Chapter 9: The Beginning After The End

Author's Note: It all came so soon-that's what I'm supposed to say, right? Too bad I waited two years to complete this masterpiece (yeah, I just called it a masterpiece, because why be humble, now, at the end). Still, I'm going to miss writing this trashy, over-the-top, flashy little piece of Russian literature inspired fan fiction. This is how I truly express misery. Just kidding. All my writing is pretty damn miserable. But here I get to be even more ridiculous. I'm riding a unicorn through a strawberry patch, fucking Ed Westwick, when I write this story. More or less. Mostly less but whatever.

Disclaimer: The title comes from a lovely little Stars instrumental piece. It was going to be I Know It's Over but I was listening to this song and was just like, holy shit, this fits everything I want this story to embody so perfectly. I hope the connection hits you over the head cause we ain't about subtlety right now, bitches.

Logan should be having pity sex right now. His best career move, sexually speaking, was pretending Rory stomped all over his heart. All he had to do was appear, looking like he'd spent the day in bed, listening to Elliot Smith, contemplating suicide, and girls would flock to him, soothing his heartbreak with their vaginas.

But last night, while they were getting high, Finn started babbling about how obsessed Jess was with Rory and how obvious it was she was into him and how Jess fucked her right after her debutante ball. While they were still, technically speaking, since he was probably getting blown by Louise at that very moment, dating.

Sure, Logan treated Rory like shit and cheated on her whenever the option was presented but he loved Rory. And Jess was his best friend.

Your best friend does not fuck your girlfriend. It just doesn't happen.

And if it does, you have to kill said best friend. Or at least beat the shit out of him. Which Logan was about to do.

"Jess, a word?"

Logan gestured toward the brunette that was currently attached to Jess' neck. "I'm busy," he muttered, more interested in this girl's actual bra size (he was guessing 34C and was fairly certain he was right, since he was an expert and all) than whatever his fake best friend needed to discuss with him.

"She'll still be here when you get back."

Jess groaned, and detached the vampire from his neck. "I'll be right back. Don't rebutton anything."

Logan dragged him into a corner, away from any type of distraction, like a nice pair of 34 D's that would make him leave Miss 34 C unbuttoned and unsatisfied.

Jess shrugged his way out of Logan's grip, pissed off. "What?"

"I've been hearing things."

"I believe that's called insanity. Can I go now?'

"Did you try to fuck Rory?"

"Excuse me?"

"Because friends don't fuck each other's girlfriends."

"That clause is malleable depending on the girl."

"So it's true?'

"No, I didn't fuck Rory," he sighed.

"Thank god."

"I could have. But I didn't, since I'm such a gentleman."

"Rory would never touch you."

Jess didn't want to fight. He wanted to fuck Miss 34 C (or at least get a blow job) and the longer he stayed here, discussing whether or not Rory Gilmore would let his filthy dick anywhere near her, the more likely it was Miss 34 C would realize she was practically getting fucked in public and promptly rebutton.

But he couldn't just stand there and let Logan insult his dick giving abilities. "Didn't Rory break up with you?'

"We're taking some time apart."

"And remind me, who was her escort to her debutante ball?"

"She was using you to make me jealous. And you're so pathetic, you went along with it."

"Did you ever touch Rory the entire time you were dating? Because she was practically begging me to fuck her."

"Shut up."

"She makes the cutest face when she's about to cum. I should have taken a picture, but my hands were occupied, if you know what I mean," and then he winked, for effect.

Male aggression was such a wonderful thing. All that built up testosterone could only be released two ways and Jess and Logan certainly weren't going to fuck.

Jess felt Logan's fist connect with his face. It was just what he wanted.

Logan coiled away, shaking his hand in pain. He really was a pussy.

Jess was practically giddy, nursing his soon to be black eye.

"Why the fuck are you smiling?"

"I can't believe I'm fighting with you over Rory. You. You're barely literate. Why the fuck did Rory ever spend any significant amount of time with you?"

"Does she know she needs to be tested after being within fifty feet of you?"

"She doesn't want you, Huntzberger."

"She doesn't want you either."

"Maybe not now. But she will."

"What does that mean?"

"It would take too many syllables to explain to you."

"Excuse me?"

"You wouldn't understand."

