I can never let you go

Chapter 1

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They are fighting long and hard, shuriken flying through the air toward their enemy. Bloodied and bruised, but determined.

The man with inky black chakra is still standing, still fighting, still strong and deadly. And now he is laughing as again they fail to take him down.

Naruto's jaw sets in a firm line as he prepares for yet another attack. Sasuke coming up beside him. There is no escape for any of them. It is fight or die. This enemy's power is immense, but they could take him. They'd fought worse. There was no way they couldn't come through this. They always came through.

Sasuke lunges first, his blow deflected immediately and an answering kick lands on his solar plexus. He flies through the air, crashing into a tree some distance behind. Dazed, he immediately attempts to struggle to his feet. The ground refuses to stay flat. Naruto misses nothing of his friends woozy footing.

He must have hit his head…

Naruto can see their deadly enemy doing something with his chakra. His face set in powerful concentration. His hand signs are to fast to comprehend.

Sasuke. He's going for Sasuke.

Sasuke, who is beginning to snap out of it, but it will be too late.

No.

The violent black chakra bursts through the air toward Sasuke like lightning. All time slows down in Sasuke's mind in the final seconds before the deadly impact. Detached as though watching the events in third person; Sasuke observes the malicious grin of his killer, the way the black lightning chakra arcs and twists its violent path through the air toward him, and the way even when everything else is slowed down, Naruto bursts into his vision so fast that he -

"NO! DON'T!"

His body is lifted off the ground, his toes barely touching the forrest floor. Chest thrown forward and head back under the onslaught of the massive chakra attack. It disappears inside him and still there is more. Wave after wave hitting him and disappearing into his silent body. His face contorts in noiseless agony. Then after what feels like an eternity, there is no more chakra and he is falling backward.

His elbows come out to brace him as he finally hits the ground. He pants and gasps horribly as he tries to shake off the pain. He can feel the chakra running through him like ice shards and he shivers…

What has he done?… Hurts. So cold.

Laughter.

"That was the last mistake you'll ever make, you little fool."

"WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME?!"

"I have killed you. That chakra. It's going to paralyze you. First your limbs, then your body… Everything until you can't breathe. That is how you will die. Drowning on dry land until the moment your heart…. stops. But don't worry, you'll have two whole hours to ponder the meaning of life and pray for yours and ofourse Sasuke's soul, after you witness his untimely death by my hand."

"Why do this? What do you want?"

"Well ultimately, Sasuke dead. Call it a personal family grudge against Uchihias… I'll still get my way. It won't be quite what I had in mind. He was supposed to beg for his life and lose all dignity after being struck by the lightning jutso that you so rudely interrupted. Tsk tsk. No matter. Now you get to watch poor Sasuke perish while you sit there useless and dying, unable to do anything to save him. Ooh so tragic…" he chortled.

Naruto's eyes flick over to Sasuke who is now standing with his back against the tree he with collided earlier in utter shock. Blood trickles from the corner of his open mouth.

"You tried so hard to save him and look what you get? Two dead instead of one. I might have even let you live to spread the word of my great accomplishment, but it's not to be. Though damaging for publicity, this will be more fun I think. Will you beg? Will he?"

The insanely vicious man again turns toward the still out of it Sasuke. Naruto struggles to his feet.

"Not dead yet, you sick fuck!" he hisses.

The man turns back. More laughter.

"You can barely stand…"

Out of the corner of his eyes Naruto can see Sasuke, the etch of concern in his eyes. He can sense Sasuke's sudden resolve before he makes his own decision.

"KAGE BUNSHIN NO JUTSO!"

The shock shows clearly across their malovent enemy's features. Clones burst around the him in swarms, attacking, lunging, distracting. "Impossible!..." he shouts. "No one has the much chakra."

The man is occupied fighting off everything Naruto is throwing at him. "No matter. You're only shortening your life!"

And then there is a sick thunk. A shuriken is embedded in the side of the foul man's chest. He falls to the ground gasping and looks up into deadly red eyes. Sasuke.

