A/N: This takes place after 'Like Water for Murder' but, for this story, the events of 'Personal Foul' have never happened. Huge thanks to A.Boleyn for her wonderful beta help. Thanks for reading!

Stumbling into his apartment, Danny and Lindsay look at each other and laugh. Her smile is a little too wide and her voice a little too loud, but both remind Danny of what it was like to love her – and to be loved.

Later, she moans when he's inside her, and rakes her nails down his back. He grips her hips and tries to make her give him that piece of her that she's holding back from him. Her lips press against his neck, but her kisses feel empty and not real.

Danny knows Lindsay doesn't want him like he wants her. For now, it's enough for him to pretend.

His hands tangle in her hair as he whispers "I love you." Over and over, like the words are meant to permanently imprint her skin. But she doesn't hear him.

He aches for her. He feels like he can read her mind, know what she's feeling. But it doesn't matter now because she looks right through him when he passes her in the lab the next day.

Rikki walks by him and says, "Maybe one day you'll have more. You'll have as much as you used to."

Danny has had this same exact dream for the past nine days and he thinks it might drive him insane. It always ends in the same way with Rikki's words ominously echoing until he wakes up with a speeding heart beat, covered in a cold sweat. Sometimes he's able to fall back to sleep but tonight his mind remains restless, trying to analyze his nightmare. He's afraid Rikki will haunt him - in and out of his dreams - for the rest of his life. He's terrified of never getting back as much as he used to have with Lindsay.

--

Without a word Lindsay pulls Danny against her. The sudden contact with his bare chest after so long almost shocks her, rendering her unable to move. Her eyes hold his as his hands quickly move to her waist. Even then she doesn't move. Not until she feels his hands under her shirt does she stagger backwards, dragging him with her.

Together they stumble blindly and fall across the bed, where caressing becomes a wrestling match with no rules. Danny's lips move against her skin, kissing, flicking, nibbling and pecking his way over her body. Their eyes meet and Lindsay presses her hand against his cheek, delighting in the sandpapery texture against her palm.

They roll over and Rikki appears on the other side of them, smiling.

Lindsay jumps off the bed and when Danny looks at her, Lindsay's face is set and tense. Her fists reflexively clench at her sides.

"This was a mistake," she says before leaving the room. 

Danny follows but can't seem to catch up with her in the maze her hallway has suddenly become. Hours later he finds her.

"Just for the record, I don't know what happened in there," he says.

"Just for the record, I do. You chose her over me and now you have to live with it.'"

Danny flinches. "You're not going to be able to get me to leave."

"What will?"

"Talk to me."

Lindsay is startled awake by her most recent dream about Danny, breathless and jumpy. Surprisingly, Rikki had never invaded her subconscious world before and this recent development, especially Rikki's mocking smirk, disturbs Lindsay. Usually it was only her and Danny in her dreams, hanging out in his apartment. Or walking side-by-side at Coney Island. Or huddled together in the lab. All of those dreams were vivid because at one time they were real. But Lindsay shrugs off her dreams because none if it is real anymore.

--

Danny is reminded of his dream as he processes hundreds of pieces of bloodstained mulch across from Lindsay, who is ignoring him in much the same way as his dream plays out. He wonders what Lindsay sees when she looks at him. Danny Messer – a hot headed, reckless fuckup. Danny has thought that of himself more than once ever since he slept with Rikki. But he misses Lindsay like crazy, no matter how little she thinks of him.

Danny actually longs for an assault from Lindsay, some kind of rage. Rage means passion, it means she still cares. But instead she avoids him. Danny remembers how intently he studied her face when he told her about Rikki, trying to measure Lindsay's reaction and how much damage he'd done. He remembered the quiet gasp that escaped from her lips as if his words had landed a punch. Her mouth slightly quivered before she quickly clenched her jaw. From that point on she was eerily calm and stoic as if the words she'd absorbed turned into an invisible hard shell within her. A knot formed in his stomach at that moment and had morphed into a permanent heavy lump of dread ever since. He didn't get rage then and he doubts if he'll ever see passion from her again. But he'll be damned if he ever stops searching for it.