Jess watched, amused, as Rory paced in front of the coffee shop, muttering to herself. He was fairly certain he knew what was going on. Rory had spent three blissful months tanning and developing an eating disorder and not thinking about Jess Mariano.

But on her second to last day in Hartford, there he was, in her favorite coffee shop, the only coffee shop she trusted, reading, at her table. Her table. It was a well-known fact around Hartford that Rory came to this coffee shop everyday at 9:54, ordered an iced coffee (maybe two if she had too much vodka the night before) and then sat at the corner table, in hopes to avoid all human interaction. And read.

The point was, it was 9:54 and Jess was occupying her fucking table.

"You can do this, Gilmore. Just walk in, get your coffee and kindly ask him to get the fuck out. He won't want to make a scene." Then, she slammed her palm into her forehead. "Of course he wants to make a scene. The whole purpose of him being here at 9:54 and sitting at your table is to make a scene."

She tried to steady her breathing. She didn't need to pass out and awake to Jess standing over her, pretending to be a knight in shining armor, when really, he was a leech infecting the world with his brand of dreadfulness and syphilis.

She could just go somewhere else. There was another coffee shop five minutes away that…made their coffee too weak and only played Lady Gaga.

Fuck if she was going there.

"This is my coffee shop." And with that, she threw her sunglasses back on, looking more like Holly Golightly than usual, and barged in the door.

Jess smirked. "Quite the performance out there."

She stood there for a moment, thinking. Then, to the surprise of everyone, she collapsed into the chair. "I'm so tired of this." She took off her sunglasses.

"The sexual tension is overwhelming."

She gave a sarcastic smile. "Do you know how hard it is to avoid you? I had to make maps and charts and have Greta go into any bookstore first and then send a signal saying it was okay to enter. I even considered attaching a chip to your body so I would know where you were at all times but I didn't feel like hiring a prostitute to get that close to you. My whole summer has been dedicated to avoiding you."

"My whole summer has been dedicated to…"

"Fucking in my general vicinity?"

"Pretty much."

"I would turn a corner and there you'd be, mauling and groping some whore. All tongue and hands and general indecency. It was disturbing."

"Thank you."

She smiled, genuinely. "I'm going to get an iced coffee."

"I know."

"I wouldn't mind if you stayed."

"Really?"

"Even bitches need human interaction."

"Been a lonely summer?"

"According to the gossip hounds, my eating disorder has taken up most of my time."

"You are looking a little thin."

"I went through a phase of not eating."

He raised an eyebrow, genuinely concerned.

She shrugged. "It's a girl thing."

Rory sipped her coffee. "I heard about your fight with Logan."

"I wouldn't call it a fight."

"I heard there were punches thrown."

"A punch. It was weak. Logan just needed to assert his pseudo dominance. And I let him."

"I heard the fight was about me."

He smirked. "Your hearing is impeccable."

"I don't need you going around, defending my honor. You're not my boyfriend," she spat out, full of venom.

"I know."

"I'm sorry," she said, out of nowhere, losing the venom.

He was caught off guard. "For what?"

"That black eye. It's my fault, for…"

"Stringing both of us along?"

She looked down, even though she wasn't really ashamed. "Yes."

"Well, I appreciate the apology. But it was worth it to see the look on his face when I told him about that time in my bedroom."

"Jess!" she squealed.

"I didn't lie! Everything I said was factual."

"I doubt it."

"I took your clothes off. I made you cum. Basic facts. I didn't say we fucked."

"Good."

"I said we almost did."

"Great."

"Pretending nothing happened would be dishonorable."

"You didn't seem to have a problem with being dishonorable a few months ago."

"I'm trying to be a better person."

"And to do that, you needed to swing your metaphorical dick in Logan's face?"

"Why are you getting all worked up? It's not like you're dating the guy."

She raised her voice. "Because you're acting like my boyfriend! If you keep this up, I'll never lose my virginity!"

"So you're mad because you want to fuck Logan?"

"No! I just don't want to have some hex on me making it impossible to move on! It's not fair that you've fucked every unassumingly pretty bitch in the city and I stayed at home, listening to The Smiths and watching terrible vampire soaps with Greta!"

"I want you to be happy." He seemed sincere.

She looked away. "I don't think I'll ever be happy."

"Me either." Jess leaned across the table and brushed her cheek with his lips. "We're not over, Gilmore," he whispered.

