Chapter Twelve: Roshi Settling Down? Strange, But True.
Four months later, Capsule Corp.…
"For the last time, woman, I don't see why I have to attend this wedding between the old man and his doll!" Vegeta huffed in his and Bulma's bedroom, as Bulma was tying his tie on properly. To this day, Vegeta still could not fasten his tie properly without choking himself, and Bulma either had to do it for him or risk having Vegeta disintegrate an expensive tie.
"Because I like to see you in a white tux. You do look very handsome in one, Vegeta," Bulma purred with a seductive expression on her face. She straightened his red tie perfectly. "And besides, you don't want anyone showing you up as better-dressed, especially Goku or Master Roshi, now do you?" The white tuxedo had been purchased for Gohan and Videl's wedding, and Vegeta, on Bulma's insistence, was wearing it to this wedding as well.
Vegeta grumbled, "Of course not." He didn't care much about clothes, and it was only because of his mate's insistence that he wore clothes other than his training suits, bodysuits, or a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. If he had his way, he wouldn't be attending this ceremony at all; he cared nothing for Roshi or his chosen mate. Besides, the old pervert had already impregnated his woman, and that pretty much bonded them together, so what was the point of celebrating it with a big, frivolous ceremony, similar to the one that he went through years ago to keep Bulma with him?
But Bulma was smiling at him, running a slender finger along his jaw, and Vegeta grinned. "Is there an incentive later tonight, if I go through with attending the perverted old man's wedding?"
Bulma chuckled. "Possibly…I think that could be arranged. I could wear that red satin teddy…"
Vegeta had just learned in the past five years to appreciate Bulma's sexy nightwear that she wore for him. In their first few years as a couple, Vegeta used to get annoyed with Bulma wearing teddies and nightgowns because he thought that the flimsy clothing got in the way of what he wanted. Bulma had spent enormous sums of money during that time replacing ruined lingerie that Vegeta so casually ripped off of her body. He was getting better about it though; in the past year, he had only ripped off seven of Bulma's nightclothes. He did like the red teddy though; it suited her.
"The red teddy it is," he said with a smirk. "Now let's go get this over with. The main reason I'm going though other than the promise of your body is the food at the reception."
Bulma laughed. Vegeta would never change completely; he was almost always in a hurry, and always hungry.
"I hate wearing ties!" Goten, who was now nine, complained, as Chichi finished fastening his tie. Goten did look cute in a little black tuxedo and blue tie, but he hated his dress clothes, especially when his mother had forbidden him to go sparring in them with Trunks. He had to wear that despised tuxedo and tie a month ago when Gohan and Videl had finally married. (He had served as their ring boy, and although he had been happy with the honor, he had hated dressing up.) Gohan and Videl were now living in their own little capsule house that had been given to them as a wedding present from Hercule.
"C'mon, little brother, it's not so bad," Gohan told Goten. "Don't you want to look good today, like you did at mine and Videl's wedding?"
"Hell, no!" a sulky Goten said vociferously.
"GOTEN!" Chichi exclaimed angrily.
"Sorry," Goten mumbled.
"It's not going to kill you to look nice once in a while," Chichi scolded. "You survived wearing these clothes at your brother's wedding last month."
"Yeah, barely," Goten grumbled.
"That's enough," Chichi rebuked him. "Now where's your father?"
Goku came stumbling into Goten's bedroom at that moment, and his face was blue. The world's strongest warrior was being strangled by his own tie, and he was desperately trying to free himself. Chichi and Goten rushed to his aid, and within minutes, they had freed Goku of his confining tie.
"Goku," Chichi sighed. "You and Vegeta are just alike. Neither one of you has yet to know how to put on a tie properly." She began to work on fastening his tie properly.
"Do I really have to wear this thing, Chichi?" Goku wanted to know. "I nearly strangled myself with it when I attended Gohan's wedding to Videl."
"If Dad doesn't have to wear his, I don't have to wear mine," Goten declared.
"Every man in this family is wearing a tie!" Chichi fumed, and after that there was no more argument.
"This wedding sure is going to be somewhat expensive," Oolong sighed. "But at least the food will be good."
Umigame said, "Thanks to Candy's new modeling job, there will be money coming in for a while. Her first check went to cover this wedding." Umigame was wearing a black tie around his neck, and that was his only clothing. He was thankful to be a turtle and not have to bother with clothing often the way that others did.
"I didn't think a modeling agency would hire a pregnant woman," Oolong declared, as he adjusted his tie. "I thought that a girl had to be stick-thin these days to be a model."
"Well," Umigame told him. "From what Master Roshi's told me, there was a clothing company specifically asking for a pregnant model, and so Beautique Modeling Agency signed Candy to them after Candy was hired, and the company, called Fulfillment Maternity Wear, hired Candy on a one-year-contract. So things are looking up for both of them, and Beautique already has Candy on some special exercise-and-diet regimen, so that after she has the baby, she'll be able to continue working when she's ready. Right now, Candy is modeling lingerie for Fulfillment Maternity."
"Do you think that she can get me some free panties?" Oolong inquired.
Umigame groaned. He had often wanted to ask Oolong what he did with all the ladies' underwear that he collected, but he figured that he was better off not knowing.
"You're not going to the wedding?" Dende asked Piccolo. He wasn't either, so he couldn't really reproach the older Namek about not attending.
"Nah," Piccolo replied. "I don't know Roshi or Candy all that well, and I can see what I want to see from up here. How is their baby doing inside of his mother's womb?"
"Very well," Dende said pleasantly. "Candy plans to name him Kane. As in Candy Kane."
