Oh wow, it's FINALLY typed. I wrote this like... a month ago.

Warnings: SasoDei, paraphilia(sort of), lots of swearing, OOC, mentions of possible sex, weirdness. I think that's it.

When Sasori was a child he, like many of the other children in Suna, would dream of his future spouse. In fact, after his parents died these fantasies became somewhat of a refuge for him.

He decided that she would be blonde, with blue eyes. Her hair would be long, and she would be beautiful. She wouldn't have to work for it though; all of her beauty would be natural. She would also be strong, and intelligent, and, if he could help it, an artist.

Yes, Sasori had her all planned out.

When he was younger he made a little doll of her, being very careful about the shade of her hair and delicately painted blue eyes.

Then years later, after he had left Suna and had become a puppet himself, he made another model of her, this one life-sized. He didn't use a body as the base, no, using another woman's body would be disrespectful. Instead he carefully made her her own body, ignoring little imperfections, such as her rather flat chest.

He carefully styled her hair; finally that fringe in front of one eye was the right look for her. Then he clothed her in an old Akatsuki robe and inspected his work.

She was beautiful. There was only one problem.

He could not think of her name.

For some reason every name he thought of was either too girly or too boyish, too flashy or too dull. Nothing fit.

So Sasori decided that she didn't need a name, not yet. So instead he called her by little affectionate terms, like "My Dear" or "My Love." "My Love" was his favorite.

"How have you been My Love?" he would say when he got back from a mission.

"May I bush your hair My Love?" he would ask before fixing her hair.

My love, my love, love love love. He loved her. He loved her with every fiber of his hollow puppet body. He focused every bit of his remaining emotion onto his puppet-wife.

He had given up on finding a living person to love years ago.

So he loved her, and she loved him, or at least that's what he told himself.

They would hold hands, they would kiss each other, they would lie in bed together. She was Sasori's everything, and they lived together "happily" for many years.

Until he came along.

He had been brought to the Akatsuki base at 14 years of age, just a boy, a brat.

"Sasori," Pein had announced. "This is Deidara. He'll be your new partner."

Sasori was shocked. The boy's blond hair and bright blue eyes almost blinded him. He was… her. He even kept his hair like her, a fringe in front. (Sasori later learned that this was due to the defectiveness of the boy's eye, but that was not the point.)

Sasori did not move when Deidara thrust out his peculiar hand to shake Sasori's.

"Nice to meet ya' un!" the boy chirped. When Sasori did not respond Deidara blinked and turned to Pein. "Is this really my partner? This… old man un?"

Sasori growled, even though he supposed he did look quite old inside of Hiruko.

"Shut your mouth brat!" he had snapped, and Deidara had, temporarily.

But not for long. The boy could talk, and talk and talk, about anything, the weather, his shoes, his pitiful excuse for art, anything. For hours too; often on missions the boy could talk all the way going to a destination, and all the way back. Sometimes Sasori would tell him to shut up, others he would just ignore him.

Yes, Deidara was noisy, but he was also strong, and he was intelligent and, well, he thought he was an artist.

It bothered Sasori. It bothered him because his Love was meek and quiet and, and, a puppet. She wasn't alive. And Deidara was.

But neither am I. Sasori told himself. I'm also a puppet. An empty soulless puppet, like her. We go together. And Deidara's alive.

That's what Sasori told himself. But still sometimes he wished that he could be alive. Of course he forced those thoughts out of his head.

He also made sure that Deidara never knew any of this. He liked it that way.

So they went on for quite a while, Sasori not thinking about it and Deidara not knowing it.

Then came the climax of the story.

Deidara, 16 now, had dragged Sasori out of Hiruko and down to a bar one night after a mission. (Deidara was not yet old enough to drink, but that hardly mattered.)

After a few drinks the blond was getting noticeably tipsy, while Sasori was not at all fazed from the sips he had taken from his drink. It wasn't like he could get drunk anyway.

"Hey Sasori un!" the blond boy cheered, grinning at Sasori in an obnoxious way. "She's pretty hot ain't she Sasori-san? Don't you think she's hot un?"

Sasori looked in the direction that Deidara was pointing and saw a woman with long black hair and large breasts.

Sasori shrugged dismissively. This wasn't the first time Deidara had pointed out an attractive girl.

"Whatever, she's alright." Truthfully Sasori preferred blondes, but he wasn't about to tell Deidara that.

Deidara swayed drunkenly, peering at Sasori.

"Ya' know Sasori-san, you never look at girls un." The boy rested his head on his hand, grinning at Sasori. "Are you into guys un? Or maybe, cause you're, like, a puppet or something you just like puppets un." The grin widened.