She coiled away. "I'm not going over this with you. Again."

She was about to leave, but he grabbed her wrist. "Just one night."

"What?'

"We need this."

"A one night stand? No, thank you."

"That's not what it 'd be with us. It'd be closure."

"I'm not longing for any type of closure with you."

"Bullshit." Jess stopped, then continued. "We can't be together right now. I get that. I fucked that up. It probably wouldn't have worked anyway. You'll go to Harvard, meet some asshole that'll seduce you with Tolstoy and forget about me."

"And you'll fuck anything with a pulse."

He laughed. "See, that's where you're wrong, cause if I had you, I wouldn't need anything else to satisfy me."

She blushed. "I'm not the type of girl that sleeps with a guy to give him closure. In case you forgot, I'm a virgin."

"Do you really want some pseudo intellectual, that'll end up being gay sophomore year, taking your virginity?"

"Why do you care?"

"You know why."

"Why can't you just give up?"

"Because you're all I want."

She blinked, trying to find words. Words to explain why this couldn't happen. "If we do this…it'll…it'll just ruin everything."

"The romanticization of unrequited love is overrated."

"I'm pretty sure you're the only person in the world that believes that."

He laughed. "Only a virgin would say something like that. Fucking is…well, awesome."

"Do you have to be so crass?"

"Do you have to be so proper?"

"We're not having sex!" she screamed, garnering the attention of a few too many fellow coffee enthusiasts.

He smiled. "I wish you could comprehend how hard it is for me not to kiss you right now."

She looked down. "You're a sexual deviant."

"You look good, Gilmore. Real good."

"Compliments won't get you in my pants."

"O-k-a-y," he said, drawing out each syllable in a way he knew annoyed her.

"Don't do that."

He sighed, ready to give up. "I'll see you around, Rory."

He was about to leave, when Rory stopped him. "Wait."

He sat back down. "What?"

"If we do this, no one can ever know."

"My lips are sealed."

"I'm not saying we are doing this. I'm just saying if you happened to stop by my going away party tonight and I happened to have a bit too much champagne and things happened, well, it just stays between us. Okay?'

"Don't worry, lover, I won't fuck and tell."

"Don't refer to me as your lover. We're not lovers."

Jess stood up. "Tonight, I'm gonna fuck the bitch right out of you."

And with that great parting line, he left.

She downed a glass of champagne.

And another.

And another.

She had decided she needed to get good and drunk, so if she went through with this, she could just use the excuse "I was drunk. He was pretty," even though the real excuse was "I was horny. He was pretty."

There he was, standing in the corner, discussing something intellectual with her grandfather. This was too much for her to handle. Jess couldn't exchange pleasantries with her grandfather. If her grandparents approved of him, that meant they'd have Hartford's blessing to fuck.

She wasn't okay with that.

Something had to be done.

Steadying herself, she took one last sip of champagne and made her way over to Jess.

"Grandpa."

"Rory. I feel so honored to be in Miss Harvard's presence. Don't you, Jess?"

He was too busy undressing Rory in his mind to come up with something witty. "Definitely."

Rory rubbed the back of her neck, trying to ignore the fact that Jess was violating her with his eyes. "What were you two discussing?"

"You," her grandfather answered.

"Me?'

"What else would we discuss?"

She blushed. "Oh, I'm not that interesting."

"Why are you being so humble, dear? It's not becoming."

"I'm sorry."

"Apologizing is even less becoming."

Rory would have been offended but her mind was full of champagne and Jess and whether or not her virginity would be intact by the end of the night.

And Jess.

And his hands.

She faked a smile, turning her attention to Jess, who looked like he was ready to take her, right there, in front of her grandfather.

Something took over (probably the champagne) and she reached out, grabbing his hand and dragging him toward her bedroom.

Richard smiled. He had never really cared for Logan.

He slammed her against the door.

His hands were everywhere.

She couldn't catch her breath, not that she really wanted to.

She was the one that invited him to her bedroom, to come look at some book.

That was her line, actually. "Come look at some book."

And he followed.

He pushed her against the door, again, and this time, she couldn't help the tiny whimper that escaped her mouth. Not wanting to break the kiss, he mumbled "sorry" into her mouth.

She responded by pushing against him, harder, so she could feel exactly how much he wanted her.