"Let me guess, if she has another son, he'll be Candy Korn or something," Piccolo sighed.
Dende chuckled, "Probably."
"So is Popo still seeing what's-her-name?"
"Flory? Yeah, although it's taken her some time to get over the shock that Popo was an ancient genie. She believed him more when he brought her up here two weeks ago, and it took us awhile to bring her out of shock. But she's adjusting now, I think, although she's still finding this part of Popo's life hard to believe."
"So, do you have a love life yet?" Piccolo inquired.
Dende laughed nervously, "Not yet, Piccolo, not yet."
"Smart boy."
"Women can't be all that bad, you know."
"I'm not saying that they are, Dende. But my chances of finding a woman who'll accept me for who and what I am would be difficult. Plus, it's not a huge priority."
"It does get lonely up here, even with Popo," Dende said wistfully. "I envy Roshi today, just like I did Gohan last month. I've never seen Gohan so happy that day, did you, Piccolo?"
"Nope, and I was happy for him. I don't attend many weddings, as you know; Krillin had literally begged me to go to his wedding, and Vegeta threatened me into going to his, but Gohan's was a real pleasure to attend. It's strange to see him a married man now, but Videl is a good match for him, even if she is Hercule's daughter."
Dende chuckled. "I never thought you, of all people, would agree to wear a tuxedo! I don't know if Gohan was happier that you had agreed to be his best man, or that he was finally marrying his Videl. The way that you made your white tuxedo come out of mid-air was amazing. You should dress like that more often."
"No thank you," Piccolo scoffed. "I only did that for Gohan-and so I wouldn't have to hear his mother later on my being dressed 'inappropriately'. No, Dende, I will not be wearing another tuxedo anytime soon." He then sat down on the marble tiles to meditate and closed his eyes, so that he could join Dende in watching the wedding festivities…
Happy tears glistened in the dark jade eyes of Candy, as she gracefully twirled around in her and Roshi's bedroom. They had decided to have their wedding on the beach, with a cookout afterwards. Although their wedding was simple, Candy's dress wasn't. Candy was wearing an elaborate off-the-shoulder gown with short, tulle sleeves, a bodice decorated with pink pearls that hugged her breasts perfectly, and a bell-shaped skirt covered in Chantilly lace, with the lace trimmed with the same pink pearls. The skirt hid her bulging abdomen well, and in the full gown, Candy barely looked pregnant. She also wore a diaphanous, cathedral-length train that was also decorated with pink pearls and had a bouquet cap with pink and white roses in it. Her candy-apple red hair was left long, loose, and flowing, with soft curls everywhere. White satin pumps with pink, tulle bows adorned her feet.
Juuhachigou and Chichi were helping Candy dress, and Juuhachigou was straightening Candy's veil. Little Marron, the flower girl, was sitting on the bed, dressed in a lacy pink, princess-style dress with a white sash on her waist. Marron's hair was curled and held back with a pink ribbon, and her mother had permitted her to wear a bit of blush and lipstick. Juuhachigou was Candy's matron-of-honor and Chichi was Candy's only bridesmaid. Oolong served as the best man, and Goku, Krillin, and Umigame were groomsmen. Goten was the ring boy.
"Oh, I am so nervous!" Candy exclaimed, suddenly worried and pale. "What if my train rips, or my veil flies away, or my roses wilt, or a giant tidal wave comes to sweep us all away. Or what if Roshi changes his mind? What if I change my mind? And what if-"
"Calm down," Juuhachigou scolded. "You're getting married, not going into battle."
"True, very true," Candy panted, as she straightened her clothing for the umpteenth time. "Well, how do I look?" she asked, as she briefly paraded around in her wedding finery.
"Very pretty!" Marron squealed with delight.
"Beautiful," Juuhachigou told Candy honestly.
Someone knocked on the door just then. "Are you ladies ready or what? I'm starved for that good food at the cookout later!" Oolong declared. "Is it safe for me to come in?"
"As long as you're not marrying Candy today," Juuhachigou quipped. Oolong walked slowly into the room and wolf-whistled when he saw Candy. Candy's blush stood out against the paleness of her skin, and the pig noticed.
"I don't know what's whiter," he quipped. "Your dress or your face."
So did Master Roshi, who was already dressed as handsomely as possible in a black tuxedo with a white, ruffled shirt and red bowtie. Umigame was behind him. They were in the doorway of the bedroom, and Roshi was covering his eyes so that he would not see Candy before the wedding. Candy turned away from his direction to avoid looking at him.
"Is Candy okay?" he asked worriedly.
"She probably just had wedding jitters," Oolong replied. "I can imagine that she's nervous, but then who wouldn't be marrying you?"
Roshi growled, "You're asking for it, Oolong! If I wasn't forbidden to look at Candy right now, I'd come over and give you one!"
Oolong merely snickered, and while he was mocking his friend, Candy's color returned to normal. She smiled. "I'm ready, if you all are."
"We've been ready," Juuhachigou told her.
"Then let's get this show on the road-err, I mean the sand. Let's hurry up and get this done with," Oolong ordered.
"Do you have a hot date?" Juuhachigou asked sharply.
"Yeah, I sure do," Oolong replied with a grin.
"The wedding cake doesn't count," Umigame said, smiling.
"No one asked you, Turtle!" Oolong snapped, and everyone chuckled.
A white wooden arbor trimmed with pink and white roses had been set up on the beach, and a pink, velvet carpet led straight to the arbor, where the minister would marry Candy and Roshi. Roshi and Candy were standing in front of the minister, their heads bowed in prayer (although some of the guests had secretly made fun of the sight of the old pervert praying), and everyone else was praying with the minister.