Sasuke is walking purposefully behind the struggling man. His hand grabbing a fistfull of greasy disgusting hair, forcing the man to expose his throat and look at Naruto. He presses the blade against his neck, drawing a line of dark red blood.

"The jutso. Undo it." He hisses.

"It can't be undone…"

"Undo it."

"I can't- it can't be…. I have money. Take it! Please don't…" he whimpers.

"Fuck you." And the blade is red with blood as he draws it away from the man's viciously severed throat. Pausing to wipe his blade on the dead man's clothes. Cold.

And then he is at Naruto's side.

SASUKE'S POINT OF VIEW

Naruto is shaking slightly, but standing.

"Dobe, how do you feel?"

"Fine." He grimaces. "Let's go home."

"Konoha is six hours away. He said you have two."

Two hours…

"Thanks for the confidence building, Sasuke. But I've got help from a friend. I can make it, alright? Now start walking."

Kyuubi…

"Okay."

"Why are you staring at me?"

"You step in like that again and I'll kill you myself. I handle my own business so stay out."

"Typical bastard. A 'Thank-you' would have been more appropriate, but I guess today isn't the day hell freezes over."

He's acting the same…

But Sasuke can see the brief moments of concern. The occasional shiver…, and forces himself not to think about it.

They trudge on in silence for half an hour before he notices Naruto's steps are faltering. He can see the boy's concentration just trying to keep putting one foot in front of the other.

Without a word Sasuke grabs Naruto's arm, draping it over his shoulders as he helps Naruto continue to walk. But soon the faltering gets worse and worse until Naruto's legs simply refuse to move.

"Sasuke?…" Sasuke turns his head to look into shining blue eyes.

"I think I'm in trouble."

No. Yes, I know… But

"I'll carry you."

And before he can protest, Sasuke does. Slinging Naruto onto his back, he feels Naruto's arms come around his shoulders. He feels him clutch weakly and the drop of gentle pressure on his shoulder as his head falls to rest there. Sasuke can feel him shivering against his own warmth.

He's too cold. This is bad.

Time stretches on for eternity as Sasuke analyses every moment their direction, their speed, the time that has passed, and the time left until they could arrive at Konoha. He tries not to notice every shift, every breath, every heart beat of the blond ninja against his back.

Godamnit, Naruto…

The situation was bad and it had gotten worse. Naruto has already lasted longer than two hours. Sasuke privately thanks God's green Earth that the Dobe is so stubborn. But the paralysis was beginning to affect Naruto's breathing, and they are still three hours away from Konoha. He wonders if Naruto can feel his heart thumping. Everything on the outside is schooled to show nothing, but his traitorous heartbeat refuses to be silenced.

"Sasuke."

"What is it, Dobe?"

"Put me down now, okay?"

Sasuke doesn't break his stride. Carting the blond onward whether he liked it or not.

"You want to go from moving somewhere to moving nowhere? That's a death sentence, idiot."

"It's already a death sentence…"

But Sasuke ignores him.

"Don't ignore me, bastard. We've got at least three hours left to travel. I know how fast it's spreading."

"All the more reason to move as fast as we can, so shut up."

"Look, thanks and all but… I mean, I should just be comfortable as I can now, okay?"

"…"

"Put me down!"

"You're serious…"

"Yes. That tree there okay?" he nodded in the direction of a gnarled old tree with a rounded trunk.

"Fine." The word was curt.

He dumps Naruto unceremoniously off his back, pulling him up by his collar roughly and dragging him against the tree.

"Ow! Careful, bastard!"

"Because you can feel so much right now, can't you?!" he spat.

"Well it's the principle of it! No respect, teme!"

"Right."

Naruto huffed. Silence stretched out between them awkwardly.

Stupid Dobe. Trust him to get into a position like this. It's his own fault. At least I'll stop having a stupid orange presence hanging around me all the damn time. No more annoying complaining voice, demanding everything, challenging everything. God! He is so stupid!

