Disclaimer: CSI/CBS is not mine.

a/n: This is what happens when I can't sleep...and I know I will pay for this dearly!

1. I'm not suppose to say, 'hubba hubba' or 'fuckalicious' everytime I see her walking the halls in a body hugging outfit. We live together and I already know what she's going to wear. But sometimes it's hard not to admire that ' candy lickin' body' and that 'ass smacking booty' of hers. Oh, I'm not suppose to use those, too.

2. I'm not by any circumstances to grab her ass from behind, scaring her in the process. Or I will get jabbed in the ribs and thrown to the floor again. I can definitely say those self defense classes are very effective.

3. Refrain from calling her, 'my woman said this', 'my woman said that' and boasting about the latest 'bling' she's wearing when talking to Warrick.

4. Not even with Nick. I am not suppose to use the phrase, 'I have a better saddle that I sit on and can tie a rope around,' when he's talking about Texas. Or I will not be riding anything anytime soon, if you catch my drift.

5. I cannot collect and place bets everytime she storms in Ecklie's office. It's a no brainer whose going to win anyway. She would not even go for my idea of betting if Ecklie really licks his balls after she leaves.

6. I am not suppose to laugh, giggle or smirk when the words masticating, diaphragmatic breathing, copious amount, uranus, folds, fingerlings, fistula or assets are mentioned during report. But it's really hard to keep a straight face the way Grissom uses them so seriously in a sentence.

7.When were together in the lab, I should not say, 'the little missus thinks...' when Grissom is asking us a question. Catherine does not think it's cute. Plus she said she's not the domesticated kind of a woman. Yeah, I can tell you there's nothing domesticated how wild she is in bed. But don't say I said that out loud.

8. I am not suppose to joke in the cafeteria with a comment like, 'you got buns hotter than this?' and wink at Catherine.

9. Nor can I say that I want to order a low fat yogurt with a strawberry Willows on top. Not that we havent used yogurt and strawberries in bed before...

10. She wants me to stop putting post-it notes with the words, 'claimed by Catherine Willows' on everyone's lunch in the fridge. People would rather starve than to believe it was all a joke.

11. Stop saying to Hodges that, "Catherine Willows wants this ASAP or else," to have immediate results done especially when she's off.

12. Not to bring the handcuffs from home as a show and tell to Warrick, Nick and Greg. I just like seeing their faces light up when I dangle it in front of their faces in the break room. Greg treated it like it was a sacred object.

13. I'm not allowed to say that she can make an coverall look sexy. Especially if she's coming out of a dumpster. I really paid for that comment.

14. When she's in the shower I cannot steal her towel and exchange it for a face towel or obsenities would be heard beyond the shower room, locker room and through the hallways.

15. In a crime scene I have to refrain from saying, "hey, baby, pass me the luminol," to her in a low sexy voice. Or suggest I start upstairs because she knows 'I like being on top,' and blow her a kiss. Greg looses his concentration fast.

16. I should stop making the word, 'juicy fruit' sound dirty. No wonder Hodges switched to chewing the gum.

17. I should not tiptoe and see if I can see more of her cleavage. Or accidentally brush against them. As she points out there are no accidents if I do it more than three times in an hour.

18. I should not sing, 'you are my sunshine' with a high pitched voice outside her office when she's angry at me.

19. Stop with the rumor of a new tattoo on her left breast. I made her wonder for awhile why everyone's eye would automatically go down her blouse.

20. I can't kiss her inside the building. Good thing she never said anything about making out in the parking lot!

21. I know I said 20. But this is different:I love Catherine Willows. I can whisper that to her once in awhile at work, makes her smile. And I love making my babe smile!

r/r always appreciated...