Disclaimer: If you ask me I'll say no, I don't own these magnificent characters or this awesome like story. So there.

Chapter 1: Battle Royal?

It was a normal day in London. Nothing out of the ordinary really, and if you pass by a big old mansion, with a huge fence hiding it from the rest of the world, with a sign casually placed in front with, Hellsing Mansion, scrolled in large bold letters on its surface, you wouldn't think twice about it.

That is until you hear a loud string of curses coming from the second floor window of the large mansion.

"Alucard!" Integra bellowed while gritting her teeth and unknowingly crushing her favorite brand of cigar in the palm of her hands. Her eyes bulged out of her face, fueled with anger which was directed at the ancient being before her.

The tall, lanky vampire clad in red simply lounged on one of the chairs in Integra's office. Acting as if nothing out of the ordinary was in fact taking place before him. A grin was drawn on his finely chiseled visage, and as his glasses were no where in sight his eyes were sparkling with evident glee and in return mocking his young female master before him.

"Come, come Integra, you seem to think that this was my doing."

"Well it bloody well should have been! The fact that half of the queens home was destroyed because of several highly explosive rounds being shot off at Iscariot members. Her majesty would have been killed."

Rising from his chair, and moving towards the window which showed the coming of a new moon, he said in a matter-of-fact voice, "It was your orders my master that I made sure the queen was safe from all possible harm."

"Did that include mulling a certain Alexander Anderson?"

At this Alucard smiled showing his canine teeth, "Would you have trusted her majesty's safety in the hands of that insane and rather inept Paladin, Integra?"

Integra grinned, her muscles slowly relaxing, causing her hand to release the all ready obliterated cigar from within onto her nicely polished desk. She moved from behind her desk, lost in thought.

Silence remained between the two, as if both were lost in their thoughts, in reality Alucard watched his young master. He felt the race of emotions filter through her body to his. Suddenly a calm seemed to engulf her being and it appeared that she'd temporarily forgotten of the vampire that sat casually on the firm leather couch before her desk. For after that she moved towards the door to her chambers which were conveniently adjacent to her office, preparing to exit to her rooms.

Before she made to turn in for the night, she once again addressed the vampire king as an after thought, her facial expressions having resumed a cold and uncaring demeanor. She examined him for some time, taking in his cool composure and wandering how he could remain calm in such a situation, when it clicked. Then her lip lifted, revealing a twisted smile, "this may actually end up being quite amusing….if you get my drift."

In reply, an unearthly cackle filled the static atmosphere, causing the hairs on Integra's neck tingle with an unearthly chill.

"Indeed my master," and with that Alucard disappeared into the darkness of the room, leaving behind an echo of his creepy stomach flipping laughter that appropriately resounded about the entire room.

In the kitchen, Walter was conveniently found sitting to a meal of some good old fashion vichyssoise, when out of nowhere the kitchen door swung open and a current of bristling anger swamped the once happy atmospher.

Usually this was the time of day, although pretty late in the evening, that Walter found time to take his evening meal. On this fine day it consisted of wonderfully cooled potato and leek soup, which is accordingly called vichyssoise. Walter's, believe it or not, favorite soup.

"How could it be my fault! No, it's most definitely all your fault because you're the sulking cadswopple!!" Seras yelled to no one in particular, her pale faced heated from anger as she clenched her hands together.

She angrily marched to the small gray fridge that was neatly tucked in a darkened corner of the kitchen. It was facing the more standard appliances in a kitchen but hidden from view to escape notice. Yanking at the door and slamming it closed after plucking a blood pack, Seras's usually content and youthful face was marred in a snarl as she dug her teeth in her innocent prey, the blood pack.

Walter quizzically watched the young fledgling but brushed of his concern when he tried to once again take his first sip of cold soup. But suddenly the kitchen door was once again thrown open, and a young man with a braid wound around his neck in a disheveled manner, marched into the room. This caused Walter to jump up from shoke and to sadly spill the contents of his soup onto his finely starched chemise.

As Pip tried to unmagestically catch his breath, he belated bellowed, "I don't even know what that means!! You're the unrealistic chit that decided to aide in my unorthodox idea in the first place!" Pip hollered back, eyes bulging and head literally fuming from the previous language that Seras had used in describing his ego. (Words that shant be used for the sake of all the innocent ears and eyes reading this.)

"Was not! I wasn't the one who decided to throw a bunch of grenades at the very doorsteps of the Queens Palace!!"

"Well I wasn't the one who was literally ogling a certain dead corpse while forgetting that there was a bunch of parliament members in need of rescuing!" Pip retorted.

"I wasn't ogling!! And for your information that girl friend of yours Yumiko was saving their sorry asses!! And if I remember correctly, you were the one salivating. "

This irked Pip, as he had a great deal of issues with Yumiko, things that he'd rather not even think about.

"That was only once!!"

"She has a point you know, and from what I recall you and Yumiko have a wonderful history together…" Walter happily pointed out, finding the entire ordeal some what rather amusing. Although his chemise would say otherwise considering that now a good portion of his soup was drenching it.

"There's no such thing!" Pip claimed in a horrified manner.

"…how about the broom closet?" A dark sadistic voice said as a shadow formed beside Seras from the wall.

Pip's eyes widened, and suddenly he became rather grumbly and defensive, "that was only once and it wasn't what everyone thought it was!" He retorted briskly.