Folding chairs had been set up along the carpet path. Vegeta and Bulma and Trunks were there, and Trunks had been making goofy faces at Goten during the praying until Bulma cuffed him and made him stop. Goten was trying to remain solemn, but even he had made a silly face at Trunks and stuck out his tongue at his best friend before his mother gave him the evil eye, from where she was holding Candy's train.
Goku's stomach was rumbling loudly throughout the praying; he had not eaten at all before he and his family came to the wedding. The long prayer for Candy and Roshi that the minister was reciting reminded Krillin of his old life back at the monastery, where he once trained to become a monk. He was definitely glad that he had not chosen to remain a holy man, especially now that he had his beloved Juuhachigou. Juuhachigou was looking impatient, wondering how long it honestly took for someone to pray. The praying continued for five more minutes, and both Oolong and Umigame were having a hard time staying awake.
Gohan and Videl were sitting together, still in the honeymoon stage of their relationship. Videl was nestled against Gohan, and Gohan looked content, even though he thought that the minister could hurry up the praying. Vegeta, Trunks, and Bulma were sitting in front of them.
"How long does it take for someone to ask for blessings for a couple?" Vegeta grumbled. "If he had prayed this long back on my planet, he would have been pummeled. Do human holy men really have to talk so much?" He would have continued to rant, if Bulma had not shushed him.
Tien, Lunch, and Chaoztu were sitting in front of Vegeta, Bulma, and Trunks, and they were still shocked and amazed, like everyone else attending the wedding, that someone would actually marry Roshi out of their own free will. Roshi was a decent fellow for a pervert, but him marrying a young, vibrant woman such as Candy? It defied all logic, but since when had logic ever been a major factor in the life of the Z warriors and their friends?
Finally, the praying had stopped, and the minister was guiding Candy and Roshi through their vows. Candy was holding Roshi's hand, as Goten stepped closer to the altar to present the rings to Candy and Roshi.
When the minister asked Roshi, if he would take Candy to be his wife, Roshi had shouted, "Oh, yeah!" And then he almost tripped in his excitement, but Candy caught him by his arm.
When Candy was asked, she blushed and merely said a shy yes, and then Goten lifted the velvet heart-shaped pillow to the couple, so that they could exchange rings. Roshi slid a lovely gold ring onto Candy's finger that held a half-carat diamond with two small emeralds on each side, and Candy put a simple gold band on his aged finger.
"Now if anyone here can give just cause as to why these two should not be wed, speak now or forever hold your peace."
Vegeta thought privately that the two deserved each other, and all the women, even Bulma, pitied Candy, but as long as Candy and Roshi were happy…that was the important thing. But surprisingly, no one said a word; no matter what their differences and idiosyncrasies were, Candy and Roshi were definitely suited for each other.
Candy and Roshi then passionately seized each other and kissed deeply and fervently, with Candy bending down towards Roshi. The minister nudged Roshi and whispered, "Sir, we're not quite at that part yet."
But nothing was going to stop this odd couple from showing their passion and love for one another, so the minister sighed happily and said, "I now pronounce you two husband and wife…"
The cookout had been set up buffet-style, with Chichi, Bulma (who had come to an armed truce with Candy in the past few months), Juuhachigou, and Lunch serving the guests hot dogs, hamburgers, kielbasas, Polish sausages, chicken, steaks, baked potatoes, chips and salads. Even Candy, the bride, was helping them out a bit; she had changed into a lovely sky-blue sundress with spaghetti straps, and her radiant face was the most beautiful part about her that day.
Vegeta and Goku were getting restless because they were in their tuxedos, and their wives had forbidden them to spar in their best clothes. The sparring restrictions did not inhibit Goten and Trunks however, and the two boys, forgetting their mothers' orders, began to wrestle and fight in the sand until their mothers came to break them up.
An hour or so later, both boys were standing next to the punch bowl, and the boys were greedily gulping down the orangeade champagne punch, even though they were supposed to only drink the various soft drinks that were residing in the coolers. But the punch was ever so much tangier and refreshing, and Trunks and Goten drank cup after cup. Goten even offered little Marron some, and soon Marron was joining the boys in emptying the punch bowl.
Meanwhile, a deejay was playing various tunes, from soft, classical music to loud rock tunes, as many of the adults danced upon the sand when they had finished eating some time later. Vegeta was even dancing, and he danced surprisingly well, dipping and holding Bulma perfectly. Vegeta used to refuse to dance, but when he realized that his refusal to dance meant that Bulma would do so with other men, he quickly learned a few Earth dances to keep his mate with him. There was no way that his mate would be allowed to dance so closely with other men, even if they were her friends and his comrades.
Goku's dancing resembled sparring, but with Chichi's help in the past, he could "dance" without stepping on her feet. Juuhachigou and Krillin were the best dancers of all, surpassed only by Candy and Roshi, who together could dance everything from the Macarena to tangos to waltzes. Yamucha and Chaoztu were dancing alone to the music, followed by Oolong, who was dancing with Puar, who was twirling and dipping in the air. Tien was dancing with Lunch, who was in her tamer form at this time.
But that wouldn't last for long. Oolong, almost as perverted as Roshi, decided to leave Puar and see whose dress he could peek under. While everyone was occupied, Oolong had transformed himself into a small gold mirror with wings, and he surreptitiously flew under Lunch's flowing pale blue dress. He got an enticing view of a pair of white, lacy bikini panties. He was so entranced with the view, trying to figure out how to swipe them without being killed, that he lost track of time, and before he knew it, his five minutes were almost up.
