Twilight: The Condensed Version

Bella: I hate Forks. Why did I decide to move here?? Ooh, cute boy!

Edward gives Bella a death glare

Bella: What did I ever do to him?

Bella is almost crushed by Tyler's car but Edward pushes her out of the way.

Tyler: Oh noes!! I almost ran Bella over!

Bella: But Edward saved me. Yay!!

Edward: What? No I didn't…

Bella: But…but…

Edward: It would be better if we weren't friends…but come eat lunch with me?

Bella: Edward's really weird.

Jacob: Have you ever heard about the Cold Ones? Yeah, Edward's a vampire.

Bella: Ah-ha! It all makes sense!

Edward: You really should avoid me. I am an evil demon.

Bella: You're hot…actually, you're cold. But you're seriously cute. And sparkly.

Edward: But I could kill you!

Bella: Please don't?

Edward: Okay. Come meet my family!

Alice: Hey. I'm psychic.

Rosalie: I wish I was still human. I don't like you.

Jasper: I can control your emotions.

Emmett: I'm not as scary as I look. I swear.

Esme: Ohh, Eddie brought his girlfriend! Let me show you his baby pictures…

Carlisle: I swam across the ocean once. And I'm immune to the scent of human blood.

Alice: Hey, let's go play baseball!

The Cullens meet some evil vampires.

James: Human! Must kill!!

Bella: Aaaah! Must run away. Charlie, I'm leaving.

Charlie: WTF?

Alice: Come with me and Jasper. We'll keep you safe.

Bella: Noo! I don't wanna leave Edward.

Edward: They'll protect you. I'll see you soon.

Alice, Jasper, and Bella go to Phoenix.

James: I'm gonna kill your mommy. Come to me and let me kill you.

Bella: Not my mommy!

Bella walks right into James' trap.

James: Mwahahaha…I didn't have her. But now I have you!

Bella: Whoops. That was kinda stupid.

James bites Bella

Edward: I must save her!

Bella: Woah... ow.. how long was I out for?

Edward: Only a few days... o and Renee is here.

Bella: OMG what did you tell her?!

Edward: You fells down two flights of stairs and out a window... and then I saved you.

Bella: How did you pull that one off?

Edward: Alice had alot of fun fabricating evidence... you could sue the hotel if you wanted to.

Bella: But…but…I wanted to be a vampire.

Edward: Absolutely not. Let's go to prom.

Bella: Absolutely not.

Alice: Sorry, Bella, you've got to. By the way, you're going to be a vampire one day.

Edward: NO SHE WON'T!

Jacob: Hey, my dad says to be careful with Edward.

Bella: Whatever. I luv him!

Fangirls: Give us more!!