If any of you guys have been keeping up with The Hogwarts Blog (another fic of mine), you'll know what's going to happen as soon as you find out where this takes place. Hopefully, it should still be funny...

Voldemort won the war. I can't believe he won the war.

This thought had haunted Harry for the past four days, numbing him to almost everything. Sometimes he forgot to sleep; sometimes he forgot to wake up before noon. Food lost its flavor. Music no longer soothed him; how could it when all he heard through the lyrics and guitars were the words Voldemort won, you'll soon be dead?

He'd already died once, and the experience was one he was not willing to repeat. It should have been enough. Voldemort should be dead now!

"Harry, it's almost time for dinner." Hermione touched his shoulder, jerking him from his thoughts. She and Ron knew better than to ask if he was okay; doing so was like asking a man on fire if he'd burned himself.

Harry nodded and came to the dinner table. It was Muggle, of course--everything in this house was. After Voldemort won the war, Hermione had brought them to the neighborhood she'd grown up in. "Mum and Dad will keep us safe," she'd said, "at least until we figure out how to bring You-Know-Who down."

"It won't put them in danger, will it?" he had asked.

"I'll put up some enchantments, and if those fail, we have the neighbors."

"The neighbors?"

Hermione had given him a mischeivious half-smile. "Don't underestimate my neighbors."

Harry had been too numb with defeat to argue. So for the past four days, Mr. and Mrs. Granger had helped Harry and his friends, giving them a place to hide, adding what they could to their plans. "Not bad at tactics, considering they're Muggles," Ron kept saying in private.

"Let's say grace," Mrs. Granger said quietly once everyone was seated. No sooner had she made this suggestion, however, than there was a knock at the door--a door that was quickly flung open by a very excited-looking man.

"Neil!" Mr. Granger cried. "What is it, man? You look--"

"Aliens!" their next-door neighbor cried. "Aliens!"

"What?!"

"Aliens! They're here! I saw one!"

Harry was on his feet in an instant, pulse racing. "What did it look like?"

"Tallest thing I've ever seen--paler than a sheet, BIG red eyes! Didn't have a nose--gotta take pictures!" Neil ran outside.

Harry, Ron and Hermione exchanged nervous glances. Voldemort.

Hermione's parents knew what this meant. "He found you? How could he find you?"

"I don't know!"

"Go! Into the basement! Hurry!"

Harry shook his head. "No. It's me he wants--and I've got to fight him."

Outside it was quiet. No sign of Voldemort--he must have turned onto a different street. One family raced out of their house and toward Hermione, asking her in worried tones what they should do.

"Go back into your house and don't come out--no, on second thought...where's Hank?"

"I'm right here," a gruff voice said behind them. Harry turned, eyes widening. There stood a portly man wearing a white tank top, boxer shorts, no shoes--and enough firepower for an army.

"Where'd you get all the weapons?" Harry asked before he could stop himself.

"Ebay," Hank said. "Now where's this alien?"

"Um, I'm not sure."

"Hostile?"

"Oh yeah."

Hank shook his head. "Gotta find Neil--anyone see where he ran off to?" His question was answered a few seconds later by a high, cold voice shouting "Avada Kedavra!" followed by a flash of green light. The little group ran toward the end of the street, hearts pounding.

Voldemort stood over the immobile body of Neil, holding his wand and smiling a cold, cruel smile. "Hello, Harry Potter."

It was Hank who spoke first. "You killed Neil, you alien animal!"

"Alien? You ignorant Muggle, don't you know who I am?" That's what Voldemort meant to say, at least. In reality, he never got past "Alien? You--" before Hank opened fire with his eBay machine gun, drilling Voldemort full of more holes than Swiss cheese.

Hearing the din, several Death Eaters came running, only to be cut down like their master. All was quiet for several minutes. Once again, it was Hank who spoke first.

"Stupid aliens. Blew 'em right back to Planet Hell."