Unfortunately for him, a puff of sand blew in Lunch's direction-and Lunch sneezed, turning herself into her dangerous, blond alter ego. At the same time, Oolong unwittingly transformed back into his natural form, and when he was back in pig form, his face and snout were still under Lunch's dress.
"OOLONG!" Tien exclaimed angrily.
Oolong's eyes widened; from the murderous glare in the eyes of Tien's girlfriend, he knew he would be lucky, if she killed him quickly.
"You're dead, pig!" Lunch hissed, as she kicked him out from under her dress. Out of nowhere, she produced her machine gun. "I'm going to serve you up as part of the main course! Come here now, you pervert! Peek under my dress, will you?"
Oolong couldn't transform right away, so all he could do was run across the sand, as Lunch fired several rounds of ammunition towards him. Tien and some other Z warriors followed after her to try to prevent a murder, but Lunch in her transformed state was almost as fast as the Z warriors themselves. Lunch continued to shoot at Oolong, and when she ran out of bullets, she just whipped out another gun from nowhere and continued her assaults.
"Lunch, stop!" Tien cried, but even he knew that there was no reasoning with his girlfriend at this point.
While he and others were trying to save Oolong from Lunch's wrath, Vegeta was just standing in his spot, laughing openly at Oolong's peril; he never liked the pig to begin with, and he secretly admired Lunch when she was in this form. Bulma sighed heavily and stayed near Vegeta, knowing that there was nothing that she could do to save Oolong at this time. By now, Oolong had transformed into a bat, and he was flying to the roof to escape Lunch's wrath.
Meanwhile, two drunken little half-Saiyan boys had transformed into Super Saiyans and fused, so now the Z warriors had a besotted Gotenks to deal with, as well as an angry Lunch. Gotenks was dancing about wildly, devouring the remaining food on the table at a rate that not even Vegeta or Goku could match. Bulma and Chichi frantically rushed to stop Gotenks from devouring everything, and even Vegeta joined them. He wasn't about to allow Gotenks to hog all of the food.
Meanwhile, little Marron, fully intoxicated, had stripped down to her underwear, and she had decided that she was really a mermaid, so she ran straight into the ocean, and Juuhachigou took off after her. The swift android managed to catch up with her inebriated child before she could get any deeper into the water, and Marron kicked and struggled against her mother's strong grip.
"But, Mommeeeeeeeee, I'm a merrrrrr…maaaaaid! If I don't get back in the water, I'll dieeeeeeeeeeeeee!" Marron slurred.
"I need some black coffee for her now!" Juuhachigou ordered the other guests, as Marron continued to fight her mother and insist that her home was in the ocean.
Meanwhile, after close to thirty minutes, Tien had finally managed to capture Lunch, and he waved a feather under her nose; he always kept the feather, of a species that he knew that Lunch was allergic to, for occasions such as this. Lunch violently struggled in her boyfriend's arms, determined to get to Oolong, until she finally sneezed.
"AH-CHOO!"
And much to everyone's eternal relief, Lunch was back to her old self, the calmer, safer version. She looked up at Tien, puzzled. "Tien, why are you holding me so tight?"
A relieved Tien chuckled. "Because I want to keep you as close to me as possible!" His comrades fell over backwards, and Oolong almost tumbled off of the roof.
At this time, Chichi, Bulma, and Juuhachigou were forcing their drunken children to drink black coffee. By this time, Goten and Trunks had defused. "We haaaaaaate coffeeeeeee!" all three of them chimed in a slur. But their mothers forced the liquid into them anyway.
Candy sighed to Roshi, who had his arm wrapped around her waist. "Well, Roshi, I always said that I wanted the wedding and the reception to be memorable, and I certainly got my wish."
Roshi chuckled.
Umigame, who was with them, said wisely, "Always be careful for what you wish for, because it just might come true!"
Roshi chuckled again. "I certainly learned that lesson!" And in his old eyes, the lesson had been worth all the while.
Bulma had given the couple a sky car for their wedding present, and Roshi and Candy were preparing to go to their weeklong honeymoon in Hawaii. Roshi helped Candy into the white sky car with leather interior, and he closed the door. Roshi climbed in beside her on the driver side.
Before Trunks, Goten, and Marron had become intoxicated, they had attached an old white sheet (pilfered from Chichi's linen closet) that said in big, red letters, "JUSST MARYIED" (yes, that's exactly how they spelled that phrase). They also taped strings that held tin cans to the back bumper, along with some of Goten's balloons, which read, "HAPPY BIRTHDAY". The children would not get to see Candy and Roshi off, however, for their mothers had put them to bed in the guest room, which had been Candy's old room.
"Goodbye, everyone!" Candy called out to her friends and guests.
"So long, everyone!" Roshi shouted from his seat.
"Enjoy your honeymoon!" Umigame told them.
"They already did, long before the ceremony," Oolong quipped. "Why do you think Candy's knocked up right now?"
Juuhachigou rewarded him with a cuff to his head.
"Thanks, Juuhachi!" Roshi told her.
"That was uncalled for," Oolong grumbled, as he rubbed his sore head.
Everyone waved farewell. "Bye Candy! Bye Roshi!" many of them called. "Have fun!"
Roshi settling down was not normal, but then the Z fighters and their friends didn't know the meaning of the word. And Roshi was happy with his Candy; that was the important thing.
"Bye-bye!" Roshi and Candy called, as their car pulled off into the sky. They continued to shout and call out to their guests until their car was a white dot in the twilight.
