Compulsive Noties

Gosh this took me forever to fucking write! You have...well I guess you do if you were waiting for it. But it's a simple chapter. And I think the last. I might write an Epilogue, but we all know how I get with those. Anyways, I'm writing a novel, that I hope to publish. It could take a few years, but I'm just happy to know I have something in stone you know. I hope you guys consider buying it, if you still remember me when it's finished. It shouldn't be too long seeing as I have hard time writing long stories. Bahaha. Anyways I'll stop rmbling so you can read the story. Oh! And I'm gonna start another story soon, about a vacation, it may just be a one shot though. lol

Song - Everything's not lost by Coldplay

Halfway down the road my phone rung,

"Naruto?"

"Sasuke..." I was sure he could hear the sound of my recent tears.

"Naruto, what's wrong?" The anger that was just there a second ago had melted into sorrow.

"Sasuke. Believe me when I tell you I love you. Believe me?"

"What? Yeah, of course..."

"Then believe me when I tell you I have to go. I'll be back, and don't ask questions. Just take what I give you, because the select information I'm giving you is for a reason. I'll fly to America, I'll be back Saturday. I love you. But don't ask questions."

"Wh...I love you, too. Be safe, I couldn't go on without you." I hung up and shut it off, setting it down in the seat next to me. This was my time, and no one could interrupt that.

:-:

The long plane ride let me think, but not clearly. It was now 12 am, and I didn't have anywhere to go, so I went to the place. The place where me and Suigetsu met.

The building was build in the late 1940's, and was falling apart. But it wasn't crumbled so because of how old it was, but because small bombs had been placed in the walls a few months back. It's sturdy foundation held strong. A good three fourths of it was gone already, but it was still there, not letting time or the people around it break it down.

When I counted up my demons
Saw there was one for every day
With the good ones on my shoulders
I drove the other ones away

I walked into one of the wholes and looked around, it was just how I remembered it. Yes mirrors were broken, yes walls were torn down, but in some way it was exactly the same. Why was this place was so important? Why? Because, this was were we'd met, mingled. Where he fell in love, where I'd broken his heart, where everything came crashing down. It was a pain I felt in my heart, a pain for him.

Have you ever understood a pain so much, that even though it wasn't yours, your could feel it? That's what this was, that how I felt. I loved Sasuke, with every bone in my body, but Suigetsu was a person. A heartbroken person. And how do you live with that? Knowing that not only are you making one person suffer, but your hurting the person their hurting? Two people's lives inflicted by pain you caused. I punched through a wall, tears streaming down my face again. It's painful to you, too. It's painful to know, you are painful. It's all a big terrible circle.

So if you ever feel neglected
And if you think that all is lost
I'll be counting up my demons, yeah
Hoping everything's not lost

I looked around and saw the place we first kissed. Meaningless. Why was I even here? Why did I even care? Why was his sob story...his life making me reconsider mine? Why could I see the pain in the place? Why was I here!? I sat down and laid my head against the wall. All that came to mind we're why questions, and Sasuke. Sasuke my lover. Sasuke my boyfriend. Sasuke the man who I loved. So why did I need to fill this void? Why did I need him to be okay? Why? What did I even care?

When you thought that it was over
You could feel it all around
And everybody's out to get you
Don't you let it drag you down

Nothing makes any sense anymore. I knew for a fact that that I didn't give a damn if Suigetsu was to suddenly disappear. But when Juugo came to me, face twisted, soul mangled, hopes crushed, something about the pain he felt, something about the pain they felt hit me so hard I needed to come back here to know everything inside was still intact. To know everything in my should wasn't slowly coming loose. Why couldn't Sasuke be with me? Why couldn't I bear to look at his face? Because I knew that no matter what Suigetsu did, he could tie me up and kiss me a million times, but never would a spark reappear.

Never would I look into his eyes and think about what could have been. Never could I touch his skin and never want to let go. Never could I hungry for his being again. Never. And the worst part was, I really didn't care. I didn't even want to be his friend. When it came to him I was emotionally dead. Only he could shut me off emotionally. I hate that fact. But it was true.

"Sir? Your not suppose to be...Naruto?" I looked over, and to my surprise it was Sakura.

"Sakura?" I stood up and made my way over to her.

"Naruto? What are you doing here? In this building no less!"

"Came back to think. What are you doing here?"

"I moved here a few weeks after your little visit with that man. My sister hooked me up with this job." She beamed, looking down at her uniform, all blue and clean.

"My daily end of the day task is to make sure no teenagers are messing what's left of this building. It's practically a historical sight." I just nodded.

"Wanna come back to my place, seeing as you have no place else to go?" I nodded, and she smiled.

-:-

Her house wasn't small, but it wasn't big. Two bedrooms, one bathroom. She didn't seem cramped.

"So...?" I sat down on the couch, and propped my elbows on my knees and ran my fingers roughly through my hair.

"What is it?" She asked sitting down next to me, and placing her warm hand on my back.

"If I knew, I'd tell you. I felt compelled to come back here. Despite..." I trailed off. I couldn't put the right words into how I felt. "I love Sasuke. I love him so much just being so far away from him makes me want to explode. But because of Suigetsu I can't help but feel my skin is crawl with the guilt of everything wrong I've done. I can't help but hold it against myself that I'm doing him because of me he can't hold another being close to his heart. Do you know what that feels like? To know that two people are in deep misery, and it's all your fault?" She shook her head. I didn't think she'd said yes, but I felt like I needed to ask her. She came closer and pulled me into a hug.

"Naruto, hun," She lifted my chin so I could see her eyes. She looked at each eye a few times before deciding to speak. "You...you need to forgive."

"Who?"

"Yourself. You need to forgive yourself. Why can't you be happy? Suigetsu will wait forever, Sasuke won't. You don't love Suigetsu, so why even care how he feels." She sounded so mean at that moment, but in a way, she was right. She kissed my forehead. "Forgive yourself. Be happy." At that very moment my phone rang. I flipped it open and there was Sasuke calling.

"Hey." I said,

"Hey." The line went quiet.

"I...I want to ask you questions...but I know I should...I know I can trust you." He sighed. "Naruto...I miss you." A call came from the other line.

"Hold on Sasuke, I have a call on the other line." I flashed to the other line.

"Naruto...I miss you..." It was Suigetsu.

"I have to go. Sasuke's on the other line." He gave a deep saddened grunt.

"Goodbye." When i got to the other line, I sighed again.

"Sasuke, I miss you too. I love you."

"Be back Saturday?"

"Yeah." Sasuke paused.

"I love you, too."

Fin.