Espada Diaries
-Ten Espada, Two Former Espada, Three Leader-Type people, fifteen diaries, and my boredom. Can't be a good mix. Rated T for strong language and hints of yaoi-
Chapter One
The First Espada
Stark
A/N- Haha. I got really bored at about three in the morning this is the result... Enjoy my retarted humor.
-XxXxX-
June 17th
Szayel Aporro Grantz is so damn gay.
But on no, he absolutely CAN NOT be Ulquiorra gay with private perverted fantasies and a secret stash of male porn. He's all-out 'LOOK AT ME I'M A FLAMBOYANT, PINK-HAIRED EXPLOSION OF SPONTANEOUS EVIL GAYNESS!'
Unfortunately, that stupid fruity fuck just HAD to spread his gayness. He's given us these stupid diaries in assorted neon colors. How Aizen saw any kind of amusement in this, I do not know.
While I'm not sleeping or being pushed around by our-oh-so-fucked-up-master Aizen I may as well take out my frustrations on this thing. Namely, writing about why Hueco Mundo, Aizen and co., and all the other Espada are such fuckwads.
Ok so...
Barragan- Ultimately a fucked-over crabby old geezer. Hopefully he'll just crawl off and die somewhere...seeing as I'm too lazy to kill him myself.
Halibel- The center of all un-gay Espada attention since she's the only adult female. Too stingy and serious through. Barely ever talks.
Ulquiorra- Who shoved the pole up this emo fuck's ass and how far did they shove it up? Overly quiet, cold, emo bastard and also Grimmjow's fuck toy. Enough said.
Nnoitra- Spoon-collared freak. Has made multiple attempts to get in Halibel's pants. Needless to say, they all were epic failures. Has the weird habit of flashing the tattoo on his tongue. Weird shit.
Grimmjow- Quite plainly a psychotic bastard. Has the habit of tearing up furniture and people. Proudly wears the pants in his relationship with the emo fuckwad Espada.
Luppi- One word. TRANSVESTITE.
Nel Tu- Annoying and bothersome little kid. I can't believe she actually used to be the third Espada. Has a habit of stalking Aizen and asking for 'Itsygo'
Aaroniero- Freaky shit. I'm pretty sure he was once an innocent test tube in Szayel's lab...How does someone with a head like that BREATHE?
Szayel- Gayest of all gay. I'm pretty sure he died his hair pink. Quite possibly plays with barbies. The moment he enters the room, the gay level in the air multiplies faster than the bacteria he keeps as a pet.
Yammy- Just plain strange. Overly tall and clearly not human. Possibly could have once been a failed experiment of Szayel's that crawled up from the evil lab of doom and mutated.
Zomarri- Never really talked to the guy much. Seems to be at least semi-sane compared to all the others. Although how quiet he is sorta freaks me out. I wonder what he thinks about all day...?
Aizen- Odd man. Quite possible in love with a teddy bear that he keeps hidden in his room. Known for being a traitor and tea-o-holic.
Tousen- OBSESSED with his little 'justice' theory. He's EVIL and thinks he's doing GOOD? Obviously had very twisted views on the boundary between good and evil.
Gin- Very freaky. Always smiling for some reason. -coughLUPPIcough- Has a secret and passionate love for pink frilly things and possibly wears special pink polka-dotted undies. So painfully obviously tops Luppi. Honestly, they are so loud sometimes, I can't see how they intend on keeping it secret with them both screaming their love for one another every night.
All fucktards. Every one of them. And I have to put up with them EVERY SINGLE DAY. Just thinking about it gives me a huge headache.
Urgh...damn. I thought about it.
Here's hoping Szayel's operation 'Gay-ify all Arrancar' fails miserably at the hands of someone who will completely humiliate him.
Maybe Luppi... or Nnoitra
Meh. I don't care just as long as I don't have to take any action.
Going to bed now. Since I have nothing better to do.
-Stark-
-XxXxX-
A/N- Not too bad for me... but too short for my liking. Halibel's at least will be longer.
I think.
Anyhow, feed me reviews please.
Thank you to readers and to the three cans of coke plus the fuzzy peaches I had before writing this...
-Sora-chan