THE END
Four months later, Capsule Corp.…
"For the last time, woman, I don't see why I have to attend this wedding between the old man and his doll!" Vegeta huffed in his and Bulma's bedroom, as Bulma was tying his tie on properly. To this day, Vegeta still could not fasten his tie properly without choking himself, and Bulma either had to do it for him or risk having Vegeta disintegrate an expensive tie.
"Because I like to see you in a white tux. You do look very handsome in one, Vegeta," Bulma purred with a seductive expression on her face. She straightened his red tie perfectly. "And besides, you don't want anyone showing you up as better-dressed, especially Goku or Master Roshi, now do you?" The white tuxedo had been purchased for Gohan and Videl's wedding, and Vegeta, on Bulma's insistence, was wearing it to this wedding as well.
Vegeta grumbled, "Of course not." He didn't care much about clothes, and it was only because of his mate's insistence that he wore clothes other than his training suits, bodysuits, or a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. If he had his way, he wouldn't be attending this ceremony at all; he cared nothing for Roshi or his chosen mate. Besides, the old pervert had already impregnated his woman, and that pretty much bonded them together, so what was the point of celebrating it with a big, frivolous ceremony, similar to the one that he went through years ago to keep Bulma with him?
But Bulma was smiling at him, running a slender finger along his jaw, and Vegeta grinned. "Is there an incentive later tonight, if I go through with attending the perverted old man's wedding?"
Bulma chuckled. "Possibly…I think that could be arranged. I could wear that red satin teddy…"
Vegeta had just learned in the past five years to appreciate Bulma's sexy nightwear that she wore for him. In their first few years as a couple, Vegeta used to get annoyed with Bulma wearing teddies and nightgowns because he thought that the flimsy clothing got in the way of what he wanted. Bulma had spent enormous sums of money during that time replacing ruined lingerie that Vegeta so casually ripped off of her body. He was getting better about it though; in the past year, he had only ripped off seven of Bulma's nightclothes. He did like the red teddy though; it suited her.
"The red teddy it is," he said with a smirk. "Now let's go get this over with. The main reason I'm going though other than the promise of your body is the food at the reception."
Bulma laughed. Vegeta would never change completely; he was almost always in a hurry, and always hungry.
"I hate wearing ties!" Goten, who was now nine, complained, as Chichi finished fastening his tie. Goten did look cute in a little black tuxedo and blue tie, but he hated his dress clothes, especially when his mother had forbidden him to go sparring in them with Trunks. He had to wear that despised tuxedo and tie a month ago when Gohan and Videl had finally married. (He had served as their ring boy, and although he had been happy with the honor, he had hated dressing up.) Gohan and Videl were now living in their own little capsule house that had been given to them as a wedding present from Hercule.
"C'mon, little brother, it's not so bad," Gohan told Goten. "Don't you want to look good today, like you did at mine and Videl's wedding?"
"Hell, no!" a sulky Goten said vociferously.
"GOTEN!" Chichi exclaimed angrily.
"Sorry," Goten mumbled.
"It's not going to kill you to look nice once in a while," Chichi scolded. "You survived wearing these clothes at your brother's wedding last month."
"Yeah, barely," Goten grumbled.
"That's enough," Chichi rebuked him. "Now where's your father?"
Goku came stumbling into Goten's bedroom at that moment, and his face was blue. The world's strongest warrior was being strangled by his own tie, and he was desperately trying to free himself. Chichi and Goten rushed to his aid, and within minutes, they had freed Goku of his confining tie.
"Goku," Chichi sighed. "You and Vegeta are just alike. Neither one of you has yet to know how to put on a tie properly." She began to work on fastening his tie properly.
"Do I really have to wear this thing, Chichi?" Goku wanted to know. "I nearly strangled myself with it when I attended Gohan's wedding to Videl."
"If Dad doesn't have to wear his, I don't have to wear mine," Goten declared.
"Every man in this family is wearing a tie!" Chichi fumed, and after that there was no more argument.
"This wedding sure is going to be somewhat expensive," Oolong sighed. "But at least the food will be good."
Umigame said, "Thanks to Candy's new modeling job, there will be money coming in for a while. Her first check went to cover this wedding." Umigame was wearing a black tie around his neck, and that was his only clothing. He was thankful to be a turtle and not have to bother with clothing often the way that others did.
"I didn't think a modeling agency would hire a pregnant woman," Oolong declared, as he adjusted his tie. "I thought that a girl had to be stick-thin these days to be a model."
"Well," Umigame told him. "From what Master Roshi's told me, there was a clothing company specifically asking for a pregnant model, and so Beautique Modeling Agency signed Candy to them after Candy was hired, and the company, called Fulfillment Maternity Wear, hired Candy on a one-year-contract. So things are looking up for both of them, and Beautique already has Candy on some special exercise-and-diet regimen, so that after she has the baby, she'll be able to continue working when she's ready. Right now, Candy is modeling lingerie for Fulfillment Maternity."
"Do you think that she can get me some free panties?" Oolong inquired.
Umigame groaned. He had often wanted to ask Oolong what he did with all the ladies' underwear that he collected, but he figured that he was better off not knowing.
"You're not going to the wedding?" Dende asked Piccolo. He wasn't either, so he couldn't really reproach the older Namek about not attending.
"Nah," Piccolo replied. "I don't know Roshi or Candy all that well, and I can see what I want to see from up here. How is their baby doing inside of his mother's womb?"
"Very well," Dende said pleasantly. "Candy plans to name him Kane. As in Candy Kane."
