"You know I dislike this movie," Sheldon complained as he settled himself into his seat on the couch. "I deny the entire validity of its premise." He folded his legs against the sofa and placed a napkin neatly across his lap before reaching for his sushi. "Also, why must we keep ordering from this restaurant when they clearly can't count the number of entrees and appetizers ordered and give the requisite number of chopsticks?"
"We're watching the movie, and that's final," Leonard sighed as he wandered over to the kitchen to get an extra set of chopsticks out of a drawer. "Penny's bringing her friends over here, and she said they'd all leave if we started to act like freaks or if they had to sit through some science-geek or comic-nerd film fest."
"She's bringing friends?" Howard asked, immediately standing up to pull up his pants and smooth down his shirt. "Are they hot?"
"She's bringing friends?" Raj asked, immediately looking stricken. "Are they girls?"
"I don't see why you two are getting so worked up about the idea. It's not like either of you will have any sort of a chance of achieving coitus with them." Sheldon sniffed his edamame and then held it up. "Does this smell rancid to you?"
"Leonard has achieved coitus with Penny," Howard pointed out, not noticing Leonard's attempt to enter the conversation at that point. "And I achieved multiple coiti with Penny's friend Christi from her hometown."
"Yeah, and your sister totally wanted to get jiggy with me," Raj interjected.
"Leonard has not achieved coitus with Penny. Leonard has had a date with Penny that included one kiss at the beginning and another at the end," Sheldon clarified, listing each edit on one digit of his right hand. "Using 'achieved' to describe the coitus you had with Christi is a misuse of a word that describes something requiring effort that has a result of which the achiever can be proud. My sister would not 'get jiggy' with anyone because she is neither Will Smith nor a woman in one of his videos, and she wouldn't be able to do so with Raj anyway since he isn't able to have a conversation with her without first ingesting either alcohol or drugs." He took a breath. "Also, I find myself mildly offended by the liberties you took with the Latin language, Wolowitz. Coitus comes from coire, the joining of the prefix co- meaning 'together' and the root –ire meaning 'go' or 'come' and your mangling of the plural ending is completely uncalled for." Sheldon once more held up his appetizer. "Now will someone please smell this edamame and tell me if it's going to kill me?"
"If it doesn't, I will," mumbled Howard under his breath.
Leonard leaned over and gave the soybeans a token whiff. "They're fine. Now, be nice. I told Penny you were going to behave, tonight."
"I really don't see how you could make such a statement with any kind of certainty given past experiences of my interactions with Penny and her friends. Quite the opposite, in fact," Sheldon replied, matter-of-factly.
"So they're girls, then?" Raj asked. "What in the hell am I supposed to do in a roomful of women?"
"Smile and nod whenever they talk and look down their shirts when they're not paying attention," Howard answered dismissively. "Now, what's this about Leonard not achieving coitus with Penny?"
"I really don't think that now is the time to be discussing that," Leonard nervously muttered. "Why don't you eat your sushi? The girls will be here any minute."
"Well, if they're going to be here any minute, shouldn't we, as gentlemen, wait for their arrival before indulging in our repaste?"
"Just eat, Howard."
"Are you sure this isn't ranc…"
"Eat!"
"Fine then, but if my bowel expels with undue frequency and irritation as a result, I blame you."