"Danny, take a look at this." Lindsay walks around the table and points out a fingerprint on a piece of mulch, interrupting his thoughts. Mac had assigned them the tedious task of examining every piece of mulch from a landscaping warehouse where their latest vic had been found but this was the first piece to yield any evidence. Her hand brushes against his as she passes him the wood chip, and he knows it's by accident. She would never touch him so intimately, as casual as it was. Not now. Not since Rikki. He takes the piece of wood but keeps his eyes on Lindsay.

"I wish we could spend time together," he blurts out of the blue, unable to hide the sadness in his voice despite his efforts at sounding casual – like a friend instead of a deceitful ex-boyfriend. Danny's words hang uncomfortably in the air.

Lindsay is confused and conflicted over the feelings Danny stirs within her, and attempts to remain steadfast in her avoidance of discussing their relationship. She sidesteps Danny every chance she gets – his suggestion to rent a movie, or efforts to talk to her. What is most disconcerting to Lindsay is that, despite the fact that Danny cheated on her, their bond was never broken. Deep down, no matter what happens, they will always be connected and she can't deny she finds his efforts at reestablishing their bond as heartwarming.

Part of her thinks that maybe she should give in and simply watch a movie with him or hear what he has to say. But she's not ready to go there. Not yet. Every time she almost relents, images of Danny and Rikki flash through her mind. She imagines them casually flirting or tangled together in bed. She can't seem to let go of the hurt and sometimes when she thinks she's healing she only has to imagine Danny with Rikki and the pain settles back in the pit of her stomach. Why was it so easy for Danny to turn to Rikki? Be intimate with her? The stolen looks, the special touches, and seemingly uncharacteristic tenderness that she was so sure was reserved only for her were now tainted, shared with someone else. A random next door neighbor. Was Lindsay that easy to replace? Did Rikki's name fall from his lips in the same way hers did? Did he rub her back like he always did to her? She wonders if they did it on his pool table. Their spot.

Lindsay feels her throat constricting. But she won't cry. No, she stopped crying a long time ago. She feels strong now, determined to move on. Besides, it's her own fault for ever allowing herself to think that she held a special place in Danny's heart. She had believed that after he showed up in Montana but she sees now that she'd always been more invested in their relationship than Danny. Lindsay shakes the thoughts from her head and continues processing her evidence. Avoidance is something that has worked well for her in the past and she falls back on that tried and true method again.

"Not here, Danny. Not now."

"Then when?"

"I don't know." She can't hide the irritation in her voice, frustration at Danny's persistence.

"Alright, fine." Danny once again gives up, careful not to push too far, but he is determined to make things right between him and Lindsay. So, he'll wait and be patient until the time is right and Lindsay is ready.

But twenty minutes later, only halfway through their mountain of mulch, Danny gets restless and feels the need to talk to Lindsay again. It was only a few months ago that they would have been joking with each other, teasing each other, comfortable with each other and the time flying by. But he destroyed all that and desperately tries to hang on to the small shreds of what they have left between them.

"Bet I can process more mulch than you."

Lindsay smirks at Danny's trademark cockiness, grateful that he's keeping their conversation about work this time. "In your dreams."

"You care to put money where your mouth is?"

"Twenty bucks and you're on."

"I have a better idea. If you process more than me then I give you twenty dollars. If I process more, then you have to meet me tonight at Cozy's."

Lindsay's eyes jump up from her microscope to meet his. "Danny…"

"Just a friendly wager. That's it."

Maybe it was the hopeful look in his eyes or her defenses starting to weaken but Lindsay can't decline his offer. "The most wood chips in the next hour? Sure."

Danny offers his hand and as they shake on it, their eyes lock. Her heart skips a beat and Lindsay pulls away from him as if she touched a live wire. Making her way across the room, Lindsay hopes she wins this simple wager that is far more complicated than it seems.

--

Lindsay immediately spots Danny among the crowd at Cozy's, his back to her. He's wearing jeans and a blue button down shirt. A typical outfit, nothing that would stand out, but Lindsay knows the shape of him like the back of her hand. After spending hours tracing patterns, kissing and running her hands along his body, there's very few things she knows better.

"Hey," she says as she cautiously slides onto the stool next to him at a table in the corner.