"Let me guess, if she has another son, he'll be Candy Korn or something," Piccolo sighed.
Dende chuckled, "Probably."
"So is Popo still seeing what's-her-name?"
"Flory? Yeah, although it's taken her some time to get over the shock that Popo was an ancient genie. She believed him more when he brought her up here two weeks ago, and it took us awhile to bring her out of shock. But she's adjusting now, I think, although she's still finding this part of Popo's life hard to believe."
"So, do you have a love life yet?" Piccolo inquired.
Dende laughed nervously, "Not yet, Piccolo, not yet."
"Smart boy."
"Women can't be all that bad, you know."
"I'm not saying that they are, Dende. But my chances of finding a woman who'll accept me for who and what I am would be difficult. Plus, it's not a huge priority."
"It does get lonely up here, even with Popo," Dende said wistfully. "I envy Roshi today, just like I did Gohan last month. I've never seen Gohan so happy that day, did you, Piccolo?"
"Nope, and I was happy for him. I don't attend many weddings, as you know; Krillin had literally begged me to go to his wedding, and Vegeta threatened me into going to his, but Gohan's was a real pleasure to attend. It's strange to see him a married man now, but Videl is a good match for him, even if she is Hercule's daughter."
Dende chuckled. "I never thought you, of all people, would agree to wear a tuxedo! I don't know if Gohan was happier that you had agreed to be his best man, or that he was finally marrying his Videl. The way that you made your white tuxedo come out of mid-air was amazing. You should dress like that more often."
"No thank you," Piccolo scoffed. "I only did that for Gohan-and so I wouldn't have to hear his mother later on my being dressed 'inappropriately'. No, Dende, I will not be wearing another tuxedo anytime soon." He then sat down on the marble tiles to meditate and closed his eyes, so that he could join Dende in watching the wedding festivities…
Happy tears glistened in the dark jade eyes of Candy, as she gracefully twirled around in her and Roshi's bedroom. They had decided to have their wedding on the beach, with a cookout afterwards. Although their wedding was simple, Candy's dress wasn't. Candy was wearing an elaborate off-the-shoulder gown with short, tulle sleeves, a bodice decorated with pink pearls that hugged her breasts perfectly, and a bell-shaped skirt covered in Chantilly lace, with the lace trimmed with the same pink pearls. The skirt hid her bulging abdomen well, and in the full gown, Candy barely looked pregnant. She also wore a diaphanous, cathedral-length train that was also decorated with pink pearls and had a bouquet cap with pink and white roses in it. Her candy-apple red hair was left long, loose, and flowing, with soft curls everywhere. White satin pumps with pink, tulle bows adorned her feet.
Juuhachigou and Chichi were helping Candy dress, and Juuhachigou was straightening Candy's veil. Little Marron, the flower girl, was sitting on the bed, dressed in a lacy pink, princess-style dress with a white sash on her waist. Marron's hair was curled and held back with a pink ribbon, and her mother had permitted her to wear a bit of blush and lipstick. Juuhachigou was Candy's matron-of-honor and Chichi was Candy's only bridesmaid. Oolong served as the best man, and Goku, Krillin, and Umigame were groomsmen. Goten was the ring boy.
"Oh, I am so nervous!" Candy exclaimed, suddenly worried and pale. "What if my train rips, or my veil flies away, or my roses wilt, or a giant tidal wave comes to sweep us all away. Or what if Roshi changes his mind? What if I change my mind? And what if-"
"Calm down," Juuhachigou scolded. "You're getting married, not going into battle."
"True, very true," Candy panted, as she straightened her clothing for the umpteenth time. "Well, how do I look?" she asked, as she briefly paraded around in her wedding finery.
"Very pretty!" Marron squealed with delight.
"Beautiful," Juuhachigou told Candy honestly.
Someone knocked on the door just then. "Are you ladies ready or what? I'm starved for that good food at the cookout later!" Oolong declared. "Is it safe for me to come in?"
"As long as you're not marrying Candy today," Juuhachigou quipped. Oolong walked slowly into the room and wolf-whistled when he saw Candy. Candy's blush stood out against the paleness of her skin, and the pig noticed.
"I don't know what's whiter," he quipped. "Your dress or your face."
So did Master Roshi, who was already dressed as handsomely as possible in a black tuxedo with a white, ruffled shirt and red bowtie. Umigame was behind him. They were in the doorway of the bedroom, and Roshi was covering his eyes so that he would not see Candy before the wedding. Candy turned away from his direction to avoid looking at him.
"Is Candy okay?" he asked worriedly.
"She probably just had wedding jitters," Oolong replied. "I can imagine that she's nervous, but then who wouldn't be marrying you?"
Roshi growled, "You're asking for it, Oolong! If I wasn't forbidden to look at Candy right now, I'd come over and give you one!"
Oolong merely snickered, and while he was mocking his friend, Candy's color returned to normal. She smiled. "I'm ready, if you all are."
"We've been ready," Juuhachigou told her.
"Then let's get this show on the road-err, I mean the sand. Let's hurry up and get this done with," Oolong ordered.
"Do you have a hot date?" Juuhachigou asked sharply.
"Yeah, I sure do," Oolong replied with a grin.
"The wedding cake doesn't count," Umigame said, smiling.
"No one asked you, Turtle!" Oolong snapped, and everyone chuckled.
A white wooden arbor trimmed with pink and white roses had been set up on the beach, and a pink, velvet carpet led straight to the arbor, where the minister would marry Candy and Roshi. Roshi and Candy were standing in front of the minister, their heads bowed in prayer (although some of the guests had secretly made fun of the sight of the old pervert praying), and everyone else was praying with the minister.
