Another Life

By XBlueXMemoriesX

Disclaimer: I do not own anything that is affiliated with X/1999 or its creators, CLAMP. I am merely playing in their sandbox and making no profit from this.

Once more, Kamui must deal with death. This is harder than the others, but, at the same time, so much easier. With Subaru, everything seems so much easier yet so much harder. And, as with anything pertaining to Subaru, it's much more complex than most other deaths are.

With other people, they either die or they survive. There are no ifs, buts, or maybes. With Subaru, Kamui has all three of those words presented to him. He cradles the man's head in his lap and gazes down at those eyes, now completely and utterly lifeless, yet glinting eerily.

In the end, Kamui will not become a Guardian to the hated Sakura. Now, there is no Sakura. The Guardian turned against it, and it fought back, created one last sacrifice before fading to nothing. The elegance, the power, and the mysterious aura – all are gone from the Sakura and none shall return. It is simply a tree.

Kamui has an urge to take a chainsaw to it.

But, he can't. Subaru is near death, though there are no physical blows to his body, no internal injuries that must be dealt with. To be broken within the mind is a fate worse than death, though, and Kamui wants to end Subaru's suffering once and for all.

He didn't even know the man was gone until noon, when he discovered a note heralding Subaru's return somewhere around eleven, an hour past with no word. It was easy to track Subaru down, find him crumpled underneath the Sakura with a childlike smile plastered upon his face.

Kamui dragged Subaru back to their home, somehow managed to pull him onto the bed, and sat down with him.

Once more, Kamui reflects upon the death of his loved ones. He heard news that Subaru's own grandmother died some time ago, but seeing as the older man never acted upon it, Kamui did not mention it.

Kamui decides to believe that maybe, maybe Subaru will become better. He'll give the man until tomorrow. That's what he thinks until he is awoken by Subaru, the older man pressed against him in the bed, shaking so badly. And he's begging Kamui not to leave him, he's afraid of the dark, where's Hokuto?

It breaks Kamui's heart to see someone he cares so much for lose their mind. At least, his conscious soothes, at least he isn't acting completely like Kotori. But that's an empty lie. For a grown man to beg to know where his sibling is after so long of knowing she is dead…

It's not even ten at night when Kamui goes to the bathroom, digs out some prescription medicine for when he was having vivid nightmares, and empties the whole bottle into a glass of water. Never have more than two a day, the bottle says. Kamui wonders bitterly what fifteen at one time will do.

He climbs back into bed with Subaru, puts the glass of water onto the nightstand beside it, and returns to the older man's side. When he sees Kamui return to him, Subaru's mismatched eyes light up, but there isn't any real recognition in them. There is no sanity either.

Kamui finds Subaru nuzzling against him, and Kamui kisses the other man on the forehead in a calming manner. He nearly chokes on tears that haven't come forth for many years when Subaru asks in an overly childish voice shot with worry, "Why are you so sad, sir?"

Wrapping Subaru in a hug, Kamui presses that pale face against his chest, saying in a hoarse voice, "Someone very dear to me died today."

Subaru, hearing this, hugs him back gently, saying something about how he'll stay with Kamui until he feels better even though Hokuto would do better at making Kamui feel better.

And Kamui can't help but smile shakily and ask Subaru how old he is. The returning answer is not encouraging. He's eight, he's next in line to be the Sumeragi Head, and he really needs to get back to his grandmother and twin. "And your parents?" They're dead.

Subaru blinks as Kamui starts crying again, then asks in a voice that makes Kamui want to laugh despite himself (a forty-year-old-man speaking like a child, even if that child was well brought up) if he knows where his twin is and what is his name.

"My name is Kamui. I'm supposed to take care of you because your grandmother is busy," She's dead. "Hokuto is also busy, but you'll see her tomorrow." Because you'll be dead. Kamui casts a glance behind him, staring at the water, tablets completely dissolved and water only slightly murky. "Say, Subaru, your grandmother wanted me to give you a glass of water with medicine inside it because you've had a fever these past few days." Subaru doesn't believe it, but he's surprisingly trusting, nodding his head and stretching out fingers toward the glass, accepting it and downing it quickly.