"Really? Well then, I guess those weren't your hands that were fondling a certain swordswoman beneath her habit," Alucard said, and noticing the sudden blush that spread accross Pip's cheeks he continued, " and she in return wouldn't have had her appendage in your pant."

Alucard then sat down at the table beside Walter, after feeling that the mercenary was justly humiliated for having angered his young consort. Walter on the other was busy trying not to choke himself to death with his soup, knowing full well the enitrety of the story having been with Alucard at the time of the discovery.

"Oh, then I guess those weren't Yumiko's panties I found in the closet later that day either," Seras purred, revenge feeling sweet in the air, as she took a seat beside her master and took a drought from her blood pack. After gulping down the fruitful liquid she added in a low but audible voice, "however, I could've sworn those belonged to her, her name was stitched on the inside."

Seras hid her smile behind her meal, feigning innocence as she gazed at Piip, who to her delight was gagging as the memory of the could have been coupling with a crazed woman resurfaced.

In a defeated sigh Pip took a seat at the table between Walter and Seras, "that day brings me nightmares," he uttered as a shiver visably ran down his spine. "Technically I was supposed to meet that bosomy maid, Bridgette," he said matter-of-factly. "How would I have known that Yumiko was there instead, it was way to dark in there to see, and feeling a warm and might I add rather willing body in there, I just went with my gut instincts."

"Oh I see, so you decided to act like a complete ass! I'm afraid to wonder what would have happened if it was a man in there instead?" Seras said before she finishe of her blood pack.

This time a face was made by both the old retainer and the vampire king. The image of them being dragged of into a broom closet by a sex crazed french man, coincidentaly ran through both their minds. They looked at each other and eyed Pip questioningly, each secretly inching away from him.

Pip, being completely ignorant of what taking place before continued with his explanation, "I swore that day, after burning my clothes and literally scrubbing myself from her..." a shudder ran down his spine before he could manage to finish, "anyways, I swore that my meetings with Bridgette would only be had in the gardens or behind locked doors."

"Gross!" Seras whined, "Don't tell us that, now I can't go down to the garden or pass by a room without seeing you and Bridgette having a go at each other," a groan escaped her lips and she shook her head trying to get the image from head.

"Isn't she the maid with the rather nice…um" then Walter indicated his chest as he emphasized a huge chest area.

With that Alucard grinned, and Pip could do nothing but stare out in the distance, "Ahh oui, nice rack, and such soft attributes, most definitely the most welcoming woman I have ever had the chance of..." before Pip could even try to be colorful with his explanation, he was interupted with a cry of disgust coming from Seras.

"Come on, can't you even pretend to be just a tad bit descent when your sitting at the table!" Seras whined, giving the three males surrounding her a distasteful glare.

"Such beauty and perfection should be praised accordingly Ms. Victoria." Walter stated in between sips of his Vichy soup.

With that, Seras gagged and excused herself from the table. As she disposed of her emptied bag and exited the kitchen, she mumbled, "horny bastards, they can't have a descent conversation if their life depended on it."

As Seras began exiting the room, Alucard watched her from beneath his hair, appreciating her soft curves and as she purposefully left the room he whispered within her mind, Point taken police girl. In return, he felt Seras's emotions come in doubtful. At this he grinned, and finally closed the link that he had with his young fledgling temporarily as he moved his attention to address the two humans before him.

"I take it then that you both have heard of the punishment that the Queen, the council, and the Vatican have in store for us?" Alucard broke in before the conversation turned to old conquest between the two aging humans.

"I'm afraid it is rather unfortunate, but I think it will be an excellent chance for our organizations to get along better together." Walter optimistically continued, "the Americans have managed to deal splendidly with their difference in religions and race, I for one don't see why we can't do the same."

"You forget how the American's pretend that life is a cherry on a cake instead of burnt onions." Pip jutted in.

"Well, the younger generation show some promise, all I mean by this is that by getting to now our enemies we may better work together in the future." Walter countered.

"It's hard to see Integra sharing a civilized conversation over a cup of tea with Enrico Maxwell without throwing the contents of her cup in his face." Alucard said, with a smile forming on his lips.

"Then again, she hardly ever seems to have a civilized conversation with the members of the council," Walter replied as chuckle spilled from the old retainers lips.

"What are the terms of our punishment exactly, because all I know is that we have to endure this punishment along with the Iscariot members as well." Pip said, while picking in his jacket pocket for a cigarette.

"From what I understood from Integra, we are to stay in a rather large house in the remote part of Wales along with the members of Iscariot. Supervised of course." Alucard answered, opening up his third bag of blood and pouring its contents in a wine glass.

"You can't be serious!" Walter chortled, "how are they going to manage to contain us?"

"The full measures of the punishment have yet to be discovered, but in two days time we must be in Wales, and from what I can tell, we are stuck in a house that is walled of from the world for a period of one month." Alucard continued.

"Mon Dieu."

"I am interested to see what they plan for us, however…I wonder if it'll be similar to a Battle Royal?" A blood crazed grin illuminated the vampire kings paler. "This will truly be a great pleasure."

The two humans could do nothing but stare, for neither of them understood the good that could come from such an unthinkable arrangement. Are they truly expected to kill each other for survival? If that were the case, then they were totally screwed. What of the leaders of both organization, they're only common agreement was the hatred they shared for each other. As Alucard fazed from the kitchen to search for his fledgling, the two humans were left in a state of anticipation, dangerous tangy anticipation.

a/n: So, Battle Royal anyone…