Blond Jokes 3.0
Stormshadow13
Disclaimer: I own only the DVDs. If I actually owned the anime there would be a lot more then just one season, the rating would be a lot higher, Krad would get a lot more screen time, and Risa would have a fatal accident.
Author's Note: this is the fourth in the Blond Joke Saga. I hope it lives up to everyone's hopes. Also as in the first two stories, this is not my personal opinion of blonds. Thank you.
(Daisuke to Dark)
((Dark to Daisuke))
/Satoshi to Krad/
/Krad to Satoshi/
xxx
A lone figure paced in the quiet museum. The soft sound of feathers rustling as white wings shifted conveying their owner's agitation. Golden eyes glanced at a small piece of paper in a white gloved hand.
I will be stealing the Lady's Tear at midnight to night
Kaito Dark
Pale lips drew back revealing teeth in a silent snarl as the paper was crushed in a gloved hand. The Kaito would not get away tonight. His counterpart would pay for the insults and for stealing from him. Not only had that despicable thief stolen the artwork last time but he had stolen from him, the hunter, the Hikari Ice Demon, that was intolerable. True, he could not take back stolen kisses but he could get his cross back and then paint the museum walls a delightful crimson with the thief's blood. Pale lips now curved into a sadistic smile as the blond fantasized on ways to mutilate his darker self. He was so wrapped up in his fantasy that he never noticed the Lady's Tear shimmer and vanish leaving a small rolled up piece of paper in its place.
Krad was pulled from his fantasy as the clock tower began to signal midnight. The hunter turned his head glancing from window to window searching for any sign of Dark. As the clock continued to chime with no sign of the thief golden brows drew together in a frown. It was not like his other half to send a notice and then be late. Just as the clock chimed the last stroke of midnight the blond happened to glance at the case where the Lady's Tear should be and amber eyes widened in disbelief. It was gone!
xxx
Up in the museum's security center a shadowy figure watched the hunter and smiled. God the blond was adorable when he was all confused. A soft chuckle filled the room as the unknown person watch the hunter approach the display case still looking completely mystified on what had happen. The shadowy figure made a mental note to confuse the blond more often it was just so cute. A soft voice filled the control center. "Now, the times have changed my beautiful seraph. I am the hunter and you are the hunted."
xxx
/"It is gone!?"
/"No shit."/
/"But how?"/
/"I don't know, I'm not the one who was out there with it. Now was I."/
/"Shut up!"/
/"Admit it, you failed yet again. The thief out smarted you…"/
/"I said, shut up!"/
/"And he didn't even have to show up."/
/"…."/
/"Oh, look, I think he left you a note."/
The blond hesitantly reached into the case and picked up the rolled piece of paper: other then the fact that it was tied with a purple ribbon it looked perfectly normal and that made, Krad suspicious. His other self was up to something and he did not like it, not like it at all.
/"Well, open it."/
/"Why are you so eager to know what the thief wrote?"/
/"Because there might be some more blond jokes in it."/
Krad gritted his teeth at the brat's response but he unrolled the paper and began to read.
To My beautiful Ice Angel,
I Kaito Dark Mousy challenge you to a dual at the cliffs by the sea tomorrow night at Midnight. The winner of the fight will claim the prize of his choosing.
/"A dual?"/
/"That is what it says."/
/"Are we going to go?"/
/"I will not turn down a challenge./
/"But why an assigned dual? He fight's you during his heist."/
Krad just shrugged to this question. He'd never admit it to the brat but he was wondering the exact same thing.
xxx
The next night on top of the cliffs by the sea Dark waited for the arrival of his light counterpart. The Thief's lips curved up in a smile as his beautiful seraph landed a short distance from him.
Krad folded his wings and glared at the dark angel. "What is this about Mousy."
"Like I said in the note a dual, with a prize going to the winner."
"What kind of Prize?"
Dark had to try very hard not to laugh at the suddenly suspicious look that had stamped itself on the light hunter's face. He reached into his pocket and held up the golden cross. "If you win I'll give this little trinket back to you, and if I win…" Dark smirked, "you give me a kiss."
Krad blinked, "you have already taken Kisses, what is so special about this one?"
If it was possible Dark's smirk got bigger. "Oh, because it my other self, is going to be a French Kiss."
The blond frowned as suspicion turned to consternation. "French Kiss?"
Satoshi began to snicker.
"Yep," agreed Dark cheerfully. "so, do we have a deal?"
"Fine."
Satoshi began to laugh his ass off in the back of the hunter's mind.
/"What are you laughing at!?"/ Demanded Krad irritably.
/"Do you have any idea what you just agreed to?"/
/"A French Kiss, so?"/
/"Do you know what a French Kiss is?"/
/"A Kiss with a fancy name?"/
Satoshi began to laugh a new. /"Yes but a French Kiss is more then a normal kiss."/
/"How so?"/ Demanded the blond, he was beginning to get a bad feeling about the brat's answer.
/"Well,"/ Drawled Satoshi, "a French Kiss is…"
("Ummm Dark,")
((Yes Dai-Chan?"))
"I uh, don't think Krad knows what a French Kiss is."
(("Good thing to, I would have never gotten him to agree to it if he had."))
("Dark! That's Mean!")
/"WHAT!"/
Satoshi covered his ears, /"Don't shout at me. I just told you what a French Kiss was, I had nothing to do with your agreeing to French the thief."/
((Oh look, I think that Creepy Boy must have informed my counterpart on what a French Kiss is."))
Daisuke sighed.
Dark chuckled at the horrorstruck look the blond was now wearing. "Oh, did I Minchin that you can't back out of the deal?"