Folding chairs had been set up along the carpet path. Vegeta and Bulma and Trunks were there, and Trunks had been making goofy faces at Goten during the praying until Bulma cuffed him and made him stop. Goten was trying to remain solemn, but even he had made a silly face at Trunks and stuck out his tongue at his best friend before his mother gave him the evil eye, from where she was holding Candy's train.
Goku's stomach was rumbling loudly throughout the praying; he had not eaten at all before he and his family came to the wedding. The long prayer for Candy and Roshi that the minister was reciting reminded Krillin of his old life back at the monastery, where he once trained to become a monk. He was definitely glad that he had not chosen to remain a holy man, especially now that he had his beloved Juuhachigou. Juuhachigou was looking impatient, wondering how long it honestly took for someone to pray. The praying continued for five more minutes, and both Oolong and Umigame were having a hard time staying awake.
Gohan and Videl were sitting together, still in the honeymoon stage of their relationship. Videl was nestled against Gohan, and Gohan looked content, even though he thought that the minister could hurry up the praying. Vegeta, Trunks, and Bulma were sitting in front of them.
"How long does it take for someone to ask for blessings for a couple?" Vegeta grumbled. "If he had prayed this long back on my planet, he would have been pummeled. Do human holy men really have to talk so much?" He would have continued to rant, if Bulma had not shushed him.
Tien, Lunch, and Chaoztu were sitting in front of Vegeta, Bulma, and Trunks, and they were still shocked and amazed, like everyone else attending the wedding, that someone would actually marry Roshi out of their own free will. Roshi was a decent fellow for a pervert, but him marrying a young, vibrant woman such as Candy? It defied all logic, but since when had logic ever been a major factor in the life of the Z warriors and their friends?
Finally, the praying had stopped, and the minister was guiding Candy and Roshi through their vows. Candy was holding Roshi's hand, as Goten stepped closer to the altar to present the rings to Candy and Roshi.
When the minister asked Roshi, if he would take Candy to be his wife, Roshi had shouted, "Oh, yeah!" And then he almost tripped in his excitement, but Candy caught him by his arm.
When Candy was asked, she blushed and merely said a shy yes, and then Goten lifted the velvet heart-shaped pillow to the couple, so that they could exchange rings. Roshi slid a lovely gold ring onto Candy's finger that held a half-carat diamond with two small emeralds on each side, and Candy put a simple gold band on his aged finger.
"Now if anyone here can give just cause as to why these two should not be wed, speak now or forever hold your peace."
Vegeta thought privately that the two deserved each other, and all the women, even Bulma, pitied Candy, but as long as Candy and Roshi were happy…that was the important thing. But surprisingly, no one said a word; no matter what their differences and idiosyncrasies were, Candy and Roshi were definitely suited for each other.
Candy and Roshi then passionately seized each other and kissed deeply and fervently, with Candy bending down towards Roshi. The minister nudged Roshi and whispered, "Sir, we're not quite at that part yet."
But nothing was going to stop this odd couple from showing their passion and love for one another, so the minister sighed happily and said, "I now pronounce you two husband and wife…"
The cookout had been set up buffet-style, with Chichi, Bulma (who had come to an armed truce with Candy in the past few months), Juuhachigou, and Lunch serving the guests hot dogs, hamburgers, kielbasas, Polish sausages, chicken, steaks, baked potatoes, chips and salads. Even Candy, the bride, was helping them out a bit; she had changed into a lovely sky-blue sundress with spaghetti straps, and her radiant face was the most beautiful part about her that day.
Vegeta and Goku were getting restless because they were in their tuxedos, and their wives had forbidden them to spar in their best clothes. The sparring restrictions did not inhibit Goten and Trunks however, and the two boys, forgetting their mothers' orders, began to wrestle and fight in the sand until their mothers came to break them up.
An hour or so later, both boys were standing next to the punch bowl, and the boys were greedily gulping down the orangeade champagne punch, even though they were supposed to only drink the various soft drinks that were residing in the coolers. But the punch was ever so much tangier and refreshing, and Trunks and Goten drank cup after cup. Goten even offered little Marron some, and soon Marron was joining the boys in emptying the punch bowl.
Meanwhile, a deejay was playing various tunes, from soft, classical music to loud rock tunes, as many of the adults danced upon the sand when they had finished eating some time later. Vegeta was even dancing, and he danced surprisingly well, dipping and holding Bulma perfectly. Vegeta used to refuse to dance, but when he realized that his refusal to dance meant that Bulma would do so with other men, he quickly learned a few Earth dances to keep his mate with him. There was no way that his mate would be allowed to dance so closely with other men, even if they were her friends and his comrades.
Goku's dancing resembled sparring, but with Chichi's help in the past, he could "dance" without stepping on her feet. Juuhachigou and Krillin were the best dancers of all, surpassed only by Candy and Roshi, who together could dance everything from the Macarena to tangos to waltzes. Yamucha and Chaoztu were dancing alone to the music, followed by Oolong, who was dancing with Puar, who was twirling and dipping in the air. Tien was dancing with Lunch, who was in her tamer form at this time.
But that wouldn't last for long. Oolong, almost as perverted as Roshi, decided to leave Puar and see whose dress he could peek under. While everyone was occupied, Oolong had transformed himself into a small gold mirror with wings, and he surreptitiously flew under Lunch's flowing pale blue dress. He got an enticing view of a pair of white, lacy bikini panties. He was so entranced with the view, trying to figure out how to swipe them without being killed, that he lost track of time, and before he knew it, his five minutes were almost up.
