A/N: This is my first venture into the wonderful world of AU as well as my first attempt at comedy, and possibly the first time I besmirch my account with smut. So this fic is rated M for a reason.

There will be ships shown that will make your hair stand on end. There will be threesomes. There will, of course, be those that you will roll your eyes at, and those ones that I hope will make you cry (because I fail at pure crack).

All in the name of proving that the character list on FFNet needs an update – because my epic fic will have every single one of those 138 characters in it and have room for more. Exhibit A: Gellert Grindelwald. If any FFNet staff are reading this, please, please, please add Gellert! He really deserves a mention.

...SHIPWRECKED FOR THE GREATER GOOD...

Prologue:

Albus D and Gellert G

It was a clear, calm night when a quiet knocking was heard from outside the door.

"Enter," said the old man, seated in the velvet armchair by the fireplace. He had soft, white hair, the consistency of candy floss, falling about his face in curls rather unbecoming for his age. His eyes, which would have been narrow even before wrinkles set in, were most unusual. If you looked closely, you would see that one was green, and one was blue.

The door finally opened, and a second elderly man strolled in.

"How many times," said the first man from his chair, "must I tell you there is no reason why you shouldn't Apparate right into my quarters?"

"I'm sorry, dear Gellert, but some old habits just never die."

"Come over here, Albus, I have a marvellous new toy to show you," said Gellert, indicating the armchair beside his.

"Hopefully not the kind that requires these two armchairs to be transfigured into one?" said Albus, raising his eyebrows.

"Merlin, surely we've grown out of those," said Gellert. But needless to say, he put a hand over Albus' as the visitor settled into the chair and rested his slender fingers on the plush arm-rest.

Every bit of Albus had always been slender. He had a long, straight nose, atop which was perched a pair of half-moon glasses. His hair and beard grew down to his waist and wer perfectly white, like his eyebrows, which brought out the blueness of his eyes. They twinkled, unlike Gellert's, which had a wild sort of gleam.

"What is this 'toy' you speak of then?" asked Albus. As the two of them were wizards, he had good reason to be excited.

"It's a Transylvision," said Gellert.

"Really, Gellert, I never would've picked you out as a Stephanie Meyer fan. Such ghastly writing, with even ghastlier metaphors like I have never read in my life. Perhaps a century ago I might have found the Cullen boy attractive, but these days…"

"Hush, my love, it is so much more than a plaything of those with…vampire fetishes…what it shows instead of marble-skinned, bronze-haired, Adonises is what might have been."

"What might have been?"

"It works on Everett's Many Worlds theory – that every time a particle faces two choices, the universe splits into two spatio-temporally discontinuous sub-universes."

"Ah, so for every choice we make, two worlds are created?"

"Sharp as ever, Albus – why, in some universes, you would not have come away with me at the end of the Summer of '99. People would have had to write depressing songs about the Summer of '69 instead."

"Why, in others, you would never have been expelled from Durmstrang, and we might never have met. Or, Operation Torch would not have been the success it was."

"Always the cheerful one, aren't you, Albus?"

"I was only trying to show you how lucky I felt to be here. And how lucky we are to be able to live forever thanks to Nicholas' little present."

"If only little Kitty had lived," sighed Gellert. The girl whom they had adopted into their formidable triumvirate and grown up with had passed away before they had acquired the Philosopher's Stone.

"How does your transylvision work then?" asked Albus, hoping to direct the conversation onto more cheerful topics.

The contraption was rectangular, about two feet long, one foot high and a couple of inches thick. It appeared to be a veil, set in a stony grey frame. Alone the sides were various etchings.

Gellert had already levitated it with his wand over the fireplace. "For safekeeping," he said. "Look, but don't touch. Especially the veil."

"It's because of the world on the other side," said Albus astutely. "Our matter is the opposite of theirs. So when they meet…"

"Yes," said Gellert. "Your soul, being non-material, might have a chance to escape, but I can't say anything about the rest of you."

"And I know how it would kill you to lose me," said Albus, as he curled his fingers around Gellert's.

With his other hand, Gellert drew his wand out of his pocket.

"Monstramur transunivercircus."

The veil began to swirl before their eyes, producing a vividly coloured picture. Two people were rapidly becoming clear.

"Sweet Merlin," said Albus. "Isn't that…"

A/N: Aaaaand we have a cliffhanger! I always wanted to do that…anyway this is going to be on the backburner for awhile. I just wanted it to have the spunky date stamp "6-4-08" because 64 is my favourite number, and 64 is 8 squared! It makes perfect sense in my head!