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FATHERS OF THE YEAR

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"Malfoy."

"Potter."

"Look, Malfoy, don't you think enough is enough? Our children are inseparable, my godson is your cousin…shouldn't we call a truce?"

"So you've had enough, have you? Should have known the Great Harry Potter would give up in the end!"

"…sod it. It's on, Malfoy. It is on."

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"Dad! Mister Malfoy gave me a broom just like Scorpius'—it's a custom job, Dad, and look, he got snakes painted all along it, they even move, see, and it's even better than Mum's broom, Scorpius says!"

"Bought you a broom, did he? Oh, I'm not going down that easily, the great git."

"…Dad?"

"What? Oh. That's nice, Al. Don't forget to write a thank-you note. Is Scorpius still coming over tomorrow?"

"'Course."

"Good. Good."

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"Father! Father, Mister Potter took me'n Al--"

"Albus and I."

"No, it's Al and me, that's what Rose's mum says, and she's always right--"

"Oh dear Merlin, not you, too..."

"She is, though. It's a bit scary. Anyway, Mister Potter took us to the Tornados and Harpies match and afterwards he brought us over to meet the teams and he got me a broom with all their signatures on and a full set of official Quidditch robes from each team and--"

"Did he. Did he indeed."

"Father? You look kind of…odd. Why is your eye twitching?"

"Albus Severus is coming over tomorrow, yes?"

"'Course."

"Mwahahaha. Ha."

"…Right."

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"Dad! Dad, Mister Malfoy took me'n Scorpius to see a real live griffin herd, and we got to pet a couple of the babies, and some idiot poked one of the adults and there was blood everywhere and it was so cool!"

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"Father! Mister Potter took Al and me to a dragon preserve, and Al's uncle let us fly around with a couple dragons, and one of them tried to eat the other! It was amazing!"

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"Dad, Dad, guess what? Mister Malfoy bought me a snake."

"He--oh. Oh, that does it."

"Dad?"

"Thank-you note!"

"Dad, are you all right? You're kind of…vibrating."

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"Father! Mister Potter bought me a thestral!"

"He did what?"

"It's in the gardens. I think it ate the peacocks."

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"Truce, Potter?"

"I think that might be best, really—Al, what's wrong?"

"Scorpius—" sniff "—says Mister Malfoy told him you were a big rude scarred peasant with an Oedipal Complex."

"Did he."

"I never did!"

"So I told Scorpius that you said Mister Malfoy was a twitchy, pointy-faced, balding layabout, and now he won't talk to me."

"Is that so, Potter."

"You're the one who--"

"That's no excuse, you basta--"

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"That was close, Al. Too close."

"Yes, well, truce diverted for now."

"Good show--for a second I really thought you were about to cry. It was a bit over the top, though. I mean, Oedipal Complex? Really?"

"Sounds like something your dad'd say, you have to admit. He's dramatic that way."

"Suppose. So what d'you think they'll get us next?"

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