"So tell me Sasori-san, do you fuck puppets un?" (1)

Sasori's eyes widened for a fraction of a second, his mind flying back to kissing his Love, his Love that looked so much like Deidara. Then he did the only logical thing.

He slapped Deidara. Then he promptly left the bar and went back to the hotel room.

On the way back to the base Deidara didn't talk. He just walked behind Sasori, head down. Well actually he did try to talk, just a little bit. Twice, to be exact.

"Sasori-san?"

Sasori ignored him.

Then again, a little while later. "Sasori-san?"

This time Sasori's eyes flicked over at Deidara for a bit. The brat had a red mark on his cheek where Sasori had slapped him.

Sasori forced his eyes forward. The rest of the trip was spent in silence.

Once back at the base Sasori avoided both Deidara, and his own room. He didn't want to have to talk to Deidara, and he didn't want to be reminded of Deidara.

Since when does she remind me of him? Shouldn't it be that he reminds me of her?

"Oh, Sasori." Sasori looked up, surprised to suddenly have Itachi speaking to him.

Itachi continued. "There you are. I just saw Deidara; he's going up to your room to look for you. He said something about apologizing."

Sasori's eyes widened. "Fuck."

He ran up to his room, throwing his door open. "Deidara!"

It was too late. Deidara was standing in Sasori's dark room, staring wide-eyed at the replica of himself.

Sasori stood stock still as Deidara slowly turned around, eyes still wide.

The blond spoke.

"It's… me un. That-that puppet it's-!"

"It's not you!" Sasori quickly interrupted.

"Yes it is un!" Deidara's speech was quickening. "It's got a face like me and eyes like me and fuck it's even got even got hair like me-!"

"I made that puppet years ago, after I had first joined the Akatsuki and before I had ever met you; I have no earthly idea why you two are so alike. She…" Sasori swallowed. "She's… my wife."

Deidara's facial expression didn't change. "Your wife un."

Sasori nodded. "Yes, my wife."

Deidara's head turned mechanically to the puppet, then back to Sasori. "Do you love her un?"

Sasori swallowed again. This question used to be easier.

"Yes… I do."

"Oh."

Nothing happened for a minute.

Then Deidara punched Sasori in the face.

(Sasori wasn't human so his face was fairly hard, and the punch no doubt hurt Deidara far more then it even had a chance of hurting Sasori, but that didn't matter at this point.)

As Sasori hit the ground, Deidara started yelling.

"I can't fucking believe it you fucking BASTARD UN! I just can't fucking believe it un!"

"Deidara you're cry-"

"I can't believe I lost out to a fucking PUPPET!!"

With that Deidara stormed out of the room, wiping his eyes.

Sasori stayed on the ground, Deidara's words running through his head.

"…lost out to a fucking PUPPET!!"

Lost out…Could that mean…

"…Do you fuck puppets un?"

His face when he said that…

Sasori's eyes widened.

Don't tell me that was the brat's drunk demented way of flirting with me!

Sasori got up and went to look for Deidara. Not that the brat was hard to find. He really just had to follow the sounds of explosions and falling trees.

If a tree falls in the forest…

Soon enough Deidara was located, and as a surprise to no one he was throwing bombs at trees.

"Deidara!" Sasori yelled over the noise. Deidara didn't respond, but Sasori was fairly certain that the blond had heard him, considering that he started throwing the bombs harder.

Sasori watched Deidara pelt a particularly sturdy tree with small bombs, unsure of what else to do. When the tree absolutely refused to fall and Deidara ran out of clay the blond immediately whirled around and started yelling at Sasori.

"You! You-you bastard un!"

Sasori didn't respond.

"I can't believe you're actually 'married' to a puppet un! It's sick!"

Sasori didn't respond.

"And it fucking looks like me un! This whole time you've been with some stupid puppet that looks like me un! It's disgusting!"

No response.

"You're such a bastard! Fucking pervert! I mean, it's a puppet! A fucking puppet! What could a fucking puppet have that I don't-…?"

Deidara's voice cracked and he fell to his knees.

Sasori slowly walked over to the shaking boy and crouched down, trying to look Deidara in the eye, but the blond refused to look up. After a few moments of silence Sasori spoke up.

"Deidara… Don't cry."

"I'm not crying bastard!"

Sasori smirked slightly; the brat was a bad liar.

There was more silence.

Then: "Why were you always asking me about girls and whatnot?"

Deidara shrugged, still not looking up. "I don't know I just… Gods I don't know, you never seemed to look at girls so I thought maybe…" Deidara buried his head in his hands. "I thought that you maybe you might-might like…" He choked back a sob and wiped his eyes. "Gods I'm such a fucking… bitch un!"