"Hey. I ordered you a glass of wine."

"Thanks."

They are both quiet, the silence not awkward but not quite comfortable either. Lindsay nervously twirls the stem of her wine glass. Her stomach has been twisted in knots ever since Danny ended up processing two more wood chips than her and she's looking forward to calming her jittery nerves with some wine. Nerves that know Danny will try to talk to her about 'them'.

Danny takes a drink and licks his lips, a habit that indicates he wants to say something he thinks is important or funny – though he's not sure what to say exactly now that he has Lindsay's attention. He notices Lindsay watch his mouth. He sees the way she thickly swallows before glancing away. He likes that part of her is still attracted to him. But he doesn't kid himself into believing that it can make up for the disappointment she'll always associate with him. He sees that disappointment whenever their eyes meet and her mouth turns down as if fighting a frown. He hears it in the small, hopeless sighs that accompany their conversations.

It feels so good having her sitting next to him, Danny can almost fool himself into believing that Lindsay was here because she wanted to be and not because of their silly bet. But if this was for real they would be sitting inches closer, his arm around her shoulders, her hand on his leg. All the little things that make a world of difference, that would melt the coolness separating them. Danny contemplates what to talk about. He should probably keep it safe – talk about work or the news. But as hard as Danny pushed Lindsay away he's now just as desperate to pull her close.

"I miss you Lindsay."

Lindsay sighs, her shoulders slump and eyes close as the defensive wall inside her finally collapses. The past couple of months have taken their toll on her, leaving her drained, and she doesn't want to do it anymore. She resigns to finally dealing with her feelings and the mess that her relationship with Danny has become.

"I know." Maybe it was the wine or the relief of finally getting things off her chest but she feels surprisingly candid. "You know, sometimes it's easier to think the worst of you than try to fix things between us," she admits.

"I'm sorry." Danny is relieved that she's finally talking to him, even though her words hurt like a hundred tiny paper cuts. He can survive paper buts but he's afraid a fatal blow is still in store that will cripple his heart.

"I'm scared that when I start thinking the best of you again, I will regret it."

"I promise it won't ever happen again." Danny pauses before asking his next question, fearful about her response. With a deep, shaky breath he asks, "Do you think you'll ever be able to trust me?"

Lindsay has to believe they'll both work out all their kinks one day, at least as friends. They might end up bruised and scarred but Lindsay knows they are both too stubborn and resilient for this to completely tear them apart. New York was supposed to be her fresh start. She didn't leave the ghosts that haunted her in Montana to end up with new ones here.

"Yes." There is no doubt in her answer. But she's unsure of how to ask about what's been eating away at her. She treads carefully but after torturing herself with her imagination, fueled with the wine, she has to know the truth. "Was it good…with Rikki?"

Shocked and speechless, Danny's mouth hangs open. He struggles to comprehend Lindsay's question because it's the last thing he'd ever expect her to ask.

"What do you want me to say? That I thought of you the whole time?"

"No," she replies defensively.

"I didn't, but that's the only time I haven't thought of you since you came to New York. "Things with you are never like the way they are with anyone else. Never.""

Lindsay believes him. The sweetness in her wide-eyed expression makes Danny want to pull her against him and never let her go because he feels hope in the first time in what feels like forever. He sees a small glimpse of the Lindsay who used to think he was a good person, who laughed at his bad jokes, who saw in him someone she wanted to be with. Maybe she sees someone she might want to be with again.

"Do you like me?" he asks her half-teasing, half-serious.

"You're okay." Laughing around Danny is something she hasn't done in a long time so she instinctually fights a smile.

"Do you love me?" he asks her, and the vulnerability of it all b reaks Lindsay's heart.

"Yes." Her hand reaches out to close over his, her fingers intertwining with his. "I love you."

"I love you too," Danny's entire body seems to tremble from the inside out as he says the words he didn't even know were inside him, but every fiber in his body seems to muscle them out of his mouth as if he'd never be able to do anything else until they were said.

Lindsay closes her eyes for a long moment and opens them again, afraid she'd been dreaming again and that Danny hadn't said those words that made her heart stumble and melt.

"So where do we go from here?"