Disclaimer: JKR's, don't own 'um.

Author's notes: This is just a little mind candy story for fun. It is not serious literature or anything, just something that popped into my mind and wouldn't go away until I wrote it. It's 'mildly' funny if you are in a good mood I suppose. And it's a one shot. No editorial reviews are needed, so hold your gob over the unrealistic portions.

Enjoy, heh.

"Just sit down," Ginny said in frustration.

Hermione crossed her arms and dropped to the couch in front of the Muggle entertainment center that Ginny was currently messing with.

"Ginny, I really don't have time for this. My schedule is quite busy as of late and I ..."

"You'll have time for this, Hermione. Trust me."

Ginny pressed a button on one of the many machines and a tray slid out for her to insert a round plastic disc into, and Hermione watched as it slid home. The redhead grabbed a remote and sat beside her friend, pressing several buttons until she found the one she was looking for.

The television came on and Hermione heard the whirring of the DVD going into action. She sighed at Ginny's inherited fascination with everything Muggle that she got from her father. This was old news to Hermione seeing as her own parents had an extensive collection of movies and the like at the Granger household.

"A movie, Ginny?"

The redhead smiled. "Not just any movie. Hold on a minute 'till I find the right scene."

Hermione watched the scene count display on the disc player until it reach fifteen and Ginny finally pressed play. The first image being shown on the screen made Hermione turn all shades of red as she covered her eyes and gasped. "Ginny! Pornographic movies?"

Ginny laughed. "Quit being such a prude and watch."

Hermione's fingers spread only a fraction of an inch as she followed her friend's request. The lighting was bad, too bright, the girl in the scene had obviously been surgically enhanced, but otherwise was quite beautiful. She was laying on a bed doing things to herself that Hermione only did in the dark of night with the shades drawn and her eyes closed.

Then a man stepped into the picture. All she could see was his sculpted, Adonis-like backside. He climbed on the bed and the camera angle cut to the side, to display his weapon. Hermione closed her fingers again. It felt like her face was on fire with embarrassment.

"Okay, here it comes," Ginny noted excitedly.

"No, no, no, no."

"Open your eyes, Hermione. You're going to miss it."

She cringed and spread her fingers just a bit to see what she was talking about. Hermione regretted coming to Ginny's apartment and swore to herself that she would get the girl back for every moment of this humiliation.

The man was thrusting away at the girl and she seemed to be enjoying every moment of his assault. She could tell why. The man was obviously some type of genetic freak with a penis as large as his was. The camera pulled out and took in the whole scene which is when Hermione gasped at what she saw.

The tossed hair was blonde and the face was older, to be sure, but all thought of a look-a-like was tossed to the side when he flung his head back and yelled and she saw the lighting shaped scar on his forehead.

"Oh, my god ... Harry?"

Ginny paused the scene on a close-up of his straining face. Hermione ran to the screen and traced the scar. Harry wasn't wearing his glasses anymore, but she reasoned that away to Muggle contacts.

Before she knew it, Ginny was standing beside her holding the DVD case with Harry's picture on the front. She took it from her friend and read the top of the box.

"Parry Hotter? You must be joking?"

Her face was screwed up with anger, relief, and annoyance all at the same time. The boy who she had loved since fourth year was ... she turned the box over and read the production notes at the bottom ... was in Houston, Texas, U.S.A. making pornographic movies.

Everyone thought he was dead. After the final battle with Voldemort he had brought her and Ron Weasley to St. Mungo's and just walked away, never to be seen from again. And now five years later here he was, putting it to some young tart for all the perverted world to see.

Her angry eyes lifted from the box. "I'm going."

Ginny smiled and showed her two tickets on the next day's flight to America. "We need to prepare first."

Hermione blinked her eyes. "Prepare for what? I'm just going over there to hex the life out of him and that enormous penis of his."

The redhead smirked. "You noticed that too, huh?"

Hermione boiled.

"It's not real."

"What?"

Ginny popped the DVD back out and set it in its case. "My last boyfriend found a book of charms in Knockturn Alley one day, came over and we tried a few of the spells out."

Hermione's mouth dropped open. "Ginny Weasley, you didn't."

"Don't knock it until you try it, Hermione," she laughed. "I thought he was going to split me open the first time ..."

Hermione held up her hands. "Stop, I don't want to know!"

Ginny shrugged her shoulders. "Anyway, the book shows charms that can enhance other things as well: cosmetic changes, make moles, freckles, birthmarks disappear. Make certain parts larger, smaller, all sorts of things."

Hermione crossed her arms. "Why are you telling me all of this?"

The redhead turned around and strode to her bedroom. "Harry's a producer now. Those are his movies. We're not going to get anywhere near him unless his people think we want jobs."

Thoughts ran in her head for a moment. "His people?"

Ginny stopped at the bedroom door. "Do you think he's running this business out of his home? He's got to have a shop or a studio or something, and he's not going to be answering calls or the front door, being a producer and all."

It made sense. Wait a moment. "What do you mean jobs?"