Sasori chuckled as he reached out and stroked Deidara's hair. Deidara froze and looked up.

"What are you doing un?"

"I'm stroking your hair."

"…Yeah, that's what I thought un."

Deidara looked slightly nervous; he was obviously not used to any signs of affection from Sasori. Sasori on the other hand, ignored Deidara's obvious confusion and started talking.

"You know when I was a child, after my parent's died, I made up what my future wife would look like. It was…silly. I wanted someone to share my love with, so I made her up. I told myself that one day I would meet her, and we would fall in love and be happy."

Sasori frowned. "But things changed. I became a criminal, I joined the Akatsuki, I'm a puppet Deidara. No one in their right mind would love me. That's why I made that puppet. Do you understand?

Deidara choked a little on a sob. "I love you."

Sasori shook his head. A voice inside of his head was screaming at him to shut up, but he pushed it back like he had so many times before.

"No you don't Deidara. You're 16 and hormonal, it's not love."

"Yes I do, yes I do!" cried Deidara. "I do love you un! And believe me, I know how you feel, I know it feels when your parent's die, I now what it feels like to believe that no one can love you un! But I love you un!" Deidara grabbed on to Sasori's shoulders and looked the puppet straight in the eyes, and suddenly Sasori truly believed he had never before seen such a beautiful creature.

The blond continued. "I love you un! I love you so much it hurt's; I love you so much I want to die! I love you so much un… And I know it's immature, and it's greedy, but goddammit I want you love me too un! I'd do anything for you Sasori Danna! I'd-I'd-," Deidara took a breath. "I'd even be your stupid lifeless puppet bride!"

Sasori blinked.

Then he kissed Deidara.

It had been quite a while since Sasori had kissed an actual person, but he quickly got used to it and, most likely, addicted to it. He eventually broke the kiss, figuring that Deidara had to breathe sometime.

"I don't want you to be my stupid lifeless puppet bride." Sasori breathed to the blond. "I want you to be you. I want you to be alive." The redhead leaned his head forward so his forehead brushed against Deidara's. "I think I love you… Dei-chan."

Deidara stared at Sasori. "Really? You mean it un? You're not just fucking around?"

Sasori chuckled. "No I'm not. Not yet at least." (2)

Deidara blushed. "Sasori no Danna…"

The puppet raised an eyebrow. "'Danna?' Where did that come from?" He had to suppress his laughter as he said it; he was obviously very amused by Deidara calling him "master."

Deidara blushed harder, suddenly feeling very self-conscience. "I-I don't know it just seemed to fit un! It's not that weird un! I mean, you called me 'Dei-chan!" The blond sputtered defensively.

Sasori chuckled again. "That's right I did."

Then he leaned forward and kissed Deidara again, this time more passionately. Deidara responded readily, pressing up against the older man and opening his mouth, giving Sasori permission to deepen the kiss. Sasori immediately did, and their tongues intertwined fervently. By the time the kiss broke Deidara found himself flat on his back, with Sasori on top of him.

"You're a good kisser," panted Deidara.

Sasori smirked. "So are you. Now we should probably be getting back soon, before someone comes to investigate the sound from your bombs.

Deidara nodded and reluctantly sat up. "One second un. I need to do something; turn around un."

Sasori raised an eyebrow, but turned around, waiting. Then after a bit: "Done un!"

Sasori turned around and had to suppress another laugh. (What was it about the blond brat made Sasori show so much emotion?)

The boy had fixed his hair so it was in a sort of high half ponytail.

"Deidara what-?"

"Well I didn't want to look just like your 'wife' un!" snapped Deidara, blushing slightly. "What do you think un?"

Sasori reached out and patted Deidara's head. "It's… cute. Now come on brat."

"Don't call me that un!"

"Why not? You are one."

"Bastard!"

"I love you."

"Don't think that saying that will just automatically make me not mad un!"

"I love you."

"I love you too un. Bastard."

END.

(1) This is my new pick-up line.

(2) I was reading this to a friend, and she said this. So, that line is credited to Ma-chan.

So, um, I won't be able to update a lot of my fics, unless I go behind my wifey's back. You see, she owns my soul, and she commanded me to right 4 stories. I've got 2 done (A lemon het which will not be posted here and a crack het that will be.) and I have 2 to go. (A yaoi with our original characters and a Tom Sawyer x Huck Finn fanfic.)

BUT, I'm thinking of righting a second part of this, if you'd like me to. (Keep in mind that the second chapter will definatly have lemon.)

So, um, Review please. Don't flame, but constructive criticism is fine.