But right when his hands found his favorite spot, her ass, she remembered all the people that were outside her door.

Her grandparents. Her mother. Logan. All the people that knew what "some book" was code for.

Rory pushed him away. "This is twisted."

He couldn't help but smile. She never abandoned that Audrey Hepburn propriety shit, even when she was grinding against him. "Did you expect anything different from us?"

She stepped away from the door. And him. "This isn't what normal couples do."

"You've got to stop trying to define us in the realm of normal. And we're not a couple."

"We're a couple of people that like to take off their clothes in front of each other. I don't know how else to properly define that."

"Human."

"You're killing the moment."

"I believe you already did that when you called this twisted."

"I thought that would turn you on."

"There are other things you could do that would be infinitely more affective at turning me on."

"Like?"

He backed her toward the bed. "You sorely underestimate the power of you."

"What?"

Her knees hit the back of the bed and buckled.

He was leaning against her, so close that she could feel him, all of him, through her sundress.

He could hear her heart beating. It sounded like it was about to rip out of her chest. "Are you scared?"

She was caught off guard. She didn't want to be vulnerable. "No."

"It's okay. It's going to be okay." He pushed against her once more, just enough so she fell back onto the bed. He followed, hovering over her, letting her feel his weight on top of her.

He pushed the material of her sundress up her thighs, roaming his hands over the exposed skin.

She started to fool with his tie, then let go. " I'm sorry. I'm not good at this."

"You're fine," he said, moving his hands farther up her legs. "Just relax."

She let out a sigh, breaking eye contact. "I'm over thinking this. It's just sex. People do it all the time."

"Hey. You. Look at me." She turned her head back, locking eyes with him. "This is the easy part with us. This is what we're good at. You're good at this."

"I'm good at parts of this. Whether or not I'm good at sex…"

He cut her off. "You'll be fine." He started to pull at the elastic on her underwear, remembering how much she enjoyed a certain activity last time. Suddenly, she placed her hands over his, stopping him. "There are only three articles of clothing between me and you," she said, stating the obvious.

"I'm aware."

"I'm sorry. I'm acting like a complete idiot."

He smiled. "Stop apologizing."

"I didn't think I'd act this way. I mean I was good that day in your bedroom, wasn't I?'

"I enjoyed you up to a certain point."

"And now? I'm acting like I'm Amish or something."

"You're nervous. It's cute."

"Really?"

"Yeah," he pulled at her underwear again. "Trust me?"

"No."

"Fair enough." He slid toward her, resting his weight on his elbows. He stayed like that, barely touching her, enjoying the feel of her squirming beneath him. "Problem, Gilmore?"

"What are you doing?"

"Taking a break."

"Excuse me?" she huffed.

"I'm tired of doing all the work."

"Is that a challenge?'

"I have no idea what you're referring to. I'm just…" before he could finish his thought, she arched her body into his, catching his lips between hers.

She pushed against him, harder. He took this as his cue and pushed her underwear off her hips.

"Two," he mumbled into her mouth.

Her hands found his zipper and after a few tugs, his jeans were on the floor.

"One," she muttered, reaching inside his boxers, placing a hand around him.

His breath caught. He wasn't expecting that.

"Rory," he groaned. He moved a hand down, stopping her motions.

She froze.

"Another time," he struggled and she understood.

He was wound too tight for that.

She arched her body into him, nothing left between them.

"You want to cuddle?"

"No," Rory answered, quickly. "But I do appreciate the offer. It's just…cuddling is…"

"I get it. We're not the cuddling type." He reached down, finding his pants, and pulled out his pack of cigarettes. "Want one?"

She shrugged and pulled one out of the pack, sticking it in her mouth.

He leaned into her, lighting her cigarette. "I know you admire Audrey Hepburn and you'll probably name your spawn after her, but I think you're embodying Katherine much more right now."

She exhaled the smoke. "Really?"

"Freshly fucked. Smoking. Sexy as hell. Definitely Katherine."

"Thank you."

They smoked in silence for a few minutes, the only noise coming from Rory's computer. Beck was singing about some girl named Debra.

Rory eventually broke the silence. "So, what now?"

"Can't you just enjoy the quiet?" He lit another cigarette.

"I leave in two days."

"I'm well aware."

"This was…you were…"

"Awesome. I know."

"That's not what I was going to say."