"So what now, idiot?" Sasuke words cut through the silence.

"Jeeze, you're a real jerk. Can't even be nice to me at a time like this…"

"What were you expecting, me to hold your hand and cry for you?!"

I wouldn't cry for you. You did this to yourself, I didn't ask you to!... I wouldn't have asked you to.

"No, I… You're angry with me."

"Very observant."

"Well, I'm uh… sorry I guess. It could have worked out better, huh?"

"Gee, you think so? Idiot."

Naruto sighs.

"Yeah, I guess I am that."

Silence.

"I can barely move anymore…"

"What can you move?"

"Well, just my arms a bit and my head. I can't really feel my chest much but I can still breathe… It's kinda weird. I felt so cold before and now, just nothing. Like my body is already dead..."

"Okay."

"Yeah… O-Okay…"

Suddenly the blue eyes he is looking into are swimming with unshed tears. And Sasuke can feel his heart lurch dangerously in his chest. Quickly he masks by turning away with a scowl.

"Godamnit, Naruto! You're a ninja. Pull yourself together!"

Don't! Stop it, Don't look like that. You can't, it makes it real. It's not real. It can't be.

When he glanced back he saw tears running freely, but Naruto had a small sad smile.

What is wrong with me?! It was his fault. It's just the Dobe. He's just like a stupid puppy that meets a sticky end. Why do I? I don't feel so bad. This is life.

"Do you ever think about what would make you happy if you were to die right now?"

"No."

"Figures…" Naruto huffs. "You know, I used to think I could die happy if just one person… loved me. Like really loved me. But now here I am, and all I have is selfish, arrogant Sasuke-bastard."

Shit. Now he's talking about being unloved? He is really annoying. Wait, he's waiting for me to say something…

"So, not a happy occasion then?"

God, I am such an asshole.

Naruto just smirks.

"...You push everyone away. You're so... But you get to stay, surrounded by people who needyou and will protect you with their lives and…"

"Do you really want to talk about this now? I get it, alright?! Just stop talking and concentrate on breathing in and out some more. We can fight later."

Naruto smiles.

"I'm glad."

"You're dying and you're glad?"

"Heh, not about the dying part. My life was stupid, but sunshine wasn't stupid, and ramen wasn't stupid, and… I'm glad you'll still be around… Really."

"You don't even know what you're saying. You said yourself, I'm selfish and arrogant."

"Yeah, well excuse me for believing that's not all there is!! No one is that much of a jerk… Well, I hope not."

"Some are. Now quit talking."

"What's the point?! Concentrate on breathing?! Fight later?!… I don't know if you noticed, but I'm dying! Do you get it?! There is no later! And there is nothing either of us can do about it, so just let me talk alright?!"

"Well you seem determined to go rushing right in to your own grave, don't let me stop you."

"Why the hell are you so mad?! I was just trying to tell you that I want you to live! That it makes me happy to know that you're okay! About what happened back there, it was my choice. I own it. I don't ever want you to feel that its somehow your fault. I forced it on both of us.

"Naruto. Stop."

Just shutup. I can't help you. What am I supposed to do? I'm sitting here watching you die and I can't make it alright. It's… it's not alright. Damnit, Naruto. It's not alright.

Naruto closes his eyes and sighs. For a long moment he says nothing. When he opens his eyes he meets Sasuke's squarely, if not nervously.

Don't! Don't look at me like that …

"When you… y'know…" Naruto says while gesturing his hand toward his dying body.

Sasuke begins to turn away but is restrained weakly by Naruto's too cold hand on his wrist.

"Just listen. Just this one time, 'kay?"

Sasuke drags his eyes back unwillingly to meet his. The foolish ninja has disappeared. All that is left is vulnerable and beautiful and terrible in its implications. In this moment Naruto is completed unguarded. No foolish pretenses. Just honest.

"When it's your time to go… I really hope you're old and grey and it's in your sleep." He says completely seriously.

