Disclaimer; I own very little and absolutely nothing relating to any of the characters from CSI:NY.

Although this is a D/L fic, it also touches on the D/F friendship. This first chapter brings to light some tensions between Lindsay and Flack so it's mostly them for now, focusing on each of their relationships with Danny.

"Can we trace his cell?"

Lindsay stopped suddenly at the urgent tone in Don Flack's voice. She turned slightly to peer through the open door of Stella Bonasera's office, watching as Stella typed frantically into her computer.

"What the hell is he doing this time?" Flack asked of no-one in particular.

"This time?" Stella asked sharply, her gaze scrutinizing the young detective.

"Um . . , nothing. Don't worry about it Stel," Don said quickly. "Ya got anything yet?" he asked, nodding towards her screen.

Lindsay hovered, knowing that whatever was going on had nothing to do with her, telling herself she should be on her way, that she should just go home as she'd been planning. But something compelled her to stay, out of sight, listening to the intense conversation. That something was Danny Messer. She knew that whatever was going on it was about him.

Danny hadn't turned up for his shift that was supposed to start three hours before. Of course, it wasn't the first time that had happened in the past few weeks. Everyone had thought he was over the worst of his grief but over the course of recent days he'd become increasingly distant, still doing his job but that was it. Lindsay knew she was partly responsible, so she waited.

"Got it," Stella said quickly, "He's at the cemetery."

"Shit!" Don said, as realisation dawned on him, "Louie."

"Louie?"

"Yeah, Danny mentioned a few weeks ago that the anniversary of Louie's death was coming up. That must be today."

"Oh," Stella said simply.

"Shit, why didn't I see this coming?"

"See what coming?" Lindsay asked, finally stepping out of the shadows and into sight.

"Lindsay, how long have you been standing there?" Stella asked.

"Long enough," the younger woman replied, "What's going on with Danny?"

"That's what we're trying to find out," Flack replied shortly.

He turned his attention to Stella. "I'll get over there."

As he turned to walk out of the office he was halted by Lindsay's hand on his arm. "I'm coming with you."

"I don't think that's such a good idea."

"Why not?"

Flack looked at her as though she was an idiot. "Oh I don't know Linds," he said sarcastically, "maybe because he's been trying to talk to you for weeks, maybe because yet again you shut him out, wouldn't talk to him."

"I shut him out?"

"What? You're denying it? Nice one Monroe," he said before once again moving towards the door.

"What the hell is your problem?" Lindsay asked, "maybe if he's been trying to talk to me then I might actually be able to help him, maybe . . . . ."

"No," Don said simply, stopping only at the sound of Stella's voice.

"She's got a point Don," Stella said simply, watching intently as Don Flack let out a frustrated breath, his gaze going from one woman to the other.

Eventually, on a deep sigh he spoke. "Well what are you waiting for Monroe," he said curtly before finally making his way out of the office.

Lindsay followed on his heel, the atmosphere between the two of them tense. Stella watched them leave, hoping to god that between them they'd be able to stop bickering long enough to actually help Danny.

888888

"When we get there I want you to stay in the car," Don said as they drove in the direction of the cemetery.

"No," Lindsay said simply.

"Damnit Lindsay, this really isn't helping," he spat, "I know you probably feel guilty but I want to make sure he's okay seeing you, we don't know what sort of state he'll be in and . . . ."

"You think I should feel guilty?" Lindsay asked, her tone failing to hide her hurt.

"Don't you?" Don asked, his gaze resting on her briefly.

"I'm not sure to tell you the truth," she said honestly, "he hurt me."

"Yeah, I get that," Don said, his tone shifting to one of partial sympathy, "it's tough when someone you care about pushes you away when they're having a tough time. But it's also understandable; you should know that more than anyone."

"Because I did it to him?" she asked.

Don just shrugged. Lindsay sighed.

"I know I hurt him last year Don, I know I shouldn't have done that, but it was the only way I could deal with this."

"And he understood that, he waited for you. Why couldn't you understand him?"

"I . . . I tried," she whispered, tears clogging her throat, "I really did, but. . . . ."

"But what?"

"It's complicated."

"With you it generally is," he snorted.

"It's not about me," Lindsay said defensively.

"Of course it's about you," he replied, "I know Lindsay, I have eyes, I've seen how not talking to you these past few weeks has affected him."

"He's talked to you?" she asked.

"Yeah," he sighed, "Only once though, when he was so drunk he could barely stand up. Told me how he'd been trying to talk to you but you wouldn't listen to him."

"Did he tell you anything else?" she asked.

"Like what?"

"It doesn't matter," she shrugged.

"Tell me," he insisted, "If we're going to stand any chance of helping him you have to let me know what we're dealing with here Linds," he said, his tone softening as he pulled into the cemetery parking lot, cutting the engine and turning to look at her face on.

"He . . . ., I. . . .," she couldn't keep the tears from her eyes, attempting to blink them away, she focused on the scene in front of her, "He slept with Rikki Sandoval."

"He what?" Don asked, shocked, "No, . . . ., he wouldn't do that," he insisted, looking at her in amazement, "he told you this?"

"He didn't have to," she said simply.

"But, how do you. . . . .?"

"I just know Don," Lindsay insisted, "I just know."

He watched her for a moment before turning away, running over in his mind the last time he'd gone looking for Danny. He remembered the way Danny and Rikki had clung to each other, he remembered Danny's discomfort when he'd tried to talk to him about Lindsay. Suddenly it all became clear, maybe Lindsay was right.

"I'm sorry," he said softly, turning back towards her.

