(Note - Never had the courage to write a Death Note fic before. All of the yaoi in it just makes my stomach uneasy. No offense to any of the fans out there, but in my opinion, the hardcore sex between Yagami Raito and L Lawliet just makes my mind shift into overdrive. L knows that Raito is Kira, yet he's surrendering beyond personal thought for a good, hot fucking? No. I just makes me uneasy. But I'm giving it a comical, sort of fluffy attempt at something in the Death Note realm that I'm more comfortable with. Near and L, with a serving of Mello or Matt on the side, perhaps. But I don't regularly think this way, so be patient with me. I'll probably be a bit OOC with Near inparticular. His personality confused me in the manga thoroughly. So, here goes nothing, I guess. Constructive Criticism, please.)

Disclaimers -

Death Note not mine. I totally wish, but not mine.

Characters not mine either, though Near DOES live in my closet over the summer.

Another note - This is supposedly before L left the Wammy House.

"Near!"

L swung his head around calmly as the closed door of his room burst open, his mouth leaking the stem of a cherry that he was chewing contently on. The now open doorway revealed a steaming Mello, veins bulging from a hand at his side, something full of squares and plastic clutched menacingly in that grip.

"Where is he!?" the honey-haired boy shouted at his mentor. L leaned his head down shifting a knee that would have cushioned his chin as he headed south, had he not moved it, and pointed to a hidden space beside his chair, unseeable to Mello.

"He'sh down here," L responded, juggling the stem of his now eaten cherry between his teeth and tongue as he said these words. Mello stomped toward the spot that L had pointed to, to find an spaced Near, adding his third story of wood wedges to a log mansion. Mello took the thing he held in his hands, and shoved it outward, nudging the fragile stack of log wedges that Near was building from, threatening to topple over at any given opportunity.

" 'The HELL. . ." Mello seethed through gritted teeth, his pupils narrowing to slits in his wide eyes, ". . .is this piece of crap doing in my room!?" He pressed the object in his hands into the mansion, until the house came tumbling down before the snowy-haired boy's eyes. Near stared into his destroyed creation, almost as if he were letting Mello's action sink in. Then he raised his gaze, not showing any fear for the wide, angry onyx eyes in front of him. He inhaled, and began to rebuild the pieces of his shattered house.

"First of all. . ." he said calmly, not raising his gaze again this time. He drew his full attention to rebuilding his mansion, "Optimus Prime is not a 'piece of crap'. He is a deluxe nightwater Transformers action figure. Second of all, that isn't your room. It's the room that you and I share." Mello straightened his posture, and dropped the action figure rudely onto the ground, once again ruining Near's building. Near gingerly picked it up, straightened all of its limbs, and placed it standing next to him, almost to watch him as he gace a third try at his mansion.

"It was on my side of the room, Near," Mello shot back, crossing his slender arms across his chest, a look of disgust tugging at his lips. "I've told you! My side of the room is off-limits to anyone!" Near almost scoffed.

"I'm not invincible to accidents, Mello," he said calmly, and honestly enough, setting a line of wood wedges into place. "And don't you think it's a bit unfair?" Mello cocked an eye at the boy.

"What's unfair?"

"Well, it's just that I'm not allowed to even cross into your side of the room, and yet you slowly shift your belongings onto my side of the room, pushing me into a corner."

"Tch, you're lying." Near examined his re-established first story of the house.

"Then please explain to me, Mello, why your special box of chocolate bars is lying on my bed." Mello's hands jerked forward, clutching at Near's collar, pulling him close, where Near could feel his hot breath.

"Why you little--" Mello and Near both drew attention to the throat being cleared out of the blue beside them.

"Mello, I never knew that you were abusing the division of your room and Near's," came L, as he pointed out of the room. "Why don't you go take care of evening out your room?" Mello dropped his grip on Near, and hung his head slightly.

"Y. . .Yes, L," he responded, heading sullenly for his room. The moment Mello left the room, L looked down to see Near deeply furrowing his eyebrows. He gave a light sigh, and popped a bite-sized slice of cake into his mouth.

"I know," he said to the boy below him, in between chews," . . .that he bothers you, Near." He swallowed, and picked up another slice. "He has always been short tempered." He paused, seeing Near hanging his head in the same fashion that Mello had a few moments before. "Stand," he commanded calmly. Near obeyed, still keeping his head low. "Are you listening to me, Near?" he asked. Near nodded.

"Yes, L. I'm listening." L reached out and grasped the boy's chin, guiding it so that Near was facing him, eyes and all.

"Look me in the eye, so that I know you are listening to me," L said, biting into second slice of cake he now had in his hands, releasing his grip on the boy's chin.

"Yes, L," came Near's reply, a bit more feebly. He forced himself to gaze into his mentor's eyes. L could see tears of frustration, which he summed up in his head to be from either Mello, or from his own weakness, welling up in Near's eyes, and fingered them away as they began to spill from his eyelids.

"Don't let him bother you, Near," L said soothingly, in an attempt to ease the boy's tears. It only made Near's gaze become steely.

"But, L, I--" Near never finished his sentence, as lips that weren't his own met him. Near was caught completely off-guard, his once steely eyes changed to surprise, and a bit of embarrassment. His cheeks went red hot at the touch from his mentor, especially in this fashion. As L's fine lips left his, he was left completely speechless. It was just what L had planned.

"Don't let Mello bother you, Near," L repeated, just as soothingly, and this time Near gave a nod.

"Y. . .Yes, L," he responded strangely.

(Note - Okay, so it was simple, short, and kind of stupid, but please don't think me a poser/n00b, any of thee above. I'm new at this! But thank you for reading. . .)

OUT - Kozga Nitt