Disclaimer: Inuyasha and characters are not mine. "Back to Good" by Jonathan Clay is not mine as well.

Summary: From the very beginning, the deal was that no feelings were to be involved.

Dedicated to Rich--

Back to Good

Chapter One: Taboo

Take a While

And Take a Breath

And Let yourself down slow

Gather Up your memories

Hold on to what you know

And everything's been moving way to fast

Where should I start?

From the very beginning, the deal was that no feelings were to be involved. It was for the pure thrill of it all--that was it. I took the risk of diving into his world of immorality. I loathed him. He was the epitome of the type of man that disgusted me. You wonder why would I involve myself with someone like him? It was the air about him--his sheer confidence in everything he does. It drove me to take his hand and to take a leap.

His name was Inuyasha, the risk I took.

I managed our private practices together from my daily life without difficulty. I would see him in the hallways, walking with careful, sure, grace as if stalking prey. His name was in everyone's mouth--from gossip, from praise, and from sexual pleasure. He was tall and although his head of silver hair stood out, it was his eyes that would always catch me. Our eyes would always, always meet. His eyes were always intense that I could not bare to look. Was it really the intensity of his eyes? Or was it...

Or was it the fact that the sin I've enveloped myself into has finally caught me in chains?

He was in my life whether or not I liked it or not. Our friends were one and the same. In the beginning, I was able to discern fantasy and reality from each other. When Inuyasha and I were alone--anything could happen. His butterfly kisses along my body drove me mad unlike that I've ever felt from any man. His touch was like fire on my skin--I couldn't extinguish this flame.

"Do you remember our first kiss...?" He would whisper in the heat of the moment.

A sigh of pure pleasure would come out of my mouth as I held onto his silver hair, kissing passionately as if the world was to end in any moment. I do remember because I thought the idea of a kiss being able to make one's knees weak was ridiculous--until Inuyasha kissed me softly, and yet, so strongly that night in school after we searched for a cursed pre-calculus book together.

However, when our time together ends, it's as if we are total strangers from each other. I watch him walk away from me and at first, I didn't feel this suffocating pain in my chest, but now, I can't ignore the pain. I was in denial for the longest time and even changed my attitude towards him. I created many ways for us to fight, to disagree, and to avoid each other. I was successful. Inuyasha began to advert his attention away from me to other girls and I to Sesshomaru.

Sango had come up to me, she knew...how could she not know? She was my best friend. She looked at me with worried eyes, "Kagome, why are you doing this to yourself?" She asked.

I looked at her with bewilderment, "What are you talking about?" I asked.

"You've fallen for Inuyasha, Kagome. It's obvious with the way you look at him!" Sango exclaimed, "Are you insane? You know how he is. You of all people should know what kind of person he is--Kikyo personally told you of her expirience with him."

Kikyo...

Kikyo was Inuyasha's ex-lover. They were inseperable, but Inuyasha had cheated on her multiple times with other girls. I was there to comfort Kikyo, I was her crying shoulder, I listened to her, I was her friend--

"I've told Kikyo about Inuyasha, Sango--"

"I don't understand you." Sango curtly replied stepping away from me.

"What is so good about Inuyasha?" She asked after a moment.

"He's a good person, Sango. He really is, if you could just--"

"Yeah, yeah, and deep down, Hitler is a good person too--Kagome, I'm saying this for your own good. He's playing you like a toy while you daydream that you can change his ways--do you know how many girls he's said that to? You're looking at one of them. He is stringing you along. You don't deserve that." Sango stated and hugged me.

"Sesshomaru doesn't deserve what you're doing to him either."

Sesshomaru, Inuyasha's older brother, and I began to date for a while. He was nothing but a gentleman to me, but, I remembered what Sango said. Sesshomaru was just a temporary replacement...and I lied to him as well. I couldn't bare to tell him that when I was with him, it was all Inuyasha I thought of...

From the very beginning I knew what I was stepping into. I knew him. I loathed him--but somehow...

"Kagome?" Inuyasha asked as we sat together in his parked car.

"Yes?" I asked.

"I'm leaving for France for this summer." He said toying with the steering wheel.

I thought to myself, with Inuyasha being gone, I can definitely focus on work and the upcoming fall term for my first year in college. I can have time for myself, I can--

"I'll keep in touch with you." He continued.

Don't say that.

"Okay." I nonchalantly replied.

"Kagome?"

Don't say anything more, Inuyasha...

"Please don't leave me."

...because I can't let myself fall in love with you.

You thought that you'd found something that would last

And it passed

So if you find

That in your mind

You're putting up your guard

Trust me when

I say its not

Supposed to be this hard

"Please don't leave me."