It only takes minutes for Subaru to sink down into a resting position, head lying against Kamui's chest, hot breaths hitting his chest, sinking in through the thin cloth. And, despite himself, Kamui wants to make Subaru comfortable.

"I want to tell you a story, Subaru. It's a sad story, but in the end, everything is all right."

Kamui talks about a man who fell in love with another, who lost a family member to him when he was a boy. And yet, he still loved. He tells about how that man meets a boy remarkably like himself and slowly comes to accept life. The thirty-year-old laughs bitterly, but says that the man's beloved dies and he takes his place as an assassin. Even when Subaru falls into a deep sleep, Kamui keeps talking. He weaves a tale about the man he once knew, the man who died and was reborn without true love for any around him.

And when Subaru stops breathing, Kamui finally breaks down one last time. He weeps for the boy who lost his innocence, lost his life, lost so many people dear to him. He cries for the boy who lost friends both new and old to cruel Fate; he cries for those friends that are still around, but distanced by the fact that there is no other reason to be together. He cries for the boy, and he cries for the man. But, most of all, he cries for what the man and the boy could have been: what they could have been together, what they could have been apart. And in the end, Kamui is not sure who he is talking of, either himself and Subaru or SUbaru and the previous Guardian of the Cherry Tree.

The day after passes in a blur. Kamui finally calls Subaru's family, tells them their Clan Head is dead, and asks them to come get him. They send someone immediately, and when Kamui tells them brokenly that the reign of the Sakura has ended, the somber person finally cracks and gives the other a hug. And when the man leaves with Subaru, Kamui just sits in their bedroom, staring at a collection of photos that have somehow accumulated over the years without Kamui's knowledge.

Actually, Kamui thinks, sitting in the shadows, unable to turn the lights on. Actually, so many things have happened that he was never made aware of until now. The two main things are that Subaru began to take pictures, memories, of his time with Kamui, replacing those that he kept of Seishirou and that Kamui kept of Fuuma and Kotori ever so slowly.

The other thing, the thing that strikes Kamui so deeply that he actually feels a painful throb in his otherwise numb heart, is that Subaru was middle-aged when he died. Kamui never noticed the few wrinkles that were slowly sliding onto Subaru's face, didn't notice the sprinkling of white flecks in his jet black hair, the few times when Subaru frowned in apparent pain after overexerting himself. It was as if the man had forever remained twenty-five in Kamui's mind.

And, with these thoughts comes the realization that Kamui too is older. He had always kept his sixteen-year-old self. He hadn't been able to leave behind his childhood that had been so traumatically mangled by both Fate and those that were his enemies before he even met them. With this sudden revelation, Kamui jolts to his feet, rocks unsteadily for a moment, then stumbles into the bathroom and stares at his face.

He had never really looked at himself before.

And, the thirty-year-old finally decides, he needs to let go fully and utterly.

There is nothing in Tokyo to keep him here. Maybe, Kamui thinks, pushing a brown-black lock out of his eyes, he'll go visit Yuzuriha.

Maybe, he decides, he'll get a dog. Kamui finds himself back in the bedroom, pulling out a battered suitcase and starting to pack. His fingers are itching and a burden that he didn't even know he was shouldering seems to have lifted from his shoulders.

And above him, on a far-off cloud, one dark-haired twin is currently berating her younger sibling for not having goodbye sex (and the younger is currently beet-red) while another man sits beside them and laughs quietly. "You know, Hokuto-chan, I should have had goodbye sex with Subaru-kun." The girl laughs with him as her brother sputters, "S-Seishirou-san!"

"You know, Subaru-kun, when Kamui-san comes, we should have a threesome."

"I approve!"

Down below, occupied with thoughts of a new future, Kamui doesn't know that one of his special persons has currently fainted from embarrassment high above him.

A/N: This is a sorta-kinda sequal to my other one-shot, This New Year. However, as there is no apparent bridge that connects these two, the choice is yours.

Well, thankfully, this is my last post of the week --see my profile for the reason why--, and the jet lag I am experiencing is killing me. Thus, I shall leave my Author Note at that.

If you liked, review. If you didn't, flame. If you kinda felt in the middle or nothing at all, then you can do whatever the hell you want.

Thanks and see ya