"Mind blowing is another one I hear quite often."

"Please don't remind me of how often you do this."

He turned toward her, stubbing out his cigarette. "You know this is different."

"But as soon as I go to Harvard, you'll resume your daily orgies."

"I'll try to cut back, I promise."

"This is why we can't be boyfriend and girlfriend."

"I don't want to be your boyfriend."

"What?"

"I'm pretty sure you still hate me."

"I…"

"I'm a huge proponent of hate sex, so don't be ashamed."

"So that's what this was for you?'

"No."

"Well then, what was this?"

"Two friends expressing their appreciation for each other."

"It was more than that."

"You're the one that said this had to stay between us. And I agreed to that condition, so as far as I'm concerned, this never happened."

"So you fucked me and now you're going to forget about me?"

"There is no way I'll forget the feel of you."

She started to blush. "It was different than I expected."

"Good different?"

"Yeah," she smiled.

"I also won't forget how you look right now. Sex looks good on you."

"You always find a way to ruin things."

"It's a genuine compliment. Sex doesn't look good on some girls. But you wear it well."

He pulled all of her on top of him. "Don't go to Harvard."

She scrunched up her face. "What?"

"We have trust funds. Fuck higher education."

"You can't be serious."

"Try to lie to me and tell me you've ever been happier than you are right now."

"I got a pony for my fifth birthday. I was pretty happy then."

"So Rory Gilmore is happiest when she's riding things? I'll remember that."

He pulled her down, crashing his lips into hers.

He could feel her moving herself onto him. She let out a soft moan as soon as he was inside her.

He would never forget this.

Seven times. She had sex with Jess Mariano seven times.

"He was just so perfect and good at what he was doing. The first time was weird and tense and he was almost being too careful and I was tipsy and there were just a lot of hands and fumbling and then it was over. But after that, god, he was so good. I know it's because he's had practice and sex is like riding a bike but I'm pretty sure he is abnormally good at sex. There are things he does with his mouth…" she stopped, realizing what she was saying. "I sound like some sex crazed idiot right now, don't I?"

Greta was barely able to contain her excitement. "You're glowing, Miss Rory."

She pushed some hair behind her ears, nervous. "I'm shaky. Like all the time. I can't stop shaking. Is that normal? And I can't stop smiling. My face hurts. I want to stop smiling but I can't. See, right now, I'm consciously trying to stop smiling and I can't."

"So, what does this mean for you and Mr. Jess?"

Rory's smile faded a bit. "I leave tomorrow."

"It's not that far away."

"We can't do the relationship thing. We're not relationship people."

"So what's going to happen?"

"I'm going to go to Harvard tomorrow."

"That's it?"

"Long distance never works."

"I think you should try."

"I think you should worry about your lack of a sex life and forget about my soon to be non-existent one."

"I know you're only lashing out because you know I'm right."

"Stop it, Greta! We're not going to talk on the phone everyday or meet halfway to have picnics or hold hands or any of the other things that couples do. We're terrible people."

"But Mr. Jess knows all this and still loves you. Doesn't that mean something?"

"I'm glad we had sex. Isn't that enough?"

"I don't know, Miss Rory. Is it?"

There she was, standing outside his window, throwing rocks to get his attention.

He opened the window. "Why are you channeling Romeo? We don't have warring families. You can use the front door."

She shrugged. "This is my attempt at a grand, romantic gesture."

"Aren't you supposed to have a boom box?'

"I was on my way to the airport."

"And you decided to take a break and throw rocks at my window?"

"You didn't say goodbye!"

"You know I'm not a fan of goodbyes."

"You took my virginity! I get a goodbye!'

"Okay. Goodbye, Rory Gilmore."

"No."

"Didn't you just say you wanted a goodbye?"

"Don't treat me how you treat all the others."

"I assumed yesterday was a more than sufficient goodbye."

"Yesterday was…nice."

"Nice? We have sex seven times and you define that as nice?"

"Can I come up? I'd rather all of Hartford didn't hear about our sex life."

"I'm not letting down my hair."

She scoffed. "I'll use the front door."

He rolled his eyes. "How modern of you."

Rory walked into his room.

Jess arched an eyebrow. "Why are you fidgeting? Are you nervous? Or more specifically, is your vagina nervous?"

She held up her hand. "Don't say things like that."