Sasuke holds his breath and tries to swallow down the growing pressure in his chest. Because right now, Naruto's eyes are wide with fear and desperation and he can't bear to look. Again Sasuke tries to turn away but the cold hand clutching his wrist tightens.

"Wait." He pleads.

"If it's not. Please Sasuke, if its not… if you're scared... I need you to remember that… I love you."

"…"

Woah… What?!

Naruto turns away muttering, suddenly embarrassed.

"I don't know why, you're so... but I just…"

He can see tears running unbidden down Naruto's face. He does not wipe them. Very unlike him. A cold suffocating feeling begins increases its presence in Sasuke's chest and he realizes that the grip on his arm has gone.

He can't move his arms anymore.

Sasuke stares wide eyed at Naruto, who closes his eyes to escape the gaze. He draws in a worryingly uneven and shakey breath.

But like a switch has been flicked, Naruto suddenly regains his composure. He continues on as though everything he said was completely ordinary, no big deal. But to Sasuke every word is like a knife to the heart. His stomach somersaults in misery and panic. He feels queasy. He wants to deny the situation. Leave and never look back.

"Anyway,… if it helps… If it doesn't hurt your damn Uchiha pride, remember it… Asshole."

Sasuke can see the pained resignation on his usually cheerful face. Can see his furrowed brow.

"You can go now, and don't come back until it's done. Half an… Half and hour… should do it." He half gasped.

Damnit! It's hit his lungs!

"Half an hour… definitely will do it." he amends. He pauses more and more to take sharp and shallow breaths as the words begin to steal more oxygen from his lungs than he can regain.

"Cremate me if you can be bothered… don't -don't try and be honorable and drag my corpse back to Konoha… bury me under some stupid headstone. No…"

He pauses again to take several weak breaths

"No one… No one would come anyway..."

So fast… He can't breathe. He's really dying.. He… loves me. What do I do? What should I do…

"What? Just… go, Sasuke."

Every damn pause was filled with frantic breathing now. Sucking air into unwilling lungs. And still, all Sasuke does it stare.

"Don't ruin my big stupid finale. Heheh… What I said… You c… -can't assault a dying person, it… -it wouldn't be right, even for you..."

Even when he's dying, that mask, to wear it at a time like this? But I saw through it, he let me. For just one moment, I got to see.

"G'way…"

Sasuke still stares and Naruto doesn't seem to like it one bit. Doesn't like that he can't hide his struggle, that he can barely keep the panic from his eyes.

"...-last thing I want is a prideful ass watching… -watch me gasp at air like a…-stupid fish..."

By his voice it was intended to be humorous and Sasuke wonders at how he can make fun of his own death as though his whole life had been a some lame joke and this was the punch line; drowning on dry land, paralyzed slowly in front of his rival who he had said he loved. The rival who had said nothing in return and merely stared at him like he was a freak. Despite the inflection, Naruto's eyes bore no humor. They pleaded with Sasuke to read between the lines and leave. Leave and let him die with some dignity, unseen; if it was all he could have left.

So when Naruto starts to pant shallowly at the air, Sasuke nods; He stares into his eyes for a moment before wrenching them away. And then somehow, he is walking away. Nothing can silence the voice in his head screaming that he was abandoning him.

But he does not leave entirely. He can't. His heart is lurches all around the place and there's a strange feeling of non-reality. Naruto dying. Ridiculous. But still some distance away he watches through low lying plants and waits. Reality seeps in with every second he watches Naruto's struggle. His eyes are wide with fear now that he thinks he's alone. His breath, shallow and gasping as he tries to force unwilling lungs to keep him alive. He looks ready to topple from his sitting position against the tree, yet he holds on even though it is useless because it's instinct and because he is Naruto. Though it will do no good.