I had never said that to anyone else but Kikyo. Now, though, there's a girl who sat next to me. Her dark hair cascaded over her shoulder as she looked outside the window. Her creamy skin glowed softly in the dark and I wanted nothing but to touch it feverently. Thinking about it, Kagome practically entered my life as a complete stranger.

I knew of her around school and we had class the previous year. Perfect role model amongst all students. Kind. Beautiful. Smart. Athletic. Trustworthy. Friendly. In short, she was nothing but a prude. However, I remember perfectly when I first saw her on the first day of school during her final year in high school. She walked into the classroom with a contagious smile as she greeted some of the girls and boys in class. She looked around the room with slight confusion--her emotions were easily read on her fresh face. After spotting a seat, she sat down, carefully crossing her long lean legs together.

I practically dashed towards the seat next to her.

"Kagome Higurashi. We're in math again?" I greeted.

She looked up from her book and smiled, "It seems so Inuyasha Taisho."

I had decided quite errtatically that I wanted her.

No one else has had her except Koga who, in the rumors that I have heard, treated her badly by cheating on her many times. I am guitly of that as well when it came to my past relationship with Kikyo. Yes, I felt terrible for what I had done...

Kagome would be mine in any case.

A few weeks into school and she was proving to be a challenge. She was always surrounded by her friends especially Sango. In the past, I had tried to get with Sango. However, Miroku had beat me to it and thankfully, both of them had laughed it off as one of my moments of delirium. Kagome was a kind girl, though. She welcomed anyone.

It started with borrowing paper in class.

Then chatting online...

Eventually I got her phone number.

Next, we started to text...

...and when I found out that she wasn't the slightest bit interested in me, I called her.

"Houjou?!"

"Yes, Inuyasha, for the millionth time, I'm interested in Houjou." Kagome softly replied on the phone.

My ego was crushed. I had been working on this girl for the past month and she was interested in that pathetic dork? I couldn't handle it and asked once again, "Why? I mean...it's Houjou."

"He's different. Why are you even calling me? I don't think it's any of your business who it is I like." She replied with a hint of attitude. An attitude I would be very familiar with.

I hung up feeling pissed off to a degree I didn't quite understand. I began to tease her childishly whenever we saw each other or talked with one another. I actually enjoyed it when she would pout and walk away embarassed. I planned on giving up on Kagome because although I wanted her, I couldn't force her into anything she didn't want.

But, that night changed everything. Her lips on mine tasted so sweet and I wanted all of it. I give my thanks to that pre-calculus book that she had lost that night in school. I was surprised that the little princess wanted more of what we shared and I gladly offered, promising her nothing but pleasure.

Am I the devil for taking an angel as mine?

As time passed, we shared many times together. Having lunch together, sneaking into empty hallways for a kiss, seducing each other, staring at each other, and moaning each other's name in the back of my car. After those times would end, we both pulled away, reverting back to the normalcy as seen in school. In other's eyes, they see two friends, however when Miroku came up to me...

"Dude, you're losing it." He said bluntly. "Kagome Higurashi? There's this thing around you guys and people see it. These people will hate on you if you tap that. Think for once!"

Kagome laid down the rules it was just for fun. Just for fun.

"She doesn't want me to tap on her, idiot. I won't. That's called rape." I jested.

"She's a saint in this school, 'Yasha. She's also a dear friend of mine and Sango's. Don't hurt her." Miroku warned.

"Don't worry, Miroku. She feels nothing for me. I'm just for 'fun' until the real thing shows up."

Kagome never failed to remind me that what we had was just a game. Each time she told me that, a pang of disappointment would grip at me. I would let go of her, turn to my side, and leave. I didn't understand it especially when she suddenly dated Sesshomaru.

I hated it with a passion.

I felt envious.

So I did what I hadn't done in a long time since Kagome, I began to talk to other girls and fooling around.

Seeing them together made me feel jealous and I was irritated by it. She held his hands almost lovingly. She would only look at him. She would even bring him food. She even kissed him goodbye after school.

She never did that with me.

After a while, I found out from Sesshomaru himself that Kagome had ended things as abruptly as their relationship began. I felt...relieved. "She told me everyday that she had never felt happy with anyone else but me. I don't understand why she would suddenly call things off." Sesshomaru confessed to me. It was an uncomfortable situation since my older brother knew a bit about Kagome and I.

He looked at me with steady eyes and I avoided it.

"Do you?" He asked.

After that, Sesshomaru avoided Kagome at all cost in school and Kagome had felt terrible...so terrible that she decided to play the game once again with me. I comforted her and made her forget Sesshomaru in more ways than one.

Here I am though, Kagome next to me, her liveliness had dulled. I waited for a reaction and she finally looked at me with eyes full of unreadable emotion.

"I have to leave you." She whispered.

It wasn't the answer I thought she would say.

Author's Notes: Tell me what you guys think. It's a little depressing...ha ha.