The hunter Glared at his other self and refused to answer.
Dark shrugged at his counterpart's frosty silence and walked over to the slightly shorter angel. He reached out cupping the ice demon's chin in his hand and tilted the blond's head up to stair into angry amber eyes. "I promise you'll enjoy it, after all you'll be French Kissing me, The Great Kaito Dark Mousy."
Krad jerked his chin from the thief's grasp, "arrogant, cocky, bastard!" he spat.
Dark grinned and quickly leaned forward and pecked his furious blond beauty on the lips. He danced back away from the hunter before he could react. "So, shall we get started?"
It was only just that Krad managed to hang on to his temper, his lip curled revealing his teeth in a feral snarl. "Letsss."
Dark chuckled again and launched into the air with his light self on his heals.
As the two rose into the air Krad began to hurl glowing feathers at his other half, which the thief dodged with seeming ease.
Dark glanced back over his shoulder and dodged yet another deadly missile. (("And now for my plan."))
("Plan?") Daisuke blinked in confusion.
(("Yep")) Dark turned his attention back to his pursuer. "Hey Krad! Why does it take longer to build a blond snowman then a regular one?"
The hunter actually slowed a little bit as he struggled to hold on to his temper. He was just barely able to keep from going into a blind rage but he couldn't help his eyes from widening in indignation.
Daisuke sighed, ("Oh, not, again.")
Satoshi grinned in glee, Yea more blond jokes the blue haired commander sat back and prepared to take notes, to bad that I don't have popcorn.
Dark ignored the indignant look that his light counterpart was wearing and continued. "Because you have to hollow out the head."
Krad clinched his fist and jaw and seethed silently. Damn that thief!
Dark just grinned, "so my other self, how do you keep a blond busy for hours?"
Golden eyes narrowed.
"You write please turn over on both sides of a blank piece of paper."
Krad was not amused.
"What does Star Treck's Dr. Bones McCoy say before performing brain surgery on a blond?"
"…"
"Ah, space the final frontier."
Krad was really not amused, not in the least, not one little bit.
Dark turned and flew at the pursuing hunter, he shot past the other angel and as he did he tweaked the blond's pony tail. "How do you measure a blond's intelligence?"
Krad fought to hold on to his rising temper.
"You stick a tire pressure gage in their ear."
Krad lost his very tentative grip on his temper and flung himself at the thief in unadulterated rage.
Dark laughed and took off dodging in and out of the whirling blades of the windmill while also dodging fireballs, lightning, and glowing feathers courtesy of his loving light counterpart. He ducked around a windmill and managed to get behind his prey. He rose a little above the hunter and then dropped on him from above. Dark wrapped his legs around the blond's waist and his arms around the other angel's neck. Then Dark leaned forward and whispered in the ice demon's ear, "What do you call a fly in a blond's head?"
Krad began to thrash trying to shake the thief off and to his surprise the Kaito let go and dropped away.
"A Space invader!"
Dark dropped towards the ground and at the last second he snapped his wings open and began to climb once more into the sky.
("Er, Dark?")
((Yes, Dai-Chan?"))
("Um, If you really like Krad so much and want him to care for you some day, why are you making fun of him with all the blond jokes. You know they make him mad."))
(("I tell the jokes for that reason."))
Daisuke blinked, "you want to make him mad?")
(("Yep, because when he's mad his fighting skills go right out the window and I can beat him easier."))
("Oh.")
Dark shot past his counterpart grinning, "What do you get when you offer a blond a penny for their thoughts?"
Krad once more took off after the thief refusing to answer.
"Change." Dark began to fly higher and higher preparing his trap. "So, how do you plant dope?"
Krad unwittingly followed the thief higher into the night sky.
"Bury a blond." Dark judged that he was high enough and flipped in the air folding his wings. He dropped like a ton of bricks and slammed into the blond following him. Dark heard the grunt as his body impacted with the hunters. Krad's wings collapsed and the two magical entities plummeted for the ground far below.
("Dark! You're going to kill us all!") Shrieked Daisuke in the back of the thief's mind.
/"Krad! Do something!"/ Yelled Satoshi in panic
However Krad couldn't do anything since the force of Dark dropping on him had momentarily stunned the hunter.
At the last possible second Dark once more snapped his wings open to break their fall. He landed on the still dazed ice demon and quickly pinned his hands to the ground.
Krad blinked still a little disorientated as the thief leaned down so the two were almost nose to nose.
"I win." Dark took advantage of his light self's continued disorientation to press his lips to the blond's and slip his tongue through slightly parted tiers. He mentally grinned enjoying the unique flavor of his ice angel as he explored the confines of the blond's mouth.
It finally dawned on Krad what his other half was doing and he began to protest violently.
Dark ignored the struggles of his seraph and continued to kiss him. Finally he pulled back and grinned down at the flushed and angry blond. "You know that I really hate to have to leave you now but both of our tamers have school in the morning." Dark leaned down pecked Krad lightly on the lips, leapt to his feet and launched into the air.
Krad rolled to his side wiping at his mouth in disgust.
Dark paused in the air and looked down at the blond, "oh, if you still want your cross back you'll have to dual me again. Love you, bye." He quickly flew off. Leaving a really pissed hunter on the cliffs by the sea.
/"DAMN YOU MOUSY!"/
xxx
AN: I hope that you liked this story, I don't think it is as good as More Blond Jokes but ah well. I'd like to request if any of you readers have any good blond jokes I'd love to hear them. I'm beginning to run out of good jokes for these stories. So just put them in your review or PM me. I'll try and put them in the next story and give credit to those who gave them to me. Thanks and happy 4th of July.