Though he has always been lean and muscular, Sasuke is amazed at how fragile and beautiful he is right now. 'How he always is' he admits. His heart aches for how unfair it is and how scared Naruto must be right now. And he can't help but swallow as he realises that just as he came into the world, how he has always been just because he is Naruto, he is alone. Always alone. Like emptiness stretched on for eternity before him. No one had ever shown him love. The pain is so thick Sasuke might choke on it. He feels the wetness on his face and the clenching of his throat, but he does not look away or make a sound.

The light in those fearful blue eyes begins to fade and a tear falls from closing lashes as Naruto's breathing starts pausing in between bursting attempts to get enough air into burning lungs. To live... And all Sasuke can do is silently count the seconds between the awful struggles for air as they become longer and longer in between…. Until it stops. It seems an eternity as his body slides from its support against the tree and falls to the ground, awkward and limp.

This life. This precious sunshine ball of life, drowned out by a world that denied him until the very end.

Blood rushes in Sasuke's head. Sudden, slow motion silence….

He's gone. He's really gone…

"No no no no no… Not real. Not real. Naruto..."he half sobs, growing hysterical.

"NARUTO!!" this time he's screaming it. Desperate, panicked and painful he is crashing back through the undergrowth and Naruto is on his back in a less than a second. He is breathing air for him. Forcing air past his lips again and again. Minute after minute… nothing... keep going… refusal, denial, desperation. Keep going.

After a long time he clutches the fabric at Naruto's collar, his eyes wide and staring as he searches Naruto's face. It is slack and soft like he is only sleeping.

"No, God damnit. No. Not you too. I won't allow it. So get up!" he whispers fiercely.

He breathes again for him. Willing, pushing, praying for a sign.

No response and suddenly Sasuke is sobbing and shaking him violently, causing Naruto's head to loll around sharply. He breathes into his lungs again.

"BREATHE!" he shouts at his still face "Please breath, please Naruto, I'M SORRY!"

Nothing. There is nothing; there will be nothing. He can do no more. And just like that he knows Naruto is lost to him forever.

"NAAARUUUUTOOOO!" his half-scream, half-sob blasts through the trees echoing his anguish back at him, and drowning him in his own misery. And Naruto's body is crushed to his as though if he holds on tight enough he will keep him here with him forever, just by refusing to let go. Rocking his body backward and forward. The tears fall in wet torrents down his face. He is finally broken. They are both broken.

Suddenly Naruto is wrenched from his arms. Sakura.

"How, when did…?"

"Give him to me."

It's an order. She is firm. She is breathing in to his mouth and pressing her crossed hands repeatedly down on his chest almost hard enough to break ribs. Sitting back on her heels for a moment, her hands flare to life with blue chakra, surrounding Naruto. Searching. A gasp.

"Chakra poison… I won't have enough chakra… Sasuke, I need your help. It probably won't work, it might even kill us but…"

"Take it. As much as you can." He replies firmly, determined.

Take it all.

He grabs her hand in his, forcefully driving everything he has to join with her chakra and push through Naruto's chakra channels. Both gasping and sweating with the effort.

Suddenly she's speaking.

"Even the demon is poisoned! We would need to force enough chakra through his body to cleanse both of them of enough poison to keep him alive until we get to Tsunade. Oh my god. It's the Kyuubi.. I… I'm so sorry… We don't have the chakra to do this."

Tears are running down her face as she moves to release Sasuke's hand. He snarls at her, and grinds out his words through grimaced teeth. "Keep going."

His eyes are bleeding red, and then his seal explodes violently across his body. He forces himself on through the change, through the agony. The new wave of chakra bursts forth in brilliant light and is surging through Naruto's and Kyuubi's chakra channels.

Kyuubi. The reason Naruto had avoided death so many times before might now be what kills him.. So much chakra to cleanse of so much poison.

Sasuke sees spots but he refuses to stop. Even if it kills him, even if it kills her. They want him back so badly. The spots are fading and Sasuke is relieved that his head no longer feels like its breaking, but now he can't see at all. It doesn't matter. Nothing else matters.

Naruto… Why did we treat him like nothing when this is what we do for him? Why do we lie? Why do we hurt him when we, when I-"

Black.