Unfortunately for him, a puff of sand blew in Lunch's direction-and Lunch sneezed, turning herself into her dangerous, blond alter ego. At the same time, Oolong unwittingly transformed back into his natural form, and when he was back in pig form, his face and snout were still under Lunch's dress.
"OOLONG!" Tien exclaimed angrily.
Oolong's eyes widened; from the murderous glare in the eyes of Tien's girlfriend, he knew he would be lucky, if she killed him quickly.
"You're dead, pig!" Lunch hissed, as she kicked him out from under her dress. Out of nowhere, she produced her machine gun. "I'm going to serve you up as part of the main course! Come here now, you pervert! Peek under my dress, will you?"
Oolong couldn't transform right away, so all he could do was run across the sand, as Lunch fired several rounds of ammunition towards him. Tien and some other Z warriors followed after her to try to prevent a murder, but Lunch in her transformed state was almost as fast as the Z warriors themselves. Lunch continued to shoot at Oolong, and when she ran out of bullets, she just whipped out another gun from nowhere and continued her assaults.
"Lunch, stop!" Tien cried, but even he knew that there was no reasoning with his girlfriend at this point.
While he and others were trying to save Oolong from Lunch's wrath, Vegeta was just standing in his spot, laughing openly at Oolong's peril; he never liked the pig to begin with, and he secretly admired Lunch when she was in this form. Bulma sighed heavily and stayed near Vegeta, knowing that there was nothing that she could do to save Oolong at this time. By now, Oolong had transformed into a bat, and he was flying to the roof to escape Lunch's wrath.
Meanwhile, two drunken little half-Saiyan boys had transformed into Super Saiyans and fused, so now the Z warriors had a besotted Gotenks to deal with, as well as an angry Lunch. Gotenks was dancing about wildly, devouring the remaining food on the table at a rate that not even Vegeta or Goku could match. Bulma and Chichi frantically rushed to stop Gotenks from devouring everything, and even Vegeta joined them. He wasn't about to allow Gotenks to hog all of the food.
Meanwhile, little Marron, fully intoxicated, had stripped down to her underwear, and she had decided that she was really a mermaid, so she ran straight into the ocean, and Juuhachigou took off after her. The swift android managed to catch up with her inebriated child before she could get any deeper into the water, and Marron kicked and struggled against her mother's strong grip.
"But, Mommeeeeeeeee, I'm a merrrrrr…maaaaaid! If I don't get back in the water, I'll dieeeeeeeeeeeeee!" Marron slurred.
"I need some black coffee for her now!" Juuhachigou ordered the other guests, as Marron continued to fight her mother and insist that her home was in the ocean.
Meanwhile, after close to thirty minutes, Tien had finally managed to capture Lunch, and he waved a feather under her nose; he always kept the feather, of a species that he knew that Lunch was allergic to, for occasions such as this. Lunch violently struggled in her boyfriend's arms, determined to get to Oolong, until she finally sneezed.
"AH-CHOO!"
And much to everyone's eternal relief, Lunch was back to her old self, the calmer, safer version. She looked up at Tien, puzzled. "Tien, why are you holding me so tight?"
A relieved Tien chuckled. "Because I want to keep you as close to me as possible!" His comrades fell over backwards, and Oolong almost tumbled off of the roof.
At this time, Chichi, Bulma, and Juuhachigou were forcing their drunken children to drink black coffee. By this time, Goten and Trunks had defused. "We haaaaaaate coffeeeeeee!" all three of them chimed in a slur. But their mothers forced the liquid into them anyway.
Candy sighed to Roshi, who had his arm wrapped around her waist. "Well, Roshi, I always said that I wanted the wedding and the reception to be memorable, and I certainly got my wish."
Roshi chuckled.
Umigame, who was with them, said wisely, "Always be careful for what you wish for, because it just might come true!"
Roshi chuckled again. "I certainly learned that lesson!" And in his old eyes, the lesson had been worth all the while.
Bulma had given the couple a sky car for their wedding present, and Roshi and Candy were preparing to go to their weeklong honeymoon in Hawaii. Roshi helped Candy into the white sky car with leather interior, and he closed the door. Roshi climbed in beside her on the driver side.
Before Trunks, Goten, and Marron had become intoxicated, they had attached an old white sheet (pilfered from Chichi's linen closet) that said in big, red letters, "JUSST MARYIED" (yes, that's exactly how they spelled that phrase). They also taped strings that held tin cans to the back bumper, along with some of Goten's balloons, which read, "HAPPY BIRTHDAY". The children would not get to see Candy and Roshi off, however, for their mothers had put them to bed in the guest room, which had been Candy's old room.
"Goodbye, everyone!" Candy called out to her friends and guests.
"So long, everyone!" Roshi shouted from his seat.
"Enjoy your honeymoon!" Umigame told them.
"They already did, long before the ceremony," Oolong quipped. "Why do you think Candy's knocked up right now?"
Juuhachigou rewarded him with a cuff to his head.
"Thanks, Juuhachi!" Roshi told her.
"That was uncalled for," Oolong grumbled, as he rubbed his sore head.
Everyone waved farewell. "Bye Candy! Bye Roshi!" many of them called. "Have fun!"
Roshi settling down was not normal, but then the Z fighters and their friends didn't know the meaning of the word. And Roshi was happy with his Candy; that was the important thing.
"Bye-bye!" Roshi and Candy called, as their car pulled off into the sky. They continued to shout and call out to their guests until their car was a white dot in the twilight.
THE END