"Okay."

"I'm supposed to be emotionally terrorizing my roommate right now."

"Why aren't you?"

"Because you got in my head."

"And other places."

"Again with that shit?"

"Sorry. I'll stop."

"Thank you."

He smirked. "So I'm in your head, huh?"

"Unfortunately."

"What am I saying?"

"Things that make me not want to go to Harvard."

He crossed his arms over his chest, becoming defensive. "So why are you here? Do you need me to set you free again?"

"No."

"Then why?"

And she started. "I'm a terrible person. Like there's Hitler, my grandmother, a few dudes who raped and pillaged villages, Nicolas Sparks. And then me. Most people don't know exactly how awful I am. But you do and for some reason, you still love me."

He shrugged. "I'm in love with the worst person."

"And then there's you. You fuck anything that moves. You made my virginity a game. And I'm sure you've sent hundreds of girls to convents. We're terrible people. I'd be a terrible girlfriend."

"I'd be a terrible boyfriend," he reassured her.

"Then let's be a terrible together."

"Aren't you worried we'll end up like Liz and Dick?"

"Why are you all of a sudden playing the role of the negative one?"

"Your attitude was different before…"

She cut him off. "I'm not some lovesick idiot that falls in love with the guy that took her virginity! Don't insult me by comparing me to those kind of girls," she said, rolling her eyes.

"You need to forget about me."

"What?"

"I'm not good for you."

"You constantly told me to stop doing what everyone else wanted me to do, to stop living under some false delusion of what my life is supposed to be. And finally, when I'm ready, you decide to push me away?"

"I don't want to hurt you."

"Then don't."

"It's not that simple."

"I love you. Not the idea of you. Not what I want you to be. You."

She could finally breathe.

"I know."

"Don't Han Solo this moment."

"You know how I feel."

"I'd really like to hear it again, you know, for reassurance purposes."

"They're just words."

"Is this your subtle way of telling me you don't love me or something?"

"No."

"Then why won't you say it."

"Because I know it bothers you."

She smiled. "I don't know why I love you sometimes. Most of the time, actually."

"I've heard I'm irresistible."

"You're okay."

"You're not so bad yourself."

She rocked back on her heels. "So is this how we're going to end?"

"What's so wrong with leaving things unsettled?"

"I need something to…"

"I'll call you," he offered.

She bit down on her lip. "I shouldn't have stopped by. I'm sorry for wasting your time."

She turned to leave but he grabbed her wrist. "I'm glad you came by." He leaned down, placing a kiss in her hair. "Don't fall in love with some dick at Harvard."

"Don't fuck…well, everything."

"I won't."

She paused, unsure of what her next move should be. "Come here." She rose up on her tiptoes, capturing Jess' lips in hers.

She pulled away. "I have a break in seven weeks."

"I know."

She smiled. "As a terrible boyfriend, I'm pretty sure you aren't supposed to know things like that."

He shrugged. "I hate being predictable."

She just stood there. "My feet won't move," she said, dumbly.

"If you stay much longer, I'll be forced to remove your clothing, which will make you unfashionably late to orientation."

"I'm going."

She turned to leave but he stopped her, again. "Hey, Gilmore."

She sighed. "Jess, I have to go..."

He quickly cut in. "Don't change your mind."

She bit her lip. "About what?"

"Me."

She smiled. "I don't like anyone else."

THE END

Ending Author's Note: I know. I can't believe I gave you a semi-happy ending either. I guess I was tried of being miserable. You can only take so much misery and I overloaded you guys with it. You might think this was a bitch out, that I was too much of a conformer to have a truly miserable ending, but I don't know. The entire story was about two people that could never get their shit together and be together. And if I did that again in chapter 9, well, I might as well have stopped at 8, cause that was a sufficient ending.

But if you hate me and are planning my murder, no axes, please. And pop some champagne first.

But no matter what, thank you, people of the internets.

Reviewers: What's there left to say? You're wonderful. I adore you. I hope you still adore me. Let me know what you think. Seriously. Write me a novel, full of conflicted statements and irony. I love irony.

(By the wayside, I almost titled the chapter "We have trust funds. Fuck higher education." I'm really proud of that creation).

Goodbye, for now. Or as Jigga Man would say, on to the next one, whatever that one may be.

Ideas are welcome. Drugs are encouraged.