Okay. This one was just for fun. I was just sort of wired when I wrote this. But I've been told it is hilarious, so hope you enjoy!

Edward sat staring at the wall from where we sat in the cafeteria.

Again.

"Edward?" I asked.

"Not right now, Bella, I'm trying to figure out what's going on," he said. His siblings were planning something and it was driving him crazy that he wasn't in on it.

"But, Edward, I need to tell you something," I said.

Too late. He was already paying no attention to me; all his attention was focused on the minds of his family members.

I sighed and waved a hand in front of his face.

No response.

Then I got an idea. Not my best, but it might work.

"Lauren's hair just caught fire," I said.

Nothing.

"Charlie has finally filed for that restraining order against you."

Nada.

"If you can hear me, blink."

Zilch.

"The aliens abducted me on Friday, then they preformed cruel and unusual experiments. When they finished, they used duck-tape to put me back together."

He didn't even twitch.

"I am going to take off all of my clothes right here."

Nothing. God, what the heck am I going to do?

And then it came to me. I was crazy for thinking of it.

I bent so that I could whisper in his ear. "I am going to give Mike Newton a lap dance."

His head snapped in my direction. "WHAT?" His eyes were wide with shock.

I might not have liked that any more than he did, but his reaction was definitely worth saying it. "You know, that is the one thing that I can't see happening and you reacted to it."

"I'm sorry, but did you, or did you not say Mike Newton and lap dancing in the same sentence?" He asked quietly.

"Well, yeah, but you didn't pay attention when I said aliens abducted me and duck-taped me back together after cruel and unusual experimentation, so I used what I knew would get your attention."

"And that had to be that?" he asked incredulously.

"It worked didn't it?"

He took a few breaths of air. "I swear, if anyone could manage to give me a heart-attack, it would be you, Bella. What is it you wanted to tell me so badly that you said that?"

I frowned. "I forgot."