"It's okay," she said with a broken smile, "not your fault."

"No," he replied, "but I've been giving you a hard time and I shouldn't have," he sighed before rushing in quickly, "I'm not saying I think you're right because I don't know, but I do know that he was spending a lot of time with her and that must've been hard for you, particularly if you were thinking along those lines."

"I didn't want to believe it," she said quietly, "I got that he needed to spend time with her, she didn't have any family close by and he felt so guilty. Then the day of Stella's fire I called him up and asked him to lunch, he couldn't get rid of me quick enough, coming up with every excuse in the book. He couldn't look me in the eye when he came into work and I just knew."

"I'm sorry," Don said, reaching over and grasping her hand gently.

It was only then that Lindsay noticed the tears streaming down her face. She sniffed, quickly wiping the moisture from her cheeks with the back of her hand.

"I'm okay," she insisted, "we have to help him."

"You're sure?" he asked.

"I'm sure," she said, "whatever he did he's hurting and I care about him. We need to move on from this one way or another and the only way we can do that is to talk. I'm the reason he's here Don. Okay, not the only one. There's Louie, Aiden, Ruben. But if I'd talked to him all those weeks ago like he wanted maybe he wouldn't be acting like this now. Whatever he did there's a part of me that understands it. I hate it but I understand."

Don nodded briefly before stepping out of the car and waiting for her to collect herself before joining him.

8888888

Don frowned in confusion when they reached Louie's grave. There were fresh flowers resting against the headstone but Danny was nowhere in sight.

"Damnit," he cursed as he realised they'd missed him.

He turned to Lindsay but saw her gaze fixed firmly in the distance. He followed her line of sight and breathed a sigh of relief at the figure hunched over the relatively fresh plot in the far corner of the cemetery.

"Ruben," he said simply.

Lindsay nodded sadly before following him as they made their way towards their friend. That's the only way Lindsay could view him right now. He was her friend, no more, no less. Anything else just hurt to much to remember and she knew now was a time for Danny's pain not hers. She had to find a way to push her own hurt aside.

"Don," she said suddenly as they neared their destination.

He stopped and turned towards her. "Please . . . . would you let me . . . ?"

He hesitated at the expression on her face, part pleading, part terrified. But he understood her unspoken question perfectly. He nodded and stepped back.

"I'll go back that way," he said, nodding in the direction of the car, "I'll wait for a while. Call if you need to, or if you need a lift back."

Lindsay nodded, never taking her eyes from Danny's hunched and defeated figure.

"Lindsay."

Her eyes snapped forward as she felt Don's hand on her arm.

"It's okay," she insisted, "we'll be okay."

"Good," he said with bravado he didn't feel, "You know where I am."

"Thank you."

With that, Don Flack walked away, entrusting the welfare of his best friend to the woman who had apparently been betrayed by him. While he questioned the wisdom of his actions, deep down he knew he was doing the right thing, giving Danny the best chance for recovery even if things didn't work out the way he wanted.

He stopped near the car and watched as Lindsay approached Ruben Sandoval's grave.

888888

"I'm sorry buddy," Danny whispered hoarsely, "I would do anything to have taken that bullet for you, I'm so sorry."

Lindsay hesitated. A part of her wanting to reach for him, another part wanting to turn and run in the opposite direction. She felt like an intruder, listening to a conversation she shouldn't be privy to. Her body stiffened at his next words.

"Your mom's doing okay," he whispered, "She moved out west, she was too sad to stay here without you. She won't be able to visit much anymore but she said she doesn't need to, that you're with her every day wherever she is."

Lindsay felt her breath hitch in her throat as tears once again stung her eyes. She couldn't listen to anymore, she couldn't listen to Danny talking about Rikki.

"Danny."

His head snapped up and for the first time their eyes locked, his in shock and hers in pain and sympathy.

"What . . . ? How?"

His words were choked, his eyes red from hours of shedding tears for those he'd lost.

"I'm sorry," he whispered harshly, his eyes filling with fresh tears. "Oh god I'm so sorry Linds," he added, his frame sagging even further into the ground if that was possible.

"It's okay," she said softly, crouching down beside him, her hand reaching to rest against his shoulder.

"No," he said, shrugging away from his touch, "you need to go. You can't be here. You're right not wanting to talk to me, all I do is cause pain, all I do is hurt the people I care about. I can't hurt you anymore. I don't want to."

His words came out in a rush of guilt and grief.

"It's okay Danny," she whispered, moving closer to him.

"No it's not," he insisted, his words coming out on broken sobs, "you don't even know what I've done."

Ignoring the damp earth beneath her she knelt and moved closer to him, ignoring his attempts to back away from her. Her arms wound around his stiff shoulders, her touch firm and insistent. She felt warmth flood through her body at being so close to him for the first time in weeks. She felt panic grip her as she was reminded just how much she loved him. It was all very well coming to him as a friend, but she knew she couldn't cut off from the part of her who still saw him as her lover. She sighed heavily as she tugged his body against her. Reluctantly he let her embrace him, his body still stiff and resistant.

"It's okay," she repeated, "I know."

He broke then. The final weight sitting heavily on his tortured soul. The realisation that she really did know just how much he'd betrayed her dragging him down into a pit of despair as he sobbed uncontrollably against her.

"I'm sorry," he repeated over and over.

888888

Don Flack turned towards his car, the sight before him heartbreakingly reassuring as he realised that whatever happened Lindsay would watch over Danny, at least for tonight. She may well walk away again by daylight but if that happened then he'd help Danny deal with that when the time came.