Word Count: 436
Summary: Fai + Yachiru FTW. You know they'd have tea parties while the K-men duel to the death. Repeatedly.

"Ken-chan," Yachiru whined, tugging on a fistful her captain's oddly pokey hair, "You can't kill Kuro-san! He'll bleed all over the floors and Baldy won't clean it up again and then it'll get crusty and yucky and you won't have anyone new to play with because you traumatize Ichi-kun all the time and besides, Fai-chan will be mad."

Fai nodded emphatically.

"As if he could kill me anyway," Kurogane spat out. He ignored the piteous moans from his shattered tibia and the deep gashes in his stomach, sword held at the ready.

"Now, now, Kuro-pon--" Fai was immediately on him, like a large, blonde, boneless amoeba-- "There's no use fighting, is there? After all, you can't be victorious if you're fighting somebody who's already dead."

"--And!" Yachiru put in, while Fai stuffed his fist into Kurogane's mouth before he could shriek out a protest, "If you stopped fighting all the time, you and Ken-chan can be best friends! Or--" The pink-haired girl tipped her head to the side thoughtfully. "--Actually, Ken-chan would probably like you more if you DID fight all the time. But anyway, you have lots in common!"

"I fail to see," Kenpachi said, in a tone that implied imminent death, "What I and this weakling have in common."

Kurogane bristled, but ultimately failed to utter anything around Fai's knuckles.

"Why," Fai said brightly, "You're both big, strong, manly men! Who like fighting!"

"And wear black," Yachiru added.

"And carry swords all the time--"

"And cuss lots--"

"And always resort to murder when you can't have your way--"

"And have cute names like Kuro-pon, Kuro-rin, Kuro-myu-sama--"

"Ooh and Ken-chan, or, Ken-nyo and Ken-popo and Ken..."

Kurogane finally succeeded in casting the blonde mage off, spat out his fist and glowered as he and Yachiru babbled incoherently about their manly virtues. Kenpachi, eyebrows a-raised, shot an evil look at him and announced, "I will cut you for bringing that to our world and uniting it with Yachiru," to which Kurogane responded with an equally filthy look that said, "I deal with it all the time and you can too, so fuck off you pussy-footed bastard," before the two big, black-and-sword-clad men dumped their respective partners into an unceremonious heap and trotted off to share violent war stories over tea.